Growing Up Godless: A Parent's Guide to Raising Kids without Religion

by Deborah Mitchell, Dale McGowan (Foreword)

In a nation where religion plays such a big role, how can you raise a child without God? How do you instill morality, answer questions about mortality, and handle believers who expect to get a one-way ticket to heaven by converting you? Deborah Ann Mitchell, who has blogged and written columns on the subject, provides guidance to agnostics and atheists struggling with how to assert their beliefs in a reasoned, nonconfrontational, and honest manner.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Atheism, Theology, Religion

297 pages, Paperback

First published April 1, 2014

Reviews

[Kat Kennedy · Rating 2 out of 5]

Whilst I found some of this book helpful in raising my own godless heathens into good adults, it fell short for me. There were so many anecdotes and so little useful information. Whilst I liked the open ended, think-for-yourself approach the author took - I did pick up this book to be told, in part, what to do so I could then judge that approach and apply it if I wanted to.

[VBergen · Rating 1 out of 5]

As an atheist mother raising a freethinker, I thought I was going to love this book but I dislike it a lot even if I agree with some atheist phrases. The book is a collection of essays about lots of topics, many of them not related to atheism, agnosticism or religion.
Some of the phrases that makes me feel the money was totally wasted with this book:

- "Yet kids are born, with certain tendencies, and their disposition has nothing to do with us as moms and dads. Some kids are easier to parent, and some are more difficult".
What a weak statement

- "It doesn't matter if we teach our kids the alphabet before they get into preschool. They're going to learn their letters by the time they're five anyway".
As a follower of early learning and a woman who delights about the wonders the young brains can do, I find this phrase despicable and lazy.

- "I allowed them (her children) to watch "regular television" under one condition. They had to write at least one summary of a commercial during each thirty-minute program I allowed them to watch (...) yes, they had to get out their pencils and papers and tell me what the advertisers were trying to sell and how they were trying to sell it (...) I know you're probably thinking that, if you ask this of your kids, you'll be forever remembered as the world's meanest mommy or daddy. Not to worry - kids are very forgiving, and if you sit with them and watch, maybe with some snacks, they'll forgive you even sooner"
She is mean, mean, mean!

- "Getting involved in community service early in life makes helping others seem like a natural part of everyone's routine. We teach kids to see that others need help, and since we're able, it's our duty to pitch in. You know what happens: what goes around comes back to you. Your kids, one day, will see you in your time of need and be compassionate".

To be kind to expect others to be kind seems plainly selfish and even religious, I way prefer in Dan Barker's book, Maybe Right, Maybe Wrong: "some people are kind to other people because they want to be treated the same way themselves. This is sometimes called the Golden Rule, and it is not a bad rule. But other people are kind because they think human beings are valuables, not because they want a reward".

- "There is no such thing as miracles or fate, only luck and coincidences".
"Luck"? seriously? ◔_◔

- "Each time you have sex, you give away part of yourself. If you give too much, eventually you will have no self-respect of yourself"
"Give away..." ಠ_ಠ

- "Your body is a temple". That's from the bible!



I totally disagree with what Deborah Mitchell shows in this book, a sometimes dictatorial way of parenting with its obvious reminiscence of her religious past. This book is also very disorganized jumping from a topic to another, with anecdotes and advises like playing Pictionary and buying it at Ebay so it is not too expensive, totally not related to the title's book.

I truly prefer Dale McGowan books, my favorite is Raising Freethinkers: A Practical Guide for Parenting Beyond Belief.

[Hope · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received this book from the Goodreads First Reads program.

This is an excellent introduction to raising kids without embracing a particular religion. It's very gently put, focusing on what's best for the children and building/maintaining positive relationships. I can totally see parents returning to this volume for ideas and suggestions. It would also be a good resource for religious friends or family members who're worried about children in their lives being raised without religion.

A lot of what's in this book is pretty obvious to me, but I don't run in religious social circles, so I don't encounter the push-back a lot of other irreligious folks have to face.

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I reviewed this book here: http://turnthepagelisa.wordpress.com/...

[Aglika · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found the book very useful. To my knowledge the author is not an official expert on religion or a philosopher, she speaks from her experience of raising children as an agnostic in Texas. For me the book felt like speaking to a friend who already has passed through the parenting moments I still have in front of me, and could give me advice on how to deal with different issues without involving religion: as talking about death, mass religious celebrations like Christmas or Easter, dealing with religious peers, etc. Although the book is quite USA-centered and I live in Europe and hopefully will not need to face the same amount of criticism for my beliefs, it met and exceeded my expectations by covering things I didn’t even think about at the early stages of parenting.

[Becky S · Rating 5 out of 5]

A practical, reasonable guide to living & working among religious people, asserting the right to be free of proselytizing w/o insulting believers. The author lives & raises her children in Texas. Her approach is to avoid 'in your face' confrontations but to tactfully communicate. A good general child rearing manual, stressing spending time w/ children, talking and listening.

[Patricia O'Sullivan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Growing Up Godless, by Deborah Mitchell, is a series of essays, some of them quite short due to Mitchell’s signature directness, and others longer, rich with anecdotes and letters from readers of Mitchell’s blog: raisingkidswithoutreligion.net. Her approach is not that of a confrontational manifesto, but rather the heartfelt reflections of a mother raising her children to be respectful of the beliefs and traditions of others even as their own views are frequently not respected. However, this is not a book for atheists or agnostics only. Mitchell’s essays offer insights to people with a variety of starting points. Long-time non-believers may read Mitchell’s many personal experiences and those of her readers and feel that they are not alone in negotiating uncomfortable confrontations with believers. More recent religious drop-outs will benefit from Mitchell’s insights on raising children who are caring and independent thinkers. And for believers, Mitchell provides a window into the moral life of a non-believing family. Mitchell pushes herself and her children to be ethical. There are lessons here for everyone – not to rush to judgment about others, to give back to the community, to internalize goodness rather than play act at being good out of fear of hell or hope of heaven. One of my favorite of Mitchell’s suggestions for parents is to ask back to children their own questions. When her child asked, “Can two boys marry?” she responded, “Do you think two men should be allowed to marry?” Sometimes as parents we forget that many times kids don’t need answers, but encouragement to think things through on their own.

[Maura · Rating 2 out of 5]

I do wish there were an "aborted" rating on Goodreads. I am not used to writing my reviews on the books I read, but here I do want to clarify that I rated this book with only 2 starts mostly because I stopped reading it about 1/2 of the way through, and also because of the reason I chose to do so. It was overly preachy for my taste. And yes, the pun was intended (however much I usually dislike them). I didn't necessarily disagree with what the author was putting forth, but I didn't think it was anything new or different and I sort of got bored. Perhaps I was expecting more from it, when it simply remained what felt like a cookie-cutter parenting book, filled with often redundant anecdotal tales about how to deal with events/crises/questions in a child's life and development without depending on (resorting to?) the GOD story. In the end, I did not feel like I was benefiting from it in the way I had hoped, but do hope to find other, more compelling books in the future, that approach the same issues with more questions and new ideas.

[Lindsey · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wasn't familiar with Deborah Mitchell before picking up this book. It was nice to read practical parenting advice on how to raise well-rounded kids without religion. Parts of the book read like a memoir, which was really nice. Ms. Mitchell's anecdotes of her own personal struggles helped me identify with her as a mother and kept the book from feeling like a professional Mommy giving sage advice from on high. It didn't feel like she was talking at us; rather, it felt like she was telling us stories from the trenches to help us navigate the difficult waters of nonreligious parenting. Her philosophy of child-rearing is generous, kind, inclusive, tolerant, and loving. I was happy to identify a few ideas I've already implemented with my 3-year old daughter and I was even happier to find some new ones for when things get really complicated. I would recommend this book for all parents, not just nonreligious ones.

I received an ARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.

[William Charles · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ms. Mitchell compiled quite a number of moving accounts of people dealing with religionists in their communities. She also offers sage advice on raising children to be loving and compassionate without an Invisible Buddy in the mix.

I was fortunate enough to be quoted in it as well.

---

“I see a pattern where the randomness of human actions can be directed through probability for an overall cumulative and positive effect. All throughout our society there is a butterfly effect that we are most always oblivious to…I guess my message is to go boldly forth and increase the peace and love and know you are not alone. You may not always be aware of the others choosing to follow this same path as you, but they’re out there, and they’re making a difference.”

~ LanceThruster

[Cheryl · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was hoping for a lot more out of this book. It was not a guide at all but a bunch of essays organized by topic. I did enjoy it and appreciated some of the ideas but it wasn't what I thought it would be.

[Melinda · Rating 2 out of 5]

Eh. I was hoping for something a bit more coherent and instructive. This was less a "guide" and more a collection of blog posts reworked into a book.

[Julieanne Thompson · Rating 2 out of 5]

not very intellectually sound, full of anecdotal crap