I Am Trying to Break Your Heart: A Novella

by Ruby Lang

She's the unlikeable heroine from his past.
Ben Nakamura never forgot spiky, beautiful Natalie Chen, who was the joy and plague of his last year at university. She may even have been the inspiration for the main character of his YA fantasy series. But the Nat who walks back into his life is less angry, less edgy-and just as vulnerable.
Can she be part of his future?
Nat returned to Vancouver to care for her dying mother, and now, after confronting the person she used to be, needs time to figure out who she wants to become. All the more reason for her to stay away from Ben, the boy she hurt so long ago. But Ben has grown in confidence, maturity, and in all the ways that make him irresistible. 
Ben and Nat may have changed, but is it enough to keep them from breaking their hearts again?
I Am Trying to Break Your Heart is a novella of around 22,000 words with an HEA. It deals with sensitive topics including anxiety and mental illness, grief and the death of a parent, and difficult family relationships. In addition, it contains depictions of sex and alcohol use.

Genres: Romance, Contemporary Romance

88 pages, Kindle Edition

Published September 30, 2023

About the author

Ruby Lang is pint-sized, prim, and bespectacled. Her alter ego, essayist Mindy Hung, has written for The New York Times, The Toast, and Salon, among others. She enjoys running (slowly), reading (quickly), and ice cream (at any speed). She lives in New York with a small child and a medium-sized husband.

Reviews

[myblackbookish_life · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve only read one of Ruby Lang’s works previously, but I forgot just how much I enjoy her writing; I Am Trying To Break Your Heart is no exception!

I’m always a sucker for an angry, stubborn—and in Nat’s case, formally bitchy—girl and the boy who’s only trying to love her. But this story is extra special because of the time jump that allows the reader to see how Nat and Ben have grown and changed and lived in the last 14 years.

(so tldr; second chance romance done right lol!)

[Laura Black Reads · Rating 4 out of 5]

Painful and tender…

This novella is fully realised with two vulnerable people finding each other again. It’s tender and heartfelt and moving and a wonderful exploration of anxiety and regret. Recommended!

[Autumn Denise Harris · Rating 4 out of 5]

For as short as the story was you got a lot of story. I really felt like you knew both characters well, and they made a good couple at the end. She also took accountablely for her bad behavior which you don't see much.

[Tina · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars

[Madeline🤍🦋 · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5 stars.

[briebriereads · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this short novella. I found that the reconnection between the characters was better than most reconnections go. It was a short and easy read and just how I like my endings.

[Dineo · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was relatable, real and raw. Because of the horrible reading months I've had, this was such a lovely treat 🥰

[Kim Eisenhaur · Rating 3 out of 5]

A lovely little read, great palate cleanser!

[Brenna · Rating 2 out of 5]

eh.

[RS · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.25

[Heather Axtell Slone · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is real it talks about mental health and how people struggle throughout their lives. This book made me laugh and cry its so true.

[Emmalita · Rating 5 out of 5]

Update: I reread this novella frequently. It’s become one of my favorites.

Ruby Lang does a lot of things well, but one of my favorites is the way she creates women who are “kind of an asshole” and the men who love them. In her novella, I am Trying to Break Your Heart, Natalie Chen used to be an asshole but mostly she is trying not to be one now. Ben Nakamura used to be in love with her and he is trying not to be in love with her again. Nat is much more successful than Ben. Natalie lost her mother to cancer the year before, and now she is unofficially taking care of her sister, Maya. She still has sharp edges, but she’s softer and less guarded.

Nat and Ben were housemates in college who occasionally had sex. Eventually Ben broke things off because he had feelings for her and she wasn’t interested in a romantic relationship. From Ben’s perspective, Nat was much cooler than he was and barely knew his name. From Nat’s perspective, she was hurt, angry, and flailing. She feels badly about the way she treated Ben. It quickly becomes apparent that what ever lack of depth they think their college relationship had, they impacted each other profoundly. Ben based his “unlikable” main character on her. Nat’s 13 year old sister calls him, “the one that got away.”

Novellas can sometimes feel rushed, but I am Trying to Break Your Heart is like breathing – it takes all the time it needs. The air between Natalie and Ben is saturated with feeling and their connection feels like gossamer. Ben and Natalie handle each other so delicately, like one wrong move will slice them open. There are so many lovely moments between them, but I’m going to end with one that Ruby Lang has shared:

His hand was on her back again, warm on a hot evening, and she could feel a pool of sweat growing under where he touched her. She could plant an orchid in that spot, a thousand delicate blooms from the jungle warmth between her skin and his.

CW: Death of a parent and grandparents off page, estrangement from family, feelings of rejection, anxiety, anxiety attack on page.