I was going through “couples therapy” In the early nineties with a behavioral therapist (not a Freudian or some other kind of conventional therapist, but one focused on helping change your actual behavior). In the process he noticed a couple things about me that he shared with me (and her, to her pleasure) at one point. He said he noticed I didn’t make good eye contact and my breathing seemed “shallow,” with me drawing air from my chest instead of my abdomen. The latter I knew from choir and sports, that it was better to breathe from the abdomen so I readily accepted exercises he suggested we do every day.
One I recall was to see how long I could measure one breath from intake through complete exhale, which we timed at home. Another was to hold your breath for as long as possible, which we also timed, but all of this quickly got into a kind of competition with my then-partner—I couldn’t believe she could breath longer and more deeply than me, and could hold her breath longer, so we got very competitive about it. I know, hilarious, but sadly so and the therapist agreed it was funny and just wrong.
The other issue, eye contact, I firmly and indignantly denied, and emailed or called maybe a dozen friends and family to ask them about whether I made good eye contact and EVERYONE sided with the therapist! I was shocked. My friend Andrew said, “Oh, you’re famous for making bad eye But I was like huh??! However, I made a commitment to making better eye contact (staring at people without blinking was my approach at first, til people told me to stop, it was getting creepy) which I continue to this day, though more reasonably. But about the breathing, well, I bought this book in 1991 and never read it til now (right, bye bye relationship!), since I am starting to do a bit of meditation. Breathing and calm and meditation, yes! I’ll get it right this time!
So this is a book as it turns out that like a quarter of a million people have actually READ and not just kept it on their shelves to collect dust for decades, a book principally about particular techniques, this former singer and voice coach developed over the years that she claims not only helps your actual speaking voice but also well-being, complexion, gas, motion sickness, conditioning in the legs and arms, “sustaining personal presence,” developing athletic prowess, minimizing the effects of aging, and. . . improving speech and voice, the latter of which I most agree with. And maybe stress relief, though she doesn’t mention it, and freshening the breath, preparing for childbirth (okay, sure, that LaMaze/Bradley breathing approach), improving confidence, stamina, “zest.”
How to get all that? Through a series of exercises, some of them physical, some of them visualization. And yeah, I actually did a lot of it, and yes, if I just pay better attention to breathing for the sake of mindfulness and stress-release and speaking, it's useful, of course. . . but the claims she makes for her system, yikes. . . But hey, that competitive breathing thing I did with my ex, I can recommend that!