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If I Live To Tell
Abused women rarely tell their own stories. Many of them don’t survive their ordeals and those who do are often either too afraid or too ashamed to speak. If I Live to Tell is unique in that respect. It’s a real, first-person look at the world from the perspective of a woman who has endured tragedy, heartbreak, abuse and betrayal at almost every point in her life.
Set on three continents, If I Live to Tell is a rare glimpse into the world and heart of the largely invisible victimized woman. Following one woman’s struggle to discover purpose and identity, If I Live to Tell shows how tragedy can become triumph and how pain can turn to purpose. This is a true story like you’ve never heard before.
Set on three continents, If I Live to Tell is a rare glimpse into the world and heart of the largely invisible victimized woman. Following one woman’s struggle to discover purpose and identity, If I Live to Tell shows how tragedy can become triumph and how pain can turn to purpose. This is a true story like you’ve never heard before.
- GenresNonfiction
216 pages, Paperback
First published February 10, 2013
24 people are currently reading
98 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews
June 6, 2024
THE STORY OF A YOUNG ENGLISH GIRL WHO IS COERCED INTO GOING TO IRAQ
Author Akeela Hayder Green wrote in the Foreword to this 2013 book, “I want to put this book out into the world for many reasons---some selfish and some selfless. First, this book was the cheapest therapy in the world! It enabled me to unburden myself of things I had pushed deep down into my soul and left to fester… Second, I feel compelled to share my life if only to reach one victim with hope or lift up just one broken heart… this is more than just MY story. This is the story of countless victims around the world… I want to know that the tragedies of my life have made a difference in this world for the better… I wanted to share my story with the world for just this reason. I hope and pray no one ever has to endure anything like what is recounted in these pages. But if you have gone through or are going through something similar, I hope this book will reach you and strengthen you. Don’t give up!... After you read this book, look up to heaven and say thank you for your trials.”
She grew up in Manchester, England. Her parents divorced. [Her mother was English, her father Iraqi.] She recalls, “one day, rather suddenly, my father asked me in passing whether I might want to visit Iraq sometime… ‘You’ll see my family. See a little more of the world. It’ll be great…’ I didn’t want to upset him, and I could see in his eyes that he expected me to be happy. Besides, I had wanted to leave this life behind. I was too stubborn to go back to my mom’s… I was ready for something new, and maybe my father’s homeland was really my homeland too.” (Pg. 39-40)
Arriving there, she notes, “there were … conventions… that no one dared break. Women did not make eye contact with men. They did not walk the streets alone…. I saw women in full orthodox Muslim dress for the first time, robed in black from head to toe. They looked like black-cloth KKK members… with even their eyes covered.” (Pg. 57)
She observes, “But everyone seemed to hate [Saddam Hussein]… they played the dutiful subjects when they were forced to, but in private their jealousies and their bitterness rose to the surface… The violence and shame always slopes downward to the weak; the honor, power, and wealth collect at the top. Iraq had no middle class.” (Pg. 67-68)
But although she was unhappy in Iraq, when her mother called her, she told her, “‘I’m actually doing well here. I like it.’ I was still too proud to let her win this. I wasn’t ready to hear ‘I told you so’ from my mother.” (Pg. 74) But soon, she realizes, “This is what my mother had warned me about. About boys. About men. ‘Dogs,’ she had said. … But I wouldn’t listen. Too proud. I never listened. She was right… I should have known. This is my fault.” (Pg. 82) She was raped, then forced to marry to cover it up. (Pg. 90) She laments, “My sixteenth birthday was coming up soon. Now, I was getting married to a twenty-eight year old Iraqi I had never seen.” (Pg. 92) Later, she adds, “The poor family I was marrying into was excited because I was their ticket to England. To money. They accepted this less than ideal arranged marriage because they were poor. Their family honor wasn’t nearly as important as more rice and flatbread on the family platter.” (Pg. 95)
She asked her father, “Dad, how long am I going to be here?” He replied, “I would stay here until I became a good Iraqi woman… It was done. Complete. My life was being planned by everyone else. Ruined by everyone else. I had but one way to exercise control over my life: to try to end it.” (Pg. 94)
She points out, “I realized that my grandfather still had my passport. I could have returned to England at any time if only one male had agreed to escort me. I realized why the West know of the brutality of Islam only from a distance. Women can’t leave without a man’s help… Women didn’t really leave this place. They contented themselves under the iron fist or they were killed by it… Almost none of them were happy… but what could they do?” (Pg. 109)
Of her younger sister, she relates, “She married a Muslim man later. It breaks my heart to see her in her hijab. I wonder if I could have swayed her from that decision if I had just been honest with her when I had the chance. She won’t listen to me now. She thinks… I’m being intolerant, judgmental. If she only knew.” (Pg. 130)
She manages to escape with her son: “A new beginning. I felt full and content again for the first time in months. I didn’t regret all that I had done. I had no choice. I felt good about it even. After a whole life of waiting on others to do the right thing for me, I had finally just done the right thing for myself. I had taken my life into my own hands.” (Pg. 175)
She acknowledges, “I thought things would be different when I escaped from Iraq. It was easier for me to deal with the pain and tragedy of my life when someone else was shoveling it onto me. In those times though, I still blamed myself… Now, I had freedom to choose my own course, yet I couldn’t see how my choices were destroying me… I felt like a victim of circumstances. And it didn’t get better.” (Pg. 183-184) But ultimately, she became a Christian. (Pg. 196-205
She concludes, “Why tell this story? My hope is that one person out there gains some comfort from what I’ve gone through. From what I’ve learned… When I look back at my life… I realize that God has had a hand in it all… If you’re a Christian, I hope this book encourages you to be real. With yourself, with others, and with God. If you don’t believe in God, I hope you’ve developed a better excuse than I had… I’ve learned a secret about reality. It’s better the way it is. I’ve spent enough time wishing for something I don’t have. I’m looking forward to heaven, but I don’t have to wait until then to find satisfaction and contentment. Or happiness. Because I’m not just surviving now. I’m finally living.” (Pg. 215-216)
This book will be of great interest to those (especially Christians) wanting to know about contemporary conditions (particularly for women) in Iraq, etc.
