Utterly Heartless

by Jan Underwood

Who would kill a college Latin professor and cut her heart out? A jealous colleague? A union-busting dean? Or a student driven to violence by the treacheries of Latin syntax? Linnea Nil wakes up dead one day and discovers that, on the basis of her academic credentials, she's been assigned to Hades. She applies to other afterlives, but gaining admittance proves difficult. Linnea seeks the help of the poet Vergil and learns that her missing heart may be her ticket to redemption--unless the goon squad from Hades reaches her first. Dori Amore is reeling after her best friend's murder. She's even more taken aback when Linnea asks Dori to track down the missing heart. Can the heart put her friend's soul to rest? Does the task put Dori herself in mortal danger? And can she get something going with the cute guy who works in the morgue? Jan Underwood's funny second novel is a murder mystery, a satire on academia, and a love-song to the Romance languages.

Genres: Fiction

334 pages, Paperback

First published September 14, 2013

Reviews

[Bookkaholic Magazine]

(See our full review over at Bookkaholic.) A Pacific Northwest setting and brutal murder plot might make Utterly Heartless seem akin to a Scandinavian crime thriller, but it’s actually something rarer and more exciting: a delightfully offbeat academic mystery offering genuine emotion alongside sharp, witty satire. A great read for classics buffs, academics, and mystery lovers, but also sure to please anyone who wants innovative storytelling and characters with, yes, heart.

[Sandra]

With a whirlwind of satire and playful musings, the offbeat characters and hilarious plot bravely broach such provocative topics as the afterlife, capitalism, technology, the politics of academia, and sexuality gone awry. The intertwining of modern societal issues with the classics of old makes for a wonderfully mischievous ride with a peppering of thoughtful introspection.

[Lura Frazey]

A stripper, an ancient Roman poet, two foreign language professors, and a crowd of hangers-on wander into a classical hero’s quest fresh on the heels of murder. Will anyone care enough to assist a newly-minted and godless ghost searching for a suitable afterlife?

Jan Underwood’s second novel, Utterly Heartless, is a cozy mystery set on the rain-soaked campus of an urban university in the Pacific Northwest.

Our hero, Latin Professor Linnea Nil, has been murdered and robbed of her heart. She presents herself for in-processing to the afterlife and is assigned to the Realm of Hades on account of having no religious affiliation except for a bit of scholarly work on ancient Romans in the era of the Republic. Unwilling to spend eternity in Hades on the basis of two essays published in Antiquities Studies Journal, Professor Nil sets out to get herself transferred to a more satisfactory Paradise. The paperwork doesn’t bother her, after all, she’s employed by a university, but to qualify, she needs a really big favor from the living—who are, understandably, busy being alive and somewhat distracted by trying to solve the professor’s murder.

The story switches back and forth between the points of view of several characters whose lives are intertwined by their association with the university and complicated by acts of workaday heartlessness. The writing is full of clever word play. I especially enjoyed the “Notions Shop” where university students could shop for and purchase notions—ideas, not the kind for sewing—and even resell used notions they were tired of.

Fans of off-beat humor, and anyone who likes the show Portlandia, will get a kick out of this light-hearted read.

[DeLys]

Since I am an academic in the Pacific Northwest who has worked both as a professor and an administrator, there was much about this book that resonated with me. I found the names of the buildings and the administrative titles to be particularly clever. And the image of canoes instead of cars during the rainy season was priceless. However, there were components of the academic setting that rang untrue -- not quirky or satirical -- to me. I cannot conceive of an institution with sizeable French and Classics Departments in which the chairs would share an office. Nor would a department chair be the rallying force behind unionizing the faculty, as chairs are administrators.
The notion of choosing an afterlife is intriguing. But I admit to being confused by the after-death depiction of Linnea -- for example, the fact that she could transport tangible objects without a body.
I read this book electronically, which I did not enjoy. I did enjoy the book, though.

[Sarah]

Set in the fictional northwest town of Bridges, this story intertwines the lives of a group of struggling college students, Dori Amore and Linnea Nil, Humanities professors at Middlebridge College. The professors are office mates, friends, and colleagues. They are forced to deal with what most professors often do; budget cuts, reduced staffing, and union woes. When Linnea is suddenly found murdered on campus with her heart torn out and left in the women’s restroom, the story truly takes off. Linnea wakes up on the city bus with no memory of the murder itself, and finds herself struggling with decisions regarding the afterlife. Meanwhile, Dori is finding it difficult to make peace with Linnea’s death. Extremely well written, engaging, and almost up the alley of a murder mystery, this novel is simply fantastic. Jan Underwood is an amazing fiction writer, and this book exemplifies her fabulous imagination.

[Janet]

Jan Underwood’s “Utterly Heartless” had me at the conjunction of Latin homework and a strip club, but it cinched the deal with the afterlife kiosk. The book is inspired by Portland—though it pretends to be set somewhere nearby—so there are strip clubs, bicycles, rain and crows. The action takes place at a college, so there’s academic wrestling on the staff side, and students struggling with classes and tuition on the other. Meanwhile, Professor Linnea E. Nil finds herself not merely murdered, but facing a real problem with the afterlife. If she’d known there was one, she’d have definitely done some things differently, including not publishing those papers on ancient Rome, even if she is a Classics professor. Fortunately she’s got Vergil to give her advice, and her friend Dori to hunt for her missing heart.

[R.]

A vibrant genre-bending thriller that seamlessly joins the Campus Comedy and the Katabatic Quest to present a masterful murder mystery within and without the Machiavelli-haunted ivy-and-ivory halls and walls of today's academia (from strip clubs to the Styx) - Underwood's followup to the delightful Day Shift Werewolf is a very generous (clean and well-lit, no bullshit) rollercoaster-of-a-novel that swoops the reader along with the narrative kindness demonstrated in the work of only the most angelically assured, demonically confident storyteller.

[Stephanie]

This otherworldly whodunit is set in the language department on a college campus and rain-soaked town tweaked by someone who has a tongue in cheek appreciation of Portland, Oregon. The voice is charming and linguistic prowess is admirable. Underwood good-naturedly pulls out the stops on college politics, upper left coast weather and environmental right-on-ness. Cleverness may be taken a step too far and the resolution of the mystery may be a bit too pat, but the narrative warmth and strong dialogue make this such a satisfying read. Loveable.

[Beth]

I love the author's quirky, word-nerd style and I think she writes with a delightfully unique and fun voice. The story is creative and the names of things are great. As someone who lives in the Pacific Northwest I could related to the concept of putting on galoshes and getting into boats just to get to class. I really loved day-shift werewolf and though this book was just a bit less polished than it could be, I think Jan Underwood is an author to watch.

[Thor Kristensen]

Nice, easy prose and some memorable latin quotes. But the promise of a sinister novel with bad crows and scary ghosts is not fulfilled. The book feels to target a younger audience at times, naive and adolescent. The ten people or so you meet seem to go around in an empty universe and you never get the feel of a larger universe around them.

[Melissa]

A quirky story where we follow a character who suddenly finds herself dead and trying to get into a decent afterlife, and the lives of some former colleagues and students who somehow find themselves tied to helping her.

[Art]

Quirky and funny.