A Working Musician's Joke Book

by Daniel Theaker

Daniel Theaker's A Working Musician's Joke Book is a compilation of the funniest and most popular music jokes today. From groaners to gut busters, these jokes really reflect the attitudes and personalities of people who make music for a living.

Genres: Music

96 pages, Paperback

First published September 1, 1997

Reviews

[Igenlode Wordsmith · Rating 2 out of 5]

About one in ten of these jokes are actually funny (plus I discount all the multiple repetitive ones about running down players with your car, chopping up instruments, and comparing instruments to lawnmowers or chainsaws). Some of them actually are amusing if you've been in that situation, as opposed to the ones that are just generically dirty and could be substituted for any profession. For some of them I frankly don't even understand how they are intended to work (maybe it's a Canadian thing?)

A few of the ones that did amuse me:

Q: What is the definition of a minor second?
A: Two flutes playing in unison.

(certainly in our orchestra...)


Q: How many trombone players does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Only one, but he will spend an hour trying to figure out what position it needs to be in.

(see also violin players!)


Q: Why can't tuba players hold down office jobs?
A: They are low in character, below the staff, and they spend too much time resting.


A String Quartet is composed of the following:
One good violinist.
One bad violinist.
One really bad violinist who felt more comfortable on viola.
One cellist who hates all violinists.


Q: What is the difference between the first and last desks in the 2nd violin section?
A: About half a bar.


Q: How do you get a viola player to play something 'pianissimo tremolando'?
A: Mark it 'Solo'.



Q: Why are harps like elderly parents?
A: Both are unforgiving and hard to get out of cars.


Q: How many altos does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to screw it in and the other to say "Isn't that a little high for you?"


Q: What is the difference between a trumpet player and a savings bond?
A: A savings bond matures and earns money.



Q: How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to drink until the room spins.

Q: How do you know when there is a female vocalist at the door?
A: She can't find the key and doesn't know when to come in.

Q: Why couldn't Mozart find his teacher?
A: Because he was Haydn.

A lot of those are fairly routine teasing between different sections of the orchestra, but they are at least marginally witty in terms of wordplay or hold a grain of observed truth. Jokes like "What is the difference between an alto and a toilet?" or "What is the range of a viola/tuba/alto sax/trombone? As far as you can kick it" are not only mean-spirited but, to my taste, neither particularly clever nor musical.

Humour is always going to be subjective, but I found the hit rate of this collection to be quite low, which really isn't helped by repeating the same unfunny joke under multiple headings with one word altered.