Author Akeela Hayder Green wrote in the Foreword to this 2013 book, “I want to put this book out into the world for many reasons---some selfish and some selfless. First, this book was the cheapest therapy in the world! It enabled me to unburden myself of things I had pushed deep down into my soul and left to fester… Second, I feel compelled to share my life if only to reach one victim with hope or lift up just one broken heart… this is more than just MY story. This is the story of countless victims around the world… I want to know that the tragedies of my life have made a difference in this world for the better… I wanted to share my story with the world for just this reason. I hope and pray no one ever has to endure anything like what is recounted in these pages. But if you have gone through or are going through something similar, I hope this book will reach you and strengthen you. Don’t give up!... After you read this book, look up to heaven and say thank you for your trials.”
She grew up in Manchester, England. Her parents divorced. [Her mother was English, her father Iraqi.] She recalls, “one day, rather suddenly, my father asked me in passing whether I might want to visit Iraq sometime… ‘You’ll see my family. See a little more of the world. It’ll be great…’ I didn’t want to upset him, and I could see in his eyes that he expected me to be happy. Besides, I had wanted to leave this life behind. I was too stubborn to go back to my mom’s… I was ready for something new, and maybe my father’s homeland was really my homeland too.” (Pg. 39-40)
Arriving there, she notes, “there were … conventions… that no one dared break. Women did not make eye contact with men. They did not walk the streets alone…. I saw women in full orthodox Muslim dress for the first time, robed in black from head to toe. They looked like black-cloth KKK members… with even their eyes covered.” (Pg. 57)
She observes, “But everyone seemed to hate [Saddam Hussein]… they played the dutiful subjects when they were forced to, but in private their jealousies and their bitterness rose to the surface… The violence and shame always slopes downward to the weak; the honor, power, and wealth collect at the top. Iraq had no middle class.” (Pg. 67-68)
But although she was unhappy in Iraq, when her mother called her, she told her, “‘I’m actually doing well here. I like it.’ I was still too proud to let her win this. I wasn’t ready to hear ‘I told you so’ from my mother.” (Pg. 74) But soon, she realizes, “This is what my mother had warned me about. About boys. About men. ‘Dogs,’ she had said. … But I wouldn’t listen. Too proud. I never listened. She was right… I should have known. This is my fault.” (Pg. 82) She was raped, then forced to marry to cover it up. (Pg. 90) She laments, “My sixteenth birthday was coming up soon. Now, I was getting married to a twenty-eight year old Iraqi I had never seen.” (Pg. 92) Later, she adds, “The poor family I was marrying into was excited because I was their ticket to England. To money. They accepted this less than ideal arranged marriage because they were poor. Their family honor wasn’t nearly as important as more rice and flatbread on the family platter.” (Pg. 95)
She asked her father, “Dad, how long am I going to be here?” He replied, “I would stay here until I became a good Iraqi woman… It was done. Complete. My life was being planned by everyone else. Ruined by everyone else. I had but one way to exercise control over my life: to try to end it.” (Pg. 94)
She points out, “I realized that my grandfather still had my passport. I could have returned to England at any time if only one male had agreed to escort me. I realized why the West know of the brutality of Islam only from a distance. Women can’t leave without a man’s help… Women didn’t really leave this place. They contented themselves under the iron fist or they were killed by it… Almost none of them were happy… but what could they do?” (Pg. 109)
Of her younger sister, she relates, “She married a Muslim man later. It breaks my heart to see her in her hijab. I wonder if I could have swayed her from that decision if I had just been honest with her when I had the chance. She won’t listen to me now. She thinks… I’m being intolerant, judgmental. If she only knew.” (Pg. 130)
She manages to escape with her son: “A new beginning. I felt full and content again for the first time in months. I didn’t regret all that I had done. I had no choice. I felt good about it even. After a whole life of waiting on others to do the right thing for me, I had finally just done the right thing for myself. I had taken my life into my own hands.” (Pg. 175)
She acknowledges, “I thought things would be different when I escaped from Iraq. It was easier for me to deal with the pain and tragedy of my life when someone else was shoveling it onto me. In those times though, I still blamed myself… Now, I had freedom to choose my own course, yet I couldn’t see how my choices were destroying me… I felt like a victim of circumstances. And it didn’t get better.” (Pg. 183-184) But ultimately, she became a Christian. (Pg. 196-205
She concludes, “Why tell this story? My hope is that one person out there gains some comfort from what I’ve gone through. From what I’ve learned… When I look back at my life… I realize that God has had a hand in it all… If you’re a Christian, I hope this book encourages you to be real. With yourself, with others, and with God. If you don’t believe in God, I hope you’ve developed a better excuse than I had… I’ve learned a secret about reality. It’s better the way it is. I’ve spent enough time wishing for something I don’t have. I’m looking forward to heaven, but I don’t have to wait until then to find satisfaction and contentment. Or happiness. Because I’m not just surviving now. I’m finally living.” (Pg. 215-216)
This book will be of great interest to those (especially Christians) wanting to know about contemporary conditions (particularly for women) in Iraq, etc.
March 24, 2023
OMG Depressing! I kept waiting for the right guy to enter the picture, where she’d finally meet a man to love her the way she should be loved. But no…just one dirtbag after another. There is no doubt Akeela went through hell, especially in Iraq. Don’t even get me started on her parents 🤬
I must admit I almost gave up on it a couple times given the absolute sadness of it all. She made many mistakes with men. But I kept reading and hoping! So sad how some Muslim women are treated as subhuman. Their resilience is impressive.
I must admit I almost gave up on it a couple times given the absolute sadness of it all. She made many mistakes with men. But I kept reading and hoping! So sad how some Muslim women are treated as subhuman. Their resilience is impressive.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
April 10, 2022
From Iraq to England, to America. Akeela is well traveled with quite the story.
Parent's are supposed to love, nourish, and accept us. Akeela's parents are quite the opposite.
Forced to live in Iraq, forced to marry, and still question her future and what love truly is.
Remarkable, in the end she finds the love of God, a gift no one can take away.
Parent's are supposed to love, nourish, and accept us. Akeela's parents are quite the opposite.
Forced to live in Iraq, forced to marry, and still question her future and what love truly is.
Remarkable, in the end she finds the love of God, a gift no one can take away.
January 1, 2023
This book was absolutely heartbreaking yet beautiful. I would recommend it to anyone. The Lord brings beauty from brokenness
November 22, 2015
I read a couple of the reviews on this book after I started it. A couple of people complained about the language in it. It made me laugh because their haughtiness allowed them to "look down their noses" at a young lady who needed Jesus desperately. Like I do... each and everyday of my life. Not just when things are bad, but when they are great too.
I pray that Akeela's wish that one life is touched by her story and her redemption comes true. And blessings unto you and your family as well.
Thank you Akeela for putting your story to paper. It must have been horrendous to do. I don't have that much courage...
I pray that Akeela's wish that one life is touched by her story and her redemption comes true. And blessings unto you and your family as well.
Thank you Akeela for putting your story to paper. It must have been horrendous to do. I don't have that much courage...
September 21, 2014
Very intriguing read. I was hoping for more insight into Muslim culture but what she provided told all I cared to know. "religion of peace" huh? I sympathize with her life struggles. In the end I took it a happy ending to awful beginnings and a chance for a new start in her young age. I wish the best for your future Akeela, God Bless.
March 24, 2013
Amazing!
March 24, 2013
Riveting true story!
March 24, 2013
A definite must-read!
March 24, 2013
Best book I've ever read hooked since first chapter couldn't put it down
March 29, 2013
This story was not nearly as good as I was expecting. There were several bad words. I finished it with very mixed feelings. It is not a book I would readily recommend.
July 21, 2013
Amazing.
September 11, 2014
Finished this book in two days...incredibly sad story but the strength and heartbreak throughout of this woman is utterly amazing.
April 13, 2017
Amazing story of sadness, and survival. This is the true story of a woman born to an English woman and an Iraqi man. Born into a disfunctional and abusive family, her journey takes her to Iraq as a child, where her innocence is stolen and her eyes opened to the sad cruel realities of the world. A victim of other people for the first half of her life, and then the victim of her own choices the latter part of her life. Her story is brutal, honest, heart-wrenching, and ultimately inspirational...
Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews