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Loving My (LGBT) Neighbor: Being Friends in Grace and Truth

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Ever feel like we’re just fumbling through the LGBT conversation, always asking but never really finding answers to questions like: We don’t have to fumble. While the questions are hard, answers can be had. Just ask Glenn Stanton. Stanton, of Focus on the Family, travels widely meeting with and debating LGBT advocates across the country. In doing so he has had the privilege of becoming friends with a number of them.  He says, "We disagree on certain convictions, but we still admire and esteem one another . . . Since when was it decided that people who see the world in polar opposite ways can't be friends?" He shares his personal journey building bridges with the LGBT community and offers candid insights on hard questions. In Loving My (LGBT) Neighbor, Glenn Stanton shows us how to speak the truth in love on this difficult but important issue.

208 pages, Paperback

First published October 1, 2014

24 people are currently reading
212 people want to read

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Glenn T. Stanton

19 books4 followers

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5 stars
54 (46%)
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30 (25%)
3 stars
22 (18%)
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6 (5%)
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5 (4%)
Displaying 1 - 30 of 32 reviews
Profile Image for Jim.
233 reviews51 followers
May 21, 2022
Full of truth and full of grace. This is a very practical guide to not only navigating relationships with people you disagree with, but also seeking out and creating those relationships.

I thought Stanton occasionally undercut his own point by veering into the culture wars a little too often with some of the terminology he used. But I appreciate his openness on a lot of tough issues and I recommend this as an excellent guide.
Profile Image for Lydia Howe.
Author 4 books76 followers
September 15, 2017
Why I Choose This Book:

Because I’ve asked all those ^ questions before (well, if you substitute “child” in the second question for “relative”). I really wanted to read a book where the author had really researched with the Bible had to say about the topic and then used that as the foundation for his book.

What I Thought about this Book:


I wasn’t sure what to think going into the book, but before long I was nodding along with what the author was saying and picking the book up every chance I got to read more.

There were a lot of things that when I first read it I was like “No, no, that can’t be right.” But then after thinking through it and really reading what the author had actually written, plus the scripture passages he’d quoted, and in nearly all the cases I ended up realizing that I did agree with him after all.

This book is special and unique because it’s written by a guy who is standing strong on the Word of God, debates gay people, and yet is also good friends with many, many people from the LGBT community. He writes the book in such a way that is brimming with love, truth, and grace, which is what we’re called to be. Throughout the book, he explains what it looks like to be friends with someone who believes so differently from him. He talks about how sometimes you have to work through misunderstandings and hurt feelings, but that when you build a strong friendship based on the places where you do agree, then this is very possible.

The author also talks about how it’s important not to make friends with someone from the LGBT community (or anywhere, really) just so you can witness to them. He said, of course, he witnesses to his friends from the LGBT community because that’s who he is and what he’s called to do. But if that was the reason for his friendship then that wouldn’t be a real friendship. (Really, you should read the book because he does a LOT better of a job explaining it.)

Throughout the book, he also defines and explains different terms like what “LGBT” really means – what each letter stands for, etc…. It was interesting to me and I was happy to have that knowledge.

Conclusion:

I plan on re-reading this book. It’s written from a Biblical stand point and brimming with grace and truth. I recommend this to Christians (Ages: twenties and up) who want to study out what the Bible really says about this topic.

There are still a few things that I’m not sure if I agree with them, but it’s given me a lot to think about.

Rating:

I’m giving Loving My LGBT Neighbor 4 out of 5 stars, and 8 out of 10.

*I received this book from Moody Press in exchange for a review
Profile Image for Kait.
818 reviews55 followers
June 16, 2021
This book is full of grace and truth; I highly recommend it, in the same way I recommended Jackie Hill Perry's book "Gay Girl Good God." It's not *really* about homosexuality but about submitting our lives in obedience to God as He makes us holy. Also, Stanton's writing is clear and he provides countless examples and Scripture to help readers be a good neighbor.
Profile Image for Sheri Fox.
42 reviews5 followers
April 20, 2022
A helpful book for insight on navigating issues where you have strong convictions, but want to love people well who have very different ways of life and beliefs than your own. You can have friendships with people who are on the other side of this thing and it can make you more compassionate and understanding.
Profile Image for Chris.
201 reviews5 followers
October 8, 2014
With the deluge of homosexuals “coming out” combined with the ferocious publicity and offence from the LGBT community, I’m sure most readers would at least know or are acquaintances with at least one or a few of them. The pressing question most faithful Christians wants answered is how do we love these neighbours of ours? We neither want to dilute God’s clear truths written in the bible about this topic, nor do we want to be seemed as unloving, bigoted or intolerance as the social media portrays us to be. So what can we do?

