Our Deportment: Or, the Manners, Conduct, and Dress of the Most Refined American Society, Comprising Rules of Etiquette, Social Forms and Ceremonies, ... Also Suggestions On Home Culture and Training

by John H. Young

This work has been selected by scholars as being culturally important, and is part of the knowledge base of civilization as we know it. This work is in the "public domain in the United States of America, and possibly other nations. Within the United States, you may freely copy and distribute this work, as no entity (individual or corporate) has a copyright on the body of the work. Scholars believe, and we concur, that this work is important enough to be preserved, reproduced, and made generally available to the public. We appreciate your support of the preservation process, and thank you for being an important part of keeping this knowledge alive and relevant.

Genres: Nonfiction

448 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 1880

Reviews

[Nikhil · Rating 3 out of 5]

A delightfully anachronistic book of etiquette and manners in a time where society was far more uptight than it is today

[Amber · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have always loved reading pieces of this book, and finally decided to read it cover to cover. It’s from 19th-century America. And I love the author because he is down to earth and not afraid to give his opinion, even if it occasionally differs from well-established custom. His Christian background sometimes makes me feel that I’m reading pages from The Strength of Youth or listening to a conference talk, especially when he discusses marriage. For example, the man sums up in 3 pages how to choose a spouse that will make you happy, and from everything I know, it’s great advice.

I would want nothing more for Kate and Danny than to be able to follow some of the direction of this book to become a confident and upright young lady and thoughtful and considerate young man. In fact, dozens of “manners for kids books” have been written, but I prefer reading to my kids from this book, which we do on occasion. Besides having lots of advice that is perfectly relevant still today, there is also plenty of completely obsolete but magnificent reading about riding horseback properly, attending balls, or having afternoon tea that makes the kids find the book delightful.

Here’s a passage that made me think: REQUIREMENTS FOR A HAPPY MARRIAGE: An absurd idea is held by some that intelligence and domestic virtues cannot go together [in a potential wife]; that an intellectual woman will never be content to stay at home to look after the interests of her household and children. A more unreasonable idea has never been suggested, for as the intellect is strengthened and cultured, it has a greater capacity of affection, of domesticity and of self-sacrifice for others (p 185).

Here is one more passage I copied into my blog: CHEERFULNESS AT THE TABLE: Children should not be prohibited from laughing and talking at the table. Joyousness promotes the circulation of the blood, enlivens and invigorates it, and sends it to all parts of the system, carrying with it animation, vigor and life. Controversy should not be permitted at the table.... Every topic introduced should be calculated to instruct, interest or amuse. Business matters, past disappointments and mishaps should not be alluded to, nor should bad news be spoken of at the table, nor for half an hour before. All conversation should be of joyous and gladsome character, such as will bring out pleasant remarks and agreeable associations. Reproof should never be administered at the table, either to a child or to a servant; no fault found with anything, and no unkind word should be spoken.... Thus will the family table be the center of pleasant memories in future years, when the family shall have been scattered far and near, and some, perhaps, have been laid in their final resting place (p 221).

[Adriana · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book to see what were considered the correct manners and etiquette young Americans during the early part of the 20th century tried to follow. A lot of it you can't do now, but it's nice to finally learn the reasoning behind certain rules we all grew-up hearing. Even some we have no idea existed.

[Miles Montego]

hi