What do you think?
Rate this book
Selling the Dream: How Hockey Parents And Their Kids Are Paying The Price For Our N
Drawing on decades of combined experience in hockey at all levels, Ken Campbell and Jim Parcels pull back the curtain on hockey to show just how far our national game has strayed from its roots.
What they reveal is a system driven by unrealistic expectations of a financial windfall, where minor-hockey fees and new sticks for kids are deemed “investments”— and where there is no shortage of entrepreneurs more than happy to take money from starry-eyed parents. Always informative, often shocking, Selling the Dream is not only a guidebook for legions of hockey parents across the country, its a defence of the game we all love, and of childhood itself.
What they reveal is a system driven by unrealistic expectations of a financial windfall, where minor-hockey fees and new sticks for kids are deemed “investments”— and where there is no shortage of entrepreneurs more than happy to take money from starry-eyed parents. Always informative, often shocking, Selling the Dream is not only a guidebook for legions of hockey parents across the country, its a defence of the game we all love, and of childhood itself.
360 pages, Hardcover
First published January 22, 2013
1 person is currently reading
102 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews
April 6, 2015
Selling the Dream by Ken Campbell and Jim Parcels is a book about the costs of playing competitive hockey in Canada. It is mostly a book about the costs and sacrifices parents make in the hopes that their child will make it to the NHL. Readers learn details about the costs of time and money required to train a competitive hockey player. The book also implicitly questions the value of these costs.
I found Selling the Dream interesting from the perspective of a reader who enjoys playing hockey and following the NHL, but I didn’t learn anything new. I was already aware of the many sacrifices that hockey parents make and the long odds players face in their quest to play hockey professionally. Similar stories could be told about parents and children in many other sports. To compete at a professional level at any sport not only requires the support and dedication of an entire family, but it also requires hard dollars. Without either of these components, athletes won’t make it to the top.
The authors seem to imply that parents are spending too much money on hockey for their kids. But whether parents, families, and their kids are receiving value from their time and money expenditures on hockey is a question of relative value. Sure, hockey is expensive, but so are many other worthwhile expenditures. What else could parents spend their money on instead of hockey? Pay down their mortgage? Save for retirement? Go on a family vacation? The choices parents make about where to spend family resources depend on the individual values of each family. I don’t think hockey parents are massively deluded. They are making rational choices when they spend $15,000 a year on their child’s hockey. It’s conceivable that many parents would rather spend $15,000 per year on their child’s hockey than on their mortgage, and that makes sense to me. On their deathbed, will parents remember the joy of paying down their mortgage faster or will they remember the goal their child scored that one snowy night in Kitchener to beat their cross town rivals? Will their kids remember how their parents played a lot more golf in retirement or will they look at their own family and thank their parents for investing so much time and money in their own development thru sports?
I would have preferred that Selling the Dream spent less time describing what hockey families do and more time debating alternative choices and making recommendations to improve hockey in Canada. The authors touch briefly on the rising cost of ice time and the need to upgrade municipal areas, but I would have preferred if they went deeper into a discussion about how our aging rinks impact our culture as hockey becomes more out of reach for the average Canadian family. What role can/should municipalities play to help encourage and support the continued growth and development of hockey in our communities? Maybe it’s easier to describe the outrageous stories of hockey parents spending like mad than to dig deep into the changing face of hockey in Canada. The sensationalism of Selling the Dream probably helped the authors sell more copies, but this style offers less substantive content for readers.
I found Selling the Dream interesting from the perspective of a reader who enjoys playing hockey and following the NHL, but I didn’t learn anything new. I was already aware of the many sacrifices that hockey parents make and the long odds players face in their quest to play hockey professionally. Similar stories could be told about parents and children in many other sports. To compete at a professional level at any sport not only requires the support and dedication of an entire family, but it also requires hard dollars. Without either of these components, athletes won’t make it to the top.
