How It Feels to Be Adopted

by Jill Krementz

In these wonderfully straightforward accounts of what it means to children to be adopted, nineteen boys and girls, from eight to sixteen years old—and from every social background—confide their feelings about this crucial fact of their lives. It is deeply affecting to listen to these children as they reveal their questions, frustrations, difficulties, and joys with an honesty that is immediate, convincing, and stirring. Their generosity will provide solace and strength for thousands of other children who share with them the experience of being adopted—and who will be helped to understand that their own emotions are normal and appropriate.

Genres: Adoption, Nonfiction, Parenting

128 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1982

About the author

Jill Krementz is an American photographer and author. She has published 31 books, mostly of photography and children's books. She was married to Kurt Vonnegut for almost 30 years.

Reviews

[Adrie Olson · Rating 4 out of 5]

The 80’s man. Some of these adoptive parents were before their time! Well done. Also it was interesting to read (even when adoptive parents were super open and honest with their kids) how many of these adopted kids were worried they’d disappoint their adoptive parents if they tried to find their biological families. Kids perspectives on life - always an interesting read. Praying for my little boys to feel loved and confident and at peace with the truth that we love their bio-families !

[Kaitlin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Nice mini-memoirs from children who have been adopted. This is rather dated (look at the pictures), which is a disadvantage in that adoption custom and law have changed, and technology available to children has as well. Searching for a birthparent is not only likely easier than it was in the 80s, but it is also often unnecessary, as open adoption has become more commonplace, and being adopted is no longer something to be hidden (though there are still plenty of negative stereotypes).

It comforted me to see that all of these children felt that their adoptive parents were their "real" parents, despite at what age they were adopted or any remaining birth family relationships. All the children in this book seemed to have adjusted well and represent the vast majority of adopted children who go on to lead normal, happy lives once they bond with their adoptive families.

[Albaelena · Rating 4 out of 5]

Para mí de mucha ayuda conocer los pensamientos de niños adoptados de diferentes países. Da un aliento a los padres adoptivos de que todo estará bien y que en realidad son nuestros y de nadie más.

[Jean Minton · Rating 4 out of 5]

I appreciated How It Feels to be Adopted for its uniqueness. Very few books exist that tell the story of adoptees from their perspective and this is the only one that I’ve seen that solicits adoptees’ opinions as children rather than as adults looking back on their experience. This book provides readers with insight into the feelings, questions, and thoughts of 19 adopted children, ranging in age from eight to sixteen.
Since it was first published in 1982, families have grown in their openness and society in its acceptance of adoption. Therefore, while this book provides value from a historical perspective, I would be very interested in reading a similar book of interviews from the last few years.
In addition to opening a general dialogue around adoption, I believe Krementz also wrote the book to shed light on the on-going debate of whether or not birth records should be open to adoptees who want to search for their birth parents. It surprises me that despite the increasing transparency in all aspects of adoptions, there are still many states which prevent adult adoptees from accessing their original birth certificates. Clearly, it was an issue in 1982, and it is still an issue 35 years later (for current status, see https://www.americanadoptioncongress....).
I recommend How It Feels to be Adopted to anyone interested in learning more about adoption, to parents considering adoption, and to adopted children or their friends who may want to learn more about how other adopted children feel.

[Melissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

We were recommended this book by our adoption agency. It is dated in that the initial printing was in 1982, so the “kids” telling their stories here are actually older than me. I really liked hearing the different points of view but now I really, really want to know what happened to them and what they think of adoption now as adults. Most of these kids had not met their birth parents. Have they since? What was it like? I really want to know, and as a parent who adopted it would be wonderful to have a new edition of this book that puts a new interview with the old one to give a sense of whether or not perspectives have changed.

[Verónica Toro Restrepo · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lo más impactante de estas historias es lo irrelevante que resulta el posible papá biológico en las mentes de los niños adoptados. Muy interesante!

[Melissa Brooks · Rating 3 out of 5]

A interesting anthology with children ranging from 8 to 16 who are adopted. This book was written in 1982 so the kids are now adults in their late 40s and early to mid 50s.

[Christen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting to read. I had never previously thought about how it would feel to be adopted. This is a very short book, mostly helpful probably to teens who were adopted, and who feel alone in their feelings.

[Marsha · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was a book I had from back in high school - decided to read to maybe get an idea of where AK is coming from - really old book, somewhat outdated, published in 1982 - probably made me more anxious than comfortable

[Denise · Rating 2 out of 5]

Nothing spectacular.

[Alicia · Rating 5 out of 5]

good