Saving Face: A Memoir

by Effy Redman

★★★★★ “This author goes where no other might dare.” Catherine Filloux, award-winning playwright

What's in a smile? Or the absent smile? Saving Face is Effy Redman's thought-provoking answer.

Born with a rare condition of facial paralysis called Moebius Syndrome, Redman's grit and eye for beauty help her survive childhood bullying and adolescent doldrums. Her physical transformation at age thirteen via plastic surgery eviscerates her concept of image, just in time for her and her family to immigrate from hardscrabble Manchester, England to America's disorientingly scenic upstate New York. Not until diagnosis in young adulthood with bipolar disorder does Redman come out of the closet as a lesbian, finally claiming her most inherent identity.

Saving Face is a searing personal tribute to anybody who has ever felt like an outsider. This memoir honors the grace of a face that stands out in a crowd, defying societal beauty norms. Disability meets transcendence, suffering becomes hope, and the individual expands into community. The inability to smile, in Redman’s book, lights a window onto the human capacity for redemption.

Genres: Memoir

296 pages, Paperback

Published March 19, 2024

Reviews

[Kathleen Collins · Rating 5 out of 5]

Effy Redman’s memoir is a poignant and elegantly written account of the trials and discoveries of living with a disability – facial paralysis – that prevents the author from expressing her emotions the way most people take for granted. “My face was quiet,” she writes, “but my feelings were loud.”

Effy generously shares the tender, intimate, honest feelings that come from having a visible disability in a world that places so much emphasis on exterior appearance and “normality.” Relatable on a human level, given that in addition to her physical difference she still has to carry on with the burdens of merely living as a person in the world, Effy’s life story includes the painful facts of growing up, sexual awakening and confusion, loneliness and isolation, feeling misunderstood, and unearned shame.

One of the elements I especially appreciate in Effy’s comfortable, inviting style, is her habit of pausing to notice instances of beauty and otherwise overlooked details in her surroundings. Sharing these observations with the reader makes for a rich and immersive experience while serving as an implicit commentary on how impactful the visual world can be – for better or worse.

A scene where Effy finds a friend’s delicate plaster mask and puts it over her face is particularly moving. “I saw its dignity and power, its motionless beauty…and what is showed me about my own face.” She danced in front of the mirror, recognizing through a surge of feelings, that this was who she truly was. Many small but profound moments in the book carry a significant weight but without landing loudly or too heavily.

Saving Face at times reminded me of Chloe Cooper Jones’s Easy Beauty which likewise shares the author’s story of living with physical difference. Both memoirs invite deep, philosophical musings about how we connect with one other, and each leaves the reader with far more than the chronological details of one person’s life.

This is an inspiring story in so many ways and above all a beautiful memoir, inside and out.

[Katherine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Entering this book with no prior knowledge, I assumed it would be just another narrative from a disability activist. How mistaken I was. This narrative unfolded as a profoundly beautiful, enthralling, and emotionally stirring tale. Effy's prose is adorned with exquisite descriptions and eloquent language, a testament to her seasoned writing prowess.

Each chapter delves into pivotal moments of her life, culminating in her discovery of her true self. Navigating through the journey of disability entails a quest for identity and belonging, a theme gracefully portrayed throughout.

I found myself laughing, crying, and smiling—pun unintended—as I traversed the pages.

Selecting this book was a fortuitous decision, as it not only offers hope to its readers but also fosters a sense of community, be it within the realms of disability or LGBTQ+

Thank you Book Sirens for this arc.

[Elizabeth Matter · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great telling of the story of Effy, a girl who can't smile, or close her eyes all the way. This book goes through her life and her struggles to find her identity.

There were a couple of things that made me minorly uncomfortable, but we can ignore those, for the most part. I liked reading this book, and it did take me a couple of days to digest all the things I learned.

I also caught several grammar errors, which if they had been corrected, I could have given a 5-star rating. Overall, I say well done to Effy, keep being strong and going through your life!

I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.

[Joanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.

This book was just incredible. To be completely honest, before reading this book I have no idea what Moebius syndrome was and how it affected people in their daily lives. The author shares her journey in a really beautiful and well-written way. I definitely recommend reading this book if, like me, you didn't even know this existed. Thank you for writing this.

[Z. · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have Moebius Syndrome like the author does too so reading Effy Redman’s book felt personal and she effortlessly put words to situations and feelings that I’ve felt before.
This book feels like a honest outlook and experiences on mental health, sexuality, relationships, and growing up with a disability or something that makes you different.
So glad that people are learning about Moebius from this book.

[Cavak · Rating 4 out of 5]

Immensely detailed, to where I was stunned at how much could be recalled at each year.

Redman's memoir could be read as an educational resource for people unfamiliar with Moebius Syndrome, yet Saving Face at its core is a concentrated retelling of a woman discovering and claiming her multiple beliefs and identities. Redman hops back and forth in time here and there with commentary from her older self, yet her writing follows a cohesive narrative. She articulates with such precision that it's startling to realize how long the memoir lingers in her childhood years alone. Lots to unpack in those formative years, including events that are vulnerable and dark.

She thankfully grew up with many societal advantages (she's from a middle class loving if imperfect family, raised with both parents, had access to medical treatment, applied herself for a Masters, and she is from European descent). Still encourages me to give her a hug as she captured her many traumatic episodes.

The sections that got to me were when Redman confessed that her face (and the faces of those with Moebius Syndrome syndrome, by extension) were ugly and misshapen to her eyes. Multiple times. It's a double-edged sword that, in which there is a heartwarming acceptance of her beautiful mind and talents with a nagging "in spite of" that lingers. I don't personally like that line of thought nor the implication, yet I know Redman is free to honestly express herself in any way she desires.

What I would have liked to have seen in more detail would be Redman bonding with the disability community or more people beyond her family. They're sorta there, yet I'd like a tad more. Especially when it came to how Redman feels about her healing process and sense of acceptance by the end. Maybe she is a quiet individual. Most curious.

Saving Face is an emotional and complicated read. Redman is frank and verbose with her experiences. Since Redman mainly wrote of her youth, with only a budding sense of self-love, I'd be curious how she would write about her life as she aged. Or how she'd approach certain forms of art with a wiser viewpoint. Grateful to read this one.

I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.

[Ann Epstein · Rating 5 out of 5]

Guilty Expressions – I couldn’t help but feel guilty each time my face expressed the emotions that overcame me as I read Saving Face: A Memoir by Effy Redman. Redman was born with a rare condition of facial paralysis called Moebius Syndrome. The disability affects her mouth, rendering it immobile, and eyelids, which she cannot fully close. So, whenever I smiled in response to her tender childhood memories, curled my lips in anger at those who teased her, or crinkled my eyes in gratitude at her mother’s unwavering support, I was acutely self-conscious that my face could show emotions that Redman’s disability makes impossible. She’s denied a form of communication we take for granted. Redman grew up not only hiding her feelings from others, but also from herself. Saving Face is a moving narrative of her struggle to find self-acceptance. More than that, it is her journey to find self-affirmation for her inner and outer beauty. Redman’s recollections brought to mind two classics of children’s literature. Her fascination at age ten with folding origami swans evoked memories of Hans Christian Anderson’s story “The Ugly Duckling,” a misfit waterfowl who grows up to be a beautiful swan. And I thought of E. B. White’s book, The Trumpet of the Swan, the story of a trumpeter swan born without a voice who overcomes his disability by learning to play a trumpet. Likewise, Redman finds creative ways to express herself, as a ballet dancer whose body moves with grace, and as a writer who communicates the feelings her mouth cannot. As a writer myself (see my Goodreads author page https://www.goodreads.com/author/show...), I share with Redman the inner grin that comes when the “right” words magically appear on the page. By the end of the book, my guilt at taking my facial muscles for granted was replaced by admiration for Redman, who has opened herself to others and above all, to the possibilities within herself.

[Ian Rogers · Rating 4 out of 5]

Like many readers, I hadn't heard of Moebius Syndrome before starting this book, nor had I given much thought to facial disabilities. As such, I found Effy Redman's memoir to be illuminating and real, providing honest reflections on her struggles with not being able to smile, the limitations of not being able to communicate through facial gestures (including in the dating realm), the stress of having to consider facial surgery at a young age, and the trauma of elementary school bullying. So too does the book explore Moebius Syndrome as part of a larger category of disabilities as a whole, providing a significant contribution to literature relating to disability.

Please don't let the above paragraph fool you, though -- the memoir covers far more than just the author's disability, providing an honest exploration of her sexuality, experience with religion, family relationships, personal and creative growth at a small liberal arts college, and, most powerfully, her nervous breakdown and its aftermath in the final chapters. The book's final sections especially provide a powerful condemnation of mental health providers who fail to treat patients with the dignity they deserve, as well as how family members can condescend their loved ones or fail to understand their struggles.

All told, do pick this one up if you're looking for a story about personal growth, living with disability, and overcoming challenges, or if you're just looking for something new.

I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.

[Martha · Rating 5 out of 5]

Effy Redman’s powerful, beautifully-written memoir took me into a world I hadn’t known and couldn’t have imagined until reading this book: that of Moebius Syndrome. The rare congenital condition results from underdeveloped facial nerves that can cause immobility or paralysis of the face and make it hard to talk, chew and swallow.

Diagnosed as a child, Effy fortunately had supportive parents and grandparents. Yet the encouragement and love around her were not enough to fend off the realization her slack facial features and difficulty blinking, eating and speaking made her not just different, but unable to communicate the wealth of her emotions. Most painfully, she couldn’t smile to show her joy, the most basic instinctive act that leads to deep human connection with others.

I found myself fascinated by such an unusual disability, yet dismayed and heartbroken at reading about Effy’s struggle to fit into a world that emphasizes superstar beauty and withholds compassion from those who most need it.

How wonderful, then, to read about Effy’s transformation from a person who grieved what she’d never possessed into a confident woman who finally embraces the joy and beauty of self-love.

[Julie Haigh · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting memoir

I found this a very interesting memoir. Effy Redman has Moebius Syndrome; she was born with facial paralysis. I'd never heard of this condition before. Imagine not being able to smile. Ever. Of course,  that's just a small part of the challenges she is presented with. 

She tells of the difficulties she'd had at school; because she looked different, the teasing. It must have been very hard.

What a small world. As the author is now in America, I was expecting all of her life so far to be there.  I am in Yorkshire, England and was surprised to find that her mother was staying in Halifax Hospital (so near to where I am) leading up to her birth.
Her mother is American, her father English. She was in Manchester when she was 4, and her paternal grandparents lived in Yorkshire.  

Being a musician, I found it interesting that her mother trained as a classical cellist.  She also mentioned some music and groups of the time in her memoir e.g. Whigfield and Take That-this always adds to it for me when included in a book. 

When she's a teenager they move to America to be near her mum's mum, as her health is failing.

There were many elements that interested me in this read: medical, rare condition, and travel.  And sometimes it was surprising, quite a few things you're not expecting.

She's still quite young, so I wonder if Effy Redman will write more about her life?  I would be interested to read it. 

I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.

[Reader · Rating 4 out of 5]

Effy Redman’s personal narrative took me on a journey to follow her quest “to be someone,” someone not defined by Moebius Syndrome but, rather, by the brilliance of her mind and the magnitude of her heart. "Saving Face: A Memoir" describes Redman’s life in prose that is sometimes raw, often eloquent, and always starkly honest. From the cruelty of the school yard to the nearly constant scrutiny of other adults, the author is always aware that the first thing people see in her is an absence: the inability to smile or express emotion facially. The ache to do so stays with her through family experiences, college, graduate school, relationships, emotional break downs, and at length, to mid-life when she creates a sense of self-awareness that seems like hard-won resolution. Effy Redman is a whole lot more than her disability, and her book rises far above the sullen narratives often found in the genre.

[Deborah Shepherd · Rating 5 out of 5]

There is beauty in imperfection and in Effy Redman's phenomenal debut memoir, beauty shines through everywhere in her writing. Redman's story of living with Moebius Syndrome, a rare facial paralysis that leaves her unable to smile, is both a wrenching and hopeful read for anyone who has ever felt "different" or "other." Saving Face is like no other book I've ever read, and I hope it is followed by more from Ms. Redman. Brava!

I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.

[Alycia Vreeland · Rating 5 out of 5]

The author brings her vulnerable and often humorous voice to this beautifully written book. A brave collection of heart felt stories about the struggles one faces when we are put in a a certain category when we different. The author brings gritty empathy to the challenges of the struggles of a life living with facial paralysis. To never be able to smile on the outside is a haunting reality for the author. A feel good story filled with hope.

[Mary Schreiner · Rating 5 out of 5]

A wonderful book and beautifully written. A great opportunity to begin to understand what it’s like to live with Moebius Syndrome.