The authors seem to imply that parents are spending too much money on hockey for their kids. But whether parents, families, and their kids are receiving value from their time and money expenditures on hockey is a question of relative value. Sure, hockey is expensive, but so are many other worthwhile expenditures. What else could parents spend their money on instead of hockey? Pay down their mortgage? Save for retirement? Go on a family vacation? The choices parents make about where to spend family resources depend on the individual values of each family. I don’t think hockey parents are massively deluded. They are making rational choices when they spend $15,000 a year on their child’s hockey. It’s conceivable that many parents would rather spend $15,000 per year on their child’s hockey than on their mortgage, and that makes sense to me. On their deathbed, will parents remember the joy of paying down their mortgage faster or will they remember the goal their child scored that one snowy night in Kitchener to beat their cross town rivals? Will their kids remember how their parents played a lot more golf in retirement or will they look at their own family and thank their parents for investing so much time and money in their own development thru sports?
I would have preferred that Selling the Dream spent less time describing what hockey families do and more time debating alternative choices and making recommendations to improve hockey in Canada. The authors touch briefly on the rising cost of ice time and the need to upgrade municipal areas, but I would have preferred if they went deeper into a discussion about how our aging rinks impact our culture as hockey becomes more out of reach for the average Canadian family. What role can/should municipalities play to help encourage and support the continued growth and development of hockey in our communities? Maybe it’s easier to describe the outrageous stories of hockey parents spending like mad than to dig deep into the changing face of hockey in Canada. The sensationalism of Selling the Dream probably helped the authors sell more copies, but this style offers less substantive content for readers.
September 12, 2014
I think this is an above average book (hence the 4 stars).
I wouldn't say I "enjoyed" it (but that has more to do with the discomfort the book causes). I think it's relevant to many Canadians. And many parents of kids who play hockey. And hey-ho, I fit the bill.
Going in, I didn't feel like I needed to read this book: I'm not crazy competitive and I'm going to walk away from crazy before I participate in it.
But... I learned some interesting facts and stories. For instance, seemingly normal people can be crazy when they lose proper perspective.
Basically, the premise is that hockey (along with many other facets of our kids lives) has become over professionalized and manufactured : to the point where kids no longer enjoy it and mostly feel pressured to play ... to fulfil someone else's dream as much as their own.
Bobby Orr:
Spoken at the prospect's game. Of course, as the authors point out, starts to sound hollow when you hear Orr's agency is part of the machinery.
The authors sounded pretty honest to me, not shying from complaining about the current state.
They cover the over-expectations that can hit young players (and their parents) that never pan out (due to many/odd reasons).
They talk about the actual percentages / spots available in Junior/US Colleges and then the NHL. The stats should be sobering to people with unrealistic expectations (but, like one interviewee said (my paraphrase): "Someone's got to make it so why not my kid?")
They talk about the high prices, the extra costs, only the 'haves' being able to send their kids to elite private schools.
The business of minor hockey / instruction in Canada. One of the directors (or something) [p170]:
In the chapter "Crazy is like Cholesterol" (because there's some good, some bad.. ha), they theorize about an effect called 'sacrifice inflation' [p184]:
"The more extreme the stories that circulate about the lengths to which parents have gone, the more parents feel they're expected to do."
They talk about the unlikely NHLers (those who overcame pretty difficult circumstances). But, it's true: they're an anomaly. Most people are going to push their kids hard (using all their means).
Here's Barret Jackman's (single parent) mother on her philosophy of raising an NHLer (p276):
"I think a lot of things that go wrong for boys is the fault of fathers these days," she said. "They take the joy of the game out of it for them. They don't enjoy what they're doing and they're just pressured to do better."
A little later in that chapter (p288):
The penultimate chapter, though, talks about other pressures related to concussion/injury and "playing tough" in the hockey world. Talk of the overuse injuries, the not well-rounded athletes (only hockey muscles) etc. Concussions are the worst because they're not visible. Here's a parent (doctor who wrote a book) about his child in the baseball system (p311):
"But what I'd done was silly bordering on reckless and above all narcissistic. The irony of the situation was that if another mom or dad had used such terrible judgment at my son's expense, I would have been livid." (my emphasis)
I guess it's hard to know you're narcissistic if you're narcissistic.
Speaking of hockey violence and the kids who can't think straight because of concussions (p322):
"There was a time when the purpose of a bodycheck was to separate your opponent from the puck. But somewhere along the line, it transformed into an attempt to separate him from his senses."
(p325):
"And somewhere along the way, the spirit of the game has been lost. There is something perverted about the fact that many kids now treat the game as work, while adults play it for fun. That's what the game is supposed to be."
In the last chapter, they offer a few solutions (with examples):
- No elite hockey before the PeeWee level (like Thunder Bay and Sweden), because it gives kids a chance to be kids when they're young (and save money) and develop other skills
- all hockey, all the time is not good ( I guess this is kind of like the first point):
p336: "what ends up happening is you're developing one-dimensional athletes and one-dimensional people along the way"
- play near home. you don't need to move to big centers to be noticed (in fact, you probably will be overlooked in the mass/time/space scouts have available)
- get arena #/maintainability right
- "and finally, a little perspective, please?"
That about sums it up.
Common sense, proper perspective. It's hard not to be enticed by the lure of a good dream (your kid's and yours). But there's a problem, like Orr said, when the business takes out the fun. When violence is acceptable because it means winning. When safety is brushed aside to fuel aggressive play. When parents flip out because they perceive they're child isn't the golden child in everyone's eye. When respect is gone and no one is having fun.
I could probably ramble on about how I perceive this topic. My hope is that I can help create an environment where my kids (and their friends) have fun and do their best, and I hope I model good sportsmanship.
Keep you stick on the ice: works on many levels.
I wouldn't say I "enjoyed" it (but that has more to do with the discomfort the book causes). I think it's relevant to many Canadians. And many parents of kids who play hockey. And hey-ho, I fit the bill.
Going in, I didn't feel like I needed to read this book: I'm not crazy competitive and I'm going to walk away from crazy before I participate in it.
But... I learned some interesting facts and stories. For instance, seemingly normal people can be crazy when they lose proper perspective.
Basically, the premise is that hockey (along with many other facets of our kids lives) has become over professionalized and manufactured : to the point where kids no longer enjoy it and mostly feel pressured to play ... to fulfil someone else's dream as much as their own.
Bobby Orr:
"It was never a job for me. Even during my pro days, it was never a job... That's what these kids have to understand. Just enjoy it, keep that love and passion for the game. I think what sometimes we do ... the coaches and the parents, we just suck the love and passion from our kids. And I think that's wrong.
Spoken at the prospect's game. Of course, as the authors point out, starts to sound hollow when you hear Orr's agency is part of the machinery.
The authors sounded pretty honest to me, not shying from complaining about the current state.
They cover the over-expectations that can hit young players (and their parents) that never pan out (due to many/odd reasons).
They talk about the actual percentages / spots available in Junior/US Colleges and then the NHL. The stats should be sobering to people with unrealistic expectations (but, like one interviewee said (my paraphrase): "Someone's got to make it so why not my kid?")
They talk about the high prices, the extra costs, only the 'haves' being able to send their kids to elite private schools.
The business of minor hockey / instruction in Canada. One of the directors (or something) [p170]:
"That's how our system is created. If someone is an erner of minimum wage or less, it's in the best interest of the government and in society's best interest to keep them in that role so other people can get rich. That's the premise of capitalism, right? Some people get more and others get less and the people who get more capitalize on the people who get less. It's an unfortunate reality.
"... once you're in that kind of bracket and in that environement, it's very hard to break out of it."
So there you have it. His school is not there to help kids get to the top. It's there to help kids stay at the top.
