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Please Talk about Me When I'm Gone: A Memoir for My Mother

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Question: How do you get over it?
Answer: You don't. You don't want to. It makes you who you are.

Sean Murphy lost his mother days after her fifty-ninth birthday, following a five-year battle with cancer. In this eloquent memoir, he explores his family history through the context of grief, compassion, faith, and the cultivation of an artistic sensibility. Unfolding in a range of voices, brutal and tender in its portrayal of terminal illness, Please Talk about Me When I'm Gone is an unyielding love story, in which devotion and memory are capable of transcending death.

252 pages, Kindle Edition

First published September 6, 2013

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About the author

Sean Murphy

8 books19 followers
Sean Murphy is founder of the non-profit 1455 Lit Arts and directs the Center for Story at Shenandoah University. He has been publishing fiction, poetry, reviews (of music, movie, book, food), and essays on the technology industry for over twenty years. He has appeared on NPR’s “All Things Considered” (check it out HERE) and been quoted in USA Today, The New York Times, The Huffington Post, Forbes and AdAge. He was a longtime columnist for PopMatters, and his work has also appeared in Salon, The Village Voice, The New York Post, The Good Men Project, Writer’s Digest, Memoir Magazine, Northern Virginia Magazine, and many other publications. His poems have been widely anthologized, including the collections Revisiting the Elegy in the Black Lives Matter Era, This Is What America Looks Like, Lo-Fi Poetry Series: Poet Sounds, and Written in Arlington: Poems for Arlington, VA.

He was previously the writer-in-residence at Noepe Center for Literary Arts at Martha’s Vineyard, and in 2017 founded the arts non-profit 1455. His memoir PLEASE TALK ABOUT ME WHEN I’M GONE was released in 2013. His novel NOT TO MENTION A NICE LIFE (2015) was followed by his first two collections of non-fiction, MURPHY’S LAW, VOL. ONE and VOL. TWO (2016, 2017). His chapbooks THE BLACKENED BLUES (Finishing Line Press) and RHAPSODIES IN BLUE (Kelsay Books) were published in 2021 and 2023. His next poetry collection, KINDS OF BLUE (Kelsay Books) and his collection of short fiction THIS KIND OF MAN (Unsolicited Press) both published in 2024. He has been nominated four times for the Pushcart Prize, twice for Best of Net, and PLEASE TALK ABOUT ME WHEN I'M GONE was winner of the 2022 Memoir Prize. His podcast Some Things Considered debuts in summer 2024.

As a former analyst for the technology industry, Sean spent a great deal of time discussing—and at times, lamenting—the ways an increasingly digital reality is changing lives, not always for the better. Over several years and after speaking to myriad experts from the business, artistic, and entertainment fields, Sean developed a thesis that technology has undeniably helped democratize content and creativity. These essays and articles inspired his podcast The Intersection of Innovation and Culture, which focused on the ways technology, despite its inherent contradictions it has also established otherwise unimaginable connections amongst diverse networks. To keep the discourse going, he established the 14:55 Interview series, which features writers and artists discussing their work, their influences, and what inspires them. All of 1455’s programming seeks to explore the ways artists can foster inclusivity and inspiration.

Sean believes deeply in the importance of building and nurturing communities. The primary impetus of 1455 is showcasing the work of creatives and support the micro communities spanning multiple artistic genres. In a time where industries are consolidating and info-overload makes it increasingly challenging to engage with a sustained audience, Sean is dedicated to forming creative alliances and promoting collaboration between artists, entrepreneurs, and businesses. In addition to the free programs 1455 provides, Sean has initiated a formal workshop series that allows acclaimed authors to work with aspiring writers and retain all the profits. In addition, he created MOVABLE TYPE, a free digital magazine featuring both celebrated and emerging writers.

