"From the very first moment we come into this world, it's a struggle to survive. A rough and tumble journey of epic proportions awaits us, taunts us, even as we lie there wet and scared, mouths open to cry, eyes squinched shut with tears. It's a gasping breath of surprise that escapes us then, a strange, forgotten memory where we all wonder what we've gotten ourselves into."
This book was a difficult read for me. I mean it was such a great book, well written to a T. But the reality of it is, it's an ugly subject
Anorexia
, not only that but
Depression
,
Self-harm
, and
Suicide
all of these are touchy and intense subjects. But these things are REAL. They EXIST. And this story gives you the nitty gritty. All of the ugly you can take, drags you into the mind of Claire Simone..and lets you know exactly how she feels inside and what she's going through. And it's a tough ass cookie to crack.
"I realize absently that I hate myself. Maybe that's my problem? I just hate my own soul. How fucked up is that?"
And then slowly, she begins to heal, begins to mend and she sees that there is more to life than all of the ugliness she has been experiencing and all of the demons she has been fighting. She has these inner battles with herself that push her beyond the brink. And you feel her pain, you feel the struggle. But she finally gets to the point where she's determined to change.
To LOVE.
To LIVE.
To be.
"Right now, I'm living through the ugly. One day, I hope it can be beautiful again. I want to paint the world with pretty, to color the earth with joy and life and substance."
"See this recovery thing, it comes in stages. We don't just get to wave a magic want and grab onto a happily ever after but if we don't fight it, if we follow the path our hearts know is right, eventually we can make our way there."
Claire was almost alone, almost. Emmett Sinclair was her rock. He was determined to love her for all that she was, all that she wasn't..including all of her ugly. Her demons took a back seat when Claire realized that she in fact was capable of loving. And that she had been all along.
Emmett Sinclair is like a rock at the edge of the shore, and I am the waves that crash over and around it, desperate to be a apart of something different but unable to make the change."
And then it hits her, and you see it coming...and you feel it. Man her recovery just meant so much to her, it was everything. It meant pure freedom.
"You can be a beautiful as a size two or a six or sixteen or a six thousand. It doesn't matter. The body is just a byproduct of the mind, and although we can't control everything, we control a lot. Perception is half the battle."
I wasn't aware that this is actually a second book. I read this book before the first and I thought that it could be read as a stand alone, but in reality, you'll get the whole story once you read the books in order. All in all, even with all the ugliness of the subjects at hand in this book, the reality of it is that it is indeed real. These demons exist, they haunt people on a constant every day basis..and the brutal truth is, they don't always end up like Claire Simone.
"It's not just my parents who come to see me, not just my friends, but also my worst enemies. Self-Harm sits next to bulimia who's holding hands with Depression. I ignore them all and focus on Anorexia who's smiling at me from the end of the catwalk. My demons have come to cheer me on, to see what I've become without them, and I know that they'll be there, watching and waiting. But they're not a threat, not anymore. As long as I have love for myself, it fills that hole that's deep down inside, and there's nobody in the world that can take that away from me."