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Choosing to Cheat Choosing to Cheat
Work. Family. Church. Hobbies. Fitness. Housekeeping. Socializing. Sleep. With only 24 hours in each day, we simply can't fit everything in. And what we choose to cheat is a clear announcement of our values. When you come home an hour earlier, miss a round of golf, or let the dishes sit while you play with your child, you make your family feel valued and secure. Bestselling author Andy Stanley helps you restore your vision of what really matters - and guides you in making courageous decisions about your time. Who are you cheating? You love your family. You love the challenges of your job. But theres not enough of you to go around. Somebody isnt getting as much of your attention as they want or deserve. This little book presents a strategic plan for resolving the tension between work and homereversing the destructive pattern of giving to your company and career what belongs to your family. But be forewarned...you will have to cheat. Story Behind the Book Andy has spent hundreds of hours with men and women who have cheated their families for the sake of their career goals. They all admitted knowing there was a problem. This is not a struggle relegated to some diminutive segment of society. We all wrestle with the tension between work and family. Regardless of which side of the equation you are on, you know what it is like to deal with the endless cycle of guilt, anger, jealousy, and rejection. But there is a solution. Strangely enough, the solution is similar to the problem. Both involve cheating. Simply put, you must choose to cheat at work rather than at home. From the Hardcover edition.
144 pages, ebook
First published January 1, 2002
21 people are currently reading
729 people want to read
About the author
Andy Stanley
276 books839 followersAndy Stanley is the senior pastor of North Point Community Church, Buckhead Church, and Browns Bridge Community Church. He also founded North Point Ministries, which is a worldwide Christian organization.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 67 reviews
January 23, 2016
A little bit of really important, helpful content, padded out with a ton of biblical references.
I think my husband received this from a work colleague, and it was floating around our house so I thought I'd check it out. So I grant that this is a book directly intended for heavy-duty conservative Christians and I'm not the target audience.
But even taking that into account, this would be better as a brief blog post than a book. Here's the key content:
1. No one has time to do everything they would like to or that others want them to.
2. You will probably never be "done" at work - there's always some additional task calling for attention.
3. All working people with families decide whom to "cheat" (i.e., draw a line where your commitment and investment stop - on a daily basis or overall).
4. We tend to unthinkingly commit to work while leaning heavily on our families' willingness to be patient, when our priorities really ought to be reversed.
5. Feelings of loyalty and love are meaningless if we don't reflect them in our actions and our schedule.
6. If you want to make changes in this work-family balance, you have to make specific commitments (be home by 5 every day, work no more than x hours per week, etc.) rather than vague efforts to "be home more" or "spend more time with the kids."
7. It feels scary to draw a line with work, because they don't love and care for you and might not cut you slack the way your family does, but if you have confidence in yourself and have room to be a little daring you can set boundaries and carve out a work life that doesn't cheat your family.
8. When approaching this with your boss, he suggests asking, listening to the boss's concerns, and offering a trial period with the new boundary.
One thing that really bothered me was the repeated statement that if you make the "correct" decisions, Yahweh will reward you with success. The dark side of this sentiment is that someone who tries to dial back work and suffers serious economic problems or any other burden as a result is just doing it wrong and is to blame for their own suffering. The truth is most people may have more flexibility with their work life than they think, but there's no guarantee that you can tell your boss 6 days a week doesn't work, walk out the door, and miraculously build a successful business of your own.
I think my husband received this from a work colleague, and it was floating around our house so I thought I'd check it out. So I grant that this is a book directly intended for heavy-duty conservative Christians and I'm not the target audience.
But even taking that into account, this would be better as a brief blog post than a book. Here's the key content:
1. No one has time to do everything they would like to or that others want them to.
2. You will probably never be "done" at work - there's always some additional task calling for attention.
3. All working people with families decide whom to "cheat" (i.e., draw a line where your commitment and investment stop - on a daily basis or overall).
4. We tend to unthinkingly commit to work while leaning heavily on our families' willingness to be patient, when our priorities really ought to be reversed.
5. Feelings of loyalty and love are meaningless if we don't reflect them in our actions and our schedule.
6. If you want to make changes in this work-family balance, you have to make specific commitments (be home by 5 every day, work no more than x hours per week, etc.) rather than vague efforts to "be home more" or "spend more time with the kids."
7. It feels scary to draw a line with work, because they don't love and care for you and might not cut you slack the way your family does, but if you have confidence in yourself and have room to be a little daring you can set boundaries and carve out a work life that doesn't cheat your family.
8. When approaching this with your boss, he suggests asking, listening to the boss's concerns, and offering a trial period with the new boundary.
One thing that really bothered me was the repeated statement that if you make the "correct" decisions, Yahweh will reward you with success. The dark side of this sentiment is that someone who tries to dial back work and suffers serious economic problems or any other burden as a result is just doing it wrong and is to blame for their own suffering. The truth is most people may have more flexibility with their work life than they think, but there's no guarantee that you can tell your boss 6 days a week doesn't work, walk out the door, and miraculously build a successful business of your own.
March 15, 2022
This is book that I have read a half dozen times at least. And every time I read it, I am reminded how important it is for me to invest as much of my time and energy in my family above everything else.
The idea of the book is that everybody cheats something, and the one thing you can't afford to cheat is your family. Cheat your workplace. Cheat your hobbies. Cheat your buddes. but don't cheat your family.
It's a short, easy read, and it is absolutely worth your time!!
The idea of the book is that everybody cheats something, and the one thing you can't afford to cheat is your family. Cheat your workplace. Cheat your hobbies. Cheat your buddes. but don't cheat your family.
It's a short, easy read, and it is absolutely worth your time!!
February 15, 2025
Really great, easy read! Very clear and insightful.
February 13, 2014
This was a small, quick read but one that had a powerful punch well beyond it's size and appearance!! I truly enjoyed this book and refer it to everyone who will listen. I also bought this book for my whole team and we spent time going through it together.
A must read if you feel torn between demands on your time.
A must read if you feel torn between demands on your time.
April 9, 2016
Enormously practical and persuasive book, addressing the delicate issues of family vs work. Every objection I had was raised on the next page, and repeated in different language to reinforce the point - That is, that we do not have enough time to do everything, therefore we must sacrifice either work, or family.
I'd recommend this to anyone who enjoys their work and love their family
I'd recommend this to anyone who enjoys their work and love their family
November 19, 2022
“Nobody gets to the end of their life and wished they had spent more time at the office”
This book is insightful and helpful when trying to achieve balance between work and home. Honestly, depending on the line of work, family May sometimes get the back burner but I believe that, as the book alludes to, seeking God first and having those conversations with your family and ultimately your boss about your work schedule makes a difference.
This book is insightful and helpful when trying to achieve balance between work and home. Honestly, depending on the line of work, family May sometimes get the back burner but I believe that, as the book alludes to, seeking God first and having those conversations with your family and ultimately your boss about your work schedule makes a difference.
January 14, 2024
As a business-driven individual who can lean in the direction of a "Work-a-holic" without even noticing I am off balance, this book changed my life. They always need ME, right? RIGHT! So someone has to be without me either way. At least SOMETIMES. It's not who needs me or why that I should be thinking about, it's where I am needed most RIGHT NOW, in this moment, "Where should I be?" Who do I cheat on right now, because either way I will always be cheating on someone.
April 26, 2021
This book put emphasis on importance of family, family comes before work and anything else. I specifically like the interlinking of Bible stories and today's happenings.
We ought to cheat on work and not family, I quote " Loyalty at marketplace is rarely reciprocated" unlike work our family will never turn their back on us, because their love is unconditional.
We ought to cheat on work and not family, I quote " Loyalty at marketplace is rarely reciprocated" unlike work our family will never turn their back on us, because their love is unconditional.
August 19, 2019
Wasn't what I was expecting. Didn't realize it was a religious book. Good things to think about when trying to balance work and home. Easy, quick read.
January 6, 2021
It’s embarrassing it took me 5 months to read this book because it’s so readable and practical.
It at the very least makes you consider seriously if your words and actions line up about priorities.
It at the very least makes you consider seriously if your words and actions line up about priorities.
July 8, 2022
This feels like a pretty typical Andy Stanley book: short, easy to read, and filled with a bunch of stuff that’s mostly common-sense but still helpful to hear. I appreciated it.