The first thing we could do, would be to buy and read this book. I must say when I first saw this book, I greeted it with much skepticism as I found it hard for myself to hold on to God’s teaching and be very loving to the LGBT community, but as I read, I found that this book would really help us christians on this topic.

Within this book, Glenn Stanton, the director for Family Formation of Focus on the Family gives christians a well grounded teaching on what marriage is, how for us chrisitans to love our LGBT family, friends, church mates or colleagues.

First, Stanton very helpfully explained the term LGBT, along with the various connotations that goes along with it, such as queer, questioning, intersex, and ally, to help readers be aware of what these terms mean (or do not mean), and also the nuances between some of them.

Then Stanton moves to an elaborate definition of marriage which forms the backbone of the whole argument of what we as christians can or cannot do. Stanton also very perspective help the readers see that in some situation, christians are often presented with false choices, situation or scenarios that presents to us choices that are both equally bad, an example that was shown within the book was along the lines of “Either accept all of me, even my personal convictions, or we can’t be friends.”

Next, Stanton moves on oh how we can deal with different situations in our lives and how the biblical principles works out in a day-to-day context. Stanton then move to discuss about situations most would face in 3 areas, friends, homes, society. This is where the book really excels, because Christians hold on the biblical meaning of marriage as Stanton explains in the first part of the book, Christians are able to navigate through the many dilemmas that are presented to us using this undervalued institution. Many a times, Stanton shows us, the way to approach any of such situation is to ask, “Does what it entails violated any of God’s teaching of marriage?”. For example, one of the question raised within the book of whether we as christian can attend an same-sex wedding, or can we bless the same-sex marriages of your very own son/daughter.

However, Stanton is not always consistent with this approach, on one section, he says that it is not right for them to allow same-sex partners to have adoption parities on their centre, but it is ok for them to provide the venue for the birthdays of the children of same-sex parents (pg. 185), again on page 189, he says that it is not ok for service provides (e.g bakery) to provide cakes for same-sex marriages, but it is fine if it’s an anniversary. I see no big differences between the 2 situations as the birthdays and anniversaries, commemorates exactly what the christians support, namely, the definition of what is a family, or what is a suitable environment for a child to grow in.

Please do not be turn off by the two issue I raised, this area is sorely missed by books that have come out in the past and Stanton does provide many much-needed help in this area. So I do encourage any christian who wants to grow in knowing how we can love our LGBT in a practical and biblical manner to read this book. I predict that this book would be the go-to book in the near future for most christians dealing with this topic.

Rating: 4.5/5

Disclaimer: I was given this book free from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.
Profile Image for Lindsey Ripple.
8 reviews2 followers
January 13, 2020
Did a fine job of answering questions, but also kind of answered them with more questions? Did bring up interesting points I hadn’t considered before but not sure I’m walking away feeling absolutely enlightened.
Profile Image for Adam Shields.
1,844 reviews119 followers
June 17, 2016
Short Review: I think this is a broadly helpful book that is a good reminder that LGBT people are neighbors in the Christian sense and to be loved. Really the basic book is just a charge to be a Christian and be a decent human being.

There is some good discussion about instances that Christians may have issues with, Should you attend a gay wedding? Should your church allow LGBT people to attend, volunteer, participate in bible studies, etc? What should parents do if their child comes out to them. And while I am not sure I agree with all of the results, the discussion is the more important part.

In the end I am not sure the book is really for me. I started with these assumptions. This book is really for people that need permission to love people properly. There is a heartbreaking story about a mother with a gay child that thanked the author at an event for being given permission to love her child. That type of understanding is really incomprehensible to me.

My full review is on my blog at http://bookwi.se/loving-my-lgbt-neigh...
60 reviews
August 16, 2023
I'm incredibly glad I finally picked up this book to read. I purchased it when it was fairly new and its been sitting on my shelf for years. Events in my current life caused me to ask questions and I sought answers in this book.

Two main aspects of this book stood out to me.

First, obviously this book's central theme is befriending members of the LGBTQ+ community. (The book was written when "LGBT" was more common.) Befriending people who are different than you simply for the sake of friendship. Unlike you might expect, Stanton counsels people AGAINST befriending someone from this community for the sake of trying to convert them or aiming to convince them that your perspective is the right one. Friendship is an end in and of itself-God glorifying even. Stanton describes this approach in a way that doesn't compromise on personal beliefs or (actually) Biblical teachings, but completely debunks the myths surrounding this issue in the Christian community.

