Unexpected Lessons in Love

by Bernardine Bishop

With the wit of Marina Lewycka, the piercing observation of Jane Gardam, and the bittersweet charm of Mary Wesley, Unexpected Lessons in Love will appeal to all who love Penelope Fitzgerald..

Shortlisted for the 2013 Costa Novel Award

Cecilia Banks has a great deal on her plate. But when her son Ian turns up on her doostep with the unexpected consequence of a brief fling, she feels she has no choice but to take the baby into her life. Cephas's arrival is the latest of many challenges Cecilia has to face. There is the matter of her cancer, for a start, an illness shared with her novelist friend Helen. Then there is Helen herself, whose observations of Cecilia's family life reveal a somewhat ambivalent attitude to motherhood. Meanwhile Tim, Cecilia's husband, is taking self-effacement to extremes, and Ian, unless he gets on with it, will throw away his best chance at happiness.

Cecilia, however, does not have to manage alone. In a convent in Hastings sits Sister Diana Clegg who holds the ties that bind everyone not only to each other, but to strangers as yet unmet. As events unfold and as the truth about Cephas is revealed, we are invited to look closely at madness, guilt, mortal dread and the gift of resilience. No one will remain unchanged.

'Frank, courageous and entertaining. I felt better for reading it' Margaret Drabble

Genres: Fiction, British Literature, Adoption

378 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2013

Reviews

[CanadianReader · Rating 2 out of 5]

“She felt a passionate, tearful longing for ordinariness, for the ordinariness of so many past days she had taken for granted, and not thought to rejoice over.” (p. 185)

Cecilia Banks, a psychotherapist in her late sixties has been forced into retirement by complex colon cancer, requiring a colostomy and “a reinvented backside”. She is still healing from surgery and radiation, when her son, Ian Forest, a foreign correspondent, presents her with his child, the product of his two-week stand with a beautiful, schizophrenic young woman, Leda. Leda has left the infant on Ian’s doorstep, and, he, with his peripatetic existence, not knowing what to do, and apparently used to taking his mother for granted leaves the child (bizarrely named Cephas—Aramaic for “Simon”) in Cecilia’s care. Her quiet, comfortable existence with Tim, her tolerant second husband, a retired academic, is about to change.

Cecilia falls in love with the Cephas and is seemingly prepared to raise him. However, she is realistic enough to know that her age and the potential return of the cancer are problems. Meanwhile, Ian has arranged for a paternity test and has come to the conclusion that he loves his long-time, slightly younger co-worker, Marina, also a TV journalist who travels to the hotspots of the world. Marina has plans for Ian, Cephas and herself: they will become a family. Things do not go exactly as planned, of course. For one thing, Leda returns, now going by the bizarre new name of “Volumnia”. Will she want to take Cephas back? Surely she cannot, after having abandoned him.

A second narrative strand concerns Helen, Cecilia’s “colostomy friend”, a voluble, dramatic, and fairly celebrated novelist, who is also in her sixties. Helen gave up a child many years back. She has recently learned that the young woman, now a successful accountant, has been making inquiries about her birth mother, but does not want to meet her. Self-centred but honest, Helen is attempting rapprochement with her own, fragile elderly mother, as well as making efforts to adjust to the changes in her love life that cancer and a colostomy have effected.

Bernardine Bishop’s novel sounds like a soap opera, but she writes gently, sensitively, forgivingly, and occasionally humorously about her characters’ foibles--and, in doing so, lifts it above one. The tender, quiet writing makes readers rather more accepting of those characters than they might otherwise be, as well as more willing to credit the rather odd life circumstances they find themselves in. To ground her work in reality, Bishop writes frankly about some of the messier aspects of cancer that are seldom addressed in novels. She also provides many realistic domestic details about babies and young children—their teething, crying jags, and clinging.

Knowing that the author died not long after the publication of this novel and acknowledging the solidness of the writing in the book, I wish I could say that I enjoyed it. I certainly believed in the characters and the situations they faced, but I felt that the book (approaching 400 pages) was simply too long. I think it could’ve been whittled back by a quarter or even a third. I can understand the praise that some have heaped upon it. I certainly appreciate some of the reflections on life in general and life-altering illness in particular. However, the details about child care quickly became tedious and monotonous. At times, I found the narrative rather plodding.

Unexpected Lessons in Love may appeal to those who like gentle, domestic fiction with just a pinch of quirkiness.

