Lydia Bennet's Blog: The real story of Pride and Prejudice

by Valerie Laws

Librarian Note: Alternate/new cover edition for ASIN# B007BEGCMS.

If you enjoyed ‘Lost in Austen’ or ‘Clueless’, you’ll love Lydia, the streetwise youngest Bennet, a modern teen living in Regency times. She’s funny, flirty, rebellious, obsessed with fashion and fit boys, and a force to be reckoned with. Find out what really happened behind the scenes in Pride and Prejudice as Lydia schemes to save herself and her clueless family from a cash-free future, and to get her man, the supremely sexy bad boy Wickham. By an odd quirk of history, Lydia’s generation use our teen-speak, though with Regency derivations. Whether you love or loathe Jane Austen or just like a good laugh, you’ll enjoy Lydia’s conniving, eavesdropping, Mr Collins-outing, Pa-baiting, shamelessly flirtatious and outrageous adventures.

Genres: Humor

265 pages, Kindle Edition

First published March 18, 2012

About the author

Valerie Laws is world-infamous for spray-painting quantum physics poetry onto live sheep in her Arts Council-funded QUANTUM SHEEP project. She is a Northumbrian poet, performer, crime & comedy novelist, playwright and sci-art installation specialist.

Her 13 published books include poetry (including 4 full collections), crime & comedy fiction, language text books, and drama.

Her new crime novel THE OPERATOR (BRUCE AND BENNETT CRIME THRILLER 2) is out on Kindle, endorsed by Ann Cleeves, Alex Marwood and Phoef Sutton.

Her first crime novel THE ROTTING SPOT is endorsed by Ann Cleeves and Val McDermid, won a Northern Writer's Award, was a New Writing North Read Regional Choice, and was shortlisted for the McKitterick Prize.

Her recent poetry book ALL THAT LIVES arises from funded Residencies at a London Pathology Museum, and at Newcastle University's Institute for Ageing and Health, working with neuroscientists creating poetry about the brain’s bizarre beauty and life cycle. It won a Northern Writer's Award and the work at an early stage secured a Wellcome Trust Arts Award.

Four of her books are available as ebooks including her comedy Austen reimagining, LYDIA BENNET'S BLOG.

Valerie has degrees in Mathematics/Theoretical Physics, also in English, and an MA(Creative Writing). She was disabled in a car crash 28 years ago but unlike the two cars, was not written off! She's an obsessive swimmer and snorkeler, a keen wildlife spotter, and loves to travel worldwide.

She has written 12 commissioned plays for stage and BBC radio. She's won many prizes and awards, eg twice a prizewinner in National Poetry competition.

Valerie devises new forms of poetry, science-themed poetry installations and commissions including the infamous Quantum Sheep. Another of her random physics haiku was commissioned by BBC2 TV for Why Poetry Matters, with Griff Rhys Jones, and live at Royal Festival Hall, London. That one was sprayed onto beach balls and activated in water.

Her poetry AV installations have featured in public exhibitions. SLICING THE BRAIN has been exhibited in London, Newcastle, and Berlin. Her WINDOW OF ART 'embedded haiku', activated electronically, was in ST Thomas Hospital, London for ten years.

She performs her work worldwide live and in the media. She has had many Writers' Residencies, including in Egypt and in scientific institutes, currently in Dilston Physic Garden which grows and studies mind-altering herbs. No free samples though!

Reviews

[Debbie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well, THIS is certainly not your mother's Pride and Prejudice! Lydia tells her own story and proves that she is the true mastermind behind getting Darcy and Elizabeth together. What she describes is faithful to the original story but shown from a completely different perspective and presents new bits never revealed to the world at large until now.

Note the somewhat altered opening sentence:

Well it seems to be a given, when a bloke's made his pile (or waited for his Pa to peg it), he's ready to commit longterm and install some 'lucky' woman to like, run his crib and die having his babies.

