Finding Your Third Place: Building Happier Communities

by Richard Kyte

Do you have a Third Place? Your first place is home, your second place is work, and your third place is where you go to socialize. As more of our lives are spent online and in digital spaces, these often overlooked "Third Places” play a crucial role in keeping our communities vibrant. In a timely and thoughtful examination, Richard Kyte, PhD, explores the places that nurture our souls and make up the bedrock of our communities. Third Places can range from a neighborhood tavern, to a community center, to a local bookstore or coffee shop. They are the critical gathering spaces where friendships are formed, relationships are nurtured, and the tapestry of community is woven. Yet, for an ever-growing list of reasons, many people today find themselves without a third place of their own. At a time when our nation is facing an epidemic of loneliness, when communities are suffering from loss of trust, low levels of engagement, despair, and political polarization, what if the answer to many of our problems lies in a simple idea? What if we just need to pay attention to the places where we find ourselves

Genres: Nonfiction, Audiobook, Urban Planning, Sociology, Urbanism

160 pages, Paperback

Published June 25, 2024

About the author

Richard Kyte is the Endowed Professor and Director of the D. B. Reinhart Institute for Ethics in Leadership at Viterbo University in La Crosse, Wisconsin where he teaches a variety of courses in ethics dealing with issues in business, leadership, and the environment. He received his undergraduate degree from Hamline University and his Ph.D. in philosophy from The Johns Hopkins University in 1994.
He writes a regular column for Lee Newspapers titled “The Ethical Life.” He serves on the board of the La Crosse Community Foundation and LeaderEthics-Wisconsin.

Reviews

[Annika · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really wanted to like this one. Let it be said, I agree with the author that third places are vital to the health of the individual and create community (and that those two are deeply intertwined). With that said, the title and subtitle of this book made it seem that the author was going to suggest actionable steps to create third places (or, indeed, find them), while instead I am left feeling that I've listened to someone tell me that the only reason kids don't get out these days is because of those dang cell phones.

Instead, we have four sections, plus introduction and conclusion, that spend 85% of their time bemoaning how younger generations don't know how to socialize and the roles that technological and societal changes take in that. Again, I don't fundamentally disagree, though there are some dodgy statistics that are wildly out of line with other publications. At one point, Kyte cites a study that reported only 3% of Americans using a local library in the average year, when most other studies report that anywhere from 45 to 60 % of Americans are not only library card holders but have used it in the last month.

If the point of this was to make a case that third places are important, I would have been less disappointed. As it is, the only help for those who would like to create third spaces is "find a church! Or an existing hobbyist organization! Make friends, you friendless weirdo!" Which is unhelpful at best and patronizing at worst. If it was that simple, I don't think we would be in the middle of a "loneliness epidemic." The author spends so much time listing the reasons for loneliness and how difficult it is to have third spaces, then seems to shrug off any meaningful input on how to help the situation.

The author also makes some interesting correlations between acceptance of racial and ethnic diversity and a shallowness of relationship - calling it a hospitality disconnect. I don't necessarily think this was a dig at inclusivity initiatives, but it calls Kyte's thought processes into question. While he admits that his "good old days" had their problems, he forgets how hostile those small town in-groups could be specifically towards those they deemed different. He does pay lip service to small town rumors and those who were not welcomed, but by not stating why many were unwelcomed (anything from race to suspected sexuality to marital status - those issues that are why inclusivity initiatives exist in the first place), he does a disservice to what is a complex issue.

Another book done in by expectations and dodgy statistics.

[emily schackart]

We are so doomed

[Laura Beam · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really enjoyed listening to this audiobook as a reprieve from all of the political podcast's I have been listening to pre/post 2024 election. This book made me feel like I could go out and make my community better for myself and those I am closest with. I did hope it would have more tangible and practical steps for searching out Third Places, however, it was more of an exploration of the why of why Third Places are essential to feeling happier in our communities. This did feel like a balm for my soul though with all of the terror and chaos that I know the coming presidency will roll out. I hope to read more books about creating and building more mutuality, aid, community, and connection in these scary times.

[Dayana · Rating 5 out of 5]

Short, sweet and an interesting read. Now to go find a club to sign up for.

[Kayla · Rating 4 out of 5]

I had a college course Communication & Community in which we extensively studied and visited "third places". It's interesting to read about third places with a newer copyright given all the changes in the world in the last decade (covid pandemic, the merging of 1st and 2nd places as more people work from home, and technological advancements). This concise book is a bit depressing at times but overall, I think it is a good overview about the necessity of community, friendship, third places, and hospitality in our privatized, entertainment-focused, individualistic culture.

