Nobody Passes: Rejecting the Rules of Gender and Conformity

by Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore

Nobody Passes is a collection of essays that confronts and challenges the very notion of belonging. By examining the perilous intersections of identity, categorization, and community, contributors challenge societal mores and countercultural norms. Nobody Passes explores and critiques the various systems of power seen (or not seen) in the act of "passing." In a pass-fail situation, standards for acceptance may vary, but somebody always gets trampled on. This anthology seeks to eliminate the pressure to pass and thereby unearth the delicious and devastating opportunities for transformation that might create.
Mattilda, aka Matt Bernstein Sycamore, has a history of editing anthologies based on brazen nonconformity and gender defiance. Mattilda sets out to ask the question, "What lies are people forced to tell in order to gain acceptance as 'real'." The answers are as varied as the life experiences of the writers who tackle this urgent and essential topic.

Genres: Queer, Nonfiction, Gender, LGBT, Feminism, Essays, Transgender

362 pages, Kindle Edition

First published November 6, 2006

About the author

Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore is the award-winning author of The Freezer Door, a New York Times Editors’ Choice, one of Oprah Magazine’s Best LGBTQ Books of 2020, and a finalist for the PEN/Jean Stein Book Award. Winner of a Lambda Literary Award and an American Library Association Stonewall Honor Book, she’s the author of three novels and three nonfiction titles, and the editor of six nonfiction anthologies, most recently Between Certain Death and a Possible Future: Queer Writing on Growing Up with the AIDS Crisis. Sycamore lives in Seattle, and her new book, Touching the Art, will be released on November 7, 2023.

Reviews

[zaynab · Rating 5 out of 5]

Interestingly enough, I bought this book in undergrad, lent it to a floormate who made art with lint, and never got it back. I bought a used copy in 2019, in an effort to recollect the anthologies and books of my youthful coming out, but didn't read it until now. Mattilda has always been one of my favorite anthology editors, and this anthology did not disappoint. In an age where so many anthologies about non-binary experience are being produced (with mixed reviews), it felt good to return to an anthology that arguably laid the groundwork for contemporary iterations of discourse. A must read for anyone who is attempting to navigate liminal spaces of overlapping layers, and what it means to really "go your own way."

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sometimes, I have trouble reading non-fiction at a decent pace. I'm far more of a fiction reader, and so it is usually very easy for me to take weeks to finish a book like this.

Except I read all of this one in less than three days, because it was that awesome.

Like all collections of this sort, there were some essays that weren't quite as good as the others. In this case, though, there wasn't a single one I thought was bad- just some that were vaguely incoherent in what they were trying to say. But mixed among them were some truly outstanding and moving pieces.

It's a really diverse and interesting collection that deals with passing in all sorts of ways- gender, sexuality, race, religion, and beyond. No matter what your identity, there's almost certainly something here that will speak to you. Some of the essays affected me so powerfully, I felt unable to put the book down even for a second until I was done.

This is a fantastic book, and I highly recommend it.

[Amy · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really wanted to like this book. I love the work that Mattilda does to fight assimilation and the erasure of an honest queer culture. I find stories of how people are read by others and how that structures and shapes interactions to be fascinating. I quite purposefully don't pass as much and when I do, I'm always a bit amused at the interaction. I'll be honest - this book was A LOT OF WHINING. And posturing. I don't need to read pages about how you are "really butch" or "really biracial" - just say you are and talk about how it affects your social interactions with various groups. Ugh. It was like almost every story was a preface to something that was about to get interesting but too long a preface. Really, I wish Mattilda just wrote the whole thing because she's far more interesting a writer than anyone here - I commend her to to giving a voice to such a broad spectrum of people in terms of what it means to pass/not pass but, with a couple of exceptions, her generosity led to a really boring book.

[Joshua · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredible,

there may be a few essays in here that are a bit dull and don't go anywhere, but the majority are outstanding. Such a variety of perspectives from different backgrounds and different issues, the only thing I felt was lacking was a bisexual - oriented essay, but this is only a minor, personal complaint. The connection this gives to so many different sexualities, gender expressions, gender identities and races really reinforces the commonality in the issue of passing, and the way in which our attempts cause us pain.

Can't praise this book enough

[Lulu Joanis · Rating 3 out of 5]

My first experience with Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore: I appreciate her radical politics, such as Gay Shame, a way for queer folks to distance themselves from archaic notions that the goals of queer activism are the assimilation and gentrification of gay communities.

Much of the essays that deal with sex are sex-obsessed. Many of them are valid, especially those from sex workers ("Origins" by Kirk Read, for example, absolutely enraptured me), but others conflate queerness with sexuality, and prioritize the latter over the former (even though passing is almost entirely a gender construction: gender in public, sexuality in private). With the anthology's revolutionary ethos, and so many conflicting points of view within racial, ethnic, and queer communities, I was disappointed at the complete lack of ace rep (kudos for the kink rep, though).

Some highlights were "Pino's Father" by Tommi Avicolli Mecca, a cutting vignette of a fellow activist's abusive father; "Trans-Portation" by musician Terre Thaemlitz, a multi-modal examination of the citizenship and travel difficulties that trans people systemically face; "Behind These Mascaraed Eyes: Passing Life in Prison" by Nikki Lee Diamond; and "Why Mahmud Can't be a Pilot" by Naeem Mohaiemen.

As you can see, a plethora of intersections and experiences that illustrate the "passing problem" faced by trans and diaspora communities (Okie, Jewish, & Arab identities as not-quite-white, for example).

With all of this in mind, I would rate this anthology 4-stars, but there is one essay included that I cannot forgive:

“The End of Genderqueer” by Rocko Bulldagger.

Her overall argument seemed, to me at least, to be a bit hypocritical; she builds an argument around gender as self-determination, and then complains that people use the word "genderqueer" in certain individualistic, personalized ways.

In her list of “Top Ten People Most Excluded from Your Genderqueer Scene” she includes “Transwomen and others who insist on continuing to use female pronouns in this day and age”—which is unbelievably judgmental and smarmy, holy shit—and “People who aren’t kissing your ass right now.”

So, yeah, for someone preaching “tolerance for those who do not understand us” and “caring for each other,” she is really holier-than-thou towards people who, Goddess forbid, want to self-identify with a term she does not understand. Four more short complaints.

1. “I want genderqueer to be not only an umbrella term for those who reject M or F, but also an umbrella term for all those who queer their gender.” That's like, "I want rectangle to be a term that includes squares." Bestie, it does that by default.

2. She cites her sources, but her sources only include gay-male-centric magazines and, worse, cishets from mainstream media outlets; she should be directing her anger towards queer representation in media, and not queers themselves.

3. Her definition is even more exclusive and reductive when keeping in mind people on the ace-spectrum. This is an issue I have with the anthology as a whole, as aforementioned but Bulldagger represents the worst of it: as she says, “gender is the stuff of our sexual identities.” But it isn't. Like, definitionally.

4. She uses the phrase “gleefully exposing the underage to sexually explicit material” which is, obviously, so gross. Given the context—a utopian memory of the by-gone days of genderqueer conferences before her supposed exclusion from them—she seems to believe that's a genuine positive.

All that said, I cannot get enough of Sycamore's queer criticism. For better AND for worse, she cultivated deep thinking on how identity and expression become entangled in cisheteronormativity and capitalism.

[Jenny · Rating 4 out of 5]

Although this book is 10 years old, many of those essays could take place today. Reading, I could see here and there details that have changed over the years (in Canada at least), but we are still far from being able to say most of these people could "pass" without performing an act that is not inherently them.

Once again with books from the early 2000s, the words "they/them" seem to not have existed to qualify a person whose gender is known, even if that gender doesn't fit the society-recognized binary. Makes for a harder read ("s/he" is just awful to see, grammar-wise) and reinforce the impression that people outside the gender binary don't fit in, although they should.

[Ambrose Hall · Rating 5 out of 5]

Nobody Passes is about gender, but it’s also about all the many other ways that people can pass or fail to pass in their lives. It’s a collection of essays, stories, conversations and interviews by all sorts of people that Mattilda has brought together, and it covers class, race, religion, sexuality and gender. It’s quite specific to US culture, but I found gaining a closer and more personal insight into US identity politics really interesting, especially as we (in the UK) import many of these ideas anyway.

Importantly, Nobody Passes is one of those important books in my life that has given me a bit of extra space to breathe and be. There’s such a very great pressure to fit in, in so many ways. That pressure hits everyone, not just trans people. Mainstream gender narratives alone do so much violence, twisting us to be an ideal thing, a symbol of something. To be read in the correct way. This book shows identity as complex and slippery, as something difficult to fit neatly, and most importantly, as something we get to make for ourselves, even thought that making might come with a fight.

If I ever read another guide to passing, it will be too soon, but this I will read again. I’m definitely going to look for more of Mattilda’s work.

(From my blog: https://mrvolpone.wordpress.com/ )

[Rachel · Rating 3 out of 5]

This anthology is a very mixed bag--the author also rejected rules of what to include. So most stories are about gender, but others are about any differences that cause difficulties. That would be fine, if broad, as a theme. But the quality is very uneven. For me (maybe not other readers), there is way too much self-righteous convoluted conceptual thinking, to the point of polemic. Some of it is political correctness that denigrates other people's ideas of what is politically correct. Worse, much of it is boring. I agree with almost all the contributors, but I'd hoped for something more interesting. The stories of personal experiences illustrated the point of the book most effectively, and some of those were excellent.

[Megan Hex · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a book of essays which started out as a work about gender and ended up including race, religion, sexuality, ad a few other things. All the works center around the idea of passing: who can and can't, feelings of whether one should or shouldn't, and what do you give up in order to do so. I'm nonbinary and I will never be able to pass as what I am, but instead often unintentionally pass for something else; reading the experiences of others with these lines we blur was an interesting experience for me.

[Corvus · Rating 5 out of 5]

With how much queer politics change and how fast they evolve, I sometimes wonder if anthologies more than a couple of years old will still touch me today. This one definitely does. As usual, Matthilda's anthology has surpassed my expectations, creating a diverse range of issues and related identity in which we (don't) pass each day. There wasn't a single essay in this that I didn't thoroughly enjoy. And I related to many personally.

[s_evan · Rating 3 out of 5]

an assortment of essays on different topics of "passing" and critiquing social constructs of gender, some that are better than others, but all offer insight to the topic. also, does not soley look at gender but also intersections with race, sexual orientation and class. very interesting and thought provoking.

[Bluestocking06 · Rating 5 out of 5]

This books takes everything you think you know about queer theory and feminism and identity politics, connects it all, rearranges it, and spits it all out in a thought provoking never before seen way. No one will hold your hand as you try to understand how being FTM makes someone understand their mixed latina heritage, all you can do is try to keep up and keep your mind open.

[Paige · Rating 3 out of 5]

(3.5)
A mixed bag of essays, some enlightening and some confusing or a little off the mark. Content warnings for sexual assault, incest, homophobia, transphobia.

[eugene · Rating 5 out of 5]

najlepsia kniha aku som za dlhu dobu precital, zmenila mi pohlad ako na passing itself tak na na rozne formy a temy ktore sa passing tykaju:3 purr

[Elagabalus · Rating 4 out of 5]

As with many anthologies, the essays here can be very good-or-bad, depending on what's being talked about, what the writer's experiences are - and specific to this book: how it relates to the concept of passing. In my reading, I feel there are about 10 good essays out of 27 total. But those ten are mostly really fantastic.

First, let's talk about the bad stuff. The essays I didn't like were typically the ones written by self-entitled name-reclaimers missing the point. For example, in "Passing Last Summer" written by Dominika Bednarska, the writer, a wheelchair-bound person, says "...now I also say cr***le to refer transgressively to other disabled people who are wheelchair users." It is not transgressive to use an ableist slur in this case, and slurs in general, toward people other than oneself. It perpetuates the violence of those words and creates an element of imperialism in which a marginalized person takes on the slur-saying duties that are usually reserved for creeps we need to identify and push out of society like a sliver.

Throughout this book, there are other slurs people seem self-entitled to reclaim for everyone else in that grouping. I often came across the 't' word in reference to transgender people, such as in Rocko Bulldagger's otherwise quite good essay about gq criticism. There also seems to be a perpetuation of binarism, with Carole Mcdonnell using that ignorant phrase 'his/her,' again in an otherwise educating essay. Dean Spade does some great things for our community, but his essay was among the most intense. For a community struggling with survival, I think it best to be sensitive in our writings and in our recognition of the dangers of being variant.

Finally, there were also numerous environments of hyper-sexuality to the point of implying nonconsent and exploitation by other gender non-conforming people. For example, in Rocko Bulldagger's analysis of problems within the trans community, Rocko seems to not recognize personal analysis and criticism of Rocko's own hypersexualized behaviour toward minors. In the essay "the end of gq", Rocko says that, among other sexually intense behaviours at True Spirit conference, there were people incl. Rocko who were "gleefully exposing the underages to sexually explicit material," and finally described all this as "beautiful and consequently could never last." Rocko also mentions the conference drew homeless queer youth. Did they offer housing for these kids, or just show them pornography? Would we as a community want hyper-sexualised individuals such as Rocko to be housing our youth and potentially exploiting them like the oppressor class does? I'm beginning to consider sexuality as, rather than something liberating and radical like these people seem to think, as instead stifling, distracting, and perpetuating oppression particularly toward youth-without-housing.

--

Now, on to the good stuff. My favorite essays, and short reasons for them, are, in no preferential order:
*Reaching too Far/Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore (as focused and confidence-building as usual, but she uses a couple times the r-word in relation to sexual violence)
*All Mixed Up With No Place to Go/Nico Dacumos (goes deeply into how gender and race defines our experiences, along with internal divisions, but at one point [p.33] makes creepy sexually violent comments toward the reader, among other things)
*Friction Burn/Stacy May Fowls (an interesting introduction to her experiences trying to pass as the 'good girl' character while balancing her personal life with her public feminism. Discusses her connection with BDSM as a consequence of her survival of domestic violence [talk of nonconsent p.45])
*Who's That Wavin' That Flag?/Jessica Hoffman (gives some perspective on the immigrant workers’ movements, their homogenization of the movement’s cultures by the upper-class ‘patriots’.)
*Different Types of Hunger/Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz (gives some excellent historical perspective on the long ongoing cycle of oppression by working- and middle-class white folks, particularly those descended of the ulster scot imperialists)
*What I Learned From Being G-Minus In The World of Homohop Commerce/Ralowe T. Ampu, DDS (really well-written critique of the gay bourgeoisie, which he witnessed personally in san francisco during his musical career there with the D/DC)
*No Longer Just America/Stephanie Abraham (another really good essay by a mixed-race gender-variant who struggles with personal identity and public reception)
*The End of Genderqueer/Rocko Bulldagger (obviously offended by several things in this essay, but the analysis of the term gq, what gender and passing mean when one’s identity is to break down the concept of passing, etc, these are all great things to read)
*Melchizedek’s Three Rings/Carole Mcdonnell (some great information about how to simultaneously pass and express oneself effectively in a group of people different from oneself who may be silencing and ignorant of that person’s existence)
*Why Mahmud Can’t Be a Pilot/Naeem Mohaiemen (another sad story about cultural loss due to migration and assimilation, but also an encouraging story of this person’s striving toward learning more about themselves through their cultures)

So, overall, when moving past the bad stuff, the essays I enjoyed, I really enjoyed. I will continue to evolve because of having read this book, and will seek out many more like it and hopefully even better than it as this is what we as a 'community' of variant people must be striving toward.

[Kevin · Rating 5 out of 5]

mega good doporucuju vsem precist

[Charlie · Rating 4 out of 5]

There were a couple essays I had to skip because of triggering content, but overall this is a really good collection, with a lot of sincere and very vulnerable parts. I cried a couple times. It was really interesting seeing all the different ways the authors explored the concept of passing (and not "just" issues related to being trans), as well as how passing has affected the authors' lives and their perceptions of themselves. The essays by people of multiple ethnicities were often the most engaging, especially when those people also identified as trans and/or nonbinary.

There was this part in "F2Mestizo", by Logan Gutierrez-Mock, in which he mentions going to a meeting with the Lavender Youth Recreation and Information Center (LYRIC). In one activity, the people who showed up were "separated... into two groups--white folks and folks of color--in order to discuss race. I didn't know what group to join", Logan writes, "so I asked one of the facilitators. She was mixed, and thankfully she suggested that we form our own mixed group--she and I. For the first time ever in my life, I had a discussion about mixed-race identities." That was a part that made me cry... they were happy tears, though, like a lot of the ones I shed while reading this.

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a dizzying collection of narratives from all across identities.

I loved the variety in narrative style, ranging from coolly academic to deeply and dramatically personal. Mattilda does an excellent job bringing voices from all across the map together to collaborate (or really, collectively deconstruct) identity politics. So many of the essays in this collection express a simultaneous anguish over not passing and a conscious rejection of the boundaries and expectations placed upon us as humans of any identity. It reads at times like a short story and at times like a history textbook, but the diversity of voices brings a constantly refreshing tone to the work and kept me tearing all the way through it.

I think this collection is an excellent jumping off point for any discussion, personal consideration, or academic inquiry into identity and what it means to "pass".

[viktor · Rating 2 out of 5]

FINALLY FREE! i was not satisfied with a majority of these essays. part of the fault is mine for hurriedly choosing this book to read for a school project without looking thoroughly at reviews and synopses. i felt like most of the essays were either repetitions of previous points, or irrelevant to the theme of "passing". it really felt like the editor just accepted any essays that were sent in, no matter how poorly written or, for lack of a better word, whiny. there was a percentage of essays that were really just people airing their grievances with their local lgbt communities with some academic language thrown in, and these really overshadowed the few genuinely good essays that were in here.

[Ryan Mishap · Rating 3 out of 5]

This anthology collects various stories about "passing": as white, as able-bodied, as straight, as normal.... Mattilda didn't put any restrictions on the definition, so the authors were free to interpret passing in their own way based on their experiences and current realities. With all anthologies like this, you get some great pieces, some okay ones, a couple that read like beginning college class papers, and a couple that are just personal snippets. The topic is a fascinating and large one and there is enough good stuff here to hold anybody's interest so check it out.

[K · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was very interesting! I learned so much and I'm actually glad I got a chance to read this! I want to read more books about gender studies and sexuality!

I did only give this book 3 stars because while some of the essays were absolutely incredible and held my attention like non other, some of the essays were super bland and I couldn't even read them.

I'm not doing a review, I don't think, I don't know yet, because I have to do a book review for a class, idk I might just post it. Right now, I'm just happy to be able to read what I please!

But overall, this book was good!

[Cyrée Jarelle Jarelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of my favorite books of all time. Changed what I thought made gender relevant and wasnt afraid to be critical of dominant queer paradigms.

My favorite essay is "The End of Genderqueer" by Rocko Bulldagger, and it has only gotten more prescient as time went on. Should be read in every gender studies class.

Also give Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore her flowers while she's here--modern, anarchist queer theory would not be what it is without her and not enough people say so. To say this book changed my life is to say too little.

[Karolina · Rating 3 out of 5]

A lot of great stories that made me stop and think about how society perceives/treats certain groups of people. However, a lot of these stories came off as people complaining about not being understood? At the end of the day, who cares what others think of you?

Either way, these are all conversations we need to have in order to be better to and more understanding of others.

[John Carter McKnight · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just what an anthology should be: diverse, utterly readable, thought-provoking, of generally high and uniform quality. Nobody Passes is a can't-put-down tour de force of race, gender and cultural queering, eye-opening, provocative, moving, often hilarious. Really just a wonderful, readable book.

[Kami · Rating 3 out of 5]

some of the essays are great. some are weak.

[Gretchen · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5...This book made me reflect upon how I view my gender identity even more so than I have before. Didn't think that was possible!

[Anastasia Tsekeris · Rating 4 out of 5]

This anthology was so refreshing. There’s so much more to this book than just the run-of-the-mill story of passing within the context of sexuality and gender (which tbh, was all I expected out of this at first). Sycamore has joined together a myriad of tales in which we feel we must assimilate, we try try try, and often fail. These essays are so perfectly assembled in complement to one another. These stories are nuanced! Problematic at times! Unsavory! Sexually deviant and weird and for sure uncomfortable but also really really true and honest. I’m grateful for the writers who contributed to this anthology for their earnestness and lived experience. It had me questioning a lot about my own conformity, most profoundly, my own attempt to assimilate into communities I built in order to not have to conform at all. Phew…

Some of my favorite pieces were - Different Types of Hunger: Finding My Way Through Generations of Okie Migration, My Kind of Cruising, and F2MESTIZO.

[Erin Crane · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was not what I expected, but was pretty good. It’s a collection of essays, but they are really memoir-ish snippets. This isn’t a work of theory as much as a collection of personal stories.

Because the theme of the book is “passing” in many different ways, I found most of the essays interesting and fresh. I’m glad it wasn’t only about gender because it ended up being more informative and challenging.

I appreciated the essay about BDSM and the couple about sex work the most, especially the second to last essay.

[Maya · Rating 5 out of 5]

perspectives and stories from queer folks discussing their experiences with "passing" as queers etc etc etc.

i really liked the range of this book. It was written when i was 9, but reads as it was written today. Some of the verbiage around transness is outdated. Reading the history of language around queerness and attitudes toward groups etc. really informs the way things are now. glad i picked it up.

[Asher · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved this anthology: for the most part. There were a few chapters that struck me as very odd additions to it. While not every contributor is a member of the LGBTQ community, there are only two or so chapters where that fact felt jarring or out of place. Specifically, the chapter about being cishet and a sadomasochist, and the chapter near the end by a cishet man who spent the whole chapter lamenting how sad it is people have thought hes queer his whole life, but he's not.