Dating a Widower: Starting a Relationship with a Man Who's Starting Over

by Abel Keogh

Are you thinking about dating a widower? Your new relationship will have unique challenges you won’t find when dating single or divorced men. For it to work, the widower will have to put his feelings for his late wife to the side and focus on you. But how do you know if he’s ready to take this step? Drawing on his own experience as a widower who’s remarried, Abel Keogh gives you unique insight into the hearts and minds of widowers, Dating a Widower is your 101 guide to having a relationship with a man who’s starting over. It also contains over a dozen real life stories from women who have gone down the same road you’re traveling. It’s the perfect book to help you decide if the man you’re seeing is ready for a new relationship—and whether or not dating a widower is right for you.

Genres: Nonfiction

124 pages, Paperback

First published August 1, 2011

About the author

Abel Keogh is a relationship coach and the expert on widower relationships. A remarried widower, Abel has successfully helped thousands of women know if they widowers they’re dating are ready for a serious relationship. He also helps widowers understand what it takes to overcome grief and open their heart to another woman.

Abel is the author of four books on widower relationships and a memoir about losing his late wife to suicide and falling in love again in the year following her death. His Dating a Widower YouTube channel contains valuable advice for widowers and the women who are dating or married to them.

Abel is also an avid runner and writer. He and his wife, Julianna, live in the beautiful state of Utah and as citizens of the Beehive state are parents of the requisite seven children.

Reviews

[Abel Keogh · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the book I wish would have been around when I was dating again a decade ago.

[Augustus Baker III · Rating 4 out of 5]

Widowers should read this with an open mind.

I am only giving four stars. Many times I cringed at the suggestion for the women to run or terminate the relationship immediately.
This was quite an interesting and learning moment for me as I am a widower removed from marriage since November 2018. I have been enlightened by the potential challenges I could present to a woman who would consider a relationship with me. In reading this book I refuse to allow one resource to be my encyclopedia for my new normal life however, Abel surely exposed somethings that I have done/doing both consciously and unknowingly. I myself was married for 38 years before losing my wife to her illness. This book lays a wonderful foundation for men who are not in touch with their emotions or the hormones and emotions are on overdrive. Causing us males to hurry to the alter for marriage. This book gives thought provoking situations that if a man who thinks he might be ready at different stages; from starting to date, relationship building to eventually pop the question of marriage. I would include myself in these categories especially going back and accessing my personal situation. So while the book was written for women to understand me (the widower) it helped me to have more insight where I personally stand at this point in my life. So I say thank you Abel for your energy, time, effort, and most of all the courage to write this book for women, and men.

[Huy Dang · Rating 3 out of 5]

As someone who had to say goodbye to a woman I cared about in 2018, a woman I have begun seeing romantically forgot this book in the glove compartment of my car.

I decided to read it. While it does feature a lot of useful information, beautiful stories and more, it does suggest that ladies pull the plug on a potential relationship on the most flimsy of pretexts.

That made it difficult to read, but also provided potential insight from a woman's perspective.

[Cristine Mccleve · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book as I started finding there were more men that had previously been married and were back in the dating world than there were men that we're still unmarried. There isn't many, if any, resource books to navigate those relationships and this book was very helpful. I found it useful in helping to understand what a Widower feels and must related to divorced people as well. So helpful. Keogh stays real and open. Good read!

[K.R. Gastreich · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a thoughtful work that includes insightful recommendations on when, how, and why a woman needs to set limits when dating a widower. Keogh's work is helpful no matter where one is on the journey of falling in love with someone who's lost their spouse. Keogh supports his work with real examples from clients and from his own process as a widower trying to rebuild his life. These examples range from heartwarming to cringe-worthy, and everything in between. I recommend this book if you are dating a widower, if you know someone who is dating a widower, if you know a widower who is dating, or if you are a widower in a new relationship. Women dating widowers will find a place of compassion in these pages, and perhaps some tools that will keep them sane, hopefully in ways that strengthen their relationship or, if needed, help them walk away.

[Joanna Mawson-lee · Rating 1 out of 5]

Be very wary reading this book. I'm not sure how long ago he lost his first wife, but he's clearly not heard about 'continuing bonds' which is the more recent and modern take on grief. The grief literature has moved on from Kubler-Ross, thank goodness (which was about people's grief in accepting their own death) and the "moving on" brigade, which Keogh is obviously one of. The memory of a much loved spouse from a happy marriage where both people were happy, within and of themselves, can enrich a life moving forwards and enrich any new relationships that follow. Their memory brings us joy amidst the tears and also reminds us of what true love is about. There are so few examples around of happy marriages that I'm holding onto the memory of mine. Anyone who begrudges a few precious photos and keeps sakes, honouring a spouse who lost everything when their lives were cut short, isn't worth the time of day in my view. The only reason there is a space for a new love is because the old love has died. It doesn't seem like much of an ask, to let their photos stay. I was quite upset after reading his advice to remove most of the photos. I'd rather stay single if that's what it takes. Loyalty when I last checked, was a virtue. It will always lead to good things. It's as simple as doing unto others. How long would we want our own photos to stay? Would we want our photos put in a drawer one year later, two years later? Love will come again, but love is vast and all encompassing, there is room enough for the future and for the much cherished past. 💕

[Tracy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Needed information and insight. Seemed to be very helpful and down to earth. Real life stories and things that I could relate to. Seem to be spot on with most issues.