Favorite quotes:

Church membership and attendance have also been in decline over the same period, especially among young people. The result is that many of the easiest ways to meet strangers, especially for those who are entering into a new community, are no longer viewed as options. That's unfortunate, because historically, service clubs and houses of worship have been the chief means by which communities organize teams of volunteers to meet a variety of social needs. They function as places where members greatly broaden their circle of acquaintances, and, over time, lasting friendships are formed.
pp.114-115

During the past fifty years or so, as the traditional practice of hospitality has been gradually replaced by publicly funded social services, the promotion of love as a virtue has been abandoned in favor of the less demanding public values of tolerance, diversity, and inclusivity. Thus, teachers and parents encourage children not to love their neighbors, but instead to "celebrate diversity" and "respect differences." Such contemporary values are not unworthy, but they keep our relations superficial. They do not allow us to approach the depths of our shared humanity. The values of tolerance, diversity, and inclusivity encourage respect for abstractions, general characteristics of group membership like race, gender, and religious belief. But hospitality welcomes real people into one's life. If we tolerate one another, you can go your way and I can go mine; we simply agree not to harm one another, not to use words or phrases that show disrespect. If we show hospitality to one another, we enter into genuine relationships, and genuine relationships are messy, complicated, and essential to a flourishing life.
p. 125

People who have a regular third place greatly expand their circle of friends; they laugh more often; they are more engaged in their community; they are happier; they live longer. But third places do more than just make individuals more satisfied with their lives-they also benefit entire communities. As we shall see, third places serve as gateways so people new to the area can get to know their neighbors; they function as incubators for new ideas; they serve as safety nets for people in crisis; they build social trust; they decrease political polarization.
p. 47

Every traditional culture in the world endorses hospitality-the simple practice of welcoming the guest. As societies prosper, they tend to deemphasize hospitality in favor of institutionalized social services, which more effectively deliver valued resources to those in need. But there are needs that go beyond food, shelter, health care, and security. There is the need for belonging, for knowing and being known. In wealthy societies, the needs of the stranger- the traveler, the homeless, the sick, the mentally ill, the disabled, and the elderly-are attended to chiefly by institutions. Wherever there are needs, there are professionals dedicated to meeting those needs. But this institutionalization of care, which is intended to make sure no one's needs are left unmet, comes at a cost that is more than financial. It greatly diminishes the opportunities for hospitality among the general population. 
p. 123

[Kendra · Rating 4 out of 5]

“We cannot effectively address the symptoms of deep-seated cultural loss through political fixes. Cultural problems require cultural solutions. We need to change the way we live.” I had so many fruitful conversations while reading this book and genuinely look forward to the next time I’m able to converse about the importance of third places in our lives and well-being. It’s a public health dream of mine to keep communities healthy through social means of fostering fellowship and healing hospitality. ✨ Highly recommend this short read on the impact of friendships and building societies that can benefit all, not just a select few.

[Liam Hobson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good book overall that touches on concepts I’ve felt but haven’t articulated. My only complaint is that the message seemed to over-emphasize the impact of having a third place and discount impersonal but effective public health policies and services. Under (and over) tones of ‘bootstrap mentality’. Definitely worth a read, but also worth a few grains of salt at times.

[Jessa Reads · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of my favorite books I have read this year. It is so much more than finding your third place. It does talk about finding your place where you can be yourself. The book also talks about how we can be better.

[Lindsay · Rating 2 out of 5]

Would have been better/more impactful as an essay.

[Molly · Rating 4 out of 5]

5 starts for the burnout chapter. The book is very thoughtful and good to ruminate on.

One thing: I wish he had spent more time really discussing this (maybe coauthoring?) with someone younger and more tech savvy. The author sometimes comes across as a well meaning luddite with a shallow understanding of the demands put on to his young students. Sure, they lost their free time, but *how* does that happen societally and what changes might help? Saying how busy students are including volunteering, then later talking about the aging population of volunteers was a missed opportunity to connect those thoughts.

[Devon Sligh · Rating 3 out of 5]

While I agree with most of what he said, it sounded more like rambling about the various aspects of modern life that he doesn't like and less about third places. That's not to say it's bad, just that it barely covers what it says it will.

[Miranda · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very interesting but the title is misleading. This is more about what third places are and why they’re important, not so much on actionable steps you can take to find them (though you could definitely infer a list for yourself).

[Jared · Rating 3 out of 5]

I finished this book in a couple of days of casual listening (because I listened, I won't be able to pull in direct quotes or review specific passages to confirm details, so if I make mistakes in this review please feel free to comment with corrections). It's SUPER short.

