Expansive Love: A Practical Guide to Relationship Anarchy

by Tuck Malloy

Relationship anarchy is a new term for a very old prioritizing relationships of all kinds, not just romantic connections. But how does one build an ethical community of friends, lovers and more?

This book will explore how to build and sustain fulfilling relationships within the relationship anarchy framework. We'll discuss the history of relationship anarchy, give you guidance on building intimate relationships with all kinds of people in your life, and look at the ways that relationship anarchy can support a fulfilled and joyous community. This book will offer philosophical, historical, sexological, and anthropological context as well as practical tools for building nuanced, complex, and expansive relationships that traverse and defy social norms.

Genres: Nonfiction, LGBT, Relationships

240 pages, Paperback

Published February 21, 2025

Reviews

[Corinne · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was the kindest and most loving book with a remarkably welcoming opening. I'm not sure how else to describe that. It was completely and totally up my alley and it felt like it was written to me, and as though I were in conversation with it.

I'm not sure what people will be expecting when they go into this but I should caution that the subtitle is not quite accurate. This book didn't feel "practical" to me until well past the halfway point. But I found the set up provided really valuable perspective and foundation to the more practical components that come later. I highlighted an astonishing amount of this book and bookmarked the more practical pieces later in the book.

The principles and considerations in this book work for any type of relationship - in fact it's pretty explicit about not placing romantic and sexual relationships as supreme. I've been learning a lot more about the concept of anarchy in general lately and this was another layer I needed - how applying political anarchist principles to love can be so truly expansive. This might not work for other people who are not in this head space but this was exactly the type of subversive mindset I am seeking these days.

I simply adored this book and will be re-reading for sure, coming back to many of the questions and reflections from the author and seeking more similar reading.

I received a digital Advance Reader Copy from NetGalley and Jessica Kingsley Publishers in exchange for an honest review.

[Beth · Rating 4 out of 5]

Finally a book that isn't written to monogamous couples opening up their relationship. Instead, this book has what I wanted, which was a great focus on relationships of all types, with friendships being equal weight as romantic partnerships. I had tried to read Pérez-Cortés's book Relationship Anarchy: Occupy Intimacy before but was so overwhelmed by what I felt was more academic language so I greatly appreciated this book's accessibility.

Topics include:
- what is relationship anarchy?
- friend love, hierarchy, and relationship escalator
- relating to others, attachment, power dynamics (in friend and romantic relationships!)
- communication
- fixing mistakes and breaks

The middle of the book was challenging to me because the communication chapter discussed issues that contributed to my last breakup, so it took a while for me to get through it. I think I will need to either buy or borrow from the library later, because the journaling activities and charts were very good, I just wasn't ready emotionally. Definitely a book to read more than once.

Thank you to Netgalley and Jessica Kingsley Publishers for this ARC.

[Ishika · Rating 5 out of 5]

Expansive Love is such a beautiful guide to connecting with and loving other humans in the most fulfilling and authentic way possible. I wrote down so many lines from this in my notebook and I had so many thoughts about the topics mentioned and things I want to incorporate in my life. As soon as Tuck Malloy dropped this line at the start of the book I knew I would love it —

“Loving other humans has always been at the center of my life, and for me, it’s the one thing I care most about doing well”

Same!! That is so exactly how I feel about my life too. I think that the concepts of relationship anarchy (and this book) would add value to the lives of most people who feel similarly to this.

I adored the intersectionality throughout this book. The connections between settler colonialism and patriarchy + monogamy, the practice of relationship anarchy in indigenous cultures, I could go on. I found that the writing was so reader friendly but also cited some really phenomenal academic texts while also including the most wonderful interviews.

This book has me thinking every relationship I’ve ever had and the ways I can exist in all of my relationships. I cannot recommend this book enough and I am so glad it exists! Go read it!

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for a copy of this eARC in exchange for my honest review!

[Lanelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

‘Relationship anarchy is a balm to individualism and isolation. It is a return to our human need to care for others and be cared for ourselves. It is a reminder that we are valuable; regardless of what we can offer to capitalism, our bodies matter. Relationship anarchy offers us chosen family, expansive romance, diverse connections, and intimate friendships.’

Expansive Love is so much more than a practical guide to relationship anarchy; I would argue it is an essential read for anyone in a relationship of any kind (read: all of us). I’m so grateful to Tuck for bringing together such a wealth of knowledge in this one resource. I really admired how much time Tuck spent grounding knowledge in the places it belongs, in particular how well they reiterated that white supremacy is at the root of many of the dysfunctional ways we are taught to approach relationships, in direct opposition to how Black, Brown, and Indigenous communities have long understood and practiced connection.

I deeply appreciated the grounding check-ins throughout including frequent reflection prompting questions on what you as the reader are feeling and imagining as you read. These moments helped me stay engaged, and though I didn’t always put pen to paper, they encouraged me to mentally interact with the book in a way I might not have otherwise. It is evident that Tuck lives and breathes relationships, both personally and as a coach. While reading, I felt grounded and held, which is such a beautiful experience. Be prepared to come away from this book with an abundance of additional resources and thought experiments to implement in your own life.

Thanks to Jessica Kingsley Publishers and NetGalley for the e-arc. All opinions are my own.

[Moody.Espresso · Rating 2 out of 5]

Expansive Love by Tuck Malloy is an informative and thought-provoking guide to relationship anarchy, a concept that encourages valuing all types of relationships—romantic, platonic, familial, and more—equally. Malloy explores how to build and maintain meaningful, ethical connections with a diverse range of people, moving beyond traditional social norms.

The book provides a solid foundation of history, philosophy, and practical advice for those interested in creating relationships based on mutual respect, communication, and consent. Malloy explains the roots of relationship anarchy and how it can help people develop complex, fulfilling relationships that prioritize connection over conventional roles.

What makes this book especially useful is its balance of theory and practical tools. Malloy not only offers insights into the philosophy behind relationship anarchy but also shares actionable steps for navigating the challenges of jealousy, boundaries, and communication.

Overall, Expansive Love is an easy-to-follow, informative read for anyone curious about alternative relationship models. It’s a great resource for those wanting to create diverse, intentional, and enriching relationships that go beyond traditional expectations.

Thank you to NetGalley for this ARC in exchange for an honest review.

[Ruth · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ve been interested in relationship anarchy for a while, so when I saw this book on NetGalley, I knew I had to read it right away. Relationship anarchy can most simply be described as appreciating all types of relationships for what they are. There is of course more to relationship anarchy than this and this book covers every aspect of it, and it’s fascinating.

The writing is easy to read throughout. There are some paragraphs where I had to reread it twice to fully understand what the author is saying, and some sections felt draggy and longer than necessary, but I enjoyed the majority of this book. This book also made me think about my own relationships whether platonic, familial, friendships, or romantic. It made me reflect and reevaluate them which I didn’t expect would happen when I started this book. I wouldn’t classify this as a self help book, but it will make you think about your relationships and question them if they are beneficial and improve your life.

I’d definitely recommend this book, honestly I wish everyone would read this book or at least certain sections of it. It covers important information and aspects of relationships that are often overlooked or ignored. Whether you’re in a monogamous, polyamorous, or any other type of relationship, the ideas in this book could be helpful and a great tool to improve your relationships.

[Tam Desai · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an excellent collection of research, anecdote, interviews, journaling prompts, and practical application guide! There was a great balance of thorough academic research to support interviews and personal experience and it bolstered the findings and suggestions laid out excellently. The periodic check-ins and journal prompts by the author helped connect the material to the reader’s experience and made the following sections resonate more deeply.

I especially appreciated the approach of the author to the ethics of interviews and the intersectional experiences and aspects of relationships. There was expansive coverage of sexuality and relationship identities and addressed colonialism and power dynamics in a thoughtful manner that emphasized ethics and empathy.

This book would be helpful to anyone regardless of relationship or orientation as it covers radical love from self-relationship, asexual spectrums, family and friend relationships, monogamous and anarchist relationships. We could all use these questions and check-ins to include more intentional and deep relationships in our lives.

#NetGalley

[Moth · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.75/5 stars

Thank you NetGalley and Jessica Kingsley Publishers for the ARC!
Expansive Love breaks down relationship anarchy and how to have healthy relationships outside of traditional monogamy.
This was very well-written and a great resource for relationship anarchy. It was easy to understand and the reflections were helpful without being super complex.
I enjoyed the varying perspectives; they showed several different ways of doing relationship anarchy and moving through relationship struggles.
Most of this book wasn't super interesting for me because it was a lot of prior knowledge, between my psychology background and other readings I’ve done on relationship anarchy.
However, I definitely recommend it for people curious about non-normative relationships.

CW: queerphobia; racism

[Finn Aldridge · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Non normative humans reflect the worst fears of those who conform to society's expectations: being true to yourself, being authentic, being loud, bright, or gorgeous in front of others despite the threat of judgment, ridicule, or harm."

I received an advanced copy and am leaving this review voluntarily.

This book so eloquently touched on the many nuances in relationship anarchy. Not only did the author include their own experiences and expertise, they also interviewed several other individuals to talk about this idea of how relationships, and generally life, is not black and white. The idea of relationship anarchy explores this gradient from friendship to partnership, from male to female, from straight to gay, rather than the binaries that we have been taught.

[Ted Trembinski · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this book! It's the book about non-monogamy that I wish I could give to my 14 year old self. Through this book, I finally feel like I have the ability to claim "relationship anarchy" and be able to better articulate my own relational philosophies. This book has been so grounding and so practical as I go through a time of change in my own non-monogamous relationships, but I love it because I think it speaks to ways of relating that all of the people in my life would appreciate! It addresses why ways of relating are worth thinking about, ties compulsive monogamy into intersecting systems like sexuality, gender, and race. It is an easy read and has plenty of prompts for self-reflection. If I haven't recommended this book to you personally yet, consider this my recommendation!

[Chez · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was good to get an introduction to relationship anarchy. I zone out a bit tho if writers /influencers go on too long about monogamy and colonialism, and there was quite a long bit about this. Yes, I understand there's a link and this is why it's good to try things differently. And that's it, I've grasped it, we can move on. Please. Anyway, that was a little rant of mine.

I liked reading about the relationship smorgasboard. Before now, I had just heard the phrase, but now I think it's probably the most useful tool to approach relationship anarchy practically.

[Brooklynn Moor · Rating 5 out of 5]

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