The Wrong Way To Feed A Unicorn

by Christian Knoebel

Charles wants to keep his 13-year-old daughter Lexi happy even if it means taking care of a manipulative, potty mouthed unicorn that continually insults his hospitality, intelligence and manhood. But when it comes to food they have a problem, and Charles finds himself hunting down one of the world's most expensive ingredients in a crime-ridden neighborhood known for its grisly dealings with outsiders.

Along the way he meets a long lost high school friend with a fast-food job and unusual knowledge of high-end cuisine; a voodoo wielding faith healer and his side-arm carrying bodyguard, a nearsighted stripper with a taste for knives, and her jealous boyfriend who confronts Charles for stealing his girl. Only one of them will walk away.

Genres: Fantasy

46 pages, Kindle Edition

First published February 10, 2013

About the author

I worked for The Wall Street Journal and The New York Times as a senior editor, executive producer, editorial page contributor and online manager of New York news and culture. I live in New Jersey. Visit christianknoebel.com to learn more about me.

Reviews

[Simon · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Wrong Way to Feed a Unicorn is one of those strange stories that take place in the “real” world yet has elements of the fantastic in it. As the title suggests, the element of the fantastic this times happens to be a surly unicorn that Charles, the hero of this story, comes across during a hike in the country. For some reason, Charles decides to take the unicorn home to Lexi, his daughter. However, he is unsure what to feed it; the unicorn has its own demands for what it wants to eat – Burgers. Charles gives it horse feed, which makes the surly unicorn surlier!
As the story progresses, Charles runs into Christina, an old high school who is in his life and then disappears only to reappear years later. For some reason, Charles brings her to his home to meet the unicorn, and then Christina makes him promise to feed the unicorn a gourmet dinner. Christina then proceeds to lead Charles into a night of wild adventure in the bad area of town, that includes a near-sighted stripper, a jealous chef, a witch doctor, and so on.
So, if you can’t guess from my description, this story is definitely not one to be taken seriously and is a very funny read indeed! It really did make me laugh and pity poor Charles – he gets no respects from his co-workers or the unicorn he brings home. But, he loves his daughter and would do anything for her. It is a very entertaining story.

[Cassandra · Rating 4 out of 5]

My Thoughts - 4 out of 5 stars

Okay this book drew my attention because I love unicorns and collect them. Even my only tattoo is of a winged unicorn (I made myself part of my collection!) which I got my first weekend restricted to base in tech school in the Air Force. Yes, I left base when I wasn’t supposed to. I tell you this because the unicorn in this story is not very nice. This book had me feeling very sorry for Charles, but I still couldn’t stop laughing at his bad luck and that everyone he met has absolutely no respect for him especially his daughter’s pet unicorn. The potty mouthed unicorn in this story reminds me of how my high school students treat each other. They would probably love this story because they think being disrespectful is just playing and no big deal. I read part of this to my 12 year old son, and he was laughing hysterically and told me I needed to read him the whole thing. I think he is too young right now to read the entire thing, but I would let him at 16 or older because of some of the content. It is definitely an adult book and not meant as a YA or children’s book. The innuendos are very adult. Charles’ life seems like a train wreck but you just don’t want to look away. It was a very amusing story and worth the read for the laughs alone but it has an adventure too. Quick read!

**received the book free from the Making Connections group for an honest review

[Angie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Holy cow this was awesome. I'm not one to read short stories, I like to really get into a book and read it forever if I can. But it was about a unicorn and I just couldn't pass it up. If this book was any longer it would have failed horribly, it is absolutely perfect.

The unicorn, Charles and everyone was awesome. I really want to know why Christina called him Chiggers though. The way things were explained is what really made this book something different. And I have to say this book made me hungry.

I kinda feel bad for Charles, but understand his "do anything to make my kid happy" mentality. Everything that happens to him is pretty freaking off the wall. . .I can't even explain the awesome sauce of this book. I didn't see the ending coming at all, everything was so off the wall that I really thought it was all what happened, great twist.

Its not often that I pull out the fancy little highlight option on my kindle, and I whip it out quite a few times to make sure I could go back and get a little laugh later on.

Would I recommend this book? Hell yeah I would, If you are looking for a short hilarious read look no farther then this book. You will not find anything half as crazy as this.

**Disclaimer: I received a copy of this book from the author in exchange a honest review.**

http://zephyrbookreviews.blogspot.com/

[Christopher · Rating 5 out of 5]

My review here: http://christotaylor.wordpress.com/20...