In the chapter "Crazy is like Cholesterol" (because there's some good, some bad.. ha), they theorize about an effect called 'sacrifice inflation' [p184]:
"The more extreme the stories that circulate about the lengths to which parents have gone, the more parents feel they're expected to do."
They talk about the unlikely NHLers (those who overcame pretty difficult circumstances). But, it's true: they're an anomaly. Most people are going to push their kids hard (using all their means).
Here's Barret Jackman's (single parent) mother on her philosophy of raising an NHLer (p276):
"I think a lot of things that go wrong for boys is the fault of fathers these days," she said. "They take the joy of the game out of it for them. They don't enjoy what they're doing and they're just pressured to do better."
A little later in that chapter (p288):
But maybe the exceptions help prove the rule. One thing all these guys have in common? Something hockey parents should take notice of: all these players grew up without a parent barking at them like a drill sergeant, motivating them and "developing" them... it may well be that if a kid has what it takes, maybe the best thing a parent can do is get out of the way and let the kid have fun.
The penultimate chapter, though, talks about other pressures related to concussion/injury and "playing tough" in the hockey world. Talk of the overuse injuries, the not well-rounded athletes (only hockey muscles) etc. Concussions are the worst because they're not visible. Here's a parent (doctor who wrote a book) about his child in the baseball system (p311):
"But what I'd done was silly bordering on reckless and above all narcissistic. The irony of the situation was that if another mom or dad had used such terrible judgment at my son's expense, I would have been livid." (my emphasis)
I guess it's hard to know you're narcissistic if you're narcissistic.
Speaking of hockey violence and the kids who can't think straight because of concussions (p322):
"There was a time when the purpose of a bodycheck was to separate your opponent from the puck. But somewhere along the line, it transformed into an attempt to separate him from his senses."
(p325):
"And somewhere along the way, the spirit of the game has been lost. There is something perverted about the fact that many kids now treat the game as work, while adults play it for fun. That's what the game is supposed to be."
In the last chapter, they offer a few solutions (with examples):
- No elite hockey before the PeeWee level (like Thunder Bay and Sweden), because it gives kids a chance to be kids when they're young (and save money) and develop other skills
- all hockey, all the time is not good ( I guess this is kind of like the first point):
p336: "what ends up happening is you're developing one-dimensional athletes and one-dimensional people along the way"
- play near home. you don't need to move to big centers to be noticed (in fact, you probably will be overlooked in the mass/time/space scouts have available)
- get arena #/maintainability right
- "and finally, a little perspective, please?"
That about sums it up.
Common sense, proper perspective. It's hard not to be enticed by the lure of a good dream (your kid's and yours). But there's a problem, like Orr said, when the business takes out the fun. When violence is acceptable because it means winning. When safety is brushed aside to fuel aggressive play. When parents flip out because they perceive they're child isn't the golden child in everyone's eye. When respect is gone and no one is having fun.
I could probably ramble on about how I perceive this topic. My hope is that I can help create an environment where my kids (and their friends) have fun and do their best, and I hope I model good sportsmanship.
Keep you stick on the ice: works on many levels.
March 22, 2013
This book could stand another edit, there are many typos in the text. It could also stand a grammatical brush-up.
The message is important, though, even to someone like myself without kids or relatives in the hockey system. A former co-worker of mine with three boys in A-level hockey opened my eyes to the extreme expenses involved. If her kids weren't in hockey, she would not have had to work. Her full-time salary was 100% committed to paying for her sons' hockey.
It wasn't just the money, either. Both parents' every waking moment not devoted to work was spent ferrying their children around. She was a master at planning and executing multiple simultaneous family excursions. She was tired to the bone, and beginning to wonder if it was really worth it, the last time I saw her.
This book lets parents down gently: No, little Gordie is not going to be the next Mario Lemieux and pay for your retirement. You either do these things because you love them, or you stop.
