Right versus wrong, good versus evil, and peanut butter versus jelly—these are just a few of the many eternal struggles this book tackles.
But don’t worry, based on the NFL’s recent concussion scares, all this book’s characters were made to wear helmets before these hard-hitting issues were tackled.
Some central questions will be answered, like:
Who is Dark Jar Tin Zoo, and why is he trying to take over the world?
Will Jackson Jackson Jackson be able to thwart Dark’s diabolical plans? And why does he have a last name for a first and a middle name?
Is Abby Norma Sykes simply too sexy to be featured in such a dramatic thriller such as this book clearly is?
Finally, is it improper to refer to a dwarf as a midget? And what is the shortest height you can be without technically being a dwarf? Is it really as tall as 4’11”? Does that make a person who’s 4’10” the World’s Tallest Dwarf?
This book doesn’t actually discuss such serious social issues as I alluded to in the last paragraph, but it should. I’ll speak to the author immediately, and maybe he’ll address them in the sequel.
Oops! Did I just spoil the surprise? Yes, I most certainly did! Well, there it is—there will be more adventures featuring Dark Jar Tin Zoo, Jackson Jackson Jackson, Abby Norma Sykes, and a smorgasbord of other quirky characters.
This is just the first book of many (unless of course the government poisons me to stop me from exposing their methods of exploitation).
This is it, this is my biography. The story of Jarod Kintz begins now.
Let’s knock out the trivial first. I was born in Salt Lake City on March 5th. Now that you know my birthday, please feel free to get me birthday presents. Notice how I used the plural, presents? More than one gift would be greatly appreciated. Appropriate gifts include gold coins, bars of silver, and large tracts of land (preferably beachfront property). Or you could just buy me a drink—soda, natural, because I don’t drink either alcohol or high fructose corn syrup.
Skipping ahead a few years, and a few hundred miles, we come to Denver, Colorado. For a few years I attended Mackintosh Academy. In the second grade, along with English, I studied French, Spanish, and Japanese. Out of all those language classes, I remember one word: Andrea. That was my girlfriend at the time, the one who left me for my best friend. I guess I remember two words, as I remember his name too, but his name is almost sacred, as a name that shall never be uttered.
Right after second grade ended my family moved to Jacksonville, Florida. It was Jacksonville that I would come to know as home, and would attend the rest of my schooling until college.
At this point I was a mediocre student. I believe I had a perfect 2.0 grade point average from third grade until I graduated from high school. My favorite classes were art, P.E., and lunch. Oh, is one of those not a class? No way—I believe art is still considered a class.
When not cracking jokes in class, I would be doing one of three things: drawing, passing notes, or sleeping. In high school I started to not only be mentally absent from class, but physically gone too. I’d skip class like a flat rock skips across a pond.
After high school, it was on to college. In all I have attended six colleges. I bounced around like a dodgeball on a trampoline. If you count the college classes I took starting my junior year of high school, then I got my four-year degree in nine years. And if you’re going to do something, you might as well do it at least twice as well as everybody else—or at least at least twice as long.
I graduated with an English degree from the University of Florida, but I took creative writing classes from both UF and Florida State University. All though college I fancied myself a fancy man, because I was an aspiring writer. Mostly I wrote t-shirt slogans and other pithy things. In the spring of 2005 I did manage to sell a line of t-shirts to Urban Outfitters.
That is my lone success in life. Seriously. Well, so far anyway. But my story is just beginning. I plan on failing my way to success. I have been rejected by literary agents, publishers, MFA programs, all sorts of women. But still I keep writing.
I have written many “books,” and I use the term books loosely. Mostly they are just compilations of my random thoughts and one-liners. But I like writing them, and people seem to like reading them. and that’s what it’s all about, right?
All my books are self-published, either through iUniverse or the wonderful Amazon Kindle program. I encourage everybody to write. Share yourself with the world. If there is one thing I like to impress upon people, it’s that you can do it, even if you can’t. Just keep can’ting until eventually you can. And you can quote me on that.
"The Mandrake Hotel and Resort to violence if necessary" by Jarod Kintz is one of the oddest books I have read in a while, but fortunately I mean this in a good way. Combining absurd, farcical and surreal humour with some more serious and thoughtful musings the book is a firework of clever lines and quirky episodes. The Mandrake Hotel has a room for everyone, whatever your desires, hobbies and preferences are. It is a madhouse and a world of liberty: Whether you want a room made of sand, one with specific collectibles or a floor full of nudists - the hotel has got it. I wondered for a long time if the hotel was written as a fantasy world for lazy and hedonistic people (as one reviewer suggested) or as a wider symbol for the world as it is; a statement not unlike the questions of all questions in Douglas Adams book. The world population is exploding, so are we sitting on a powder keg that will go off once the resources run out? Can humanity survive? Are we sane in doing what we are doing? A lot of ideas are covered in this book at a fast pace, highlighting absurdities and having a good laugh at them. The author draws you into the book with his wit and once I had handed over total logic to the valet and stopped trying to make sense of every line that was thrown at me - at times very fast paced and confusing - I eased in to the rhythm of the story. It reminds me of the great Eugene Ionesco and Haruki Murakami, without wanting to imply that the style is close to either of them.
