Mother's Milk

by Andrew Breslin

Buy directly from ENC Press: $15.00 A young, emphatically non-idealistic attorney finds herself in Washington, DC, working for a group of radical nutrition advocates with a passionate distaste for cow milk. Little does she suspect that their militant intolerance for lactose is a reaction to a secret global conspiracy orchestrated by the dairy industry, itself a puppet of alien masters from a distant planet orbiting the star Vega.

These Vegans (the ones from Vega, not the other kind) have been running things on Earth for thousands of years through mind-controlling substances secreted by the cows they brought here long ago, but now one of Cindy’s colleagues, socially inept mathematician Eddie Fishman, has discovered an innovative analytical technique that may expose their nefarious schemes. When Eddie is captured, Cindy teams up with cranky old anti-conspiracy veteran Tom Logan and a host of other rabble-rousing extremists to rescue Eddie and put an end to the diabolical (albeit delicious) machinations, all the while pursued by the dapper but devious “milk thugs” and fighting her own overwhelming desire for lattes and cheesecake.

Genres: Humor

246 pages, trade paperback

First published January 1, 2005

Reviews

[Robert · Rating 5 out of 5]

Combine Mark Helprin's "Memoir from Antproof Case", Christopher Buckley's "Thank You for Smoking" and sprinkle them liberally with outtakes from William F. Buckley's "The Right Word" and you have just begun to capture Mother's Milk. Andrew Breslin is one of the best new author's I've read. The story is tight and original, the action swift and the language both intelligent and humorous. Saying more with my lesser words would only delay you from getting your own copy and starting it today.

Simply put, buy this book - and when you're done, tell your friends.

[Andrew Breslin · Rating 5 out of 5]

So yes: shameless self promotion reviewing my own book. And big surprise that I gave it five stars, eh? No false modesty here. But hell: I think it's a great book. I think you will too, if you have any taste whatsoever. My biggest influences are Kurt Vonnegut and Douglas Adams, so if you like that sort of thing, I think you'll like this. And I think we should go out for a beer too.

I tried, first and foremost, to entertain people with interesting characters, amusing dialogue, quirky turns of phrase, and lots of really really weird shit. I also wanted to make people think a little. To think about the various food industries, think about where food comes from and where information about food comes from, and to think about conflict of ideas and the best ways to resolve those conflicts. To think about whether or not coming off as raving nutjobs is the best approach to achieving social progress and change.

I hope I succeeded. You should read it and find out if I did.


P.S. Your latte is your enemy. The dairy industry controls the government and has enslaved you with psychic mind-control. Duh.

[Kelara · Rating 4 out of 5]

Mother's Milk is an entertaining read. It's the story of a lawyer named Cindy who takes on a case against the milk industry. She soon realizes, however, that there's more to milk than meets the eye.

While the story does start off slow, it gets better once the plot picks up. There's explosions, gunshots, the works. The characters are very likeable. I particularly liked Cindy's constant sarcasm. It's a mystery about cows and aliens--what's not to like? I really liked the ending as well; not what I expected. All in all, a great read...but I'll still be enjoying my ice cream on a regular basis.

[Larry · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy meets the milk industry for a delicious weirdshake. Very odd and very entertaining. Breslin never fails to deliver bizarre characters with insightful commentary and conspiracy theories. You'll want an extra latte to stay up reading this one. Five stars!

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Andrew Thomas Breslin’s “Mother’s Milk” is a chaotic intertwining of culture, etymology, global conspiracies and terrifying heroics: all of which converge as a result of dairy consumption. Littered throughout with literary quotations surrounding milk, its origin and spiritual influences, the novel encompasses a huge breadth of social history, making for a complex overlap of ideas so involving that fiction and truth become mangled together.

What begins as an investigation into the potentially harmful consequences of cow milk by the spunky and sarcastic Cindy Kichlklug, attorney at law, transforms into a full-fledged war involving: the entire dairy industry, an eccentric and socially-inept mathematician, an underground milk resistance, and a coercive dictatorship of unimaginable influence.

At once mysterious, intriguing, cynical and witty, Breslin’s work astutely observes the nature of law, politics, and survival. After completing “Mother’s Milk,” I hesitate to dilute my coffee with milk, leaning instead towards the alternative of the resistance: mind-freeing soy.

[Jaedon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mother's Milk was, simply put, a blast to read. It is the story of a young lawyer named Cindy Kichlklug (a last name contrived by the author, I am convinced, purely to confound his readers for his own entertainment) who agrees to represent a fringe advocacy group called the True Foods Project. At first, they seem to be a harmless bunch of lunatics with a grudge against the dairy industry, but she quickly learns that there is far more their story, much to her dismay.

