Just Me, You, And This Box of Matches

by tomlinsunshine

Louis is fairly sure that his new neighbour is going to destroy him. And also their apartment building, and the dumpsters outside, and all the forests within a thirty mile radius. But. Mostly him.

Words: 87020 complete

Genres: Fan Fiction, Romance

ebook

Published January 6, 2013

Reviews

[Irina Elena · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is pure, unadulterated crack, and it is AWESOME.
Almost too awesome to handle, really.

It's like a sex-crazed funfair with forest fires in New York, My Little Pony buttplugs, a mildly psychotic therapist, fangirling gun-possessing gangs, threesomes, stalking, housewarming gifts, the stupidest prank ever, vaguely obsessive behaviour from all parties, vaguely threatening behaviour from some parties, completely demented behaviour from all parties, lots of delicious sarcasm, champagne, and love.
And by love I mean sex-crazed obsession. Also affection.

I don't think I've ever laughed this much while reading in my entire life. And that's not a hyperbole. I actually, honestly laughed, snickered and giggled continuously for the first half of this fic.
Then it got a bit more mellow, a bit lot hotter and a bit less frantic, so I laughed a tiny - tiny - bit less and fanned myself more, and sometimes smiled sappily. Even though there was nothing to smile sappily about, because this shit be cray cray.

I just feel like the world is such a beautiful place. It's full of opportunities, you know? To, I don't know, risk getting killed, discover you may have fathered a baby with the only female you have ever fucked, get a tattoo at gunpoint, engage in some frottage next to a burning tree, stuff like that. Cool place.

[Maiko-chan [|]]

Great below quote, not the great story I was hoping this to be. Bit too difficult to read, not quite interesting enough, typos.

--
Previous 'review:'
I haven't even started reading this and I'm pretty sure I already have a favorite quote:

“Zayn, help.”
“Your pyro, your problem,” says Zayn in a sing-song voice, and then dumps a bag of Cheetos into the blender.

Beautiful.

[Blue Styles · Rating 5 out of 5]

I didn't even know what a crack fic was until I read this. Two or three chapters in, I was wondering why on earth would the author make the characters do such illegal things but that didn't stop me because it is so entertaining!

In my opinion, Zayn is the most normal character in this and he blends in his blender when he's stressed. That should tell you something.

Honestly, I think Harry is my favourite character. He's soooooo😭🤌🏽 but then there isnt an unlovable character in this book, it's amazing! You should definitely give it a read. Who knows, maybe you'll love it so much that you'll re-read it like me!!

[Krea · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rating it 5 stars solely for the amount of CRACK in this fic. I've read a few crack fics but this one is HIGH (pun intended) on the list. The writer really put the CRACK in this crack au.

I can't say I did or did not enjoy reading this; I read it because I felt a reading slump on its way and thankfully, this kind of saved me from having a reading slump. But I know I would've enjoyed it far better if I was in a goofy mood and not, you know, trying to avoid a reading slump.

I want to say that the characters made A LOT of questionable decisions, but it wouldn't be crack and psychotic if they didn't so cheers to that. Honestly, everyone needs to be checked in here; Harry's a pyromaniac, Louis is attracted to a pyromaniac, Liam knew things about Zayn that Louis, Zayn's bestfriend of how many years, didn't even know and Lee and Zee haven't even met, Zayn remains unfazed by everything, Perrie the Therapist has weird choices, Nick waited in the dark in Louis' kitchen for hours for a ten-second-long hug, Amy started calling herself Pisces because everyone was calling her Pisces, and Niall is Niall (also, Niall called Amy, his girlfriend, Pisces while they were doing the deed.) Frankie also organized a meet-up between all the boys she slept with seven years ago in an amusement park only to reveal that she knew who her daughter's father is in the end.

Definitely not a story for those who are looking for a serious one to read. It was weird, in a weird way. It was funny on a this-is-weird-and-uncomfortable-in-a-comfortable level. It was a mess— a hot mess if you will. I feel like it deserves more annotations than just a string of "💀,😂,😭."

Lastly, a quote from the book that I think summarizes the book, "It's like watching a car crash in slow motion."

And a quote I just liked, "Your pyro, your problem."

And a quote that has no business being funny but made me snort, "It's my superpower. I turn men gay."

[elle · Rating 5 out of 5]

This must be the most peculiar and just straight up WEIRD piece of literature I have ever had my hands on. And I absolutely loved it.

Witty and hilarious, filled with sarcasm, it had me giggling randomly at most parts, either because of its endless amount of jokes, or because of how incredibly crazy it was.

The plot-twists and madness of the situation do not allow you to feel even the slightest bit of boredom at any part throughout the story.

Sex-crazed, obsessive and sometimes even dangerously psychotic characters is mainly what made this fanfiction so enchanting for me. I really enjoy how they were portrayed, lunatic, but not lunatic enough to be locked up in a facility.

I wholeheartedly recommend this if you feel like having a laugh and enjoying something unusual and complexly simple.

Crack-fic to the bone!

[angela · Rating 5 out of 5]

read on ao3. my fav fanfic of all time. harry is a pyro and louis is dramatic and liam is stalking zayn and niall is patron saint of the gays. harry sets louis’ table on fire then eats a chicken pot pie. that’s really all i need to say isn’t it. rip liam payne 3

[Sandali ♥️ (Slow reading cause of watching BL) · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was HILARIOUS!!!! 😂 I absolutely loved it and was cackling the whole time.

[Henrietta · Rating 5 out of 5]

this is absolutely hilarious and so so good

[Kat · Rating 3 out of 5]

That was very strange.... but funny somehow :)