[Jan Hawke · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. It was gentle, funny and memorable. The characters were well-drawn and sympathetic apart from Ian whose total self absorption seemed a little preposterous. The story has many themes.Much is made of the cancer storyline because Bernadine Bishop herself succumbed to the disease but for me it was mainly about family relationships and how blood ties are not an essential for unconditional love. Characters brush against each other but not in a way that appears contrived as the outcomes were not the expected ones. As the author herself writes 'maybe the comfortable certainty we are all expected to strive for is not a necessary or natural state for the human heart.' That was well said.

[Wendy Greenberg · Rating 2 out of 5]

Found this shortlisted Costa Prize book disappointing. It is rather worthy, with a load of moral pronouncements and characters verging on wooden. Too many issues...adoption, nuns, cancer, schizophrenia and more. Not for me...

[Katharine · Rating 3 out of 5]

Random choice from a charity shop. Sweet story if a little unbelievable. Nothing special but ok.

[Caroline Wilson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book started well and just got better and better. I was sad to get to the last page.

[Inger · Rating 4 out of 5]

Unexpectedly lovely

[Jane Stanley · Rating 3 out of 5]

Reading this was 'unexpected' in itself as I'd skipped it for a book group which I knew I'd miss. Luckily a fellow member insisted I read it - and it was enjoyable.
A poignant novel as the author died of cancer after it was published, the same cancer one of the characters has in this moving and thought-provoking book. It is never sentimental nor mawkish; the prose is fresh and enjoyable. The way Bishop weaves ideas about death, dying, life and living into the text without them seeming contrived is a reflection of her intelligence and humanity. My only caveats ito do with the ending for a couple of the characters which just seemed too 'happy' and neat and that some of the characters lacked a little originality.

[Claire · Rating 3 out of 5]

Review of paperback for Waterstones.

This book ‘Unexpected Lessons in Love’ focuses on the lives of people dealing with cancer, although I think the cancer aspect was kept more as a background issue and was not essential to the story. The characters, overall, were easy to relate to but one really annoyed me with how selfish he was and I wondered if anyone, in real life, would have made the decision he did especially with how ill his mum was/had been.

I'm not sure if I would recommend this to a friend as, for me, it was an average read.

[Daniela · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really enjoyed reading this book. It covered a lot of topics such as cancer, life, new born babies, mental illness, friendship and love. It was written in a way that made you want to keep reading it, the cancer bits were done in the gentlest way that didnt make you feel sad about it and made you move on to the more happier pages. Overall it gave a lot of insight into the things that can occur in everyday life but at the same time keeping it interesting and a fun read. Would recommend this book to anyone that wants a good read of a different story line.

[Samuel · Rating 4 out of 5]

A gorgeously humane and wise tale that cannot be recommended enough to those under the weather. It's a great shame to have lost this author to the very illness she contemplates in Unexpected Lessons In Love. Bishop's humorously frank tone is a relief seeing as this novel centres around characters with the big C. Upon finishing this book, it's very difficult not to have a beaming smile on your face. So don't finish it on a crowded train - you'll get funny looks.

[Lynne Walker · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a book which gently drew me in. I almost stopped reading it at first as the style was a bit different but what was going on I wondered. Schizophrenia cancer colonoscopies babies relationships all interwoven with different voices. All these threads being gradually pulled together showing us the vagaries of life and love. When I finished reading it I was still not sure that I liked it but..........

[Susan Kavanagh · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was really refreshing to read a book about an older woman dealing with cancer and the unexpected experience of becoming a grandmother raising a grandchild. Perhaps it is not surprising that the subject matter did not attract a large audience even though it was short-listed for the Costa prize. I picked it up after seeing Margaret Drabble mention it as an overlooked gem. I found the writing funny, moving and touching.

[Glenys · Rating 4 out of 5]

My intense enjoyment of this book may have been because of the many ways in which it relates to my own experience -- the protagonist had anal cancer and is a retired psychotherapist -- but I don't think so. I think it's a really good read, wise and life-affirming; quite wonderful.

[Colette Coen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this book despite the unusual premise of a friendship formed in the colostomy clinic. Wonderful, well-drawn characters.

[Katie · Rating 2 out of 5]

2 & a half stars. Mildly interesting but very slow and characters/dialogue quite wooden at times. I quite liked the final chapter but ended very suddenly, as if author had just run out of steam.

[Anne Tucker · Rating 4 out of 5]

this book has remained with me though i read it several months ago. Specifically, i learned so much i didnt know about bowel cancer (very useful as my sister has it now); and the experience of mental illness from the perspective of the unwell person (also fascinating as I know a young man whose il;ness manifests itself continually in 'keeping you/me/mum/etc "safe"); and the intertwining of several different story threads all connected with love, families and separation was really compelling and kept my interest throughout.
I sometimes felt the quality of writing was a little clunky, and some of the coincidences a bit overplayed, but the pace of the narrative kept me going without hiccup!

[Jackie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a hard book to review. I like British people, and often find I really like a British author. Language use is a big part of it. If I tried to tell you about this book, you would likely avoid it…or, as I did when my friend was telling me about the story line, you might laugh out loud. I found the characters remarkably human. They change and grow before our eyes. They reveal their innermost (often craven) feelings. We see them develop and change. Older people do change and grow. We are not static after the age of 55, after all. While I certainly cannot promise that you will love this book, you might be as surprised as I was.

[Zoe · Rating 2 out of 5]

2 1/2 stars. Quite slow to start with. Difficult topics to read about. It certainly highlights the ability of human beings to battle on stoically when faced with unpredictable life events, demonstrating courage, wisdom & unconditional love. Although I found it a rather unsettling read it did reaffirm in my mind to appreciate the good days & dont sweat the small stuff.

[Jo Macleod · Rating 3 out of 5]

Enjoyed this book, but at times I really didn't understand what some of the subplots were doing. I think as Ian's character became a bigger part, that for me was when the story really took off.

Some of the colostomy detail was really interesting to learn, so I thank the author for going into detail around that.

[Eliza · Rating 3 out of 5]

Reasonable, if overlong, rumination on the nature of relationships, illness and life in general. Some of the plot strands petered out and the characters were occasionally thinly drawn but ok in a mediocre way.

[Liz C · Rating 4 out of 5]

A wonderfully touching and humane novel that encompasses love between friends, families and partners. The Spectator said it all: "one of those rare books which leaves the reader with a deeper understanding of the human heart"

[Barrykay knott · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really enjoyed it.

[Jennifer Davidson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Stoma inaccuracies

A few inaccuracies about life with a stoma when the book seems to focus on that which is a shame

[Scout Irving Stoppard · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed Bishop’s writing style. Her frank depiction of the realities of living with cancer/life altering illness were moving and will stick with me. The novel was a little long and it took me a while to get into the story, otherwise I would have rated it higher.

[MargCal · Rating 3 out of 5]

“Unexpected Lessons in Love” by Bernadine Bishop
The premise of the book, that no one in the family knew of the son's relationship and child, is believable in quite a few families but not this one. However, once you got over that hurdle, this was a good read. You engaged with the characters: as the family fell apart and re-grouped, in various ways, you kept turning the pages to find out how each situation would resolve. And resolve each situation did, more or less, which is as it should be if it's to remain believable.

[Anni · Rating 2 out of 5]

I liked the way the book is written. It is an easy lecture with hard Topics. It deals with cancer,getting old, Adoption, being mentally ill... and it was interesting to read it. But what was the Point in it? It is written as if there is a second book, cause None of the plotlines was actually finished.

[Rialto Savage · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. And I learnt from it. About illness and love when you're no longer young. It also deals with bad and good parenting, adoption and DNA testing. But it isn't dull or lacking in humour, it is written intelligently by one who knows, or has really done her research. It is also about great friendship, between Ceceilia and Helen, the main characters in the book.

[Katrina · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this book on a book review recommendation. I was dubious to begin with as the blurb on the back was quite uninspiring. But... it was good! I felt like slapping some of the characters at times, but it had a raw honesty about it. I will be looking at reading some of Bernadine Bishops other novels down the line.

[Amy Street · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can't believe people have given this book less than 5 stars. I think it is absolutely wonderful, funny, intelligent, full of warmth. I loved the people in it. I thought it was amazing that the author could write a book that featured bowel cancer for god's sake, and yet isn't a misery memoir, but instead a life-enhancing delight. Cannot recommend highly enough.

[Harriet · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an extraordinary book and I hope I am wiser for reading it. There are many unexpected lessons in love to learn here. I read a library copy, I am going to buy my own. This is without doubt a book to re-read.