It also feels like it's actually much longer than it needs to be, weirdly enough.

Kyte is passionate about the issues of loneliness and disconnectedness and the decline of friendship in America. He definitely believes that the decline of "third places" has contributed to the issue, but it's not the only thing, and third places don't actually seem to be the thing he really wants to discuss. He wants to talk about friendship and loneliness and cultural changes in the country since he was a kid.

He wants to talk about these things, but there are multiple times where he's talking about these issues and there doesn't seem to be any connection to the concept of third places as he's defined them.

I don't believe there was any point in this book where he actually made any suggestions for how I, as a reader, could "Build Happier Communities" or how I could do anything at all to find my own third place, or to help create third places for others. There's almost nothing at all in here that is solution-oriented. It's mostly stories about how there used to be third places and now there aren't.

There are also lots of different kinds of third places described here, but many of them are historical examples like a workshop in the back of his dad's hardware store. Friends used to come by and drink beer and chat while his dad worked.

But that's a private space, not open to the public, and you're not likely to make new friends there.

He also talks about how friends used to make unannounced visits to each other's houses and many people had rooms in their homes specifically for receiving guests where they could chat.

Again, private space, exclusive to people you already know.

He talks about the mail room at the university where he works, and how it used to be a place where people would visit throughout the day and stop to chat, or see each other in the hallways.

Once again, a university mail room isn't a space just anyone can walk into.

If you're going to advocate for the "Third Place" as a space where you can go and hang out and make new friends, then you really should be spending the vast majority of your book discussing those kinds of places.

He does mention service organizations (Kiwanis, Lions Club, Scouting) as places where people can go to get connected to their communities, and how he personally formed many relationships through experiences at those places...but he also says they're all on the decline. I don't think he even offers any suggestions for how to bring them back or make them more appealing to young, disconnected people. I don't even think he advocates for his readers to join the organizations that are currently declining.

I feel like what he's really advocating for here is just "places to socialize" more generally, because the thing he's really interested in is people having places to be social, not specifically places where the general public is welcome to wander in off the street and form brand new relationships when they have no prior connections. There are some examples of these places in the book, places where there are some regulars, but also someone new to town could simply show up and have some conversations and begin to build connections. There's very little specific detail or guidance on how to make more places like this, though. In fact, Kyte says that making places like this is likely to be less profitable and how difficult it is to establish them in newer cities because of zoning laws.

The senser I get is that Kyte wanted to write a lament about the decline of friendship in America, but thought that it would play better if he said he was writing about third spaces.

And he's not wrong. I absolutely agree with everything he's talking about, and I agree that it's important, and the reason I wanted to read this book is because I agree with him so strongly and I want to help solve this problem. I give it three stars because of this.

I just didn't learn anything from this book.

So I agree with the premise, I appreciate the specific anecdotes about how much the problem is a problem, and about how certain kinds of changes an contribute to the problem.

It just doesn't do absolutely anything to deliver on the promise of the title. And I want a book that does, because I agree we need to do better in this area.

[David Burton · Rating 4 out of 5]

In Finding Your Third Place: Building Happier Communities, Richard Kyte offers a timely and inspiring guide to restoring social connection in an increasingly isolated world. With warmth, insight, and a deep understanding of human relationships, Kyte invites readers to reimagine their lives not just as individuals or consumers, but as citizens actively engaged in building stronger, happier communities. This book is both a call to action and a hopeful blueprint for how we might rediscover the spaces that connect us to one another — our “third places.”

Kyte builds on the sociological concept of “third places,” popularized by Ray Oldenburg, which refers to informal public gathering spaces like cafes, parks, libraries, and community centers — places where people meet not because they have to (like at work or home), but because they want to. These third places, Kyte argues, are essential to a functioning democracy, a healthy society, and to our personal well-being. His central thesis is clear: without spaces that encourage spontaneous interaction and civic engagement, communities fragment, trust erodes, and loneliness grows.

One of the key lessons from the book is the importance of intentional community-building. Kyte doesn’t just romanticize the past or idealize small-town life; instead, he provides practical examples of how individuals, organizations, and municipalities can reinvest in public spaces and create opportunities for connection. From farmer’s markets and local theaters to barbershops and faith communities, Kyte highlights the power of place to bring people together across differences.

Another critical takeaway is the role of civic responsibility. Kyte reminds us that third places don’t create themselves — they require effort, care, and a willingness to engage with others. He encourages readers to shift from passive consumption to active participation, whether that means attending town hall meetings, volunteering, or simply being more present in their neighborhoods. He frames this not as a burden, but as a joyful, meaningful way to reclaim our shared humanity.