Apparently, the younger generation in Regency times use Youthspeak, which is curiously similar to the way teenagers talk today. Kitty and Lydia understand it, but no one else in the Bennet family does. Lots of OMG, IMO, BTW, falling in lurve, wonga and dosh, gaff, goss, acksherly, and calling Caroline Bingley or any other lady Lydia dislikes a "bee-hatch." She dubs Darcy with a number of different names such as "barsteward," "Arsey" and the "Alpha Git." If you don't already know what these mean, you will by the end of the book. I followed The Lizzie Bennet Diaries when they were first released, and anyone who is familiar with that might hear Mary Kate Wiles' voice as Lydia in your head as you read this. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cqn9h... -Lydia appears about 40 seconds into this 3-and-a-half-minute episode)

Our Lydia is an amazing creation in her blog, a strange combination of both scary worldly-wise and clueless. Clothing and beauty top her priority list, so you will read much about what color dresses she wears and what rituals she follows to keep her complexion creamy and dreamy. She enjoys tasting new drinks, starting with Red Bull (whose name comes from the tavern where it was first brewed), and including other liquid delicacies such as 'Six on the Beech' and 'Ma, Teeny.' She wields hot chocolate like a weapon and many is the man with stained pantaloons after crossing her; she even uses it to pass as blood on fabric from her supposed ineptitude at sewing so she can avoid doing needlework. Ah, yes. This young lady is is a clever minx, indeed.

Lydia relentlessly ferrets out information. A network of servants are her spies, as they all talk to each other from their respective estates and share relevant deets with her, and Kitty keeps her up to date on what's happening when she's away from Longbourn. Hiding in the bushes and listening at doors with and without a ratafia glass pressed to her ear also serve to provide enlightenment. In short, Lydia knows everything that goes on at Longbourn, Netherfield, London, Hunsford, Rosings, and Pemberley. She has a love/hate relationship with most of her family except Kitty and her mother, who are both dimboids in comparison to Lydia's superior savvy. As for Lydia's father, well, Lydia has delved more deeply into his library than anyone might suspect and discovered Pa's porn stash, and the disdain he shows for her is matched by hers for him.

Not only does she immediately recognize that Lizzy and Arsey would be perfect together, she also serves as matchmaker to Mr. Collins and Charlotte. Each has a deep secret only Lydia knows. Wickham appears, and she quickly identifies him as a gorgeous hunk of man and also as a kindred spirit. She resourcefully manipulates situations to her best advantage, although she does despair at times when things don't seem to be working out according to plan. Gah! Epic fail!

While no one would mistake this for great literature, it is very entertaining and made me laugh out loud often. Lydia's limited vocabulary and spelling skills are displayed where she tries to write a word, crosses it out, and after several failed attempts resorts to a simpler word- I giggled every single time. She also lists her points in a ridiculous order (shades of Paul Reiser in the old sit-com Mad About You). The book is outrageous and completely unbelievable but just plain fun to read. Lydia rules!

[Ceri · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is Pride and Prejudice, from Lydia's point of view, written in modern youth-speak. There are lots of little nods to modern culture, such as Lydia and her friends sharing the 'Face book' which is a book of beauty remedies, and little things like references to WAGs (wives and gentlewomen) etc.

The aspect of this book that I liked best though is that a different slant has been put on the events of Pride and Prejudice so things that in the original book that are coincidences, such as Lizzy going to Kent when Darcy is there turn out not to be coincidences, Lydia has decided to look after her family's future by getting Lizzy married to Darcy (or 'Arsey' as Lydia refers to him!). She is the one who sets up Charlotte and Collins and when she decides she wants to marry her bad boy she works out a way for them to be able to afford it. So rather than the 'thoughtless' Lydia of P&P we actually have a master planner, who finds things out via her network of servant spies and manipulates her family to get the desired outcome. This is a really fun read and I very much enjoyed it. I even laughed out loud a few times!

[Les · Rating 5 out of 5]

This tongue in cheek treatment of Pride and Prejudice is laugh out loud funny, clever and witty. P & P from Lydia's POV with humor and modern language. Yes you know the story but there are plenty of surprises and Lydia will surprise you again and again.

My second reading discovered lots of subtle jokes I missed the first time around... one was Miss Jackson and her five brothers and her wardrobe malfunction....

[J. W. Garrett · Rating 4 out of 5]

Mature audience notice, bawdy, **not for everyone**, deliciously different variation: 4.5 stars

What an outrageous, bawdy and utterly hilarious book. Even though I have worked with teenagers, I was still stunned, blown away and overwhelmed at the modern-tech-net-text-speak that the author had Lydia utilizing to communicate with the reader. I’ve never seen anything like it. It was truly another language.

This was a different Lydia than we have EVER seen or heard before. This was her POV and her thoughts. She was strong, leaned toward feministic sensibilities, smart, cunning, strategically savvy as she created situations, influenced people to do her bidding, and moved characters into their HEA. No general has ever moved troops with the delft precision that Lydia was able to wield. She knew what she wanted and was willing to go after it. Her plans and planning were a masterpiece. Her information system or spy network gave Lydia the ability to garner information from just about any quarter. She was scary. You do not want to get on her bad side. The repercussions would not be pleasant.

I laughed out loud and shook my head at the play on words the author used to utterly unhinge the reader. The double entendre was amazing. The use of modern words delivered in a Regency Era setting was a hoot and at times a little disconcerting. The snarky attitude was so funny. When Lydia would emphasize her own humor she would ask ‘geddit?’ The spelling on many words was phonetic and then when you would read it or say it out loud, you would hear the word it was supposed to represent. This was hilarious.

Read the other reviews. I cannot even come close to them. Debbie Brown wrote a most excellent review.

[Rabid Readers Reviews · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was the first book that I read while on vacation in 2012. Shortly thereafter I watched the "Pride and Prejudice" movie on TCM and proceeded to laugh my backside off remembering the novel. To give credit where it's due, Valerie Laws retelling is nothing short of brilliant. From the moment Lydia, the true heroine and mastermind of "Pride and Prejudice" tells us that "Bonnet hair is no joke..." I was hooked. She refers to Bingley as "Blingley" (he's loaded, you know) and says that the older married Bingley sister is married to an "oxygen thief." Charlotte, the daughter of Mrs. Bennett's nemesis, in fact has a massive girl crush on Lizzie. There are no high opinions in this novel for Mr. Bennett who, according to Lydia, spends all day in his library looking at filthy books.

Laws stays mostly faithful to the novel. There are highs and lows for Lydia though she'd have us believe that she's always in control. We get tongue in cheek jokes referencing a modern age. Lydia tries a fruit cup called "Six on the Beech" (obviously six fruits aged in a beechwood barrel).

"Lydia Bennett's Blog" was an awesome and entertaining read and to my eyes flawless. To misquote Lydia, "If this shocks you, you want to get out more."

[Carole (in Canada) · Rating 2 out of 5]

Irreverent, campy, bawdy and completely different!

I am at a loss for further words. Other reviewers, who have enjoyed it, have done a better job of explaining it (Debbie B./ J.W. Garrett).

Unfortunately, I found the 'Youthspeak' to wear on me after while. I did a fair bit of skimming after that but did have a few chuckles. Overall, it did not 'speak' to me.

[Tahlia Newland · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lydia Bennet's blog is an intelligent and amusing account of the events of Pride and Prejudice as seen through the eyes of the youngest Bennet sister, Lydia. It's written as if Lydia is a modern fifteen year old who writes a blog for her friends on the net. The 'net' and the Face Book, that Lydia refers to and writes for are never explained, so we really have no idea what they are or how they fit into the world of the Bennets and Mr Darcy, but they are there nevertheless. It could have been called Lydia Bennet's Diary, as that's what it is, only in modern lingo in both content and name.

Since in Pride and Prejudice Lydia appears as rather brainless, you may wonder how I could call this intelligent. It's because by taking Lydia's point of view, we come to see the other characters on the story on a completely different way. The story as written by Jane Austin makes Lizzy and her father appear intelligent, and her mother and younger sisters appear stupid, but seen from Lydia's angle, Mr Bennet is emotionally abusive. The same words of his that I found witty in the original, come across in this story as put downs of his wife and younger daughters. Lizzy suddenly seems incredibly naive in matters of the heart, and sometimes stiff & prudish, and Lydia seems quite perceptive, and at least by her own accounts kind and generous. She can't spell big words, but she does know how to get what she wants and how to sort out her silly older sisters love lives.This is mot the same impression of the characters that we got from Pride and Prejudice, and yet the story is exactly the same. Certain dialogue from the book is quoted verbatim. The only difference is who is telling it.

Mrs Bennet comes across as an unfortunate woman living with a husband who doesn't respect her, (obvious in both stories, but it never bothered Lizzy enough for her to point it out, because she never respected her mother either). L,ydia's poor mother clearly loves her daughters and does her best for them despite her husbands refusal to take any interest in them or their future. As far as Lydia is concerned, her mother deserves her husband's respect simply because she is his wife. She has a very good point. And really what is Mr Bennet reading all the time in his library?

There are only two characters in the family that I saw the same way and that is Jane and Kitty. None of the characters have actually changed, only our perception of them, as we see them through Lydia's eyes. It is this that makes the story so interesting.

If you ever wondered how Darcy just happened to roll up to his estate when Lizzy was visiting with her Aunt and Uncle, this will tell you. And if you ever wondered why Charlotte seemed so content with Mr Collins, you'll find out the inside story here. Yes, Lydia was the cause of everything turning out all right for everyone in the end. She is clearly the unsung heroine of the story.

Lydia has all the spunk of a modern heroine, as gutsy as her older sister, just in a different way. Different things matter to her than they do to Lizzy, but she knows how to get them, and is clever in her manipulation of people and circumstances. As well as being a well-written and highly entertaining story, there is something of value for us to take away from it, and that is that everyone has value, not matter what their abilities or lack of them. In Lydia's version of events, Lydia proves to have a lot more mettle than Lizzy would have us believe was possible in the sister she thought stupid, thoughtless and selfish. Why, if she'd known the truth, she might even have been grateful.

Lydia appreciates a man in tight pantaloons and makes delightfully suggestive references to their weapons. She loves pretty things, and how her hair sits is important to her, but she is not a poor ignorant fool who is waylaid by a scoundrel; she is the mastermind behind the perfect solution for both her and the hopeless and dashing Wiki ie George Wickam,
This is certainly well worth a read for anyone who has read Pride and Prejudice and would like a different angle on the events and characters. It really is very good value.

Reviewed for the Awesome Indies http://awesomeindies.net. I received a free copy from the author in return for an honest review.

[Amy Watt · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a retelling of Pride and Prejudice from Lydia's point of view, where Lydia speaks, like, 'modern speak', like. Which got a wee bitty annoying.

Anywho, I liked how we could see the story from Lydia's perspective. She's just as obnoxious but we can see that she's doing her best to help her family and was actually behind everything!

I liked how she reference modern things with a classic twist: her 'soaps' are gossip that she hears from one of the servants whilst she's up to her arms in soap suds (the servant, not Lydia. She hates manual labour). Another one I liked were the 'Jackson Five' brothers who looked after their sister.


She's a bit pathetic when it comes to Wickham. She doesn't actually mention anything about his looks and seems to think that the sun shines out of his bum. She doesn't realise that he doesn't love her and is only interested in the money that she can get for him. And the sex. Which is weird to think about Jane Austen's characters 'doing the nasty'.

So, if you liked Pride and Prejudice and want a 'modern' twist to it, then I would recommend this book.

[Jess Swann · Rating 2 out of 5]

Alors.... je suis partagée... J'aime beaucoup l'idée et le scénario : la façon dont l'auteure démontre que Lydia a orchestré tous les rebondissements de Pride & Prejudice est brillante et, encore mieux, crédible ! Cependant, j'ai eu du mal avec le style très "new english" avec beaucoup d'acronymes issus du langage SMS qui m'a rendu la lecture périlleuse... Pourtant, je reconnais que l'auteure a su tirer parti de ce "manque de tournure" en revendiquant d'une part la parodie et d'autre part l'ignorance volontaire de Lydia. Ce sera mon grand regret dans cette lecture... Parce qu'au delà de ça, j'ai aimé le point de vue de Lydia sur sa famille et son ignorance abyssale (qu'elle assume du reste complétement, Lydia est une cruche futile qui s'assume, et ça... c'est bon !) . Les passages où elle parle du mythe de Leda sont savoureux et on comprend petit à petit que Lydia ne comprend les choses que suivant sa propre "moralité. Son interprétation de l'histoire de Sodome et Gomorrhe est édifiante ! De fait, son opinion sur Lizzie est édifiante et donne un nouveau niveau de lecture au personnage (ici, on est loin de l'héroïne romantique... Lizzie est une peste sentencieuse bourrée de préjugés et n'assumant pas ses désirs ou sa nature). J'ai également trouvé très intéressante la relation de Lydia avec son père et la manière dont elle perçoit le couple de ses parents. L'auteure a su faire passer toute la frustration de la cadette face à un père absent qui lui reproche de ne pas être le garçon tellement désiré tout en cherchant désespérément son intérêt.Mrs Bennet y gagne également, car Lydia trouve en sa mère des qualités pratiques et la plaint de son mariage malheureux. En revanche, j'ai trouvé que les personnages de Collins et Charlotte étaient tirés par les cheveux.... Dommage !


Ce que j'aime : le point de vue de Lydia, qui, je pense serait cohérent avec le personnage. Sa relation avec Wickham et ses parents tout comme avecLizzie.


Ce que j'aime moins : la langue très moderne, type sms qui m'a un peu gaché ma lecture (en VO), Collins et Charlotte, qui sont too much même si l'idée est cohérente


En bref : Pride & Prejudice vu par Lydia dont l'esprit est à la fois limité par son manque de culture, son égoïsme, et son envie de sexe tout en étant totalement créatif ! Lydia est ici très fûtée, à sa façon et j'ai apprécié cette relecture. Cependant, je mettrai un bémol pour le langage trop familier et les Collins


Ma note


6/10

[Tisha "Manic Reads" · Rating 1 out of 5]

I got about halfway through it before I had to give up on it. I enjoy modernizing stories as much as the next person, "The Lizzie Bennet Diaries" is one of my favorite things to sit down and rewatch, and I enjoyed the Lydia novel based on it well enough.



This was impossible to get through, however. I honestly don't understand how people have rated it so high. Nobody writes or talks like how this is written, with like in almost every sentence and someone trying to combine both classic english speech and modern writing. It doesn't work in the slightest, and makes one of the least likeable characters in literature even worse than she was to start with

[Susan · Rating 4 out of 5]

As I laughed out loud quite a few times while reading this I had to give it 4 stars (also it is well written) - if it has the same effect on me when I read it again then it will get 5 . This is a retelling of the events of Pride and Prejudice as seen by the youngest Bennet - Lydia.

[Rissi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jane Austen created a lively character in Pride and Prejudice with Lydia Bennet and this auther developed her beautifully in this "blog." Ms. Laws mixed modern language with old without misstep. Lots of laughs for the reader and a true following of Austen's timeline. I enjoyed every minute of it.

[Ria · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is everything I love about fanfiction rolled into a book. Is it a grand exploration of Austen? No. Is it thought provoking writing? No. Is it hilarious? Yes. Do I feel shame for liking this book? Nope.

[Awesome Indies Book Awards · Rating 5 out of 5]

Awesome Indies Book Awards is pleased to include LYDIA BENNET’S BLOG (THE REAL STORY OF PRIDE AND PREJUDICE) by VALERIE LAWS in the library of Awesome Indies' Badge of Approval recipients.