Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette

by Peggy Post

What makes a perfect wedding? "[The bride] and the groom both look as though there were sunlight behind their eyes, as though their mouths irresistibly turned to smiles," wrote Emily Post in 1922's Etiquette. Great-granddaughter-in-law Peggy Post, author of the fourth edition of Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette, absolutely agrees with Miss Emily. To ensure those bright eyes and smiles, she imparts thoughtful and commonsensical advice on how to plan for not just your wedding, but for all the social and familial obligations and traditions that a wedding entails.

Unlike many wedding manuals, Post includes advice for the "encore" bride as well as for the new bride. In this day of remarriages and blended families, tact and strategy are often needed to make sure feelings aren't hurt and everything runs as smoothly as possible. A chapter on multicultural and interfaith marriages addresses differing world traditions and how they can be incorporated into a touching ceremony that makes both the couple and their families happy. If you are unsure of who is supposed to do what, Post gives you clear instruction, often including a flow chart that delineates the responsibilities of all people involved in the wedding party (bride's parents throw the engagement party, best man returns the tuxes, flower girl's family pays for her outfit).

Throughout Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette are sidebars with questions asked of Post regarding an amazing array of wedding-related conundrums ("My daughter's fiancé wants to follow his family's tradition of having a money tree at the wedding. I personally find this distasteful; can I say so?"). This is a great book to find the answers for all those sticky questions. All involved in the wedding process should leaf through, get their bearings, smile, and then forge ahead. --Dana Van Nest

Genres: Nonfiction, Reference

242 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2001

About the author

Peggy Post, Emily Post’s great-granddaughter-in-law, is a director of The Emily Post Institute and the author of more than twelve etiquette books. In March, 2011, Peggy began a new question and answer column with the New York Times called The Well-Mannered Wedding. The column aims to address modern day wedding conundrums and provide advice for the soon-to-be-wed.

Currently, Peggy is actively involved in the launch of Emily Post Wedding, a new line of wedding invitations produced by M. Middleton and licensed by The Emily Post Institute. Peggy has worked with M. Middleton on the development of the two collections, Grace and Style, and is now making public appearances at national and regional retailer events to promote the wedding invitation offering.

Peggy writes a monthly column in Good Housekeeping magazine. She is also a contributing editor for AARP, The Magazine. Peggy conducts lectures and seminars for businesses and community groups across the country. Peggy’s vibrant personality and media savvy have led companies to request her services for spokesperson campaigns. In this role she has worked with clients like MasterCard, Yahoo!, American Express, Florida Citrus, Merci Chocolates, Tassimo Hot Beverage System, Georgia-Pacific, and SBC Communications.

Peggy began her career as an international flight attendant for Pan American World Airways. She then taught seventh grade English and history in New York City before entering the business world, developing a 30-year career in management, consulting and sales. Born in Washington, DC, she was raised in Maryland and New Orleans and holds a Bachelor of Science degree in education from LSU. Peggy and her husband, Allen, live in south Florida, and she has two stepsons, Casey and Jeep.

Reviews

[Jenny · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great go-to resource; good general guidance (at least know what rules you're breaking!). Ever so slightly out of date on a few points (published 2006). We felt OK discounting a lot of the more formal bits and picking and choosing what advice to take and what to leave. Definitely geared toward traditional Christian weddings but there's a good-faith effort to include other religious (and secular) traditions as well. Overall a very good big picture overview, but also includes necessary details (e.g. checklists to stay organized, questions to ask the caterer and the photographer).



-Delegate duties. Don't micromanage.
-Stay organized: master to-do list (chronological), contact list, calendar, folder for all contracts, copies of important documents (birth certificate, driver's licenses, etc.) in another folder, check off to-do items as you go
-Major decisions/planning: guest list, budget, wedding consultant, date/season/time of day, style/formality, officiant, ceremony and reception location, rings, honeymoon location, theme?
-Vision (i.e. adjective list): intimate, elegant, simple, casual, traditional, spiritual, romantic, friendly, etc.
-Attire: semiformal = long or tea-length gowns for bride & bridesmaids, suits for men; semi-dressy desses for women, dark suits for men
-Traditional division of costs (p. 40-41)
-Members of the wedding party should pay for own transportation, but bride and groom should pay (or make arrangements) for accommodations
-Guest list: Must be invited: officiant and spouse; spouse, fiance, or live-in partner of each guest
-Wedding announcements (post-wedding) - send to friends/family left off the guest list
Invitations: DO order extras, allow plenty of time, be organized, check postage, check spelling, use correct names and titles; DON'T include registry info, "no gifts," "no children," dress code, labels; don't mix typefaces
-Gift spreadsheet: date received, description of item, source of gift, name and address of giver(s), date thank-you note sent.
-Wedding rehearsal: bride, groom, attendants, bride's parents (groom's parents)
-Ceremony music: Air or Largo, Handel; Rondo, Mozart; "Spring," Vivaldi; Pavane, Faure; wedding march, Mendelssohn; Pachelbel's Canon; Bach
-Ceremony photos: check with officiant
-Portraits (p. 330-332): bride and groom alone and together, bride/groom and maid of honor/best man, bride and groom with parents alone and together, B&G w/ all attendants; B&G with her family, his family; "generations"
-Planned events: arrival, toasts, cake-cutting, first dance, leaving
-Seating at ceremony: immediate family sits at front
-Reception line: not required
-Guest book: not required (but nice)
-Toasts: best man gets guests' attention and gives first toast; fathers may toast; maid of honor may toast, groom may toast
-Photo gift list (p. 377): B&G, parents, grandparents, other relatives & special friends, wedding party (best man and MOH, attendants)
-Post-wedding get-together (optional; 1-6 months post-wedding)

[Traci · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is an excellent book to give to a person who has never attended, read about, nor seen a depiction of a wedding.

Otherwise, the information was too general and broad to be of any use to anyone. It tried much too hard to be everything and please everyone. I think I gleaned literally two useful pieces of information from it: an invitation to a secular ceremony requests the pleasure of the invitee's company, rather than the honor of their presence; and the title of "doctor" is spelled in full, rather than abbreviated, on the invitation.

I liked Miss Manners's book much better; she straight up said registries are rude, you should have a receiving line, etc. Agree or not, at least she is not wishy-washy, and had specialized advice. This book was like if someone somehow wrote an unsalted cracker.

[Marsha · Rating 5 out of 5]

The book was perfect and gave me everything I need to know!

[Meghan · Rating 5 out of 5]

In the cacophony of wedding planning & etiquette books, "Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette" rises above the noise to provide a concise & helpful guide for planning your big day. As a bride-to-be who is overwhelmed with the sheer number of options and details that have become "essential" in a modern day wedding, this book has helped to cut through the BS and plainly lay out what is necessary, what is nice to have, and what is a waste of time and money. Chapters about family, finances, and legal considerations have started conversations that I otherwise might not have had with my fiancee for months or possibly years. If you are looking for a definitive guide to outline the do's and don'ts of wedding planning, this is it.

[Tricia Psarreas Murray · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't think I could have gotten through my wedding without this book. While it teaches etiquette (and A LOT of it), it also prepares you for everything you need to know about planning for the big day. Before reading this book, I never thought of things like how to properly word an invitation if your parents are divorced or what songs should be played during a wedding ceremony. Those are just two examples of things I didn't think of on my own; I'm sure there were dozens more.

If you're getting married, this is the only guide you need. I bought a bunch and this is the only one that never left my side.

[Rebecca Rosenblum · Rating 4 out of 5]

Practical and thorough, but by necessity so general that much doesn't apply--sections on various religious ceremonies, second marriages, divorced parents, commitment ceremonies...also, excessively American to the point where gay marriage doesn't exist. Antiquated in other ways too, like the apparently revelatory suggestion that perhaps the groom could help out the bride with some of the simpler planning...oy!!

Nevertheless, much that is useful, especially in writing invitations, and organizing the day of!

[Beth · Rating 1 out of 5]

I borrowed this from the library the first time, and found a limited amount of useful information. The second time, I borrowed it looking for some very specific information about how invitations should be addressed to couples living together-on one line or two, and guest, etc? Would you think that a book with a whole chapter on invitations might include that information? You would be wrong. Now I've checked it out twice and haven't figured our why.

[Erin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked this etequette book. It was tactful but not close minded. It took different cultures, races, budgets, and family structures into consideration. The only downside was that because this edition is a little older some things were slightly outdated (very slightly). There is a 5th Edition out now and I would recommend it over the 4th.

[meredith]

...so not really. I just wanted to see if Adam would leave a comment.

i don't think that they have any advice for what to do if one of the dogs in your wedding drops down for a mid-aisle crotch-lick anyway.

[stephanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

A helpful "reference textbook" for all of those logistical questions came up re: wedding etiquette. A particularly good resource when you're trying to figure out how to formally address wedding invitations.

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

The wedding etiquette authority. There was not one question I had that wasn't answered by this book. Don't waste your time and money on anything else. BTW, the seperate Emily Post wedding planner was useless for me, because I used a spreadsheet instead for my wedding budget.

[Nancy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't care what you say, Viola. This woman knows what she is talking about and we will follow her every instruction to the letter.

[Kara · Rating 4 out of 5]

A must-read for anyone planning a wedding or attending one.

[Becca Jones]

I'm not so much reading it and referring to it from time to time. :)

[Tami · Rating 4 out of 5]

good to get the whole idea and many small details on weddings. i have many books, if anyone wants them...

[Bree · Rating 3 out of 5]

Surprisingly modern, but no real creative ideas.

[Carolyn · Rating 3 out of 5]

Can't go wrong with Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette! Quite helpful, and I'm sure I'll continue to refer to it.

[Helena · Rating 4 out of 5]

a classic

[Jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

I got some good tips from this book for my wedding. Didn't use all because the book is outdated but it came in useful.

[Melissa Gilmore · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great if you are planning a wedding!

[Val · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very helpful

[Robert · Rating 3 out of 5]

Gert and I purchased this in preparation for our wedding.

[Caroline · Rating 4 out of 5]

All you need to know if you're planning you wedding :)