The information I obtained was honest and scary at the same time. Knowing how much it related to someone I knew in my life was hard. The truth is not always easy. And red flags are red flags. Not the fault of this book, just real life.

[Mary Gressett · Rating 5 out of 5]

A widow dating a widower

I'm a widow myself and have gone through the first year of firsts but the widower I'm dating hasn't. I found this book to be very informative and helpful to me. We all grieve differently but I was afraid I was going to be his transition girlfriend. After reading this book things became clearer that isn't necessarily true. I'm looking forward to starting the next book.. Thanks Abel.

[Yolanda · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book contained some very good advice. Not just for dating a widower, but dating in general. For example, when in a serious, exclusive relationship, you should put each other first. Second to no one. Also, communication is a huge part to a successful relationship. I recommend this short read to all dating people.

[Portable Awesomeness · Rating 5 out of 5]

Spot on

The book tackled all of my questions and concerns of dating a widower. I appreciated the section on red flags and removal of most photos and items in the bedroom. I have struggled with these things with my boyfriend and now know, after 7 months of dating, that I need to have a serious conversation with him. Thank you!

[Lauren · Rating 3 out of 5]

To start, I struggle with all books that feel like self-help, so if you love them, you will likely give this 4-5 stars. Also, this book is quite hetero-normative, so be prepared coming into that.

Now that’s out of the way, I think this is a well-written book. I have some good notes to use for further reflection and conversations. The chapters are well laid out and each provided some useful tidbits. Overall, this was a very quick read.

Keogh shares based on his own experience and also the experiences of women dating or married to widowers. While it was at times odd to read as if the author’s experience were universal without any studies or other scientific backing, I found the concepts to be solid enough to form thought exercises to start from.

[Dale · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great practical advice. Yes, perhaps a bit tooooo many mentions of “shrines to the late spouse” in the home, but without proactive behavior on the widower’s part, these things do have an odd way of just hanging around. I appreciated how some of the many widow’s stories reflected positively on men who do have their heads screwed on straight.

[Sarah Saldivar · Rating 1 out of 5]

opinions made out to me facts, author seemed very arrogant

Didn’t agree with content. Very self-righteous and demeaning perspective in my opinion. I Did like the 5 red flags portion

[Kimberly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Must read for anyone dating a Widower

Highly recommend this book to anyone who is dating a widower or is considering dating one. Very insightful and filled with valuable information regarding not just a widower, but men

[Aurora Kurth · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good read

Great advice for someone starting a new relationship with a new widower. It is down to earth and gives practical suggestions.

[VSHERROD · Rating 4 out of 5]

Easy read

I read it in one sitting. Nothing necessarily profound, but he provided a general overview of do and don'ts of dating a widower.

[Lilly · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book has been helpful. I’ve been with my widower for 5 months now and it helped sort some issues I’ve been dealing with.

[Robin Asher · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very helpful, practical and informative

A very focused, real guide for those navigating the tricky path of dating a widower. This book illuminates the main emotional issues that arise for partners after the death of a spouse-who try to initiate a new loving relationship.

[Sheila (sheilasbookreviewer) · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was very interested when I first heard of this book. As a single, divorced woman I have a good chance of someday dating a Widower. I felt like this book is an excellent resource for woman. Abel gives clear and straight forward information. There is no beating around the bush as he gives his advice, coming from his own experiences as a former Widower.

To read more of my review go to my blog at:
http://whynotbecauseisaidso.blogspot....

[LuAnn · Rating 5 out of 5]

I highly recommend this book. The information was interesting and useful fir both the widower and the women he might be dating. I also think it would be good for those who divorce and look to remarry.

[Jenny · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read this book in one evening. Most of it I had already read on his online blog. I think it is helpful to have as a reference. Maybe in a few months, if the red flags are still there...i need to move on. I'm hoping he will read this book as well.

[David · Rating 5 out of 5]

Being a recent widower, I could relate with the points he made in his book. Somethings I disagreed with, but that is what makes a good book, it made me really think.

[Mouse C · Rating 3 out of 5]

I am dating a widower. Having read this book I am happily convinced my gut feel is right. Nothing earth shattering in here but a good quick read (took me an hour to read) if you're dating a W.

[June · Rating 4 out of 5]

I learned valuable information from the Stories in this book. I think I previously had been judging the widowed too harshly. I wasn't understanding the duality of their existence.

[Lori Rutledge · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great advice for dating in general. And spot on when dating a widower. It can be tough to find your place in a new relationship with a widower but Abel, as always, hits the nail on the head with this advice.