So much about the Hotel part.
'Resort to violence' refers to the plot as it thickens. Our hero of many names and his date Abby decide to fight Dark, the villain of from the 13th floor and here a more structured narrative continues.
The book is hugely entertaining, clever and will probably divide the audience into those who appreciate it and those who may not 'get it'. Luckily I was part of the latter group. My mother in law would say : It is different. I agree, it is, and it is good. Try it.
The Mandrake Hotel and Resort to violence if necessary is so witty one might even call it clever. Full of fantastic characters that you wish were real and a place so imaginative that you want to go and visit. This book takes you on a magic delorean ride through a very unique hotel and resort owned by an intriguing man who wastes none of his time and then takes you on a walkabout with another man that I assume has never been on a walkabout. This book makes you laugh, it makes you cry, it makes you paranoid, it makes you wonder and most importantly it makes you think and imagine people and places that will never leave you. Sure for them it’s just another day at work but for you it’s an exciting ride that you really don’t want to end. This is most definitely a must read!
The book title suggests that the author will present us different hotel stories, because every hotel has them and often they are quite humorous, but on the end "The Mandrake hotel and Resort..." comes to be a story about the fight for the most wanted feeling- Love! It's rather ordinary subject, but presented in a spectacular way, thanks to the outstanding gift with words the author has. Many remarkable quotes and thought provoking lines. I very much liked the characters of Jackson and Abby and I'd love to see them participating in new adventures. Altogether, refreshing and funny, what we all need these days!
A fun, fast paced and humorous story! I enjoyed the writing style and the clever cast of characters. Dark Jar Tin Zoo is a great villain I loved to hate. This was the first book I've read by Jarod Kintz, and it definitely won't be the last!
Wao one more amazing n different book by Jarod :) How to start is the the constant thought comes each time to my mind, whenever I sit to write a review of JK's book. "As spider man said with power comes responsibility", I truly feels JK follows the same quote, he is a very powerful writer, his writing is quite innovative n impressive but then what makes his writing different from others is his power to imagine,
His imaginative power is marvellous and it's proven with all his books, whether its 'emails from a madman', 'I want', 'six foot and some change', 'it occurred to me', and rest of them,
I found the THE MANDRAKE very hilarious and full of wonderful imaginative descriptions, whether about hotels room, people,
but at the same time i find this book a mirror showing the naked truth about people, their behaviours, their crazy attitudes,their ability to think themselves superior and others a moron :) for example ...“I am an avid collector of crushed peanut shells, empty pockets cut out of jeans, used packets of hot sauce, and audio recordings of knuckles cracking. Do you have a room for me?” I don't know about what others got from this para but i found it is a satire on artist, as now a days people think anything can be art anybody can be artist, i mean seriously ! ???
There is one more para which really attracts me ........ "" Oh yes, honey, that’s perfect,” she said. “I like how you merged his two eyebrows into one, and moved it above his mouth. I think it’s much more expressive this way.”" Here Jk has beautifully tried to show how sometimes parents can be overpowering, not every time they are right but guess who will tell them so ;)
These are really a very common attitude people posses around the world and JK has a ability to put it down with a touch of humour.
I love one more para ........ ""Then tragedy happened. Oh, it wasn’t a death or illness or anything like that. This tragedy was invisible. Well, at least at first it was unseen. Around freshmen year of high school, Abby Norma decided she’d had enough of being abnormal, and all she desired in life was to fit in and be normal. So she stopped reading, stopped stargazing, stopped collecting and cataloging bugs, and started hanging posters of Justin Timberlake and Brad Pitt on her wall. She didn’t even bother taking down her Star Trek posters—she just simply covered them up."" In this para how beautifully he has described a life of a girl who wants to be a normal person, who wants to enjoy the smallest of happy moments life brings, and her situation resembles so much with other kids around the world, who are struggling to get best scores, struggling to please their parents, struggling to get in Oxford.
I simply feels Jarod is one of the finest writer of today's era who write truth about the behaviour of society and about the evolution of current civilisation wrapped beautifully by humour :)
Recently read "The Mandrake Hotel and Resort to violence if necessary" by Jarod Kintz and the only word I can think to summarize the book is...wow! I love fiction and the author takes it to an entirely new level. I honestly believe this book is ahead of its time. I fell in love with the sporadic disarray of characters immediately. By the end of the first page I was smiling; shortly thereafter laughing. Jarod Kintz tells an amazing mystery story with a quirky twist. Don't let the length of the book fool you, there is much to be discovered within those 90 pages!
The Mandrake Hotel and Resort to Violence if Necessary is a book. And quite a good read if I do say so myself. 85% humor, 97 % thought-provoking, sexy metaphors mixed with intrigue and a just a wee bit of intrigue. You won't regret reading this book, unlike that weekend you spent in Vegas, but we won't speak of that... Did I mention intrigue? On a scale from 1 to 10, I give it 5 stars.
This book was genius, fun, and made me laugh Im pretty sure i snorted from laughing so hard, . It was like a Ray of sunshine on a dark day!! I will never think the same way about peanut butter and jelly and delorians, if i spelled that right......again. I dont just recomend this book but all books written by the epic author!!! Thank you Mister Kintz!!!
Welcome to the diabolical world of Dark Jar Tin Zoo aka Rot Kugelschreiber, who happens to own The Mandrake Hotel and Resort. This book is incredibly unique and inventive. There are so many surprises and quirky characters that you can’t possibly predict any part of the story.
Dark Jar is a total different breed of cat. He is extremely eccentric and quite crazy. His desire for world domination due to exponential population growth is truly maniacal; especially since his whole master plan revolves around the concept of love. I think Mr. Kintz created a truly unique character; so twisted and powerful. He would make a great Bond villain.
Dark Jar’s nemesis is the bumbling desk clerk, Jackson J. Jackson. His pure of heart is a wonderful contrast to Dark Jar’s darkness. Jackson’s attempts to thwart Dark Jar’s plans are amusing. Just trying to visualize spreading peanut butter all over a DeLorean is priceless.
The Mandrake is an amazing use of the imagination. Every hobby that you can think of has it’s own room. There are no time and space limitations in The Mandrake Hotel. Anything and everything can happen. One of my favorite hobbies is, of course, reading. I can’t imagine what that room would look like! But I bet it would be amazing.
If you are looking for a quirky, but very cool read, The Mandrake Hotel is the book for you. It’s fun, crazy and so unique.
When I first started reading this book I wasn't sure whether I was going to be able to get into the style of writing - it seemed like a bit of a cryptic riddle at the beginning, but I stuck with it and I'm glad I did.
The way this author uses his words is nothing short of unique and really helps you to capture the essence of the characters.
I ended up reading this book in one go, because once I got involved in the kooky storyline I couldn't put it down - it was so unpredictable, I just never knew what was going to happen next.
The elements of humor were my favorite part - I nearly choked and spat my coffee all over the screen a few times!
I'm really glad I gave this book a chance because otherwise I would have missed out on reading an exceptional piece of writing. I'll definitely be looking out for future books from Jarod Kintz.
Let's start with the Title: "The Mandrake Hotel and Resort to violence if necessary" grabbed me right away.What a great double entendre.
The Mandrake is a grand place with stunning architecture. This is not your cheesy Vegas themed hotel/"glorified casino with rooms." But this "ain't no Bate Motel either."
No, The Mandrake has each room themed as opposed to just the (Las Vegas style) lobby and building facade. Or as Kintz calls them "Hobby" rooms.
The boutique resort like many older well built structures has many nooks and crannies.
The author does a masterful job of writing this dark comedy/suspense tale. The characters are quirky, the plot mysterious yet humorous. The pace of the story is fluid and keeps the reader gloriously entertained.
The author, Jarod Ora Kintz, of " The Mandrake Hotel and Resort to violence if necessary " can really catch your attention in a swift way! I discovered this book when I was browsing for an easy read on a summer vacation. I was intrigued by his writing style. He writes in such a different way. The Mandrake Hotel and Resort has a room for all!
Cuddled up with my blanket next to the ocean, I opened this book and could not put it down! I loved how the author made you feel like you were in the story as one of his characters. The characters have their uniqueness, yet realistic as well.
It is hard to find a good author for me, but Jarod Ora Kintz has hit home. I loved this story! I will continue to follow the next books!
Jarod Kintz's The Mandrake Hotel and Resort to Violence if Necessary was hilarious and thought provoking. His haphazard cast of characters and the disarray of life as presented in the story is like a roller coaster ride full of surprises at every turn. I especially enjoyed the language used in many of the scenes and the vivid portrayal of the scenarios brought to life. Check it out if you haven't read it. You might catch yourself laughing out loud.
I just finished The Mandrake. I appreciate the invoked laughter that erupted with every page. The only thing I regretted leaving more than my cats was my mannequin. That's only half true. I only had the lower half of her body. I also had her hands. I replaced the missing digits with a butter knife and screwdriver to honor the Swiss Army.
A refreshingly funny and intelligent read. A book that refuses to take itself seriously, often losing itself in its own absurdity - almost like it's wandering the labyrinth of the hotel itself. A quick read that's absolutely worth picking up. For any Vonnegut fans, The Mandrake Hotel is the Kilgore Trout novel you've always wanted.
Have not read anything quite like this book! very interesting, humorous and entertaining. There is a message for the book which is Love! but the style and dialogue are what stands out. The book has good pace and intriguing characters as well. Very recommended (only available as an ebook, btw).