September 26, 2013
Anyone who is passionate about what they do eventually comes to a point in life where they're in serious conflict. Keeping a balance in your life between family & work has been the great downfall of many great people. Yet there is no black and white answer that allows someone to set a standard and then just stick to it - the answer isn't that anyone who works 65.4 hours per week will be successful and yet not risk their family. Work ebbs & flows; family ebbs & flows and yet work seems to scream louder on the front end and family seems to suffer the greatest on the back end.
Andy Stanley is in upper management of a non-profit and the son of a megachurch pastor - he has had two different front row seats to prime workaholic real estate. So when he puts the challenge out there to set standards on behalf of your family & set boundaries out there for your work, you know he has no intention of telling you to take Easy Street through life. He watched his dad walk this balance and he walks this balance as a father and pastor as well.
His insights and suggestions are powerful, but the most powerful part of this book was the source - here is someone doing serious work on behalf of the greatest cause and yet he's finding a way to walk that path in balance. I was totally challenged, convicted and inspired by his thoughts.
Andy Stanley is in upper management of a non-profit and the son of a megachurch pastor - he has had two different front row seats to prime workaholic real estate. So when he puts the challenge out there to set standards on behalf of your family & set boundaries out there for your work, you know he has no intention of telling you to take Easy Street through life. He watched his dad walk this balance and he walks this balance as a father and pastor as well.
His insights and suggestions are powerful, but the most powerful part of this book was the source - here is someone doing serious work on behalf of the greatest cause and yet he's finding a way to walk that path in balance. I was totally challenged, convicted and inspired by his thoughts.
January 22, 2015
I liked this book a lot!
It touches a topic very important in our lives: how to balance family and work properly.
These are the two things that impacted me the most:
1. People can't see your heart. Maybe you have amazing intentions with your family and loved ones but if you don't manage a way to show it through your agenda, they'll never notice it. Worse, they'd assume you don't love them at all.
2. Another person can replace you at work. He might not do it exactly as you would, but the work will be done, no doubt.
On other hand, no one can replace you at home: you're the only daughter your age your parents have, the only mom for your kids and so on. So, Andy explains how ridiculous it is to give all your time and effort in a place you can be replaced instead of putting first the place that no one can take from you.
Valuable lessons indeed.
Hope God helps me put it into action as Andy suggests as well.
It touches a topic very important in our lives: how to balance family and work properly.
These are the two things that impacted me the most:
1. People can't see your heart. Maybe you have amazing intentions with your family and loved ones but if you don't manage a way to show it through your agenda, they'll never notice it. Worse, they'd assume you don't love them at all.
2. Another person can replace you at work. He might not do it exactly as you would, but the work will be done, no doubt.
On other hand, no one can replace you at home: you're the only daughter your age your parents have, the only mom for your kids and so on. So, Andy explains how ridiculous it is to give all your time and effort in a place you can be replaced instead of putting first the place that no one can take from you.
Valuable lessons indeed.
Hope God helps me put it into action as Andy suggests as well.
January 16, 2015
Practical, direct, helpful. “Cheating” refers to the time, effort, energy you take away from one sphere of life in order to pour it into another sphere of life. Here it is related to family vs. work dilemma.
Takeaway: It does not matter whether you believe, assert, and convince others that they are a priority in your life. If they do not feel it, it is not true. The most basic decisions “withdraw” from one account and “deposit” into another. Even if an arrangement is made in advance, the withdrawals with slowly accrue, eventually leading to crisis. Stanley urges to have the conversation now while there is still time and not make excuses (“what about… future, retirement, finances, kids’ lives, etc.) or else those things will not be on the table in a few years after the fallout of the inevitable crisis/betrayal.
Takeaway: It does not matter whether you believe, assert, and convince others that they are a priority in your life. If they do not feel it, it is not true. The most basic decisions “withdraw” from one account and “deposit” into another. Even if an arrangement is made in advance, the withdrawals with slowly accrue, eventually leading to crisis. Stanley urges to have the conversation now while there is still time and not make excuses (“what about… future, retirement, finances, kids’ lives, etc.) or else those things will not be on the table in a few years after the fallout of the inevitable crisis/betrayal.
July 19, 2012
This was an interesting read. The premise is that everyone cheats. We're not talking about dishonesty for a quick gain. What Stanley discusses is that We all have so many hours per week, so we have to choose what we are going to do with those hours. Stanley mainly discusses Family vs. Work in this book. When he chooses to spend more time with his family, he is going to cheat work and vice versa.
So with that in mind, it was a good book to help one to consider their priorities. He ends the book with one of my favorite thoughts. (Paraphrase) Noone gets on their death bed and says, "I wish I would have spent more time in the office."
So with that in mind, it was a good book to help one to consider their priorities. He ends the book with one of my favorite thoughts. (Paraphrase) Noone gets on their death bed and says, "I wish I would have spent more time in the office."
August 12, 2016
I always enjoy books by Andy Stanley. Choosing to Cheat was no exception. It was a good read and a good reminder of what needs to come first. The only reason I did not rate this 5 stars is for the simple reason that like most ministry/leadership books I've read that are written by men, you don't read how the guys balance cleaning the house and getting dinner on the table with the ministry God's given them. I'd love to read a book written by a man that says how he runs home from the office to vacuum for his wife. That would definitely deserve 5 stars. ;)
May 16, 2012
a great look at how we inevitably cheat some aspect of our lives - work, family, organizations, etc. The author explains that you are the only one who can do your job as a spouse/partner/parent, whereas any number of people could do your job at the office. Inspiring and practical advice at how to listen to our families, give them what they want and need, and not wake up wishing we had done things differently.
June 6, 2014
Finished this book in 2011, (different edition) and not a day goes by at work that I don't think about the ramifications of where I am choosing to cheat. Do I take the time to cheat at the one thing only I can do, or do I take time to cheat at the thing where anyone can fill in at my absence? It has stuck with me every day over 3 years. It takes an amazing author to put words that powerful down onto the page!
April 20, 2011
GREAT book on getting priorities straight as a church leader. When we choose one thing over another we "cheat" the one and give loyalty to the other. Andy challenges us to "cheat" the church but never cheat our families. Jesus promises to build His church and called us to love our wives AS He loved the church.
September 7, 2012
Simple yet profound. Great illustrations and personal stories (some "success stories" and some... "not so success stories) makes almost every chapter a memorable. Great underlying driving theme that the author keeps in the forefront.
Timeless principles make this a book you could read again years from now and not feel like it's outdated.
Timeless principles make this a book you could read again years from now and not feel like it's outdated.
October 29, 2013
This book has been great for the overworked person in your life. You only have 24 hours in a day. your work wants a minimum of 8 hours. You need 8 hours of sleep. That only leaves 8 hours for God, family, friends, yourself, hobbies, eating and what ever else there is to do. Someone will feel cheated, which one will you cheat? Great book for self evaluation.
February 23, 2008
A great book to help you realize that you cannot do everything you want to do, as well as you want to. Utilizes the example of Daniel in suggesting that there are ways to 'cheat' that honor God and your family.
April 6, 2010
This book is short and simple. Its too the point, which achieves clarity. My only qualm is that Stanley is a bit repetitive, which might annoy some, but most of the time he recognizes that he's repeating.
He's trying to make a point.
I got a lot out of it, and I trust you will also.
He's trying to make a point.
I got a lot out of it, and I trust you will also.
November 16, 2010
A solid book about focusing on the things that matter. This was assigned as part of a ministries class, but I actually enjoyed it. It's hard to work much depth into such a short book, but Stanley does a good job of making his point clearly and memorable.
May 20, 2010
Both family and work are critical elements to a person's well-being, but if you're going to favor one over the other, your Biblical imperative is family. Andy Stanley outlines how to get there with grace, tact, and wisdom.
March 12, 2013
This has been a crucial book for my marriage as I seek to find the balance between work/ministry and investing in my marriage/family. Fantastic book. A must-read for anyone getting started in ministry or those who have been in ministry for decades.
August 1, 2007
This is a desperately needed message in our generation of warped values and warp-speed environment. Everyone with a family should read this.
February 13, 2008
Excellent book on making fatherhood a priority
April 24, 2008
if you are married you should read this book RIGHT NOW. if you want to get married you should read this book RIGHT NOW.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 67 reviews