Second, while reading this book, I learned that the lessons it contains also apply to any relationships where people don't see eye-to-eye. Including within the Christian community. I've always thought I struggle with over-emphasizing "love" at the risk of "truth." But I'm realizing that in the relationships where I am comfortable sharing truth (or my opinion), I tend to be that person that says "I care" and then blasts someone for their viewpoint or approach. This book was a key tool in opening my eyes to this majorly problematic tendency in my relationships.

This book discusses sexuality in the context of scripture and touches on the concept of "holy sexuality" that's further fleshed out in Christopher Yuan's book "Holy Sexuality and the Gospel." But for me, in this season of reading this book, the most significant lessons I learned are with regard to what loving behavior actually looks like when you disagree with someone and can't in good conscience be their "hype girl" on some specific issue. It's okay to disagree with people. It's a lost art form, really. And I think this book is a great step toward reclaiming the art of agreeing to disagree LOVINGLY and still in FRIENDSHIP.

Cannot recommend this book highly enough.
Profile Image for Shellie Taylor.
268 reviews3 followers
July 5, 2017
This was one of the best nonfiction books I've ever read. I'm not a huge fan of religious books, although I do like to challenge my faith and read about my convictions as a Christian, but this book hit close to home. I have a couple of gay friends who I would not trade for anything in the world. I've also interacted with and befriended other gay and lesbian individuals throughout my journey of life. I've come to understand a great deal about their life, their beliefs, and their struggles. Although I am nowhere close to claiming to be a righteous Christian, I understand, after reading this book, what love and true friendship is all about. I think I've known all along, but this book helps break down stereotypes (on both sides of the same-sex divide) and it greatly explains how as Christians, we are allowed to have both same-sex friendships and heart-felt convictions that oppose their beliefs.

I think everyone needs to read this book. There is too much ignorance and hate on both sides of the argument and there should not be any. There is too much misunderstanding and confusion and there wouldn't be if we would just talk with one another and develop real and meaningful relationships with people who are different from us. My favorite line in this book is "Since when was it decided that people who see the world in largely polar opposite ways cannot be genuine friends?"

Not only have I interacted with the LGBT community over the last several years, I have also come into contact with "Christians" that I'd like to personally purchase a copy of this book for and tell them to read every word then see if they have the same hateful and judgmental thoughts. As an LGBT community, it is as important to consider the feelings of those in the religious communities as it is for the Christians to examine how we are all made in God's image and that he demands we love no matter what. More importantly, as a human race we need to understand that relationships are the most influential and meaningful things going on in today's society. No one should have to lay aside their convictions but neither should we give up the opportunity to obtain real and true friends.
43 reviews2 followers
June 9, 2017
This book pivots on Jesus, Who is the epitome of grace and truth. Christians, as we are followers of Him, should relate to everyone (including people who see themselves as belonging to the LGBT community) with the same grace and truth. Grace that pursues and cultivates true caring friendships. Truth that stands and hinges on God's Word.

The book delves deeply into the beliefs of the LGBT community and not on half-baked or incomplete ideas. It encourages the readers to be aware of it. And once friendships matures and deepens, be able to talk openly to our LGBT friend/s about the differences and corrections.

The book is a very good mix of sound theological and practical points. I really like the examples that the author provides.
9 reviews
August 2, 2024
Great BUT didn't go far enough!

Glenn does an excellent job defining and delineating LGBTQI and Scripture's responses to all the questions asked about friendships with a person identifying as LGBTQI. HOWEVER, there are two items left off the drawing board. First, do you intentionally expose your little children to "gay" couples? Since his church was willing to allow gay parents to participate in the children's time then I assume he is fine with it. Yet later he goes through how churches must conquer allowing membership and contributions. And second, I realize most of the readers of this review will shake their heads at this but what about the role of demons?
Profile Image for Smooth Via.
217 reviews
April 23, 2018
Everything here is stated with love and grace. It's just more than a little sad that much of what he says NEEDS to be said. Sad that so many conservative Christians can't approach their neighbors with love and grace.
13 reviews1 follower
March 21, 2021
I do not agree with everything in this book and I don’t really like his tone as he writes some parts, but overall it had some good reminders about how Christians should love people and engage the world.
Profile Image for Olivia Solak.
22 reviews1 follower
April 20, 2024
One of the only books I’ve read so far that genuinely has a heart for the LGBT community while still staying true to God’s word. You might not agree with everything in it, but I really respected the way the author stuck to Scripture.
Profile Image for Susan.
674 reviews
October 5, 2021
Very helpful discussion of Biblical and Christian perspectives on homosexuality. Stanton's point is that we must have grace for all, while holding to the truth.
Profile Image for Grant Carter.
296 reviews7 followers
Read
October 7, 2022
Read for sermon prep. Has some good applications. Definitely not my favorite though.
Profile Image for Matt.
77 reviews8 followers
September 17, 2016
Much needed read for Christians. Many of the principles involved may seem obvious to some who are accustomed to dealing with people who are different from themselves. However, there seems to be a sizable section of the Church that still struggles with how to approach people who look, sound, and sin differently than they do. But even if you believe you know how to deal congenially with your LGBT neighbor, there are still insightful moments here, especially in terms of actually understanding the LGBT sub-cultures.
Profile Image for Kristen EJ Lauderdale.
309 reviews13 followers
Read
September 15, 2014
I felt like Glenn T. Stanton's arguments were somewhat easy to see past. As a liberal, gay agnostic, I felt that Andrew Marin's Love is an Orientation expressed a better understanding and representation of who gay people actually are and what they actually want, while still being a conservative Christian book in nature. Stanton's book felt unbalanced, as it was obvious that he sympathized with the Christians in any given scenario and portrayed the gays as "attacking" the Christians. In other parts of the book, it comes across like he just hasn't been following lgbt issues in the news. He expresses a tremendous amount of empathy for Christian business owners who find themselves on the wrong side of discrimination lawsuits...and not a whole lot of empathy for the way glbt people are denied many civil rights across the country. The author may love his lgbt neighbor, but I never felt convinced that he actually understands that neighbor.
Profile Image for Seth Channell.
323 reviews4 followers
May 9, 2016
Helpful discussion on thinking through relationships with LGBT people. The major problem I had with the book was the author's confusing discussion about the relationship between same-sex attraction and obedience to Christ (pp. 102-103). The author says "there is nothing wrong with wrong desires and temptations." While I agree temptation is not sin, how can he state that wrong desires are not wrong? To desire to have sex with someone of the same sex is sinful. Just like it is sinful for a man to desire a woman who is not his wife. Now can someone be a Christian and struggle with same-sex desires, yes of course. But those wrong desires, whether heterosexual or homosexual, are wrong and sinful. The person with same-sex attraction who desires to be a Christian faces the difficulty of having no approved outlet for their sexuality to be expressed. They must be celibate or seek a relationship with someone of the opposite sex (which is an unpopular idea, but nonetheless possible).
Profile Image for Sara Diane.
726 reviews26 followers
December 14, 2014
I got this from NetGalley to review.

I think Stanton does a very good job of navigating a sticky and very heated topic with both grace and truth. Good job!

I think this book will be very helpful to those Christians who are more entrenched in "Christian" only communities (who need to break out and reach out to the wider world) and to those who work and live in places where they are going to come into contact with those living "alternative" lifestyles.

There are some practical ways to love your neighbors, and some good supporting material to help the reader understand the Biblical support for loving all our neighbors. It also has a good look at the historical events on how such lifestyles have changed.
Profile Image for Jamie.
11 reviews2 followers
July 6, 2015
I wish I could give half-stars, as I think this book deserves more like 3-and-a-half stars. Some of the stuff in this book Stanton nails--like what our attitude and posture should be toward our (LBGT) neighbors. But when it gets down to practice, I don't think he is careful and thoughtful enough in describing what that looks like.

If this is a topic that interests you, I recommend other books such as Sam Allberry's _Is God Anti-Gay_ or Kevin DeYoung's _What Does the Bible Really Teach about Homosexuality_.
Profile Image for Becca.
769 reviews47 followers
August 2, 2016
"Friendship is not a means to an end; it is an end in itself." ~Glenn Stanton
I decided to read this book because I recently realized I can no longer bury my head in the sand on issues surrounding same sex attraction...

For my full review, click here.

*I received an ebook copy of this book from netgalley.com in exchange for an honest review. All opinions are my own.*
Profile Image for Sean Nemecek.
Author 4 books2 followers
March 21, 2015
An excellent analysis of Christ-like love that balances truth and grace. It points out the commonly held fallacies on both sides of these issues. The author demonstrates that genuine loving friendship among people who disagree is possible. This book will challenge the exclusionists on both sides without compromising Biblical truth. I highly recommend this book for anyone concerned about these issues.
Profile Image for Thomas.
55 reviews
December 10, 2014
An invaluable read for anyone who seeks to understand how to balance a traditional view of marriage with love for one's LGBT neighbors. Don't compromise your faith, but don't be a bigot, either. This book offers some excellent insights.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 32 reviews

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