The Cannibal's Wife: A Memoir

by Yvonne M. Maes, Bonita Slunder

An ex-nun documents her struggles as a victim of sexual abuse

Genres: Nonfiction

272 pages, Hardcover

First published August 1, 1999

Reviews

[Scout Andrews · Rating 2 out of 5]

DNF, while i wanted to finish it- i ended up getting trigger very badly by the book, coupled with the fact the book is a bit of a slog, i dropped it after spenting so long trying to read it

[Carol Waters · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm being generous because she was willing to disclose so much of her own thought process. But how does a Catholic nun in her mid 40's not know that sex with a priest is off her to-do list? I am neither Catholic nor a nun and I know that. I'm not even Canadian.
OK, half. The Canadian part.

She's blaming, bitter, and angry at God because of the choices she made. Here's a basic: either God is everything or God is nothing. If you choose the latter, than look for the hand of God in everything. Maybe her task was to say "no" once in a while. Jeez, she wrote 20-page letter to the pope and really did think he would call to talk over her ideas....

Let's be clear. The priest was an abusive prick. But that doesn't excuse poor writing, cloudy thinking, and pathetic and sophomoric dogma. I'm real close to the end of this exasperating read, and I have yet to read anything that indicated any sort of personal relationship with her higher power. She flunked spirituality, she flunked critical thinking, and she flunked literacy skills. She even missed the parable of the cannibal's wife. She kept showing up for the abuse. She made that choice over and over and don't tell me that because her dad grabbed her boob she was incapable to making other choices, not when she was surrounded by all those helpers. Egomaniac disguising herself as a victim.

Finished it. Some thoughts: Faith isn't based on fact. If any fact can cause one to let go of one's faith, then it was conditional to begin with. Second, this woman is eaten up by anger and blame. If she could have asked herself where, if at all, she was at fault, dealt with that, done what she could do to report the negative behavior, and moved on she might have had a chance at a healthy life. Her story smacks of paranoia and delusion, and the tone is just so nasty towards everyone she encounters. A depressing read, and more depressing that she at one point describes herself as a thriver.

[Erika Nerdypants · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a difficult to read book, but one that was also immensely engaging. Yvonne Maes, the victim of childhood sexual abuse seeks safety and purpose as a nun in a catholic religious order, where she subsequently experiences clergy abuse. After years of struggling with this secret, her story is minimized by the church, and she becomes more and more aware of the male oppression that characterizes convent life. Already horrified, I became even more so when I read that Yvonne was given Father Doug Stamp as her advocate during the ensuing court case. I checked to make sure, but this is the same Father Stamp who was later fired as chief chaplain from the hospital where I work, for you can probably guess, a history of sexual abuse of minors. How he was hired there in the first place is still a mystery to me. At times angry and vehement ( understandably so), Yvonne displays symptoms of what we now recognize as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD. I wish her well and hope that she has found compassionate care to help her heal. I have tremendous respect for her choice to leave her order and live a life that is true to her convictions.

[Ed Hayden · Rating 1 out of 5]

Tedious litany.