So You Want to Adopt... Now What?: A Practical Guide for Navigating the Adoption Process

by Ruth Bell Graham

One in seven couples struggle with infertility. Other parents long to add another child to their family who needs a home. Whatever the reason, many couples who decide to pursue adoption do not realize the often unnerving, stressful, emotional ride it can be. Deciding to adopt means moving into uncharted territory. There are many emotional highs and lows, as well as psychological, mental and spiritual ramifications. The authors prepare prospective adoptive parents for the adoption process, from helping them examine their motives for adopting to making practical decisions about the type of adoption to pursue. They also explore the adoption process from the viewpoints of the prospective adoptive parents, the birth parents, the adoptee, attorneys and adoption agencies. This book is an indispensable resource for anyone considering adoption.

152 pages, Paperback

First published August 7, 2006

About the author

Ruth Graham was born in China; her parents were American medical missionaries at the Presbyterian Hospital 300 miles north of Shanghai. Ruth was a Christian from an early age. She graduated from Wheaton College, Illinois, where she met her future husband Billy Graham. They were married on August 13, 1943 in Montreat, NC when she was 23. Her husband became a full time evangelist preaching the gospel all over the world. She loved to move behind the scenes, away from the spotlight, and helped him craft and research sermons and even books. She wrote as an emotional release, while her husband was so often on the road. Ruth convinced Billy to move the family to Montreat, near her parents, when their first child was on the way. Her ministry flourished in the mountains of western North Carolina, where she built the family homestead and raised five children. Ruth and Billy were married over 65 years and had 19 grandchildren and numerous great-grandchildren. Ruth Graham died at the age of 87.

Reviews

[Kelly · Rating 1 out of 5]

I bought this book because the tagline ("A Practical Guide for Navigating the Adoption Process") made me believe this would spark some interesting, in-depth conversations between my husband and me. But before I even finished the book, I had already decided to throw it in the trash.

While in the beginning, it seems like it's going to deliver on its promise to provide an overview of the adoption process, SYWTA actually provides only an overview of the authors' narrow-minded and rather judgmental idea of how the adoption process should look. Basically, if you're not a married, heterosexual, Christian couple, you're already disqualified in Dorman's & Graham's eyes. About two thirds of the way through the book, Dorman flat-out states, "One issue I would like to address here is adoption by single women and adoption by homosexual couples. Ruth [co-author] and I firmly believe that God intended for a family to consist of a mother, a father and children, Lord willing. While some young women are comfortable with the idea of releasing their babies for adoption by single women or homosexual couples, we believe that is not in the long-term best interest of the child."

Duh.

Obviously, the ideal situation for every child is that s/he would be born to parents who are committed to each other and committed to raising their children together. However, we don't live in an ideal world and I think it is naive and flat-out wrong to exclude people who are willing to provide a stable, loving home to a child in need.

Dorman also believes that if a woman is not willing to quit her job and stay home to raise the children, then the couple shouldn't even bother adopting. She tells a story about a successful, affluent couple who came to her, wanting to adopt. When she questioned the woman about whether she intended to stay home with the baby, the woman responded that she planned to spend six weeks, maybe more, at home before returning to work. "At that point," Dorman states, "I suggested that they get a Golden Retriever."

I was particularly put off when Dorman referred to "your own children," which was code for 'biological children.' Anyone who has looked into adoption even a little bit knows that once you adopt a kid, s/he is 'your own.' It struck me as odd that someone who makes a living from coordinating adoptions would use this wording.

Another thing that really bothered me about the book is the layout. At first, I thought I would really appreciate the fact that each chapter ends with a section on what the birthmother is experiencing at each point of the process. However, I quickly discovered that Ruth Graham wasn't writing about her own experience, but rather, that of her daughter. To me, that is an egregious overstep. First of all, it's not Graham's story to tell. Secondly, even with her daughter's permission, Graham isn't in the position of being able to express what was in her daughter's heart and mind. I realized very early on that Graham's only real contribution to this book was her last name.

Ultimately, I was incredibly disappointed with this book and, as I said earlier, it will find its new home in the trash.

[Brian Eshleman · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a gentle and encouraging overview of some of the issues that need to be considered as a couple ponders adoption. From where to adopt? How to fund adoption? How to prepare for the changes to one's marriage and family? It was very helpful, and the real-life perspectives on real people who had been through this roller coaster ride were invaluable.

[Karen · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a good book that Ruth Graham co-wrote and she really had some good incite into the many different facets of adoption. It was really more about domestic adoption rather than international but it was very good.

[Kacicalvaresi · Rating 5 out of 5]

As an adoptive Mom, I loved that this book opened my eyes and my heart to what my daughter's birth-Mom has experienced.

[Rachel]

Pretty interesting