Sean studied English at George Mason University and has an MA in Literature. One of his thesis papers dealt with the utopian impulse in ’70s rock which, depending upon one’s perspective, at least partially explains why he opted not to purse that PhD in Cultural Studies. He’s finishing a book on all-things prog rock, inspired by his featured series “The Amazing Pudding” at PopMatters. As a critic and arts advocate, Sean has spoken with some of the remarkable musicians and writers of our time, including Vernon Reid (Living Colour); Dan Auerbach

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Displaying 1 - 16 of 16 reviews
Profile Image for Lori.
1,647 reviews
November 15, 2013
I was a goodreads first reads winner of the book "Please Talk About Me When I'm Gone" by Sean Murphy. I found this to be a touching memoir that is devoted to his mother Linda Murphy. Sean's beloved mother died of Colon Cancer. She fought a five year on and off battle with cancer.
this book reads something like a journal with snippets from over many years. Ranging from Sean's childhood to the present. It does not go in chronological order just pages from his memories.
Sean comes from a close knit family and writes lovingly about his grandmother who died suddenly when Sean was ten, and other memories of his life.
A good part of this touching memoir is about his mother Linda. Sean Murphy was up front about the last couple years of his mother's life watching her slowly lose her battle with cancer. this book leaves a legacy of his mom. he kept his promise and wrote lovingly about his mom Linda Murphy. I am sure she would be proud!
Profile Image for Rick.
94 reviews3 followers
November 12, 2013
I purchased this book about a month ago, at a book talk that Sean Murphy gave in DC. But I didn't crack it open until this past week; despite knowing Sean as a great writer, the content matter was what made me hesitate. This book is about his mother's death after a 5-year battle with cancer. It's a difficult topic, but I'm glad I read it.

Sean's approach to memorializing his mother is thoughtful, contemplative, and emotive. The non-linear format helps relieve the intensity of the story of his mother's illness. Flashbacks help celebrate his mother's life and Sean's upbringing, while other chapters deal with the bigger questions that arise when we are faced with our own mortality.

I think people who have been directly affected by cancer can identify with Sean's experience: the anguish, the dizzying decisions that must be made, and the stress that emerges when a family must care for a loved one with debilitating sickness. This is also a very personal account of coping and healing after the loss of a loved one.

On that note, I'm thankful that Sean is good at expressing himself and that he shared his story. I'm also thankful that he is putting proceeds from book sales towards cancer charities and research groups.
Profile Image for Sarah Birnbach.
Author 1 book16 followers
January 2, 2023
Sean Murphy's book about his mother, her battle with cancer, and the other losses in his family is profound. Much of it resonated for me having lost both my parents and having been at their bedsides as they died. I would have given this book a 5-star review, but I found the frequent use of parentheses to break the flow of the narrative. Otherwise, it's a huge testament to what happens when we lose a loved one.
Profile Image for Sharon.
732 reviews25 followers
December 18, 2013
After finishing this book, I liked the author more than the book. I liked his mother, too, although the book was as much about the author at various stages as about his mother. I liked the sweet note the author hand wrote in my copy.

The writing was confusing and disconcerting for much of the early part of the book. The odd punctuation and many phrases and paragraphs enclosed in parentheses broke up the flow of reading. Jenna Blum called the book "a mosaic love letter". Mosaic is accurate. Imagine breaking up a patterned plate with a hammer. Now arrange all the broken pieces of all sizes in an order that strikes your fancy -- a line, circle, grid, triangle. Stand back and ponder your art work. Would you hang it on the wall? Do you prefer the plate whole or in a mosaic pattern?

My first answer to that is mosaic because I'm an artist. This book doesn't work for me as a mosaic, not to the degree that the timeline is so widely scattered and mixed. A little would have been better, perhaps, but every reader is different. I suspect writing the book was therapy for the author, and if it works for him, that's what matters.

I believe Sean Murphy, the author, to be a good writer, capable of much more cohesive work than this. Other things that broke up the flow were the consistent use of double negatives throughout, which are awkward to most readers, a few spelling/typeset errors, and the chapter titles. There's no table of contents, and this book begs going to back to similarly named chapters, which are hard to find since chapters are short. The book probably makes perfect sense to the author and people close to him and the story, but to a cold reader, it's confusing.

Most of the items in parentheses were part of the story and didn't need to be in parens. Some of the items in parens were wordy and unnecessary. There's a chapter entitled, Fathers and Sons (Truth) and another entitled Fathers and Sons (Fiction). What? The fiction sounded like part of the story. Some of the book is philosophical ponderings, which I rather like in the right book. It seemed like a tangent here, though it IS part of who the author is and the book is about he and his mother.

This is a boldly honest memoir and I liked that about it. It has tender, vulnerable moments. It also has some gently told, but harsh in reality, criticism of the medical establishment. Reality is reality, and this book is real. Pictures sprinkled throughout added much to the story. The writing and chapters are stream-of-consciousness type, although no book gets published without plenty of editing. I wondered over and over what the editors thought of this and that and why it was allowed to stand in it's disconcerting way. Perhaps that was the intent. Usually I embrace something different, but this book didn't inspire me.

Recently I lost a close friend, like a sister, of 40 years to cancer. Currently my mother is in the hospital and it's not known if she will live. So I'm near enough to the subjects of the book to be sensitive to the author's words.

Nearer the end, there are some wonderful, quotable lines, and that section of the book was clearer, almost as if it was written at a different time with a different perspective. Perhaps the "mosaic" nature of the book was meant to portray how we feel after the death of a loved one, how our minds work and go from subject to memory.

With all the critique, I believe Sean is a good writer. The difference here is that this book is totally personal. That changes things. Would I recommend this book to someone? Maybe to the medical profession, so they understand how they affect people. Maybe to someone who has/had an extraorderinary relationship with a parent. The book has a glowing sensitivity to it that makes up for some of the ambiguity and obstacle reading. It's a beautiful tribute to a mother.
Profile Image for Erica Rose.
1 review
December 3, 2013
Please Talk about Me When I’m Gone is a beautifully written memoir that bravely investigates the emotional impact and unrest caused by the death of a loved one. Murphy navigates the territory of losing his mother fearlessly, as he searches for Truth, faces tough answers, and then goes deeper, seeking the ultimate or “truest” truth with a remarkable precision and courage that is not only noteworthy, but admirable. The immense unconditional love and reverence that went into the creation of this book is clearly evident, as each page is thoughtfully crafted with a particular attention to detail and keen awareness that delivers aforementioned truth to the reader in a reliable and balanced approach that is both raw and honest, but not overwhelming. Murphy honors his mother’s memory and celebrates her life through a sequence of flashbacks and snapshots of memories that weave the reader in and out of the complexity of dying, the good times and the bad; with just the right amount of exposure. This book offers a direct insight, without judgment, into the unanswered questions and doubts we all have, but were too afraid to face.
Profile Image for Donna.
591 reviews
June 12, 2014
This book is beautifully written. It is about Sean Murphy's dealing with the death of a parent. He lost his mother after her 59th birthday after a long battle with cancer. Mr. Murphy talks about his grief, compassion and faith. Loving one's parent and then losing them can be heartwrenching.

I thank Goodreads Giveaway for this wonderful book they gave to me. It struck home as I also have lost a mother whom I loved dearly.
1 review1 follower
August 10, 2016
I just finished this book and I have to say I am truly moved. This is a must read for anyone dealing with the sickness of a loved one, but also a thought provoking experience about family relationships and moving through life's unpredictable stages. Great read!
Profile Image for James.
1 review1 follower
December 20, 2013
A fresh, funny, and touching look at the joy of having a family, and the pain of losing it. Murphy’s fresh new perspective on an old subject makes this a compelling read that will resonate with anyone who has dealt with the loss of a loved one. Highly recommended.
Profile Image for Nicole.
222 reviews11 followers
October 16, 2017
Written in so many different voices and styles, jumping around chronologically. It was impossible to follow and the portrait of his mother failed to emerge. The best bit was a description of his grandfather's hands stoking an early morning fire.
Profile Image for Maureen Kelly mcgurk.
3 reviews
January 30, 2014
A book about a dying mother...? Having lost my own mother to Cancer 5 years ago I was not too sure I wanted to read a book on the topic, however, I'm so glad I did. Quite simply, this book allowed me to heal. It allowed me to process things in my head and heart that I could not do so on my own but was deeply and quietly yearning for.
There are times in this book when I felt like it was ME...ME standing in the elevator at the hospital, ME flashing back to childhood, ME in awe of Hospice, and ME as an adult contemplating the depths of what the passing of a parent means, especially when you can see it coming but still can’t prepare for it.
It helped me to understand an immense range of emotions I had pent up inside me. It helped me to recall memories I had forgotten about because they were too raw, memories that I now can find comfort in. In reading this book I’ve found a sense of belonging, comfort, and pride in my own experience. Murphy’s insightful and articulate writing has helped me find a peace regarding my own mothers’ terminal illness and allowed me to find the strength to talk openly about it as homage to her and a way to keep her happily alive in my heart. It’s helped me acknowledge how beautiful life is, how short it can be, how complicated love and family can be in between - and surprisingly how peaceful death can be.
The way Sean Murphy articulates every aspect of the intertwined lives unfolding in this book, their hope, their fear, their faith (or sometimes lack of) is just amazing. It’s funny, witty, sad, honest and hopeful. "Please Talk about Me When I’m Gone” is a beautiful memoir not just for those who have already experienced loss, but for anyone to enjoy reading and grow from.
Profile Image for Robin.
91 reviews4 followers
January 7, 2014
Note: I won a copy of Please Talk About Me When I'm Gone by Sean Murphy from Goodread's giveaway.

Many of us have lost loved ones and know the sorrow of missing that loved one. Sean Murphy's Please Talk About Me When I'm Gone chronicles the loss of his mother to cancer shortly after her fifty-ninth birthday.

While many memoirs tend to follow a straight-forward path for the period of time that the book follows, Please Talk... reads more as journal entries and conversations, with a poem or two. At first, I found the fluidness of the book - the back and forth across time - a little disconcerting. But Murphy's writing, his descriptions kept my attention long enough that the ebb and flow caught me. While the journal-and-background way of writing is definitely a different approach from the straight-forward path, it definitely worked with Please Talk....

Sean Murphy's love for his mom, as well as a mother's love for her family, come through wonderfully clear in Please Talk About Me When I'm Gone, leaving the reader with only two or three regrets: that Linda Murphy died, that cancer still strikes, and that we all lose people who are very important to us. Sean Murphy has written a beautiful memoir that will stick with the reader.
Profile Image for Janet.
49 reviews9 followers
January 25, 2014
God Bless Sean Murphy.
"Please Talk about Me When I'm Gone" has helped me to deal with the death of my own Mother. I am so thankful that Sean Murphy was able to put into words many of the feelings I experienced in the time leading up to and after my own Mother's passing. I love this book on so many levels. First, I adore the title....YES, please do talk about me when I'm gone. The people we love will always be with us if we continue to think of them, love them and talk about them. Second, I applaud Sean Murphy's honesty about his feelings. It is hard enough for us to lay ourselves vulnerable to our nearest and dearest, but the author opened his heart to the entire world and in doing so, provided an example that others can follow.

I have been a Hospice Volunteer. I have recommended this book to friends who are still involved in Hospice because it provides insight and understanding. Well written and full of feeling...I recommend this book to everyone because loss is an experience that we all will share.
3 reviews
August 9, 2014
This book was brilliant. As someone who hasn't lost a parent, but asks the philosophical question of how to prepare for the inevitable, this book answers many questions. Sean Murphy is so darn generous sharing his story. The author took an experience so raw and real and found a way to translate its emotional aspects with straight-forward warmth and honesty. There is no shying away from the hard topics, and Murphy does so without, for lack of a better term, depressing the reader. The love felt for his mother, his family, and his life override the sadness of losing someone so utterly important. A beautiful read.
Profile Image for Tammy Raue.
39 reviews3 followers
January 3, 2014
I won this book as a Goodreads First Read. Having lost my brother to cancer, I was very eager to read Sean's account of losing his mother to compare his experience to my own. He has written a very candid and touching story of just how difficult it is to go through the horrible process of watching a loved one die and the range of emotions the survivors go through. I would highly recommend it to anyone who has a friend or loved one facing terminal illness. Thank you, Sean, for sharing your story.
Profile Image for julie morse.
212 reviews10 followers
January 2, 2016
Death isn't the end

For anyone struggling with letting go or death needs to read this. A very moving memorial to his mother. It was very poignant and real. Thank you for sharing your experience
Profile Image for Trina.
132 reviews5 followers
August 28, 2014
This was a very emotional read. It was also a creative expression in a memoir. Amazing work
Displaying 1 - 16 of 16 reviews

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