Related by Chance, Family by Choice: Transforming Mother-in-Law and Daughter-in-Law Relationships

by Deb DeArmond

The caricatures are everywhere, the jokes are inexhaustible, and the stereotypes fill the screens. From Marie Barone ( Everyone Loves Raymond ) to Viola Fields ( Monster-in-Law ) to Internet sites and social media pages like ihatemyinlaws.com and a Facebook page for ihatemymotherinlaw there is no shortage of examples of the caustic relationships that can develop between the two women in a man’s life. Deb DeArmond and her three daughters-in-law have conducted their own exhaustive research into the status of the women-in-law relationship. Their research, which incorporated online surveys, interviews, and discussions, included asking about the faith factor in the relationships they studied. Of the respondents, nearly 90 percent claimed they were Christians, and 79 percent said their faith was foundational and guided their actions and decisions. As discouraging as it may be, the numbers of those they surveyed who reported that their women-in-law relationships were “bad” were nearly identical to those in a survey conducted by a popular secular website that recorded no statistics on faith. Beyond the statistics and their analysis, Deb brings to this book more than thirty years working with adults to improve communications and deal constructively with conflict. Aside from her research and her professional expertise, perhaps the most important asset Deb brings to this work is her own relationship with her three daughters-in-law that is so obviously and unusually positive that she—and they—are often asked to explain the secret of the relationships they share. This practical and unapologetically scriptural book covers issues of personal perceptions, strained communication, the roles of sons and fathers in the relationship’s success, how to begin these relationships on the right foot, and the necessity of trust and love. Deb’s one motivating objective is to help women-in-law move from women who are simply related to strong and confident members of a truly spiritual family.

Genres: Nonfiction, Marriage, Christian Non Fiction

208 pages, Paperback

First published October 1, 2013

About the author

Deb DeArmond is an author, a speaker, and relationship coach—helping her clients improve their interactions at work and at home. Her first book, Related by Chance, Family by Choice: Transforming Mother-in-Law and Daughter-in-Law Relationships was released in November 2013 by Kregel Publications.

Deb’s passion is family dynamics and her writing explores marriage, grandparenting, in-law and extended family relationships. I Choose You Today: 31 Choices to Make Love Last is her second book. 31 quick-read chapters identify the choices that bring us together as a couple and keep us strong throughout our lives. Don't Go to Bed Angry. Stay Up and Fight! is on the topic of conflict. While the focus is on marriage, the tools will work to support difficult conversations in any important relationship. Both of these both are from Abingdon Press.

Deb followed a desire to inject some humor into life with a devotional based on bumper sticker sayings. If you'd like a chunk of Jesus and a hearty laugh as you learn, Bumper Sticker BeAttitudes is your ticket. From Elk Lake Publishing.

Her most recent book is a compilation for women at 50+. We May Be Done But We're Not Finished gathered 22 additional authors to share our belief that the rest of our life can be the best of our life. We have purpose, passion, and a personal commitment to the idea that adventure has no age limit. Also from Elk Lake Publishing.

Deb is wife to her high school sweetheart who showed her the path to become a Christ follower 48years ago. Mom to three incredible sons and daughters-in-law. Gigi to seven perfect grandboys and (finally!) one grandgirl. But Jesus is her favorite, and the others have learned to live with it.

Deb loves to travel, and considers herself a foodie. Her idea of the perfect job would be to travel on someone else’s dime, writing about her experiences, and eating her way around the world!

Deb and her husband Ron, live in the Dallas/Fort Worth area. Find Deb at Deb DeArmond/Family Matters

Reviews

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

There are many practical suggestions in this book, like don’t give advice unless asked, and many deeper thoughts based on scripture. Many a mother or daughter-in-law has become a believer partly because of their relationship with each other. This book is targeted to the mother-daughter-in-law relationship but many of the suggestions, especially about communication, could pertain to friendships between women too.

[Jalynn Patterson · Rating 5 out of 5]

About the Book:

The caricatures are everywhere, the jokes are inexhaustible, and the stereotypes fill the screens. From Marie Barone (Everyone Loves Raymond) to Viola Fields (Monster-in-Law) to Internet sites and social media pages like ihatemyinlaws.com and a Facebook page for ihatemymotherinlaw there is no shortage of examples of the caustic relationships that can develop between the two women in a man's life.

Deb De Armond and her three daughters-in-law have conducted their own exhaustive research into the status of the women-in-law relationship. Their research, which incorporated online surveys, interviews, and discussions, included asking about the faith factor in the relationships they studied. Of the respondents, nearly 90 percent claimed they were Christians, and 79 percent said their faith was foundational and guided their actions and decisions. As discouraging as it may be, the numbers of those they surveyed who reported that their women-in-law relationships were "bad" were nearly identical to those in a survey conducted by a popular secular website that recorded no statistics on faith.

Beyond the statistics and their analysis, Deb brings to this book more than thirty years working with adults to improve communications and deal constructively with conflict. Aside from her research and her professional expertise, perhaps the most important asset Deb brings to this work is her own relationship with her three daughters-in-law that is so obviously and unusually positive that she--and they--are often asked to explain the secret of the relationships they share.

This practical and unapologetically scriptural book covers issues of personal perceptions, strained communication, the roles of sons and fathers in the relationship's success, how to begin these relationships on the right foot, and the necessity of trust and love. Deb's one motivating objective is to help women in- law move from women who are simply related to strong and confident members of a truly spiritual family.



About the Author:

Deb De Armond has owned her own leadership training and executive coaching practice for fifteen years. She is an experienced speaker and writer with work appearing in WHOA Magazine and Dallas Family Magazine and a co-founder of mypurposenow.org—an online community for Christian women 50+. Deb and her husband, Ron, have three married sons and three grandchildren, and live in the Dallas/Fort Worth area. Find out more at debdearmond.com.

My Review:

The mother-in-law/daughter-in-law dynamic is a relationship that can be traced back to Bible times. But as in the story of Naomi and Ruth things went beautifully well but their relationship is definitely one for the record books. The author took her experiences with each of her three daughters-in-law and wrote a book on how to overcome a bad mix if there is one present, a transformation if you will of gigantic proportions. If one or the other of the relationship would with heart open wide and with God's backing would approach the other things could be handled alot differently.



The main item in any relationship that is important is communication and trust. I know my mother in law and I do not have a good relationship. And in so being with that I try to keep my distance in order for us all to get a little peace. But the author actually says that communication is key as long as it comes from a place of true love. In the book are self-assessments, tip sheets, action plans and prayers. So instead of just reading the book there are some action steps required to get your in-law relationship back on track. The main thing is you need to have a God centered relationship and let Him in on the process you are trying to take with the other individual.

**Disclosure** This book was sent to me free of charge for my honest review from Litfuse Publicity.

[Tammy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I hate to admit that after being married 8 years, this is the fist book I've read concerning the MIL/DIL relationship. This is the kind of book that should be read as soon as a mother/fiancé knows that marriage is on the horizon. I don't care how wonderful a MIL/DIL is, it's a relationship that comes with difficulties. I read this book because *I* have great room for improvement!! I don't always react to situations in the best way, and I welcomed some advice on how to be a better DIL. I wish it had been around for me to read when I first became engaged!

Deb writes this book with the experience of three "daughters-in-love". With three boys of my own, and Lord willing, 3 future DILs, I devoured her advice(from both sides!). I already pray for my sons' future wives, and I hope that I can be the kind of woman that they will grow to love as more than what is typically thought of with the term "mother-in-law". Despite the fact that my oldest is only 5, I already have so much great advice to ponder during the many years we wait to meet our DILs. I like that Deb's DILs get their part in the book, too. I will pray greatly that my DILs will love me as much as those girls love Deb!

Not only is there a great deal of advice and Bible verses concerning the MIL/DIL relationship, but much of the advice can be applied to ANY relationship. I found this greatly helpful! One of my personal goals this year is to focus on strengthening the various relationships I have with many different people. I can keep much of the advice Deb gives in mind for more than just my MIL or future DILs.

This is a super quick and simple read, so even if you're already in the busy planning stages of marriage, read this book! If you plan on having a MIL or DIL at any point, or if you already are one, this book is for you, too! I can't recommend it enough!

*Thanks to Kregel Publications for providing me with a review copy in exchange for my honest opinion.

[Havebooks Willread · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked this book very much. So often relationships between women-in-law are strained at the very least, if not downright antagonistic. I love that the author has great relationships with all three of her daughters-in-law, and I want to have similar relationships with any sons or daughters-in-law I might be blessed with in the future.

[Michael Boling · Rating 5 out of 5]

In-laws. Those two words separated by a hyphen often represent what for some constitute one of the great challenges when it comes to marriage. There is an old adage that says you don’t just marry your spouse, you marry your spouse’s family as well. Far too often in the lives of many families, there is great conflict that arises between the married couple and the in-laws. Perhaps this is due somewhat to the feeling that nobody is good enough for my daughter or son or the lack of understanding of the balance that needs to exist between parents continuing to be parents and the need to allow the married couple to leave the parental umbrella and cleave to their spouse as a separate entity. In recognition of this important issue, specifically the need for a healthy godly relationship between mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws, speaker and author Deb DeArmond has written a helpful book called Related by Chance, Family by Choice

As the title of the book implies, the DeArmond places her focus on the need to transform mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationships. She notes at the outset of this book the overall problem is there “are two women who love the same man. One as mother, the other as wife.” Using valuable research conducted through focus groups, online surveys and personal interviews, DeArmond has been able to obtain a great deal of insight into why this is an important to address for married women and their mother-in-laws. Interesting in a negative sense, DeArmond reports their research, in particular the information gleaned from their online surveys, reveals less than half of the respondents reported their relationship with their mother-in-law or daughter-in-law to be good or close.

DeArmond begins the book by examining why love needs to be an integral part of the mother-in-law/dauther-in-law (MIL/DIL) relationship. By noting the characteristics that are inherent to the concept of “law” and in contrast, what love demands in a relationship as revealed in Scripture, DeArmond declares that having a proper understanding that love should ground all relationships, “There’s an element of promise, hope, and possibility.” Biblically, we have an obligation as obedient children of God to love God and love others and this of course includes the MIL/DIL relationships that are far too often devoid of love and focused more on what the individual wants, leaving the MIL/DIL pair at odds instead of learning how to get along and build a godly and giving relationship.

I appreciated the use of Ruth and Naomi as an example of how the MIL/DIL relationship can work in a positive manner. The story found in the book of Ruth is one of relationship born out of some very difficult challenges and situations. As noted by DeArmond, “The story of Naomi and her daughter-in-law, Ruth, gives us insight about what can happen if God is involved in the relationship.” In other words, when God is at the center of a relationship, positive things will result. DeArmond also aptly states that it is often the condition of our hearts that can determine a successful MIL/DIL relationship. Two hearts set on serving God and serving others will in turn be focused on what is best for one another, seeking to build a relationship not on personal preferences or selfish behaviors, but on building one another up in the things of God.

What does a healthy MIL/DIL relationship look like, especially in terms of the necessity for the married couple to leave the parental umbrella to form their own godly household? In order to answer that important question, the concept of leaving and cleaving must be grasped and DeArmond does an excellent job of elaborating just what that is all about. This is indeed one of the most difficult aspects of the MIL/DIL relationship and arguably where most of the relational rub if you will takes place. Typical daughter-in-law response: “How dare she tell me how to take care of my husband. He is my husband and she needs to butt out.” Typical mother-in-law response: “If she would have just listened to me, that would never have happened. I know my son as after all, I raised him from my own loins.” Those who fail to fully leave and cleave will soon realize that mistake “deprives a couple of the intimacy and independence vital to a healthy marriage.” Leaving and cleaving, as rightly outlined by DeArmond, involves issues such as financial and spiritual matters. A healthy break-up between the children and their parents is a necessity, and DeArmond provides a plethora of helpful and timely advise for how to deal with a variety of situations that will need the balance of parenting and leaving and cleaving to be a part of the mix for a healthy MIL/DIL and marital relationship.

As a husband, I found this book to be very helpful for me to gain a better understanding of MIL/DIL relationship dynamics. DeArmond provides the reader with not just helpful anecdotal stories that relate to the topic of the book, but more importantly, she drives home valuable biblical principles for what a godly MIL/DIL relationship looks like and why it is absolutely necessary for a healthy marriage. Each chapter concludes with a self-assessment and plan of action that feed back into the material found in that chapter in such a way that it forces the reader to stop, take stock of what they have read, analyze how it applies to their own personal situation, and it provides them the ability to develop a way forward to address any issues that may be rearing their ugly heads in their lives.

For MIL/DIL relationships that need some mending, this is a book that will help sew broken bonds back together. It will keep those MIL/DIL relationships that are healthy to stay on course. I highly recommend this book for engaged couples, married couples, counselors, pastors and any and all wives, husbands, mothers-in-laws, and fathers-in-laws. It is indeed a book focused on women, however, men would do well to read the sound biblical advise provided by Deb DeArmond in her excellent book.

I received this book for free from Kregel Publications for this review. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

[Cody Wood · Rating 5 out of 5]

Right on advice!

Very biblical. Honest. Eye-opening to both sides of the MIL/DIL relationship.
I recommend this book to anyone wanting to hear truth behind our relationships as WIL.

[Ann · Rating 4 out of 5]

Around six years ago before my son got married, I decided that I wanted to get informed and educated on mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law, so I read a book on the subject. I’m finding it interesting now to be doing this book review on this subject at hand and it pleases me. A topic, which I must say is not always well talked about. Most often it is discouraging. So I was curious as to what this author had to say about this matter, which more than often seems to be controversial.

I was so blessed and encouraged by the reading of this book! It is written for Christian women, yet I would be completely at ease to buy it for a non-Christian woman. I firmly believe that she would be encouraged by her words and intentions. Of course all the way through the book the accent is placed on God, prayer, forgiveness, thinking more of others than our self and reconciliation. These are not trivial aspects of our relationships with our mother-in-law or daughter-in-law. But they are just “good old common sense”; knowing how to act and live in unity of family while respecting ourselves, our past, our heritage, our limits, and all these things that we seem to forget to discuss together.

So many things seemed normal, but that is probably because I have an excellent relationship with my daughter-in-love! So for me these things just felt normal. Yet on the other hand, when she started explaining the position of you being the daughter-in-law…ouch!!! That sort of changed the vision I was having in my reading. Up until then my interpretation was quite easy reading and lets say I wasn’t having any issues with what the author was saying.

DeArmond touches all facets, being a mother-in-law, having a daughter-in-law and being a daughter-in-law yourself. In my case, I can say I have all three! It’s fantastic to see all three angles, the different visions and situations. She gives all sorts of examples.

- Imagine a man, example your son (or husband), he finds himself caught up in this trio!

- If things aren’t going well between you… whom will he choose between his mom and his wife???

She talks about this kind of situation and she does give the answer of course.

- The answer is the Wife, the Bible is clear. The man shall leave his father and mother …

However it’s as she explains, many times moms clearly seem to put aside this verse in their minds and Charlie is always to be hers! Euh… no!

The book is filled with wonderful examples and surveys’ that help us to realize the sad reality that even among Christian’s relationships between mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws are not very good. This ought not be so. We ought to be capable of talking and praying for one another in our relationships.

Another thing I great appreciated was how at the end of every chapter she used the story of Ruth and Naomi to make a parallel with our own relationship. This was encouraging to see how we could learn from them and apply it our own lives.

I will permit myself to add a small personal critic here. I had the impression that in the last three chapters at certain times she was repeating herself. I believe that it would have been possible to do either two small chapters or one longer one and that would have been sufficient.

You will get a very good idea of your actual relationship because at the end of every chapter there is an evaluation sheet with questions. In short, it’s a book that makes you ponder and then pushes you to action. Impossible to read this book without being motivated to desire a better relationship, either as a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law.

Finally I’d say that we’d desire to be a better person in our different roles! DeArmond has attained her goal if you’d ask me. Because I can say that I’m truly happy that I’m not a mother-in-law by chance but by choice!

Ann L Beaulieu

* I have received a free copy of the book “Related by Chance, Family by Choice” by Kregel Publications. However I am under no obligation to write a positive review. These are entirely my own personal opinions and thoughts expressed according to my own discernment.

[Stephanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Life Changing

I have been married for just over a year and I wish I'd read this sooner! I have a wonderful MIL but she is so wonderful that sometimes it makes it hard to feel like there is any room for me. This book shows me how to develop my bond with my husband AND love and support his mother. I'd recommend this to any women starting a new relationship as MIL or DIL.

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

Title: RELATED BY CHANCE, FAMILY BY CHOICE
Author: Deb DeArmond
Publisher: Kregel Publications
October 2013
ISBN: 978-0825443251
Genre: relationships

The caricatures are everywhere, the jokes are inexhaustible, and the stereotypes fill the screens. From Marie Barone (Everyone Loves Raymond) to Viola Fields (Monster-in-Law) to Internet sites and social media pages like ihatemyinlaws.com and a Facebook page for ihatemymotherinlaw there is no shortage of examples of the caustic relationships that can develop between the two women in a man’s life.

Deb DeArmond and her three daughters-in-law have conducted their own exhaustive research into the status of the women-in-law relationship. Their research, which incorporated online surveys, interviews, and discussions, included asking about the faith factor in the relationships they studied. Of the respondents, nearly 90 percent claimed they were Christians, and 79 percent said their faith was foundational and guided their actions and decisions. As discouraging as it may be, the numbers of those they surveyed who reported that their women-in-law relationships were “bad” were nearly identical to those in a survey conducted by a popular secular website that recorded no statistics on faith.

Beyond the statistics and their analysis, Deb brings to this book more than thirty years working with adults to improve communications and deal constructively with conflict. Aside from her research and her professional expertise, perhaps the most important asset Deb brings to this work is her own relationship with her three daughters-in-law that is so obviously and unusually positive that she—and they—are often asked to explain the secret of the relationships they share.

This practical and unapologetically scriptural book covers issues of personal perceptions, strained communication, the roles of sons and fathers in the relationship’s success, how to begin these relationships on the right foot, and the necessity of trust and love. Deb’s one motivating objective is to help women-in- law move from women who are simply related to strong and confident members of a truly spiritual family.

RELATED BY CHANCE, FAMILY BY CHOICE is written by a woman who has apparently mastered the relationship issues. I’m not there yet—none of my children are married—but someday I hope to have a good relationship with their wives. The book has some invaluable advice, includes a prayer, and a plan of action for each chapter, with plenty of room to write, if you like to write in books.

I hope to be able to make use of some of the ideas in this book, and bridge the fine line between being too-involved, to not involved. My own mother-in-law doesn’t seem to care less. She has no opinions, and there is only a once-a-year visit sometime turning the holidays, at her house. There is virtually no relationship. I’d like more than that someday with the women my sons marry. As for my MIL, maybe I’ll follow some of the tips in this book and see if that will make a difference. If you want a great relationship with your DIL or MIL, then RELATED BY CHANCE, FAMILY BY CHOICE is a book to consider. $13.99 paperback, $9.99 kindle. 208 pages.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Okay, I’ve heard it all – first hand – I don’t need to go to the Internet to find out that in law relationships are often rocky, sometimes they can be down right hostile. I saw the daughter-in-law, mother-in-law conundrum through out my growing up years and so I thought that is the way it’s supposed to be and in almost 13 years of marriage to my husband I haven’t really done anything to nurture the relationship with his mom. Sadly. I read this book both as a daughter-in-law and a someday mother-in-law and it was eye opening – I think I’ll be seeking out copies to gift to my daughters and my daughter-in-law (whoever she may be) when they marry so that they can have a beautiful relationship with their mother-in-law.

Actually, it was on Facebook when I was first heard someone using the term daughter-in-love. What!? I couldn’t believe there was a mom who loved her son’s wife? Wow!? I’d love to have that relationship with my son’s wife and also have a good relationship to whoever marries my precious daughters (that won’t be the goth guy who checked out my Whovian daughter at Walmart last week!). Throughout the book there are tip sheets which will help get the relationship back on track, it may never be perfect, but it can be better than what you have now – if you have a strained relationship. Let’s face it – holidays are hard enough without the added stress of the in-law tension going on.

Also are self assessments where questions are asked then, honestly, you answer them depending on strongly agreeing, strongly disagreeing, etc to give you a bigger picture of your in-law relationships. Filled with Scriptural facts and also based on the story of Ruth and Naomi you’ll find yourself believing and actually working on your relationship with that in-law, be it mother or daughter. Deb also addresses what you can do if the relationship is hostile and one or the other fails to want to work on the relationship – that being said she’s had a great relationship with her daughters-in-laws from the get-go but she writes with a compassion and understanding that one doesn’t usually see in someone who hasn’t experienced something first hand.

**I was provided a copy of this book from Litfuse Publicity in exchange for posting my honest opinion, no other compensation was given.

[Lis - The Indigo Quill · Rating 5 out of 5]

See full review @ The Indigo Quill: http://theindigoquill.blogspot.com/20...

I received a free copy from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.

Wow, this is probably one of the most useful self-help books I have ever picked up in my life. There are a million-and-one great resources you can use to put a dent in your in-law relationships. God knows I've experienced both sides of the spectrum! Deb Armond exhibits class and grace in achieving healthy God-focused interaction between mothers and daughters-in law alike. She answers questions like "Does it have to be bad? Can we all just get along?" or "What does it mean to leave and cleave?" All important issues that are avoided, dreaded, or often misunderstood.

The format of Related by Chance, Family by Choice is very easily translated and organized almost as a workbook. After each chapter, DeArmond provides the reader(s) a "Self-assessment" and "Plan of Action" to create a more positive approach for progress in MIL/DIL interaction. In my opinion, these approaches seem very practical and just might work. We tackle the cause and effect of experience, belief, action and world as well as tips for the DIL to "make the break" and the MIL to, dare I say it, "Help them go."

"What's the outcome of disrespectful behavior toward your MIL?" is another hot topic to be discussed in this book. Critical, but effective approaches to acknowledging the issues that can appear and how to handle them. I think one of my favorites was "Learn what your MIL's love language is." Granted, it can prove to be advantageous to learn anyones language as a means of communication, but it makes perfect sense in this vital part of one's circle of life. The book isn't just for the DIL, but DeArmond also talks directly to the MIL's and their expectations. Without giving everything away, we are provided well organized alternatives to getting defensive and creating a much more positive environment where the most important player, God, wins.

I think this book can be incredibly useful. I plan on keeping it on my bookshelf for future reference and lending it out to my friends and family. Actually, I already have about 3 people in line to borrow it from me! 5 stars for Miss DeArmond.

[Lindsey Silvestrini · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mother in laws notoriously get a bad wrap. I have many friends that I have heard complain and tell horror stories. So what is it about this relationship that is so flawed? Deb DeArmond eloquently and frankly discusses her insights in Related by Chance, Family by Choice.

I guess I am lucky and fairly unique in that I actually like my mother in law! We definitely had a few bumps in the road in the beginning but the bottom line is, we both love her son. It's not a competition. So why are so many women battling it out with their mother in laws?

