The Angry Child: Regaining Control When Your Child Is Out of Control

by Tim Murphy, Loriann Hoff Oberlin

Every child has an off day when nothing seems to go right, but for some, angry outbursts, frustration, and resentment are the norm. When a child's anger threatens to jeopardize his school and social life and introduces an element of strain into the family dynamics that affects every member, it's time for a parent to ask: When is angry too angry?

Child psychologist Dr. Tim Murphy has addressed this very question with hundreds of families, helping them to understand both the causes and the repercussions of childhood anger and to devise effective strategies for defusing the time bomb in their midst. Whether it's a toddler staging a tantrum, a grade-schooler unable to make friends, or a sulking preteen who greets every adult request with antagonism, parents of angry children are baffled by both the depth and the root of their child's unhappiness. And when small social problems and household disputes regularly escalate into full-fledged battles, it's nearly impossible for parents to distance themselves enough from the situation to find a perspective that will remedy it.

With simple, direct techniques, Dr. Murphy shows it is possible to help an angry child understand what triggers his outbursts and develop new approaches for coping with potentially explosive situations. Identifying the ten telling characteristics of an angry child, Dr. Murphy provides examples from his clinical experience to help adults guide their children to more appropriate responses. Dr. Murphy also alerts readers to parenting styles that work best for these volatile children, explaining how a parent's own behavior can sometimes escalate a child's meltdowns. He pinpoints the moments when anger moves from a normal emotional expression to an extreme one, indicative of a larger problem. In a special chapter devoted to winning daily battles, Dr. Murphy offers advice on situations in which an angry child's temper is most likely to flare.

The Angry Child is destined to be a classic. With real solutions for the concerns of millions of parents, Dr. Murphy offers answers and hope for the families and educators of unhappy children of all ages.

Genres: Parenting, Teachers, Childrens

272 pages, Hardcover

First published June 19, 2001

About the author

Timothy Murphy is an American psychologist, author, and former politician. A Republican, he served as the U.S. Representative for Pennsylvania's 18th congressional district from 2003 until his resignation in 2017. Murphy co-wrote The Angry Child: Regaining Control When Your Child Is Out of Control. The Angry Child won the National Parenting Publications Award and was featured on Book TV, a program of C-SPAN.

Librarian's note: There is more than one author in the Goodreads database with this name.

Reviews

[Claudio · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don’t have children and I bought this book more as a reflection on my childhood and preparing myself for future parenting. While it doesn’t flow very easily, I liked many parts of the book. It’s very theoretical in the beginning but it gets better toward the end with more practical advice.

[Sarah · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm almost half way through this book and I think I'm done. The author does a great job of describing the psyches of angry kids but offers really limited and vague suggestions for dealing with any particular issue. Maybe it's the kind of parent I am, but I need clear examples (and preferably lots of them), not just recommendations that I should try to foster this or that in my child with no further information on what that might look like on a daily basis. Luckily, there are plenty of other books about dealing with angry kids. I'll move on to one of them.

[Catherine Mikkelsen · Rating 3 out of 5]

A wise teacher once told me that everything is behavior. Learning is behavior, problems learning are also behavior. So I distrust books that 1) stress a certain negative type of child and 2)work to deal with that behavior without a comprehensive approach to finding out the cause.

That said, this book really does focus on anger, which is a real thing. How to recognize it, how to deal with it, how to defuse it (both in the child and the parent.) Helpful.

I prefer to see this type of information presented as part of a positive parenting approach, however, instead of just by itself.

[Rolf · Rating 4 out of 5]

While I wish there were an updated edition that addressed the impact of technology on anger, there is a lot of great information here.

[Rebekah M. · Rating 4 out of 5]

This author's work and research go right along with my other favorite doctors' teachings: Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, Brene Brown, Glenn Latham, Sue Klebold, etc. Acknowledge feelings, communicate to problem solve, observe changes in behavior, I get it but I also appreciated the chapters on ADHD and the struggles children go through during their parents' divorce. The ten characteristics of a truly angry child were also enlightening.

[Shareen · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was not the magic book to answer all my problems. Is that too much to ask? I thought the descriptions of the problems were better than the solutions.

[Dawn · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good advice about modelling anger management skills. When to deal with the underlying issue (not mid-tantrum), meeting needs, and reducing stress. Less specific to my own family than I'd hoped.