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Literature and Medicine
The Widows' Handbook: Poetic Reflections on Grief and Survival
Widows convey their feelings and survival strategies in this compelling anthology The Widows’ Handbook is the first anthology of poems by contemporary widows, many of whom have written their way out of solitude and despair, distilling their strongest feelings into poetry or memoir. This stirring collection celebrates the strategies widows learn and the resources they muster to deal with people, living space, possessions, social life, and especially themselves, once shock has turned to the realization that nothing will ever be the same. As Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg says in her foreword, losing one’s partner is “a loss like no other.” The Widows’ Handbook is a collection of poetry from 87 American women of all ages, legally married or not, straight and gay, whose partners or spouses have died. Some of the poets are already published widely―including more than a dozen prizewinners, four Pushcart nominees, and two regional poets laureate. Others are not as well known, and some appear in print for the first time here. With courage and wry humor, these women encounter insidious depression, poignant memories, bureaucratic nonsense, unfamiliar hardware, well-intentioned but thoughtless remarks, demanding work, spiritual revelation, and unexpected lust, navigating new relationships in the uncertain legacy of sexual liberation. They write frankly about being paralyzed and about going forward. Their poems are honest, beautiful, and accessible. Only poetry can speak such difficult truths and incite such intense empathy. While both men and women understand the bewilderment, solitude, and change of status thrust upon the widowed, women suffer a particular social demotion and isolation. Anyone who has lost a loved one or is involved in helping the bereaved will be able to relate to the experiences conveyed in The Widows’ Handbook.
- GenresPoetry
358 pages, Paperback
First published January 27, 2014
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Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews
March 28, 2014
Some notable writers like Joan Didion and Joyce Carol Oates have published memoirs about their widowhood experiences. Some brilliant poets, Tess Gallagher and Frances McCue among them, have published collections of their own poems about their first year or two of widowhood. The Widows’ Handbook is different—it is the first-ever anthology of poems by widows. No book written by widows on this topic has ever covered such a wide range of widows’ experiences.
Many widows write their way out of despair and grief, distilling in poetry or short prose pieces the strongest feelings they have ever felt. This anthology gathers pieces from more than 80 contemporary women of all ages, having been in all variety of partnerships, from all over the U.S., and even one poet from England. Some of these women are already published widely—including more than a dozen prizewinners, four Pushcart nominees, and two regional poets laureate. Others are less known. For some, like me, this is the first time our work has appeared in print. The book includes a foreword by Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, who was widowed in 2010.
For a widow this book addresses the question: How can we survive when a beloved partner has died? What sustains a newly single woman in a coupled world? In my view, this book is “A Widow’s Companion.” -- it should be by the side of every widow, regardless of how long ago circumstances put them into this category. Once you are in the club, you are in it forever.
You don’t have to be a widow to appreciate this book. Anyone who has lost a loved one will be able to relate to the grief conveyed in The Widows’ Handbook. Perhaps more importantly, though, all of us KNOW people whose spouses have died. Have you ever wondered what to say to this person? Or what NOT to say? This book holds the answers.
The editors -- Jacqueline Lapidus and Lise Menn, had been roommates at Swarthmore. Both were widowed, and both had written poems all her life. Lise visited Jacqueline in 2009 with her poems in hand, and the conceived of the idea for the anthology then. I speak for all of the contributors in thanking them for their hard work and dedication getting this book into print.
Lise and Jacqueline organized the book brilliantly into four sections that align with the stages of widowhood. As shown on your program, 9 of us will be reading poems grouped by theme. Tess Gallagher will then read her poems in this collection.
Many widows write their way out of despair and grief, distilling in poetry or short prose pieces the strongest feelings they have ever felt. This anthology gathers pieces from more than 80 contemporary women of all ages, having been in all variety of partnerships, from all over the U.S., and even one poet from England. Some of these women are already published widely—including more than a dozen prizewinners, four Pushcart nominees, and two regional poets laureate. Others are less known. For some, like me, this is the first time our work has appeared in print. The book includes a foreword by Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, who was widowed in 2010.
For a widow this book addresses the question: How can we survive when a beloved partner has died? What sustains a newly single woman in a coupled world? In my view, this book is “A Widow’s Companion.” -- it should be by the side of every widow, regardless of how long ago circumstances put them into this category. Once you are in the club, you are in it forever.
You don’t have to be a widow to appreciate this book. Anyone who has lost a loved one will be able to relate to the grief conveyed in The Widows’ Handbook. Perhaps more importantly, though, all of us KNOW people whose spouses have died. Have you ever wondered what to say to this person? Or what NOT to say? This book holds the answers.
