True Friendship

by Vaughan Roberts

In a culture where online communications and communities can be set up in seconds, it is striking that loneliness is still rampant. Even in the church, a place where we might hope for an oasis of love and acceptance, we can find interactions awkward and superficial. It is for this reason that Vaughan Roberts takes us back to the Bible, and challenges us to consider our need for true friendship. He is both honest and clear in his approach as he shows us that knowing and being known by God is the hope we need to begin to deal with the sickness of our self love society. So whatever the state of your friendships, take heart and take hold of this book because as you do, you'll see that we can live out our true humanity as we sacrificially love others for God's glory. Each chapter includes thoughtful reflection and discussion questions to help change us as we read, as well as practical suggestions for how we can make a real difference to our friendships.

Genres: Christian, Nonfiction, Christian Living, Christianity, Relationships, Theology, Friendship

96 pages, Paperback

First published November 25, 2013

About the author

Vaughan came to faith as he read through Matthew’s Gospel for himself as a teenager. After studying law at Cambridge University and a brief spell doing student ministry in South Africa, he moved to Oxford to study Theology at Wycliffe Hall and has lived in the city ever since. In 1991 he joined the staff of St Ebbe’s Church to lead the student ministry and since 1998 he has been Rector. He is also the Director of the Proclamation Trust, an organisation that encourages and equips Bible teachers. In his spare time Vaughan writes books and plays cricket and golf.

see also Vaughan Roberts' sister Clare Heath-Whyte

Reviews

[Emma]

May have picked this up because it’s 89 pages and I’m under my reading goal for the year but it was actually a great read. Short and sweet, lots of helpful takeaways/reflection points

[Ezra · Rating 5 out of 5]

Full of well-thought words and on the ball observations, Roberts' book on friendship is a keen read.

This is not just a 'thinky' book, this is a 'thinky leading to doing-ey' kind of book, the kind of book that makes you go 'Oh man that's me, I'm going to get on that issue pronto de la pronto hombre'. Roberts begs us to pursue true friendships, friendships that are crucial, close, constant, candid, careful and Christ-centred (which are his chapter titles as it happens).

At just 90 pages, roughly 10 pages a chapter, the author manages to plant so much efficacious content in every paragraph its honestly a joy to read. It reminds me of Proverbs (many of which are the basis of his thought); short, snappy, and more punchy than Anthony Joshua.

Something I particularly enjoyed about this book is how in the first 5 chapters, the author holds up a biblical examples and writing on friendship, showing what friendship should be, what it can be, and how a friend can effect situations. In the final 6th chapter, he explains that the reason one can have and head for such a high view of friendship is because 'God first loved us'. In this way he ties up the package of the practicalities of gospel-relationships with the wrapping paper and ribbon of blood-bought, spirit enabled love. We can be sacrificial because our hope is not in friends but in Jesus the friend of sinners.

This book would make one think over friendship and maybe strive to be a better, more biblically-epitomised friend, should they read it.

[J · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent... only too short. Which is a strength as well as a weakness, I suppose. We don't need to have lots of rambling or pithy phrases, we just need the encouragement to get on with friendship that is proper friendship. And being reminded of the great wisdom of the Old Testament Proverbs was a nice blessing on the side - once again one that is best enjoyed oneself, not in long-winded exposition (which Roberts avoids by keeping everything brief) but in personal reflection on the proverbs and on the life. "A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother" (18:24). Hmm, maybe I should have given this book five stars after all!

[David J. Harris · Rating 5 out of 5]

As I am in the process of trying to grow in my diminished ability to make and maintain friends, this book is a little wealth of biblical wisdom with insightful application packed neatly into a short read. Will get copies to give to others. Excellent.

[Addie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Incredibly brief and straightforward, which is both a strength and limitation. This book is a good introduction to Christian friendship, and would be particularly helpful for those who are short on time or have not read similar books before. I felt that this book was lacking in some areas and could have pressed into certain topics a bit more, but I liked how plenty of discussion questions are included. This would be a good resource to read in a discussion-heavy setting, such as with a few close friends, or in a context like youth group or university ministry.

[Jess Arthur · Rating 4 out of 5]

Are there more in-depth books on friendship out there? Absolutely. Will most people read them? Absolutely not. Friendship is sorely needed and sorely misunderstood in today’s day and age and this is a wonderfully straight-forward place to start.

This book is a gem for its thoughtfulness as well as the breadth it covers in just 89 pages. This is an excellent resource to use in small group spaces and the exact right length for weekly discussions. I will likely use this book often.

[Jeff Ke · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed how simple and short this book was to read. Some of the principles he mentions about biblical friendship are really helpful reminders of things that Christians all intuitively know but we sometimes forget. Only reason why the book isn't 5 stars is because it didn't go into depth for some topics - especially the last chapter that talks about true friendship with Christ.

[Mary Welchans · Rating 5 out of 5]

A short and practical book! One thing that I really appreciated, Vaughn makes sure that the reader self evaluated themselves in relationships rather than just having an outward expectation.

[Anna Chviedaruk · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved it. Short, but very good reminders and thoughts.

[Elise · Rating 3 out of 5]

This short, easy to read book explores what our friendships as Christians should look like. Roberts challenges his readers to analyse their relationships and test their strength. He argues (through a clever use of alliteration) that friendships are crucial for our wellbeing and they should be close, constant, candid, careful, and ultimately Christ-centred. I found this little book both challenging and encouraging, with the conclusion reflecting on how all human relationships will be flawed, but we have an ultimate friend in Christ whose love never fails. A great book to read with a close group of friends or for personal reflection.

(3.5 stars)

[Erin Moore · Rating 5 out of 5]

Immensely helpful, practical and wise. Read it.

[Lexi V · Rating 5 out of 5]

this book always reminds me why relationships and community are important.

[Natalie Print · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great little practical book on friendship, which covers many aspects of what true friendship looks like. Recommended for book groups, as it is short, readable and applicable, and it contains many questions to prompt discussion. Rooted in biblical wisdom, this book helps Christians to consider the difference that Jesus makes to their friendships, although the truths it contains would still be helpful for those who wouldn't consider themselves Christian.

[Marnie Britton · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really enjoyed (re)reading this book. In a society which a lot of the time seems so individualistic and closed off to truly knowing and loving one another, it is a great encouragement. Looking at how we can cultivate more meaningful friendships and why it is so important- keeping Christ central especially in a world full of social media and superficiality.

[Cbarrett · Rating 5 out of 5]

Exceptional book. Great insights. When considering what genuine friendship involves, it is easy to see why true friendship is so rare.

Content is not shallow, yet it is an easy read. Short. Contains questions after each chapter making it a good resource for discussion setting.

[Hannah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fabulous quick read to make you reflect on past, current and even your longing for future friendships. The ending was so beautiful as we see Christ as our perfect and closest friend.

[Beth Troon · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's shows you how important friendship is and that your true friend the one who gave everything is Jesus Christ.

[Malvina · Rating 4 out of 5]

A practical, shortish book with many good things to consider. Very readable.

[Graeme · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very deep 89 pages. Lots of points to spend time in prayer over.

[Sarah Elliott · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was easy to read and also very Biblically based. It has excellent points that were both inspiring and challenging. I’d recommend.

[Jonathan Downing · Rating 5 out of 5]

An absolutely brilliant encouragement to be more intentional with friendship. Can be read within an hour or two but would highly recommend taking it a chapter at a time and thinking through the discussion questions.

Just read it :D

[Ed Creedy · Rating 2 out of 5]

Disappointed. Roberts starts off by telling the reader that the wisdom of this book will flow straight from Scripture, yet throughout God's Word was more often than not merely cited as any other work was quoted. Indeed, lengthy quotations of several different works were offered (up to and over a page long), but none from Scripture.

There is a danger in this kind of self-qualification: it equates the teachings of the book to Biblical wisdom even when they are not actually displaying that. Long sections included no Biblical reference, but plenty of teaching and suggestions. Some of this stuff was really helpful, but it was more often than not the author's wisdom, not the Bible's.

I'm struggling to articulate myself clearly, but essentially, don't tell the reader you are going to explore the Bible's wisdom if you present your own thoughts with the occasionale Bible reference.

The final chapter offered a helpful Gospel appeal, and there were some good thoughts dispersed throughout the book. Hence two stars not one. It felt frustratingly short, perhaps that was why the author struggled to offer too much by way of exegesis.

[Bruce · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am the pastor of small groups and biblical counseling at our church so I'm always looking for easy resources that can be used with our great volunteers who staff our small groups.

What I mean by "easy" is not thick volumes that are so over whelming everyone checks out in the introduction. By easy I mean generally short and True Friendship is short coming in at around 100 pages.

In addition to being easy and not overly time consuming True Friendship is an excellent reminder of friendship from a Scripture point of view (mostly Proverbs).

I would not expect everyone in every group to be best buddies, but I would expect them to grow in biblical friendship and Robert's book seems to be a good reminder of the importance of Christ centered friendships.

The book comes with a study guide so it could be used effectively for group study.

I plan to recommend it for all my small group leaders.

[Phil Griffin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This excellent book by Vaughan Roberts explains the immense importance of true friendship particularly between believers as a source of help and support. It shows the dangers of superficiality as well as the neglect of close friends and gives a rebuke to the attitude of being closed to a point where a person becomes out of reach of any help. It finishes with the greatest friendship of all namely that with the Lord Jesus, the most precious thing this life affords. It is very quick and easy to read, enjoyable and immensely practical.

[Jonas Nyander · Rating 2 out of 5]

As the author said it takes about one hour to read, and it's only just about worth it. Long and extensive quotes from other authors on the subject with Hugh Black's book on friendship being the most frequent.

There are theological problems with some of the points that Vaughn makes which are subtle and potentially unhelpful. Because the book is so short and light most who have reviewed this book have missed or overlooked them. Not a book I would recommend and now that I have read it, it's going in the bin.

[Robyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Found this a really thought provoking and helpful book. It is an easy ready but extremely challenging. Am going to read it again with a friend as it has questions at the end of each chapter and I think it would benefit having a discussion and prayer time with an existing friend.

[Olivia Sussex · Rating 3 out of 5]

Had some very interesting questions to reflect on concerning how we deal with friendships, and advice on how we actually should.

[Parker · Rating 3 out of 5]

A very quick read, and a worthwhile one. Roberts gives sound, biblical advice, and diagnoses well the attitudes and cultural ideas that prevent intimacy among friends.

[Emma Walder · Rating 4 out of 5]

An engaging and thought provoking exploration of the nature and importance of friendship, particularly from a Christian perspective. Roberts presents a compelling case for the value of friendship by grounding his reflections in biblical principles. I found his Christ-centred approach particularly enriching, especially his emphasis on how Jesus models true friendship and shapes the way we relate to others.

One of the strengths of the book lies in its analysis of contemporary challenges to meaningful relationships. Roberts offers insightful commentary on how our digital age, shaped by social media and virtual interaction, can distort and even diminish the depth of genuine, face-to-face friendships. His reflections on this issue are timely and resonate with the growing concerns about relational disconnection in an increasingly online world.

The book also addresses the significance of maintaining long standing friendships while encouraging readers to invest in building new ones. Roberts speaks candidly about the dangers of exclusivity and cliquishness within communities, warning of the division they can cause and the opportunities for true fellowship that are often missed as a result. This emphasis on inclusivity and intentionality was both challenging and encouraging.

While the book is concise and accessible, I found myself wishing for a more extended treatment of the subject. A few additional practical steps on how to cultivate, sustain, and deepen healthy friendships would have made the work even more impactful. Overall, True Friendship is a thoughtful and biblically rooted reflection that encourages readers to take friendship seriously, as a gift from God, and as a means of reflecting Christ’s love to others. I highly recommend it to anyone seeking to better understand and nurture the friendships in their lives.

[LEILANIE M DAGOSTINO · Rating 2 out of 5]

Sooooo problem with this book is it suddenly makes you think you want to have these kinds of friends…. These virtuous friends. Friends that you’re really not virtuous friends with will make you think you are and friends who thought you were virtuous friends with you’ll figure out are not. So I’m not exactly sure what the point of reading this book is…. To figure out the people I really like aren’t my good friends and to figure out the people that I don’t really like aren’t my good friends and figure out that maybe I don’t have any good friends or any real friends….now in relation to God in preparing for your friendship with him not a bad book but God‘s friendship exceeds anything we can even imagine so I’m not exactly sure how this book does much for me except when I said to someone I thought we were virtuous friend and she said well you’re wrong I guess you thought wrong that left a strong impression on me. I read this book is part of a book group and I guess it has its place but honestly I didn’t really get that much out of it