This book is truly insightful and offers Biblical examples and truths about this age old relationship. I loved the format in that she breaks it down with nothing but honesty and truth. There are self-assesments that are really eye opening if you answer them truthfully as well as a Plan of Action at the end of each chapter.

I think that these interactive tools are what really makes thing sink in and hit home and enables you to apply them to your life. It's easy to read something and think "yea, that's really true" but then moments later it's forgotten. DeArmond has not only given great wisdom on the topic; she has given the tools to be able to help even the most challenging of relationships so that true change is possible.

I really enjoyed Related by Chance, Family by Choice and appreciated it's truth. Even though I don't have a "monster in-law" there was still a lot of wisdom to be gleaned and amazing truths to hold onto.

[Karen Hewitt · Rating 5 out of 5]

Its the standard thought...THE TERRIBLE MOTHER IN LAW! However I really lucked out and have developed a great relationship with mine. Deb's book focuses on Christ related ways to change the dynamics from negative to positive or improve good relationships to great.

One of the first tasks in the book is to assess your relationship and even though I got a good score in how I viewed the dynamic between myself and my MIL there was still room for improvement.

I enjoyed how the book not only gave Biblical Principles to utilize in this development process, it also gave chances to assess and plan out changes for each stage. This was done without placing any blame on either party instead explaining how each side can view the same event with two different opinions.

there are multiple true to life examples throughout the book that are easily relate-able and even if you havent experienced them you will know someone who has, each example will show both sides and steps to either accepting what is going on or making changes within yourself that could change the other person as well in order to bridge the gap.

I did enjoy the book and developed ways in which not only can I improve the relationship with my mother in love but also with other family members. This would be a strong recommendation from myself should you want to develop these dynamics.

Disclaimer - I did receive a copy of the book for review purposes, my opinions are 100% my own

[Sharon · Rating 4 out of 5]

I got this book as a first readers winner. I learned some things as I read the book and took the assessments in regards to my Daughter-in-law and my mother-in-law. Reading the book from the prospective of a MIL and a DIL gave me pause through most of the book. However, I decided part way through to concentrate on my relationship with my own DIL since she is the one I am in the process of a relationship with and not my own MIL since that is in the winding down stage. I would recommend this book and would love it if my DIL would read it too and we could discuss it at some point in time over the next few years. She is a young mother and working on her marriage so I do not feel like now is the time to ask her to do this but will bring it up in discussions from time to time. We do have meaningful conversations that will allow that.

I think whether you have a great, good or struggling relationship with your in-law - this book would be an encouragement to you. I already have a friend asking to borrow my book as soon as I am finished.

[Virginia Garrett · Rating 5 out of 5]

I once read, “If marriage was illegal, only outlaws would have in-laws.”

This is a great book! It is full of wisdom, practical steps, probing questions, and Scripture to get us to develop true relationships with our in-laws.

Please visit here.

Deb DeArmond is celebrating the release of her book, Related by Chance, Family by Choice, with a “Day of Bonding” Spa giveaway!


relatedbychance-400
One winner will receive:

A $200 SpaFinder gift card (perfect for a pampering day of bonding)
Related by Chance, Family by Choice by Deb DeArmond (2 copies)
Enter today by clicking one of the icons below. But hurry, the giveaway ends on November 30th. Winner will be announced December 2nd at Deb’s blog.



Don’t miss a moment of the fun; enter today and be sure to stop by Deb’s blog on December 2nd to see if you won.



I received a free copy of this book from the publisher for the purpose of review.

[Sharon Chance · Rating 5 out of 5]

DeArmond uses the biblical story of Ruth and Naomi as the focal example of an ideal in-law relationship throughout the book, including in the study guides that follow each chapter with a "What Would Ruth and Naomi Do?" type of thought provoking conversation starter. She also includes real-life examples of good and bad relationships, and stories from her own relationships with her three daughters-in-laws. And, DeArmond includes her DILs' in the mix with a chapter devoted to their thoughts and stories about their relationship with their mother-in-love, as they call DeArmond.

"Related By Chance, Family By Choice" is a faith-based, highly spiritual book that will change the lives of those who need the advice and wisdom contained within these pages.

I highly recommend this book to those girls about to be married, those moms whose sons are about to bring someone new into the family, and to anyone who has had a difficult relationship with their in-laws.

[Mary-ann · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an amazing book, it is a book about relationships, and that of specifically of the daughter-in-law, mother-in-law relationship.
I really liked the way the author makes us view the relationship; is it law or love? If we look at the relationship from the love aspect… that is mother-in-love or daughter-in-love, how much easier would that make the relationship?
This is a wonderful book for young women looking to get married, or in a relationship, to help build her relationship to her spouse’s mother, and good for mother’s to read for help with a relationship with their son’s wife, or girlfriend.
I like the format of the book, at the end of every chapter there is a “tip sheet” and a self-assessment for the reader to go through. I think that this book can be read alone, or done in a group, or a mother-in-law to daughter-in-law could go through this together, to bring them closer.
It is written based on scripture, and written according to Titus chapter 2.
Well done!

[Brianna · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’m unsure as to how I want to begin writing this review for Related by Chance, Family by Choice. The book alone was wonderful and well written but it didn’t apply to me, or at least I thought so. Deb DeArmond did an absolutely lovely job at writing this and with the physical interaction and questions within each chapter is something that I look for when I read books like this.Yet, I’m not married but am in a relationship of 3 ½ years. I just felt that this title wasn’t for me, but it could really help out those that are in this role as a daughter-in-law. Building that relationship whether it started out bad or good I believe that this could really be of some help to others.
Therefore, I’m giving Related by Chance, Family by Choice 3/5 Stars.

[Jodie Wolfe · Rating 4 out of 5]

You may have heard the topic as the brunt of a joke or sitcom situations on TV - the relationship between a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Author Deb DeArmond explores the struggles women often face as they transition into these new roles. They have one common bond - a man they both dearly love - one through marriage, and the other through motherhood.

I found this book to be quite insightful as both a daughter-in-law and a fairly recent mother-in-law. Any woman in either of these situations can benefit from reading this insightful book. The reader will find it filled with ways to nurture and improve relationships, while also providing hope and ideas for cultivating restoration from damaged communications too. I highly recommend it.

This book was provided free for review.

[JoJo Sutis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Family…you can’t live without them, but living with them isn’t always a bed of roses.
And mother-in-laws….oh, don’t even go there!!!
If your relationship with your MIL isn’t what it could be, I highly recommend that you pick up Deb’s book.
Here’s why…
#1 it’s honest- the author doesn’t sugar coat the difficulties & dynamics of the MIL/DIL relationship.
#2 it’s helpful- the tools in this book are unlike anything I’ve seen before & really get you digging into the heart of the problem.
#3 it’s hopeful- you (yes…you!) can have a better relationship with your MIL & this book is a great place to start!

[Joan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an excellent book. DeArmond writes from her research and her own experience. She has three daughters-in-law and has worked with many in-law relationships. Her wisdom and tips are great. There is an assessment at the end of each chapter, a plan of action with questions, and a prayer. This is a very good book for any one with in-law relationships, wanting to establish a good one or repair a damaged one. This is also good for people anticipating having an in-law soon. See my full review at http://bit.ly/1ah949Q.

[Ann Gemmel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Again - another great read with so much wisdom to apply to a relationship that most women will experience and has gotten some really, really bad reputations through the years. So grateful I came across this early in my journey as a mom-in-law.

[Camden Morgante · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some good insight and practical application but I found it hard to rely on the word of a woman who has no expertise in the area other than being a mother in law to 3 daughters in law. She cites "interviews" (probably just stories of people she knows) and no research or facts.

[Debbi Childers · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must read.

I found this book to be very insightful and easy to read. It's presentation is well thought out and there is biblical reference to support her advice.

[Hannah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved loved loved this book!! So challenging!