This is a story that I was really able to appreciate right from the beginning. It was written by an author with a vivid imagination and a deep appreciation of language. The story moves at an appropriate pace, not going from the mundane to the absurd so fast that its entirely implausible. The reader is gently (or occasionally explosively) walked through the layers of the plot. Breslin is a man inspired, mixing bits of trivia with a sharpened, sarcastic wit and an ability to tell a completely bizarre and yet somehow totally believable story. As the story progresses, it takes on an almost dystopian feel right out of Orwell, Huxley, or Zamyatin.

All things considered, I highly recommend Mother’s Milk to anyone who appreciates a well-written story. Even if you do not normally like the science-fiction genre, give this book a chance. You won’t be disappointed.

[Melody Feldman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Cindy Kichlklug is a young lawyer in Washington D.C. who recently unemployed, begrudgingly agrees to work on the behalf of a radical anti-dairy organization called the True Foods Project. At first her main concerns are their lack of organization, and lack of funding, but she soon becomes broiled in a global conspiracy created by aliens known as Vegans (pronounced vay-gun) from the star Vega.

Vegans have forced mind control on humanity through the use of cow milk, and the True Foods Project has become dangerously close to exposing them. Cindy, a dairy lover herself, is thrown into the midst of this conspiracy. To survive Cindy teams up with a socially-inept mathematician, a wily old man with more than a few tricks up his sleeve and a host of rousing other characters including a cow named Bessie.

Cindy must learn to appreciate soymilk, battle 'milk thugs' and her own dairy withdrawals in order to survive. Breslin's wonderful satire will cause you to laugh out loud, and seriously rethink reaching for that glass of cool, frothy milk.

[doug · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic book. Somebody-I forget who-told me about this guy so I checked out his book and absolutely loved it. Highly recommended.

[Brittany · Rating 5 out of 5]

Andrew Thomas Breslin’s “Mother’s Milk” attracted me for two reasons. First, I hate milk and have problems with dairy and secondly, because I love a good conspiracy theory. The novel starts out slowly, and I began to think it was all going to be a novel full of jargon and etymology I didn’t really understand but appreciated. But of course, Breslin didn’t throw anything in there without a purpose and it all plays out into a crazy, fast-paced story that the reader can’t put down without anxiously anticipating what is going to happen next.

The story follows Cindy Kicklklug, a lawyer and dessert-lover who reluctantly got involved with the True Foods Project, in an effort to make a living. She quickly finds out they aren’t the most organized group ever, and when the office explodes one day just after she left it, she realizes there may have been more to the project than just a bunch of wacked-out people creating conspiracies. Release the milk thugs and insert Logan, the old founder and lawyer of the True Foods Project, and Eddie, the loveable mathematician who only wants the world to be as excited about his discovery as he is.

The general premise – without giving too much away! – involves a group of aliens from the planet Vega that have been trying to control (and inevitably destroy) the world via lactose. The history and etymology Breslin incorporates leaves you wondering what ELSE your history teachers were leaving out. It is also is very reminiscent of Dan Brown’s “The Da Vinci Code” in it’s style and fast-paced movement with little comprehension of the actual details. But unlike Da Vinci’s secrets, the dairy conspiracy is very relatable and brings up a lot of good points about our society; namely, why ARE we the only species to drink another species milk? And we do we put a bunch of stuff in our body we aren’t equipped to digest? Who decided this? Breslin has a knack for taking something you may have only passed over in thought and making you believe that he may not be far off the mark. He is also a very skilled writer, with the ability to intertwine intelligence, excellent writing, a good story, and TONS of humor all in one novel. I would definitely recommend “Mother’s Milk” for those who possess even the smallest amount of intolerance for dairy and a huge love for conspiracies and good writing.

[Dara Salley · Rating 4 out of 5]

For all my friends who enjoy conspiracy theories, and I know I have a few, I would recommend this book. The book will cause you to stretch your powers of suspending belief. The conspiracy in the book runs through the entire history of humanity, many levels of American government and into outer space. Once you get on board with the underlying idea you can just sit back and enjoy the ride.

I enjoyed the writing style of this novel, and for me that is half the battle. There is a lot of information to take in, but it is liberally sprinkled with humor, which makes it more palatable. I can tell the author had a lot of fun finding cow and milk themed quotes, and I have to say that they were one of my favorite parts of the novel. You may not think there are very many quotes about cows, but you would be wrong.

I think the trick in a book with a premise like this is to make it humorous, but also maintain enough credibility to keep you invested in the characters. I think Andrew Breslin achieved this because I was rooting for the main characters. By the end I was rather anxious to find out how it would be resolved. I also noticed that anytime my attention started to wander there was an explosion or abduction.

