I Still Have a Suitcase in Berlin

by Stephens Gerard Malone

The year is 1932 and Michael Renner is en route from Halifax to Berlin to oversee the affairs of his ailing grandmother. Reluctantly abandoning his unrequited adoration of the boy next door, Michael has given in to familial pressure and boarded the General von Steuben , where he meets his first Berliner, an odd little man named Tristan who instantly pronounces Michael a dear sweet country boy whom Berlin will eat alive.

Staying with his faltering grandmother who has been reduced to letting rooms in her once grand home, Michael is witness to the crumbling edifice of Berlin aristocracy. The house is home to a rag-tag assemblage, including Dr. Linder and his niece Hélène, both Jews. The beguiling Hélène takes Michael under her wing and introduces him to Berlin’s high society, as well as its many lows. Upon his grandmother’s death, Michael’s cousin and her husband quickly move in, dispatched to protect the family assets. When they discover that Michael is engaged to Hélène, they break up the union, expose her as a Jew and summarily send her to Austria as the fascists tighten their stranglehold on Berlin. Michael is strategically married off to the dutifully pious Lonä, and before he knows it he is a father, working for his father-in-law auctioning the property of persecuted Jews.

Years pass as Michael leads a double life, once again enthralled in unrequited love for a young man, the beautiful and mercurial Jan. From the relative safety of his respectable lifestyle, Michael despairs at Jan’s unconcealed promiscuity. After Jan is nearly killed during a stint in prison under the Nazi-revised Paragraph 175 targeting sexual deviancy, Michael risks everything to become Jan’s caregiver, siphoning money from his father-in-law’s business to cover Jan’s expenses in hiding. When their secret is exposed, Michael in turn is rescued by Peter, a dashing SS officer who has a habit of assisting Michael in desperate times, though not without expectation of returned favours.

Through it all, Michael continues his peculiar friendship with Tristan, who as it turns out is the wizard behind the mind-blowing displays of debauchery at the most decadent of the legendary Berlin cabarets. Miraculously protected in a disused factory complex and underground abattoir, Tristan’s club cranks out nihilistic amusements for Berlin society, including many Nazi officers, a fun-house mirror of the horrors above.

As madness swirls about them, Michael and Jan come to rely on each other for comfort and safety. But Michael is haunted by the removal from his life of his son Billy, the only part of that “respectable” life that he loves. When Peter provides Michael with an escape route from the ruin that inevitably will snare him and all who remain in Berlin, Michael finds he cannot abandon Jan and Billy. Because of his love for them, he must walk back into the doom of the holocaust, marked by horrors never before imagined on earth.

Exhaustively researched and ablaze with searing detail, I Still Have a Suitcase in Berlin is a literary monument of unflinching compassion, glittering with the decadence of Berlin cabaret society, resonant with the horrors of the holocaust, and giving form and voice to the ghosts of the tens of thousands of people murdered because of their sexual orientation. This important book carries a warning for all generations to come, of the deadly stealth of fascism in whatever form it may take.

Genres: Fiction, Canada

336 pages, Hardcover

First published May 6, 2008

About the author

Endless Bay (Mercury Press) 1994
Miss Elva (Random House Canada) 2005
I Still Have a Suitcase in Berlin (Random House Canada) 2008
Big Town (Nimbus Publishing/Vagrant Press) 2011
The History of Rain (Nimbus Publishing/Vagrant Press) 2021
Jumbo (Nimbus Publishing/Vagrant Press) 2023
The Unnameable (Nimbus Publishing/Vagrant Press) April 28, 2026

Reviews

[Megan · Rating 2 out of 5]

This novel was odd in the sense that while I didn't necessarily enjoy reading it, nor the outcome, at the same time I could not put it down. Malone's style of writing is absolutely wonderful, and the story truly draws you into the thick of everything that the protagonist is experiencing. The themes addressed are dark, and this is clearly not meant to be a lighthearted read. However, I can't help but wonder if we are even supposed to like the protagonist.

While I sympathized with what Michael was going through, I had a really difficult time liking the character, and as a result a difficult time giving a damn about what was happening to him. The character is weak, spineless, and so ready to let people walk all over him and not stand up for himself. He's sneaky, untrustworthy, and wishy-washy. Michael willingly follows someone who clearly does not care about him the same way that Michael cares for them, and as a result leaves behind his family, and those close to him (whether or not he truly even liked them is neither here nor there).