Kyte also explores the dangers of digital isolation, pointing to how online interactions often replace — but rarely replicate — the richness of face-to-face encounters. In a world increasingly dominated by screens and algorithmic echo chambers, Kyte’s message about the irreplaceable value of physical, communal space feels more urgent than ever.

What makes this book particularly compelling is Kyte’s ability to blend theory with storytelling. He weaves in personal anecdotes, community case studies, and philosophical reflections, creating a narrative that is both intellectually stimulating and emotionally resonant. His tone is never preachy; instead, he writes with a gentle conviction that invites reflection and inspires hope.

“Finding Your Third Place” is ultimately a reminder that we are social creatures who thrive in relationship — not just with family and friends, but with neighbors, acquaintances, and even strangers. By reclaiming third places, Kyte shows, we can not only reduce loneliness and polarization but also rediscover the joy and meaning that comes from being part of something bigger than ourselves.

In a time when division and disconnection seem to dominate headlines, this book is a refreshing, necessary, and profoundly optimistic read.

[Jean Xu · Rating 5 out of 5]

Human without socialization life, its humanity get damaged. The technology reduced the interdependency between people, the AI and computer social network replaces the old styled community and also causes of increasing of psychology problem, depress, anxiety..
what is the meaning of life? In the Bible, God wants us to experience the love relationship between people through work,a mean to achieve this relationship and experience. The modern society forget the God
S teaching, focus on productivity, or performance of each individual achievement. Thus the true meaning of live a rich life is depleted by the self-centered ego desire. Supported by the advanced technology, disguised by self-sufficient and effective productive, lonely, and isolation rusty man’s heart.
Another drawback this include politicalization polarization like what Bible indicated everybody is a sinner. People tends to evil lies their account party, especially when there is no face-to-face direct contact.
Direct contact people help to build up our personality because you with real people is much challenge and reward. Just do a surface chat social media.

When I have grandkids, I will try to encourage them to have their third place from the childhood.
I used to not think Bible study group effective way to study truth of Bible, now I realize both conflicting and loving care relationship in the Bible study group are god giving experience, cann’t be achieved through understanding a teaching theory.I am so grateful that I am with the church group and the Bible study and also Sunday school to help kids. These unique and very limited social l and thinking this is what God try to give me and also as part of choose of life.
The author also print out work and leisure concept, Leisure is still , feel , think.
Productive, industrialization… meaningful work .

[Tony Crispin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm really glad I finished this today so I can say it's probably in my top 5 favorite books I've read this year.
To be completely honest, I'm a sucker for anything that proclaims the power of friendship, so this book had a very easy path to my heart. It's very readable (I finished it in about two 2-hour sessions) and I've seen some reviews that say it's too long, but I think it's just the correct length for the author to make his point. It's short and does not waste time. I know some authors that could have turned this manuscript into a 300 page slog.
Anyway, this is a very weird book. The title is misleading (although if you buy books without flicking through them first, you might want to rethink your procurement strategy) but that's fine. What's less fine is that out of the 132 pages, third spaces are directly talked about for maybe 1/4th of them. The rest of the book is more of a societal critique and humanist manifesto. This is the thing, the book does make its point and the 3/4ths that don't directly talk about third spaces are meant to build up to them as a kind of solution, but the book would definitely benefit from a different title. The thing is that I 1,000% agree with everything Kyte said, this book really spoke to me and where I'm at in my personal and educational life right now, so giving it an objective critique is hard. I do like that he makes a lot of claims and doesn't cite them, I think we can all benefit from speaking from the heart every now and again rather than trying to do a super hardcore literature review.
Anyway, I don't know what else to say other than I really, really liked this book. I would recommend this for any human being living in the year of our Lord 2025 that understands that something in the world is fucked up but doesn't exactly know what or why.

[Larry (LPosse1) · Rating 5 out of 5]

I must say, I was really moved by this wonderful little book. Author Richard Kyte’s premise is that we lack social connection today that we had in the past. Thus, today’s divided camps. Good vs Evil, conservative vs liberal, republican vs democrat. All I know is I’m sick of it.

Today social media has replaced the social connection of the passed. Everyone is in their own camp and only making connections with folks of their own ilk. In fact, folks of other ilks have become demonized.

Kyle blames this on a lack of 3rd places (1st place is home, second work and 3rd being a place where we make social connections. ) for our lack of tolerance of others with different beliefs. His thesis is sold. I could spend hours discussing it because I feel the same way that he does.

