Reconceiving Women: Separating Motherhood from Female Identity

by Mardy S. Ireland

According to recent surveys, approximately 40% of American women between the ages of 18 and 44 do not have children. Yet these women are virtually missing from accounts of women's lives. In this important new work, Mardy Ireland defines a place for women outside the parameters of motherhood and gives voice to the significant number of women who are not mothers. She draws extensively from interviews with over 100 childless women from various ethnic and educational backgrounds, demonstrating the myriad ways they came to view themselves as complete adults without recourse to the traditional defining criteria of motherhood. Her work offers all women--mothers and nonmothers alike--a vision of self-defined adulthood and a recognition that every woman is the subject of her own life.

Challenging the assumption of deprivation or deviance that is traditionally applied to childless women in psychological theory and popular culture, Dr. Ireland reframes childlessness as a concept and lays a groundwork for an expanded view of women's identity and psychic development. Using contemporary psychoanalytic theory, she reexamines female identity development and presents a positive interpretation of women who--for whatever reason--are not mothers.

To contrast and compare the experiences of her interview subjects, she places them within the changing psychosocial context of the last few decades and categorizes them according to their reasons for childlessness. Included 'traditional' women, who are childless by reasons of infertility or health complications; 'transitional' women, who are not mothers because of delaying circumstances; and 'transformative' women, who have actively chosen not to bear children in order to develop lives beyond the field of motherhood. The legend of Lilith, a creation story of the first woman, described in the last chapter, places both female desire and female power in a longstanding historical and mythic context.

Animated by excerpts, quotes, and stories from the many interviews, RECONCEIVING SEPARATING MOTHERHOOD FROM FEMALE IDENTITY is illuminating for general readers and professionals alike. It provides valuable insights for anyone interested in women's studies and the psychology of women, and serves as an excellent textbook for courses in these fields.

Genres: Nonfiction, Feminism, Gender

195 pages, Paperback

First published June 1, 1993

Reviews

[Rumpusparable]

I was really hopeful with the titled and the little snippet I read out of it before I ordered it.

Terribly disappointing.

Ultimately my largest frustration is that it entirely handled not having children as a bad thing... especially as it never even TOUCHED on Childfree females. When the term Childfree was used to refer to one who's chosen not to have children my ears perked up as that was my key interest in this book: to see how it approached females as something other than mothers and being defined by that, how it's dealt with that we are *by society* defined as potential mothers when we've no interest or urge.

What happened? It then described situations of being a *childLESS* female and how they had come to *accept* that they weren't having kids and could *somehow* be happy anyways.

Just like everywhere else in this book it assumed and only spoke of females who ultimately did expect to have or wanted kids... the text was about how they dealt with finding out they couldn't for some physical or emotional reason.

This book wasn't "these are different female's experiences, views, and the life effects thereof of those that either can't or do not want to have children. how motherhood and female identity interplay in society and the effects of such".

This was "it's a given that all females want to be and will be mothers, this book is about how some of them try to cope with the fact that they won't be.... almost in 100% of cases describing how it's alright because they've substituting having the children they want with using other people's kids".

[Valerie]

A pleasant mix of research and personal stories, this book is clearly worth a read for any woman who is childless (through infertility or delay) or child-free (by choice). It explores past research on the subject while comparing/contrasting the findings from Ireland's own research.

Ireland explores the concept that women who are not mothers threaten traditional gender definitions and, as such, continue to be marginalized and perceived as deviant or lacking in their adult identities. She proposes that we as a society will not be able to fully explore what it means to be human until we separate motherhood from female identity.

Having experienced this marginalization first-hand, I agree with many of the sentiments contained in this book and consider myself representative of some of the study participants from Ireland's own research. I would recommend it to any women who also walks this non-traditional path (either by choice or by circumstance).

[Cata]

This book divides the women in the study into three categories: women that wanted to but were not biologically able to have children, women that wanted to have children but for some reason or another did not, and women that never wanted to have children. The book looks at how each group of women had to separate their identities from being a mother (which is so intertwined with being a woman).

I enjoyed this book a great deal. It got a little heavy on psych theory towards the end (and not being a psychologist, I found it a little confusing). The women who conducted this study (and wrote the book) used feminist research methods. Much like "Childfree and Sterilized", the author uses the interviewees' words and stories to support her thesis.

A must for anyone interested in childfreedom or women's issues.

[Susan Fritz]

For anyone who is on the fence about kids, this book is a good read. I really liked the first half of the book relating to others about the decisions, or lack there of. The 2nd half of the book, a lot of Freudian mumbo jumbo (penis envy, feminism, etc) that you can skip.

[Gato Negro]

I learned this from this book: The yearning to care for and support a child may in fact be one's own yearning to care for and support oneself. A good read for women without children trying to come to terms with the present by route of the past.

[Marcella]

This book is dated but was likely rebellious in its publication. It’s interesting as a history. It details women who came of age during the women’s movement of the ‘60s and ‘70s, a period of truly profound upheaval in society. And how women can create identities that are more than relational or avoid stigma because of condition or choice.

It’s interesting to think of narrow a field view of women was at the time this was written - that child free was novel and still considered abnormal.

There is a mix of psychological theory and antidotes and was interesting as a basis for its time: but I think there are more relevant books available now discussing this continued transformation.

[Christy]

It was roughly half interesting interviews with childless and childfree women, half philosophical mumbo-jumbo. A LOT of it felt antiquated, especially the long discussion of binary gender and gender roles.

I'd be very interested in reading an updated version, with AFAB folks of my generation or younger (GenX into millennial). I'd be very interested in the stories of folks who aren't boomers from NorCal.

[Kamalamani Kamalamani]

This was a landmark book for me when I started researching the subject of voluntary/elective childlessness (now more widely known as being childfree, rather than childless) in the early 2000s. Mardy Ireland's work is thoughtful, well researched, and thought-provoking. At the time it was released, and the time I first read it (2002) there was very little else published on this theme. In particular, Ireland's categorisation of women who are 'traditional' (childless), 'transitional' (childfree and childless) and transformative (childfree) was ground-breaking, as until this point many researchers simply included women who were childless by choice and circumstance, happenstance and loss in the same category. In my mind Ireland's work contributed greatly to our understanding of the complexity of the parenthood decision and female identity. This book was a huge support in my own childfree decision-making and in the writing of my 'Other than Mother' book. Parts of it now feel dated to me, but than, it was published 25 years ago, so no surprises there. I found it very helpful to find a book about childfreedom/childlessness written by a fellow psychotherapist - not many of those around - and still find myself re-reading parts of this book. Thanks Mardy!