I enjoyed this novel for its writing style, not so much the novel itself. I was really excited when I picked it up, and ended up being disappointed when I finished the last sentence. The book had a lot of potential to be truly something wonderful, despite its dark themes and time period, however it comes up short.

[Ian · Rating 3 out of 5]

In 1932 Michael Renner travels from his Halifax home to Berlin on a family errand. In Berlin, in contrast to the scarcity of opportunity in the Nova Scotia he left behind, he finds a society on the upswing, in recovery economically and casting off the shame of its WW1 defeat. His assignment in Germany is to keep watch over his elderly grandmother. As Michael establishes himself in his new home, forging connections and making friends--even re-inserting the "von" in his name to become Michael von Renner--it makes more and more sense to stay where he is. When his grandmother dies, he remains in Berlin. Michael gets work, marries and has a son. However, he also builds a social life outside of the home, in the cabarets of underground Berlin, where many of his friends are of ambiguous sexuality and whose habits are at odds with the officially sanctioned morals of the newly elected Nazi Party. Years go by and German military aggression has led to war. Michael's double life eventually brings him down when his attachment to a young male prostitute is noticed by his German family, his colleagues at work and the Nazi authorities. He is arrested, branded as degenerate, and incarcerated in a work camp outside of the city. The novel ends some years after the war, with Michael hunting for his son, who was offered up for adoption after Michael's estranged wife was killed in an Allied bombing raid. The power of the novel lies in its vivid rendering of Nazi-era Berlin and the plight of victims of Nazi atrocities. However, Malone too often relies on coincidence to move the narrative forward, straining credibility time and again. This is unfortunate because the visceral impact of Michael Renner's story is undeniable.

[Steven · Rating 4 out of 5]

"August nodded towards the General von Steuben and Michael abandoned looking expectantly down the pier. His luggage, other than the small beige-and-tan suitcase his mother had used on her honeymoon trip to Niagara Falls, was already on board. His father's last minute instructions were to write once a week, no telegrams - we're not made of money. Did Michael have his Aunte Beate's address in Leipzig? Good. If he needed anything, Michael was to get in touch with her. And practise your German. Most of all try and be the man your grandmother needs right now." - from I Still have a Suitcase in Berlin.

There have been many novels written about the ethnic experience of immigrants to North America and their relationship to their homeland except from the German perspective. This book does that and deals with the gray area of history of rise of National Socialism in a humanistic manner that makes it an intelligent read no matter what ethnic background the reader may be.

[Joyce · Rating 4 out of 5]

The end of the second world war.. Berlin is a hot spot of libertine antics, mostly undercover as the Germans are still in town. The protagonist has spent the entire book trying to figure out if he's gay or not. By sheer chance, looking for shelter, he ends up sheltering a dying french soldier, combing the city for food while wearing a German uniform. He gravitates to one particular gay and lesbian bar and is invited to attend an underground meeting which leaves him shaking in his boots. Ruled by a demigod, the attendees are mostly in hiding as the Nazi mandate for homosexuals is death by torture or medical experimentation. As goulish as it is: it's a shelter and he has to go there himself. By the end of the book the man is captive in a prison camp hospital and is himself a victim of experimentation. The last chapter makes you sweat. Gripping.

[Miranda · Rating 4 out of 5]

Heart-wrenching, detailed and well-written, this book portrays a believeable WWii-era Berlin. Though the main character was sometimes frustratingly enigmatic, I think he had to be to survive. While Malone took some liberties with some of the events always conveniently happening to the character, I like the realism of the overall story.

[Jean · Rating 5 out of 5]

La perspective de ce livre est vraiment intéressante; un jeune canadien envoyé en Allemagne pour prendre soin de sa grand-mère se retrouve au coeur des événements sans trop s'en rendre compte ni comprendre... Vraiment intéressant; surtout pour un livre dans la 'boîte des spéciaux' chez Chapters!

[Trixy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Beautifully and uniquely written.
Relationships between the characters, and the protagonist, frustrated me at times.
A mature read.