The book pre-dates the television show, but I saw an interesting correlation between the three main characters and Olivia Dunham and Peter and Walter Bishop on Fringe. The grouping of skeptical woman, math genius and older, slightly insane man is a winning combination in both media.

I may pause before drinking a glass of milk in the future.

[Kimberly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Andrew Thomas Breslin’s, “Mother’s Milk” is a satirical novel that tackles the dairy conspiracy: we as humans drink milk from a mammal that does not even drink its own milk after birth. Cindy Kichlklug is a young lawyer who teams up with the quirky mathematician, Eddie to sue and exploit the truths about the dairy industry. Breslin’s story introduces aliens from the star Vega that aim to control the world through the consumption of dairy. As Cindy and her team, the True Foods Project unravel the secrets about the milk world, what they find will surely get the reader thinking about human nature, politics and control, and what it is they really are consuming when they reach for dairy.
Breslin’s characters are humorous and unique and this science fiction world he creates is strangely fantastic. I am not usually a fan of science fiction, but Breslin manages to intertwine the milk phenomena in a creative and honest way with appreciation to the power of voice and the origins of language. At times I felt like the author was speaking directly to me about the derivation of words, teaching me how over time they have changed and picked up other influences to mean other things. Breslin uses this as a metaphor to show how culture affects behavior and dictates what humans believe to be true about society. “Mother’s Milk” is an interesting and entertaining read from cover to cover and is a story that, milk fans or not, will nurse any reader.

[Kmurphy · Rating 5 out of 5]

For Andrew Thomas Breslin’s novel Mother Milk, there really aren’t quite words to describe how sensationally weird it is. Between a global conspiracy and aliens from outer space, this piece of work hits such a high note from the very start.

The story revolves around Cindy Kichlklug, a lawyer based in Washington D.C. who begins working first-hand with True Foods Project, food advocates who are out for blood with the milk industry.

The plot weaves between the history of milk and aliens who are looking to change the way humans consume dairy. And in the process, what Breslin does is create a satirical, humorous novel that takes a deep look at our own personal relationships with dairy.

Through unique characters and a great use of science fiction, Breslin takes a good hard look at cultural aspects that shape who we are and what we do.

This laugh-out-loud novel is a must for anyone who wants to take a step out of their comfort zone and try something new, or heck, even for someone who just wants to take in some really good writing.

[Rebecca · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a wonderful book! Thoroughly entertaining, and educational at the same time. I like that in a book.

[Mark Rayner · Rating 4 out of 5]

As one of the small percentage of Caucasians that is lactose intolerant, and the son of a woman herself obsessed with the evils of milk drinking, I was prepared for the idea that products of the dairy industry were part of vast conspiracy to control our minds.

I wasn't ready for the idea that the conspiracy was controlled by aliens from the planet Vega.

This is the bizarre milieu of Andrew Thomas Breslin's Mother's Milk. The story follows a young, barely-employed lawyer, Cindy Kicklklug, working for a group of radical nutritionists known as the True Foods Project; one of their members – a mathematician who, like Cindy is no crusader, and is only working for the group "for the maths" – finds a way to prove that milk is the cause of numerous diseases, general gassiness, and oh, yeah, mind control. Things get a little out of hand after that.

Breslin's book is creamed with wit and it milks science, the law, and etymology to good effect. The only way the book goes off is its tendency to repeat things a wee bit (we are told many times that the product of one animal, the cow, is given an entire food group, which I agree, is suspicious, but I got the point after the first few times.) A minor curdling.

In addition to lashings of "milk thugs" and pails of black helicopters, the book also features, a kidnapped cow, a telepathic dolphin, and a cast of characters that spoof the lobbying industry with humor and great wit.

Recommended! And available directly from the publisher.

[Kalynn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Andrew Breslin's book Mother's Milk sends you into a world in which conspiracy theorists are sane and the rest of the world is nunts. In a, sometimes self-conciously, Douglas Adams like style the book tells the story of a dairy loving young attorney who takes a job with an anti milk non profit group to pay the bills. This exposes her to the vast alien conspiracy of the milk industry, and sets her on a run for her life.

I enjoyed this book. While, I found it slightly dense with information dump at points, I think the story moved fast. And despite the Adams like style, Breslin does his readers a favor by making his narrator all too believable. To thrust this very normal young woman into his bizarre world of conspiracy and aliens is why I think the book succeeds as well as it does.

I don't think this book is right for everyone, but if you are a little bit of a science nerd and your sense of humor runs to things like The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, I think you will enjoy it.

[Pam R. · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was my first 'win' in the Goodreads book drawings for free books. It is a much appreciated gift & kindness to someone who is a voracious reader of many genres.

I didn't know what to expect...but this book is a hoot. Doesn't quite fit with Sci-fi, but definitly in the same vein as 'Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy'.

The plot of the book has been well written about & discussed already, so I won't be redundant. It starts slowly, but gathers speed & humor. Try it, you'll like it!!

Thanks for the fun read & picking me to be a 'winner' of the book.

[Wendy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Mother's Milk is witty, sarcastic, vegan-friendly, and full of conspiracy theories--all of my favorites!! I was loving this book about halfway into it. Then it started to get a little strange with aliens and psychic dolphins and all. Still, I found that I couldn't stop reading. It took me all of two days! Breslin is a good writer and seems to be quite knowledgeable about a variety of topics which was impressive. Already a non-milk drinker myself, I hope other readers pick up this book and start to think more about where their food comes from and the politics behind it.

[Lia · Rating 5 out of 5]

So entertaining and intelligent. It is a roller coaster ride of mystery and comedy with so much information it makes the reader feel smarter for reading it. So many ideas and historical facts mixed into a work of fiction that makes the reader ponder the probability that it could just as easily be true. This was easy to read as well and hard to put down at the end of the day as it was so entertaining.

[Michael · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's entertaining, informative, and funny. It will enhance your vocabulary. I kept a dictionary handy. The read is worth the effort....mgc

[Edward · Rating 4 out of 5]

We’ve all heard of sinister conspiracies perpetrated by tobacco companies, oil companies, big banks, and the military-industrial complex, but in Mother’s Milk the shadowy force trying to subjugate humanity is the dairy industry.

Mother’s Milk by Andrew Thomas Breslin is a hilarious, absurd, and very entertaining novel. The plot follows Cindy Kichlklug, a disaffected young lawyer working in Washington, D.C., as she gets involved with a non-profit group committed to exposing the dangers of dairy products. She initially considers them to be misguided fools, but as she gathers evidence for their lawsuits against “Big Dairy,” she realizes there may be some truth to their claims. She soon meets Tom Logan, the spry old man who founded the True Foods Project, and is taken on a bizarre adventure that involves mind control and aliens.

Mother’s Milk reminded me of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams; a discontent, but normal person gets caught up in a weird and improbable series of events. The characters get into dangerous situations, but thanks to their quick wits, specialized knowledge, and lots of luck, they manage to survive. By the end of the book, the bland protagonist has had her entire understanding of life changed, but somehow the world around her continues as normal.

Breslin’s characters are vivid and memorable. Tom Logan is a particularly striking character. Breslin writes in a droll, witty style, and uses scientific and technical language to describe common objects, which forces the reader to take a bit less for granted, and enhances the wacky mood of the story. It is the type of technique that could have come across as a gimmick, but I thought Breslin used it well.

As I read the first few chapters, I expected Mother’s Milk to be a realistic expose of the dairy industry, in the tradition of The Jungle. However, as the story became more fantastic and absurd, this was obviously not the point. It’s really a satire of how little we know about the things we take for granted. Most people never stop to think about where milk, among other things, comes from. In Mother’s Milk, Cindy – and the reader – is forced to look at life in a new way.

Mother’s Milk was very enjoyable, and I would recommend it to anyone who enjoys authors like Douglas Adams or Kurt Vonnegut.

[Lora · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is my second winning book from Goodreads. The plot is very unique and has many unexpected twists. I did not find the characters especially believable but they did remain ‘true to form‘ throughout the story. In the first 50 or so pages, I thought the author had ADD as the plot took many sidetracks. After about page 60 the story started to ’play out’. I did not realize just how many quotes there are referring to cows and/or milk. I will share this book with those friends that read fantasy novels. (I will not be sharing with my relatives who are dairy farmers.) There are many bits of interesting trivia.

[Susan · Rating 4 out of 5]

There is a great deal of... information and opinions in this tour de force. It's a wild, rollicking (IE: quite humorous in many sections) tale indicting the human consumption of milk. There's a heroine, aliens, rogue government agents, scientists and wacky heroes.

Although this story gets a tad hyperbolic in spots; not to mention bogged down with sheer... factoids, overall, it's a good read.

I really enjoyed the heroine, Cindy Kichlklug, although that last name is a stickler. I was particularly fond of the ending of this novel... from pages 220 onward; the action and dialogue were incredibly funny.

Finally I want to say that I'm not sure if it's strange coincidence, providence, or THIS book's influence on me though perhaps it's... a confluence of all these factors, but just as I was finishing this book, I actually gave up drinking/consuming most dairy products-- full fat ice cream, whipped cream, even non fat milk . (I've been advised by my physician that I have to change my diet/lower my cholesterol or take statins. High cholesterol is a hereditary problem in my family, so I may be.. S.O.L. no matter how I cut it. )

[Naight · Rating 5 out of 5]

Seriously funny, reading this improved my vocabulary on each page.