The editors -- Jacqueline Lapidus and Lise Menn, had been roommates at Swarthmore. Both were widowed, and both had written poems all her life. Lise visited Jacqueline in 2009 with her poems in hand, and the conceived of the idea for the anthology then. I speak for all of the contributors in thanking them for their hard work and dedication getting this book into print.
Lise and Jacqueline organized the book brilliantly into four sections that align with the stages of widowhood. As shown on your program, 9 of us will be reading poems grouped by theme. Tess Gallagher will then read her poems in this collection.
September 30, 2017
A wonderful collection of poems by widows about the whole bereavement process. A good friend--a widow--gave it to me and it has been a great help to me during my grieving. I'm not a big poetry reader, but this was SO worth the time to read.
April 13, 2014
I first got involved in this book because my stepmother, Lise Menn, is one of the editors and contributing poets. I was supportive and admiring--- but I had no idea what I was in for.
I realized that NO ONE has written a book like this before. The widow experience today is still taboo. You are supposed to be old, pious, stoic after initial tears, two-dimensional, heterosexual, (but not particularly sexual)--- and stick to your knitting. Well, screw that!
I have never lost a long-time partner. It is different from the loss of a parent. You are not the child. You are the lover, the confidante, the peer like none other.
Had I ever considered myself among their circle, considered this particular intimacy with mortality? Well... I do now. At 56, my age today, it’s right on time.
For those of you wondering about the caliber of the work, it collction features some of our best women poets working in the English language today: Mary Oliver, Tess Gallagher, Maxine Kumin, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, (!) Sandra Gilbert, Regina Murray Brault, Ann Cefola, Patricia Fargnoli, Jane Hayman, Laura Manuelidus, Ann McGovern, Ellen Steinbaum, Phyllis Wax... and many women I’d never heard of before, but am now in awe of.
I knew this book was a labor of love, and loss, but I didn’t realize what a nerve it would strike. It has been on bestselling poetry, inspiration, readers lists since it came out. I work in publishing, and it just makes you realize: THIS is not going to stay under the covers anymore. I am so proud of all of them.
I realized that NO ONE has written a book like this before. The widow experience today is still taboo. You are supposed to be old, pious, stoic after initial tears, two-dimensional, heterosexual, (but not particularly sexual)--- and stick to your knitting. Well, screw that!
I have never lost a long-time partner. It is different from the loss of a parent. You are not the child. You are the lover, the confidante, the peer like none other.
Had I ever considered myself among their circle, considered this particular intimacy with mortality? Well... I do now. At 56, my age today, it’s right on time.
For those of you wondering about the caliber of the work, it collction features some of our best women poets working in the English language today: Mary Oliver, Tess Gallagher, Maxine Kumin, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, (!) Sandra Gilbert, Regina Murray Brault, Ann Cefola, Patricia Fargnoli, Jane Hayman, Laura Manuelidus, Ann McGovern, Ellen Steinbaum, Phyllis Wax... and many women I’d never heard of before, but am now in awe of.
I knew this book was a labor of love, and loss, but I didn’t realize what a nerve it would strike. It has been on bestselling poetry, inspiration, readers lists since it came out. I work in publishing, and it just makes you realize: THIS is not going to stay under the covers anymore. I am so proud of all of them.
July 28, 2025
My husband of 61 years passed away May 23. I don't know who to be without him, but I am glad he is no longer suffering. The last two years, watching cancer slowly steal him away, were hard. Since the funeral, it's a different kind of hard. I'm still feeling my way into what it feels like to be a widow. I have support, a loving family who would do anything for me. All I have to do is ask. But I don't know what to ask for. I don't know what I want. I don't know who I am.
The Widow's Handbook has helped me. The poems and short prose pieces each speak to a different aspect of being a widow, a different emotion you didn't expect, an intensity you weren't ready for. I guess it helps to read the musings of these other widows because it tells me I am normal. Others have felt the same as I do now. And some of them have moved on to enjoy a different kind of life.
One of my favorites begins "This morning I remember to wash my hair." That one sent me to the mirror and, yes, I did wash my hair. A baby step. Remembering to browse Goodreads, to write a review, is another baby step. I was sixteen when we married. It isn't going to happen overnight.
November 30, 2019
It's obvious that not all the writers included in this anthology are professional writers. But in a way, that's a plus--the rawness of their feelings and emotions comes through without much literary filter. There are poems (and poets) here that are rough around the edges, and others that are incredibly accomplished. All of the women, though, are writing about the loss of a spouse or partner, and all the changes that brings to their lives. Every aspect of those challenges is covered here--loneliness, sleeplessness, moving house, the thoughtless consolations of well-meaning friends, dating again, and omnipresent grief and sorrow. If you have lost a partner, this volume may help you feel there are others who understand.
Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews