Jump to ratings and reviews
Rate this book

Demons, Dolls, & Milkshakes

Rate this book
ADVANCED PRAISE FOR DEMONS, DOLLS, and MILKSHAKES

“Delightfully gory and laugh out loud funny, Demons, Dolls, & Milkshakes will keep you reading and have you reaching for a cigarette when you're done.”
- C Bryan Brown author of NECROMANCER

“The modern and plain dialogue is oddly unsettling, slyly aligning you with the worst ideas before you realize what kind of hell-ride you got on. Pyles blends friendship and hatred, betrayal and lust with demonology, necrophilia and the biggest sigh in the world into one bloody smooth shake.”
- Lydia Peever author of NIGHTFACE

"Demons, Dolls, & Milkshakes was an awesome read. Excellent dialogue, excellent storyline, hilarious and really well done... Now I want a pocket-sized demon of my own, which I will call Pooky."

- Mandy DeGeit author of THIS ONLY HAPPENS IN THE MOVIES

___________________________________

After years of watching horror movies, Kat Dougherty has learned one true thing about the supernatural.

Demons are dicks.

And the biggest dick of them all just showed up at her house, trapped inside an ugly six-inch doll. If there’s one thing that will piss off an unemployed, unhappy chain smoker more than anything, it’s a six-inch dick running amok in her house.

Maybe a little background first…

Kat returns home from getting creature comforts to ride out a snow storm in Pittsburgh. She has cigarettes, a milkshake, horror movies and an ugly little doll that was given to her by a friend. As she starts her first movie, the doll comes to life and begins to make demands for a new body to occupy. Being an irrational and desensitized girl, she flatly refuses. After all, what’s so scary about an ugly six inch doll?

The doll, who calls itself Stitch, tells Kat of how he came to be and where he came from; a place scarier than hell itself.

New Jersey


The demon who would become Stitch is conjured into the doll by a confused teenaged boy named Marty. Although technically this makes Marty a demon master, he has no idea of the power he has, or the kind of evil that kind of power attracts. Soon, people start dying and other demons show up, looking for Marty’s pet demon. All the while, Stitch looks for a way to transfer himself into a larger body or at least get the hell away from the kid he has to call ‘Master.’

As the body count rises and the demons circle ever closer, a creature that may or may not be the Almighty arrives to ‘fix’ everything. Which means horrible things for Stitch who finds himself stuck in the doll until he learns to be humble. An impossible task if you’re a demon like Stitch.

Kat, taking pity on the sad little doll thingy, decides to help Stitch; a decision they both seem to regret almost instantly as once again, demons and evil minions start showing up at Kat’s house looking to destroy Stitch and anyone who might be helping him.

See? Dicks. The whole supernatural lot of them.

Can Kat hold herself together to get through a day filled with demons, death, violence and extreme terror?

Only if there’s a milkshake waiting for her at the end of it. Maybe.

253 pages, Kindle Edition

First published August 29, 2013

8 people are currently reading
43 people want to read

About the author

Nelson W. Pyles

21 books25 followers
Nelson is an author/novelist living in Pittsburgh PA. His work has appeared alongside Harlan Ellison, Meg Hafdahl, F Paul Wilson, Tim Waggoner, Mike Arnzen, Jessica McHugh, and Jack Ketchum,

His collection ALL THESE STEPS LEAD DOWN will be released in October 2024 from Cold War Radio Press.

His novels DEMONS DOLLS AND MILKSHAKES, SPIDERS IN THE DAFFODILS are available from Burning Bulb Publishing as is his first collection EVERYTHING HERE IS A NIGHTMARE

Nelson is also a voice actor, musician and created The Wicked Library. You can find more of his work at
whatnelsonwrites.com

Ratings & Reviews

What do you think?
Rate this book

Friends & Following

Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!

Community Reviews

5 stars
18 (47%)
4 stars
14 (36%)
3 stars
4 (10%)
2 stars
1 (2%)
1 star
1 (2%)
Displaying 1 - 18 of 18 reviews
Profile Image for Laurie  (barksbooks).
1,963 reviews809 followers
January 19, 2017
Who wouldn’t want a sarcastic little demon of their very own? Especially one who is at your beck and call, subservient to your every whim, small enough to stick in your pocket and who has the ability to inflict great pain and suffering upon those who have done you oh-so-wrong.

 photo 1ba86a54-8425-4269-be8b-8d86dd590418_zps7b2d0719.gif
Image Courtesy of vamp1967.deviantart

I know you want one!

Martin is in possession of a book called “Raising Demons” and he and his two dim-witted acquaintances decide that raising a demon and forcing him inside a tiny, poorly constructed totem is a brilliant idea. Martin plans to use this demon for nefarious purposes such as ridding himself of his high school tormentors and such. Surprisingly Martin succeeds but now he’s gone and opened up a world of hurt and finds himself at the center of a demon feud. He’s still a miserable young fool but now he’s stuck with an annoying as hell demon too.

Sometimes life just isn’t fair.

My advice to angry, hurting teens everywhere? If you stumble across a book titled “Raising Demons” leave it be and call in the pros.



Bad things occur. Oh, such terrible, revolting things (cannibalism, mutilation, necrophilia and more!). These are demons, after all. Fortunately, the writing doesn’t linger long enough on those horrible things to disturb one too deeply. It’s all written a little tongue in cheek, splashed with a good amount of gore and a whole lotta “you get what you wished for, sucker!” and I liked it quite a bit. The characters are lively and most of them are very sarcastic and that’s always a win in my book.

I’m a hard sell when it comes to funny though. I may snicker at silliness and human follies but laughing at words on a page doesn’t happen often for me. Most of the story was amusing when it wasn’t busy being horrifying but it didn’t make me spit out my coffee or laugh like a loon. But there’s this one scene where the little demon decides to be a nosy mofo and goes through a female characters text messages just because he’s a jerk. He soon realizes that he messed with the wrong girl and it was Hilarious. Totally made the entire book for me.

This was a fun, nasty little adventure filled romp and If you like such things something might be wrong with you but who am I to judge? Check it out.
Profile Image for Rich Jr..
Author 23 books40 followers
January 27, 2014
It was British historian Sir John Dalberg-Acton who once wrote “Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.”
Beneath the cute title of ‘Demons, Dolls, & Milkshakes,’ and the humorous approach to demonic fantasy, there is an underlying theme of power and corruption in Nelson W. Pyles's debut novel.
When a bullied teenager from New Jersey named Marty conjures a demonic spirit of the underworld to help him wreak vengeance upon his unsuspecting peers, he ends up getting more than he bargained for. And later, when an unsuspecting young woman in a Pittsburgh comic book shop bargains for an ugly doll, she ends up getting the discarded demon from Marty’s failed conjuring.
Just like in a marriage, where you not only marry your spouse, but you also marry into your spouse’s family, Marty didn’t count on encountering a denizen of demons when he performed a sacred ritual to raise just one little devil and transport its essence into a rag doll named Stitch.
Demon Master Marty’s goal of annihilating his classmates is soon side-tracked when his demon’s demonic brother and his demonic love interest follow Stitch to the East Coast’s version of hell on earth, specifically New Jersey. Marty soon realizes that both Stitch and his brother Azaziel are focused on having power over the demoness Lilith and ultimately taking over the demon god Cabal’s netherworldly kingdom, while Lilith strikes back against everyone involved in the power grab, including a number of innocent human bystanders.
When Cabal enters the mix to be entertained by the back-stabbing demons, who he has purposely made emotionally unstable, poor Marty’s world spirals out of control and he eventually learns the hard way that you just can’t trust a demon.
So, what entity can possibly untangle the tangled webs weaved by Marty’s and Cabal’s abuse of power and the conflicting ambitions of the other demons? Enter an unemployed twenty-something chain-smoking milkshake-loving comic book and horror enthusiast named Kat. But how is a young lady like Kat qualified to sort out the whole worldly and otherworldly messes that the other characters have gotten themselves into? Simple: She’s not obsessed with power and control, so she’s able to see beyond all the meaningless infighting and posturing.
As you can see, this plot is quite complex, but Pyles pulls it off brilliantly, keeping the story moving and adding enough humor and suspense to make the book extremely entertaining. The author keeps the initial dual storylines (New Jersey and Pittsburgh) distinctly separate at first (Stitch being the only common thread, excuse the pun), but is then able to bring all the components together in the last third of the novel for a thrilling climax worthy of an encounter with a demon seductress like Lilith.
Perhaps the character Kat was familiar with Irish philosopher Edmund Burke and his observation that “The greater the power, the more dangerous the abuse.”
Profile Image for Myk Pilgrim.
Author 17 books71 followers
December 12, 2018
I have chuckled and guffawed for the entire duration of this book.
It's all the things that I want horror fiction to be.
Proper review to follow soon.

**Proper review:
If you're a sick puppy like me (and I know I am) then this book is EXACTLY your sort of thing.
A demonic doll with a thing for ears, reanimated corpses hungry for a little something extra, a chain-smoking goth gal with a black belt in armchair psychology, severed limbs (and nipples), random possessions, a smoking hot red-head, and buckets and buckets of blood.
I have done nothing but chuckle, right to the last page.
Author 3 books2 followers
July 8, 2014
Nelson W. Pyles does a great job of sucking the reader into the story and keeping you there.

Obviously, the title promises demons will be showing up at some point, and they do. But, I loved the way Mr. Pyles starts his story in a grounded reality we can all relate to - before he turns the corner into the weird and compelling world where Stitch and his fellow Fallen reside.

The first chapter sets the scene and allows you to instantly fall in love with Kat, who's preparing for a bad Pittsburgh snow storm. Unlike her fellow Pittsburghers, she forgoes the milk, toilet paper, and bread and goes out for horror movies, cigarettes and a milkshake. As far as she knows, she's in for a boring, but normal day (or two), snowed in with nothing better to do than enjoy a milkshake, smoke too many cigarettes, and watch a few discount-bin DVDs. Once she's starting to feel comfortable and thinks maybe it's not going to be such a bad day after all, things change and the author steps on the gas.

From then on, all bets are off as the story crosses dimensions and state-lines, challenges misconceptions, and gets strange and wonderful. The tale wastes no time on things that don't matter as it continues to build intensity toward until the climax. It's carefully crafted and everything you read is important to get you to the final destination.

Without giving away the plot or the fun and scary surprises Pyles has in store for you, you can expect to have a soft spot for at least one sighing, frustrated demon by the end of the book. Be careful though, your feelings that Stitch may not be such a dick after all could be dangerous - especially once you find out who he really is.

This is a great debut novel by a storyteller who knows his audience and knows how to tell a compelling tale. I'm looking forward to more from this author. I know he's going to be at Pittsburgh's Horror Realm Festival this March and I'm looking forward to that as well!

Buy it, read it and love it. If you get the chance, read it during a snowstorm - with a milkshake by your side if at all possible.
Profile Image for C. Bryan Brown.
Author 17 books17 followers
December 19, 2013
Nelson W Pyles’ story lives up to the tagline “all demons are d*cks” and that’s a very good thing.

My brain kept thinking of an appropriate movie quote from Die Hard 2:

McClane: I was wrong about you. You’re not such an a-hole after all.
Grant: No, you were right. I’m just your kind of a-hole.

Full of gory, bloody horror and truly funny moments, this book ranks in the elite as far as horror/comedy goes. I found myself rooting for Stitch throughout this book and that’s a good thing; I know what it’s like to be an unpopular teenager, have siblings you’d like to kill, and to have a father who thinks it’s fun to torture me. But didn’t we all feel that way at some point? And that’s the beauty of Demons, Dolls, and Milkshakes. Pyles lets us look at these issues through blood-tinted glasses and then chortle about them.

The dialogue is razor sharp and cuts a clean, believable line; the characters are all unique and entertaining and Pyles takes the story into places you’ll never guess. This isn’t your typical demon infesting a doll and killing the milkshake drinker book; it’s far superior and is well worth the read.

Stitch is definitely my kind of a-hole and he’s probably yours, too. Check him out today!
Profile Image for Gary Vincent.
Author 42 books32 followers
December 21, 2013
Not your Disney’s “Stitch”

When I heard that the nemesis of this book was an ugly doll named Stitch, I thought to myself, “Crap Nelson, I loved your work in "The Big Book of Bizarro" and "Westward Hoes," but please tell me you’re not doing Disney fan fiction?”

Just kidding, of course. "Demons, Dolls, & Milkshakes" is a far cry from Lilo and Stitch and definitely NOT a children’s story.

Pyles does not disappoint in blending several highly unlikely elements into a cohesive, shall I say “Milkshake” of pure literary entertainment.

Being that the demon is from New Jersey makes the story far more believable and almost realistic.
Nelson did a good job with this Bizarro-meets-horror-comedy piece. It’s definitely worth checking out and a far cry from bland. Have yourself a good chuckle and pick it up.

- Gary Lee Vincent, Author “Darkened Hills”
Profile Image for Jeanette A.
18 reviews2 followers
August 8, 2015
I absolutely loved this book.

It was dark, it was snarky, and the writing style make me feel right at home, as if I were reading some of my favorite Holly Black stories or "Mr. Begone" by Clive Baker.

The pacing was incredible and I really enjoyed how the story bounced from the "present day" to the past and back . It make you instantly love the characters and invested in the journey of how they arrived at the beginning of the story.

It also had the right mix of humor, horror, violence and flawed characters to keep you turning from page to page and enjoying every moment of it.
Profile Image for Pippa Bailey.
Author 15 books12 followers
October 26, 2018
It’s absolutely fantastic! I thoroughly enjoyed this wild ride of a story though the occult gone wrong, small-scale demonology, and jagoffs. Demons Dolls and Milkshakes is perfect for those who like their horror sick and twisted with a side order of belly laughs. Go read it now.
Profile Image for Michelle.
77 reviews2 followers
September 18, 2015
Without a doubt different take on demons and dolls. I love that he made the female a strong character instead of some oversexed whinny drama queen.

The story will hold your attention, grabbing you until you reach the end.
Profile Image for Josef.
Author 9 books48 followers
February 7, 2014
Inventive, engaging and gruesome. I hope Stitch will be tormenting Marty in future books.
Profile Image for Mark Woods.
Author 15 books26 followers
January 28, 2019
Something wicked this way comes...

In danger of possibly being snowed in, Kat heads out to her local video store to pick up essential supplies - namely her favourite Neapolitan milkshake, some more smokes, and a handful of straight-to-video movies with which to pass the time - and ends up leaving with more than she bargained with when she also walks out with a small, leathery doll that the shop owner, Bruce, denies ever seeing before.

Once home, Kat settles down to start watching he movies and that is when she gets a shock.

For the small doll she picked up is actually a demon that goes by the name of Stitch and the story of how he ended up in the doll is a curious one indeed!

Picking this up, I wasn’t really sure quite what to expect. It came recommended by fellow reviewer, Nikki Noir, but other than that, I had very little clue what this book was actually about - I only knew it sounded like it might be a fun book to read.

And I was right.

This is a cool, quirky little book that sweeps you up before you know it and then drags you along for the ride. And what a ride it is too.

Demons, dolls, and milkshakes is one of those books that is very hard to talk about without giving too much away, but the author does a great job of making you care about the characters - even the less likeable ones - and that is a talent all in itself.

I really enjoyed every moment of this, and look forward to discovering more by this author!

4 stars out of 5

Profile Image for whatemsreadingx.
318 reviews8 followers
October 15, 2023
Oh my god this book was so much fun! I really enjoyed reading this one, it was funny and lighthearted, but also had a really good story.

I thought Kat was an excellent character, I loved her badass-ness, and as for Stitch/Pooky - I need a demon trapped in an American football, he was so cool!

The writing was really well done, it flowed perfectly and I loved how everything wound together, the meeting of Marty and Kat and how their respective parts came to be one.

And the plot, omg, that was the best bit! It was so effortlessly good, and funny, and wild. I just enjoyed it so much!
8 reviews1 follower
December 3, 2019
I have never read such an original and enjoyable book. I could not put this one down and was mad that it had to end. Amazing book that ran me through all my emotions. Whatever genre you may be into, this is a read all can enjoy!
Profile Image for Olga.
62 reviews
July 3, 2023
I love that this is set in Pittsburgh. I find the characters believable and approachable. The intertwining mythology is great. There's a good mix of physical horror and psychological horror. After the first two chapters this book really flies. A great read if you love gore.
Profile Image for D.L. Morrese.
Author 11 books57 followers
Read
July 2, 2023
A teenager summons a murderous demon to due his bidding.
DNF due to thoroughly unlikable characters.
Profile Image for Rachael.
55 reviews4 followers
August 1, 2023
Good Fun

This story was very entertaining and fun. I enjoyed it. The characters were relatable. Even the demons. This definitely made me root for the "bad guys".
Displaying 1 - 18 of 18 reviews

Can't find what you're looking for?

Get help and learn more about the design.