I’m staying away from Social media as much as possible and reaching out to my more conservative friends. We need to develop more common ground in this world before it swallows us whole.

[Julie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have a Third Place: it’s my local independent bookstore, not-so-coincidentally called Third Place Books, and the adjacent commons, also not-so-coincidentally called Third Place Commons. Third Places are where people come to find community (the home is the First Place and work is the Second Place). Other types of Third Places are coffee shops, libraries, yarn stores, churches, etc.

Author and ethicist Richard Kyte writes about the loss of community in our 21st Century life, and the importance of finding a developing Third Places to combat the epidemic of loneliness that is the result of that loss. He is preaching to the choir with me, because I can’t imagine what my life would be like without those Third Places where my various communities meet. This is a short, but powerful book. Definitely recommended.

[Holly Keimig · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed thinking about this concept. It was a good audiobook to listen to on my way to work. I think third places are essential to a happy life and have several in my own small community that I frequent. I think the title is a bit misleading because this isn't really about how to "find" your third place, but instead a definition of what they are, why they are important, and what things have led to the decline of them over history. Highly encourage anyone trying to build or find a third space to read this and think about the content. It will make you hungry for more information about it.

[Tara Mcfarlin · Rating 5 out of 5]

A powerful and timely read, The Third Place explores why we’re feeling more disconnected than ever—despite being constantly “connected.” With fewer marriages, kids, community spaces, and real friendships, the book examines how trust, empathy, and fellowship are quietly eroding. It touches on our reliance on casual digital relationships, personal AI companions, and diversions like true crime that feed fear rather than connection. A smart, sobering look at our collective loneliness—and a call to rebuild spaces where we can truly be known.

[Lisette · Rating 4 out of 5]

Enjoyable audiobook. Equally depressing and uplifting. He emphasized the importance of empathy and kindness as a driver for community. I was pleasantly surprised by the mentions of modern issues and technology (e.g. dating and food delivery apps). The author did seem to dwell on millennial characteristics while also maintaining that each generation has their own quirks. So that was a bit contradictory to me. Overall I would recommend to those seeking to deepen their community connections.

[Melanie · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was not really what u thought it would be. There was a very religious undertone throughout, and not a ton of practical advice for creating, maintaining, or participating in third places. I’m not sure the author’s definition of third places is what I originally thought third places were. Lots of focus on how technology is ruining us and really nothing about capitalism or the society we live in prizing individualism.

[Artina Zen Li · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was a bit disappointed and bored with it halfway through because it became clear Kyte wasn't going to give any tips for how to find or create third places, like the what the title lead me to believe. makes some good points for why third places are important, but not much else. hard not to read it without picturing an old man wagging a finger at me for being a young person whose always on those dang phones.

[Paula Randler · Rating 3 out of 5]

Short treatise including a nice chapter about how to create, cultivate, and/ or find rich third places in your community. Unless you’re seeking evidence, avoid other chapters which just explain where we’ve gone wrong as a society. Wonderful info in chapter 2. Thumb through the entire book in about 1 hr.

[Nichola · Rating 3 out of 5]

I ending up feeling like the author spent most of the time explaining the concept of the third space and then trying to convince me it was important, to individuals and the communities. It seemed fine, but I already get the concept, so I didn't really get much new here. I listened to this on audio, although that edition is not listed on this site.

[Katie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really liked the concept of third spaces and I appreciated thinking about how they impact community and wellbeing. I would have liked more stories or advice to apply to my life beyond just the theory that third places are important. But for a short, single-day read, it was worth it as a start to the conversation.

[Aliena · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was an in-depth analysis on how social media, technology, and government policies have drastically shifted society in the recent decades. Left the book wanting to officially start my bookstore cafe because of how bleak the world is becoming

[Isabella Siqueira Mohallem Cellet · Rating 4 out of 5]

eu estou bem obcecada por third places faz uns meses então foi uma ótima experiência! inclusive estava esperando ansiosa o lançamento desse livro. não dou 5 estrelas por que talvez esperava mais, no sentido de mais páginas etc

[Ann Kiel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Are you interested in connecting with others and building a happier community? Rick Kyte's insight and wisdom on building a happier community are inspirational. As people face loneliness and isolation, this book offers a wonderful solution....find your third place!

[Zane Brumley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Quite possibly my favorite nonfiction read for the year. The concept of "third places" involves finding community in spaces other than work and home, and Kyte's analysis of the many factors that contribute to America's shrinking number of third places is thought-provoking and fascinating.