The message is important, though, even to someone like myself without kids or relatives in the hockey system. A former co-worker of mine with three boys in A-level hockey opened my eyes to the extreme expenses involved. If her kids weren't in hockey, she would not have had to work. Her full-time salary was 100% committed to paying for her sons' hockey.
It wasn't just the money, either. Both parents' every waking moment not devoted to work was spent ferrying their children around. She was a master at planning and executing multiple simultaneous family excursions. She was tired to the bone, and beginning to wonder if it was really worth it, the last time I saw her.
This book lets parents down gently: No, little Gordie is not going to be the next Mario Lemieux and pay for your retirement. You either do these things because you love them, or you stop.
August 12, 2021
Found this on my bookshelf, having read it when it first came out several years ago. Quick re-read before donating - it was ok albeit a bit long-winded at times. Some of the choices parents make are quite remarkable. Interesting to read now from the perspective of a parent with a child heading to NCAA this fall and thinking about his path to this point.
July 19, 2020
The book was very informative and thought provoking. It was well written and provided a number of examples that resonated. I would highly recommend it for any hockey parent in Canada.
September 2, 2024
Confirms why I didn't put my child in hockey. It's a great sport but to what cost.
October 18, 2015
Want to hear a pro-hockey writer give an anti-hockey rant? You won't get exactly that from this book, but you will get 300+ pages of an insider's opinion on what's wrong with minor hockey.
As a dad of 3 minor league players, I can identify with many of Campbell's points. It's so easy to let the business of hockey (at competitive levels) eclipse the game of hockey. Why do Canadians do this to themselves? Campbell believes it's because of our collective myth that says any kid can make it to the NHL and become a national hero. One problem - it's statistically almost impossible.
Despite this, parents, if they're not careful, can get distorted by the hype, obsessing about future prospects for their kids instead of what they need here and now. The horror stories in the book share a theme - parents who are more into hockey than their kids. Who overextend themselves, overanalyze the game stats and overtake their kids' interest in the game.
Parents with kids in competitive hockey will find this gives a good gut-check.
As a dad of 3 minor league players, I can identify with many of Campbell's points. It's so easy to let the business of hockey (at competitive levels) eclipse the game of hockey. Why do Canadians do this to themselves? Campbell believes it's because of our collective myth that says any kid can make it to the NHL and become a national hero. One problem - it's statistically almost impossible.
Despite this, parents, if they're not careful, can get distorted by the hype, obsessing about future prospects for their kids instead of what they need here and now. The horror stories in the book share a theme - parents who are more into hockey than their kids. Who overextend themselves, overanalyze the game stats and overtake their kids' interest in the game.
Parents with kids in competitive hockey will find this gives a good gut-check.
May 28, 2013
This was a bit long winded. I felt like they would make a point then belabour it. It had a good argument, but I didn't feel like it was telling me something that I didn't already know.
Additionally, it was not really written for the lay person. They don't go into much detail explaining how the minor hockey or draft systems work (odd since that's there topic) and if I hadn't read a previous book on the subject I might have been lost.
Additionally, it was not really written for the lay person. They don't go into much detail explaining how the minor hockey or draft systems work (odd since that's there topic) and if I hadn't read a previous book on the subject I might have been lost.
March 3, 2013
Very interesting read.
Hard to out the book down.
I think some of the facts may be a bit skewed but overall an accurate depiction of the minor hockey scene in Ontario.
A must read for hockey parents.
Hard to out the book down.
I think some of the facts may be a bit skewed but overall an accurate depiction of the minor hockey scene in Ontario.
A must read for hockey parents.
March 29, 2015
Definitely an interesting read, but a lot of the issues discussed are dragged out longer than they need to be.
July 14, 2013
Horrific in exactly the way you expect it is, but not completely without hope. Manages to seem fair while showing off how crazy people can get. Worth a read.
November 14, 2015
Hockey Canada should make every parent read this
Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews