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Passages Handfasting: A Pagan Guide to Commitment Rituals
The day you exchange vows with the person you love is one of the most important days of your life. What better way to celebrate your commitment to one another than with handfasting-the blessed marriage rite in which the hands of you and your beloved are wrapped in ribbon as you "tie the knot." This symbolic binding together of your two loving souls is a timeless way to begin life's journey together. In this first book of the groundbreaking Passages series, Rev. Dr. Kendra Vaughan Hovey reveals the history behind the ritual. She clearly describes everything you need to plan your own ceremony, including how Find the right practice for you; Select flowers and herbs-and discover their meanings; Follow recipes and spells for incense and oils; Write invocations and vows; Integrate Pagan and non-Pagan traditions; Choose the right officiant. With this magickal guide, you'll create a ceremony that not only reflects your devotion to one another but also ensures a lifetime of happiness!
256 pages, Paperback
First published November 1, 2007
35 people are currently reading
139 people want to read
About the author
Kendra Vaughan Hovey
3 books19 followersHEY THERE!
I write Magical. Mystical. Meaningful. fiction.
I’m the product of Boston-raised parents and a blue-collar suburban upbringing. South suburban Boston, that is, where “wicked” means awesome, and everything from clam chowder to Cape Cod is described that way.
Magic is alive along the entire east coast of Massachusetts. It’s in the shifting tides, the whisper of the wind, and the quiet pull of something just beyond the ordinary. The truth is, once the vibe here fills you, it’s such a wicked awesome experience that you can’t let it go.
If you’ve ever sensed something unseen stirring beneath the surface of the ordinary, you're in the right place. So, sign up for my newsletter, and let’s explore the magic together!
I write Magical. Mystical. Meaningful. fiction.
I’m the product of Boston-raised parents and a blue-collar suburban upbringing. South suburban Boston, that is, where “wicked” means awesome, and everything from clam chowder to Cape Cod is described that way.
Magic is alive along the entire east coast of Massachusetts. It’s in the shifting tides, the whisper of the wind, and the quiet pull of something just beyond the ordinary. The truth is, once the vibe here fills you, it’s such a wicked awesome experience that you can’t let it go.
If you’ve ever sensed something unseen stirring beneath the surface of the ordinary, you're in the right place. So, sign up for my newsletter, and let’s explore the magic together!
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Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews
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July 28, 2011If you are a pagan looking to plan a handfasting, run, don't walk, as far as you can away from this book. As soon as I got into reading it, I realized that it was very problematic and by the end, I was glad I had gotten my copy from the public library so I didn't spend any money on this crap.
The problem is that Hovey approaches handfasting from an extremely limited perspective that is highly structured and leaves little room for individual practices, thoughts, and opinions. Everything in this book is planned out for you - for example "The best man will start in the North and travel clockwise , sprinkling water and salt mixture on the perimeter of the circle" (p 196). That one sentence exemplifies everything that is wrong with this book. Instead of giving suggestions, it gives orders. What if you don't have a best man? Or what if you don't want to call quarters? Or what if you don't want to use salt? Well you are just SOL.
This isn't a book to help you plan a ceremony, this is a book that wants to dictate to you exactly what your ceremony should be. Another example comes from a section on picking Gods and Goddesses for your ceremony, where she states "It is disrespectful to cross pantheons". Not "some people believe" or "you might want to consider" but a strict order, as though Dr. Kendra has come down from on high to tell us all what we can and can't do with our handfasting. I call bullshit on the whole thing. Some pagan traditions cross pantheons all the time with no problem, and it is simply rude of the author to expect that her personal opinions are the only way it should be done AND to try to use manipulative language to guilt people to have the wedding she wants. And that is what the whole book is about, orders not options. Guilt not love. The whole tone of the book is stern, and selfish in my opinion.
Also, this book is hella straight, so if you are planning a same-sex handfasting, then there is nothing here for you. Likewise, this is a book that good for practitioners of highly structured Wiccan traditions NOT those who practice other neo-pagan or eclectic traditions. Interracial or intercultural marriage is also absent here. You're just supposed to plug the names of Norse or Aztec gods into her rituals, instead of creating rituals that actually mean something to your faith.
Maybe if you are a straight white traditional Wiccan looking for an authority figure to order and shame you into doing your wedding, you will love this book. I did not. I did however adore "Handfasting & Wedding Rituals: Welcoming Hera's Blessing" because it was everything that this book was not and I recommend that wholeheartedly with 5 stars. This book got 1/2 a star.
The problem is that Hovey approaches handfasting from an extremely limited perspective that is highly structured and leaves little room for individual practices, thoughts, and opinions. Everything in this book is planned out for you - for example "The best man will start in the North and travel clockwise , sprinkling water and salt mixture on the perimeter of the circle" (p 196). That one sentence exemplifies everything that is wrong with this book. Instead of giving suggestions, it gives orders. What if you don't have a best man? Or what if you don't want to call quarters? Or what if you don't want to use salt? Well you are just SOL.
This isn't a book to help you plan a ceremony, this is a book that wants to dictate to you exactly what your ceremony should be. Another example comes from a section on picking Gods and Goddesses for your ceremony, where she states "It is disrespectful to cross pantheons". Not "some people believe" or "you might want to consider" but a strict order, as though Dr. Kendra has come down from on high to tell us all what we can and can't do with our handfasting. I call bullshit on the whole thing. Some pagan traditions cross pantheons all the time with no problem, and it is simply rude of the author to expect that her personal opinions are the only way it should be done AND to try to use manipulative language to guilt people to have the wedding she wants. And that is what the whole book is about, orders not options. Guilt not love. The whole tone of the book is stern, and selfish in my opinion.
Also, this book is hella straight, so if you are planning a same-sex handfasting, then there is nothing here for you. Likewise, this is a book that good for practitioners of highly structured Wiccan traditions NOT those who practice other neo-pagan or eclectic traditions. Interracial or intercultural marriage is also absent here. You're just supposed to plug the names of Norse or Aztec gods into her rituals, instead of creating rituals that actually mean something to your faith.
Maybe if you are a straight white traditional Wiccan looking for an authority figure to order and shame you into doing your wedding, you will love this book. I did not. I did however adore "Handfasting & Wedding Rituals: Welcoming Hera's Blessing" because it was everything that this book was not and I recommend that wholeheartedly with 5 stars. This book got 1/2 a star.
December 8, 2018
Can't decided on the rating, actually. On some aspects it was helpful, like the section on the moon phases, and I like the idea of scrying to figure out your dates, especially if you are indecisive. The section on the gods was crap; it barely scratched the surface on some gods, and didn't even include a few, such a Frigga, who is the freaking goddess of marriage! Her two hand maids were mentioned, but they are of the collective or house of Frigga, and not the whole. The other thing was the rule about not crossing the pantheons. I don't get it, what exactly is the issue with that? I mean, I understand that you should cross the pantheon with say, another traditions ritual. An example would be combining an Egyptian ceremony, but using Celtic gods. That makes sense. But what if you and your partner worship from different pantheons? What if you and your partner worship a mixture of the pantheons, such as You are into the Norse and Celtic gods, and he is Hellenistic? What do you do then?
The flower and herb sections was not bad, but it only talked about these plants in their regards to love, but what about the other shit, like good fortune and kindness, don't you want that in your ceremony. Her Wicca was seeping through, real bad. I don't have anything against Wiccans, mind you, but like the Romantic Guide to Handfasting that I reviewed not too long ago, this book claims to be Pagan, but uses Wiccan doxology. If I wanted a Wiccan guide to handfasting, I'd get one. I read over some of the other reviews, and agree with the feeling of a limited perspective and feeling like I'm being order around. "You do this, you do that, no crossing, no mixing, and no almonds touching!" It's ridiculous. I'm looking for a pagan guide to planning a wedding, and maybe some marriage advice.
I did really appreciate, however, the section on inter-religious ceremonies, because sometimes life if way more complicated than we initially plan. That section seemed short, but it was still not something I have seen yet, when it comes to my studies. Granted my situation is different, my partner and I are pagan and we share a pantheon, so not my situation, but that topic should be touched on. It was a nice attempt, but not very satisfying.
The flower and herb sections was not bad, but it only talked about these plants in their regards to love, but what about the other shit, like good fortune and kindness, don't you want that in your ceremony. Her Wicca was seeping through, real bad. I don't have anything against Wiccans, mind you, but like the Romantic Guide to Handfasting that I reviewed not too long ago, this book claims to be Pagan, but uses Wiccan doxology. If I wanted a Wiccan guide to handfasting, I'd get one. I read over some of the other reviews, and agree with the feeling of a limited perspective and feeling like I'm being order around. "You do this, you do that, no crossing, no mixing, and no almonds touching!" It's ridiculous. I'm looking for a pagan guide to planning a wedding, and maybe some marriage advice.
I did really appreciate, however, the section on inter-religious ceremonies, because sometimes life if way more complicated than we initially plan. That section seemed short, but it was still not something I have seen yet, when it comes to my studies. Granted my situation is different, my partner and I are pagan and we share a pantheon, so not my situation, but that topic should be touched on. It was a nice attempt, but not very satisfying.
August 30, 2012
I bought this before my own handfasting to help my husband and I plan the event, four years ago. The book has recently come back into my hands, and I am enjoying looking through it once again. This book is extremely informative and covers a wide range of topics related to the spiritual union of marriage. Included are brief descriptions of various gods and goddesses who can be invoked to bless your union with their divine qualities. The author explains the mysteries behind wedding customs that people of many spiritual paths follow today. One chapter is devoted to themes for the ceremony that will give the couple creative inspiration, and allows you to show your guests a little of your personalities through your ceremnony. The traditions behind the wedding clothing from a ritual standpoint are addressed here, as well as magickal meanings of flowers and herbs to be included in bouquets, to be carried or worn. Incense recipes are tucked into the text, along with uses of essential oil. Sample meditations cover many topics and blend well with the spellwork included in the book. The author also gives inspiration for the couple to write ther intentions, most often thought of as "vows", and participate fully in the writing of the ceremony. There are many ideas stated on ways to include interfaith unions, as well as many traditons from other cultures that can be "borrowed" for your ritual. This book is not only extremely helpful during the planning stages of your event, but a useful tool for romantic and spirtual life after the handfasting.
September 17, 2018
Over the Top
If you are looking to find a high magick, detailed ritual where you cast the circle no matter who your audience, this is for you. If the idea of having a priestess bless your reception food and choosing your flowers by guided meditation seems a bit much, this book will be a bit extreme for you. The entire book makes no attempt at options for those whose families have very different religious background, instead the first portion insists that they "get out of the broom closet" and their family can deal with it or not come. (However, there are options to include their spouses religion, but none tone it down any more than requesting the corners blessing instead of calling the corners when casting the circle)
Also, for a book that claims to be adaptable to same sex partners, it spent a lot of time detailing how to choose flowers, spells and herbs by "male and female energy" and how they need to balance each other out. That and all of the fertility emphasis just felt a little weird to me. Maybe a little 15th century wiccan?
If you are looking to find a high magick, detailed ritual where you cast the circle no matter who your audience, this is for you. If the idea of having a priestess bless your reception food and choosing your flowers by guided meditation seems a bit much, this book will be a bit extreme for you. The entire book makes no attempt at options for those whose families have very different religious background, instead the first portion insists that they "get out of the broom closet" and their family can deal with it or not come. (However, there are options to include their spouses religion, but none tone it down any more than requesting the corners blessing instead of calling the corners when casting the circle)
Also, for a book that claims to be adaptable to same sex partners, it spent a lot of time detailing how to choose flowers, spells and herbs by "male and female energy" and how they need to balance each other out. That and all of the fertility emphasis just felt a little weird to me. Maybe a little 15th century wiccan?
December 28, 2018
I wrote my own handfasting ritual thanks to this wonderful book! There were many ritual outlines that did not speak to me, but sometimes even within those rituals I would pluck a line or two out and use them. I had so many compliments on my handfasting, it was incredible. I had many non-pagan guests so the ritual I created was pretty light. I wouldn’t have been able to pull it off without this book. Thank you!
February 12, 2010
I found the history extremely interesting and enjoyed learning some about the pagan religious ceremony
April 28, 2014
There is some good information in here, though not as thorough as I would have liked.
April 29, 2020
My fiancé and I are getting married next summer, Virus-pending. 7/3/21! So I am starting to research what our ceremony can look like to include Pagan elements for me without offending both of our families. This book discusses those challenges in depth for each major and some minor religions, which was great. Dr. Kendra has a lot of information here that will help you conceptualize your ceremony. Her first chapter on history was great, and the philosophical sections about combining different faiths was good. I liked her chapter on “coming out of the broom closet” too, I needed to read that, personally. She had great meditations and rituals to do alone or with your partner, too.
Bad stuff: Dr. Kendra never once goes from beginning to end on what a handfasting ceremony looks like. What’s the point, then?! Worst of all. she says many times throughout, “never mix pantheons.” I have never in all my life heard that before. She also has very incomplete deity descriptions and inclusions. Missing a lot of the main romantic gods and goddesses. She also neglected to mention details about those she did include that are important. Also, a lot of her bibliography was Wikipedia articles. Yikes. Additionally, the flowers and incense meanings were only from Scott Cunningham’s books, which aren’t terrible, but it’s hardly a well-researched book to take all meanings from one other author.
If you are Wiccan and have a solid idea of what you want but want more context, this is a fine book. If you are any other path and don’t know where to start, this book may just confuse you. It sent me out to find more books but I don’t necessarily regret reading it, as multiple perspectives are always good.
Bad stuff: Dr. Kendra never once goes from beginning to end on what a handfasting ceremony looks like. What’s the point, then?! Worst of all. she says many times throughout, “never mix pantheons.” I have never in all my life heard that before. She also has very incomplete deity descriptions and inclusions. Missing a lot of the main romantic gods and goddesses. She also neglected to mention details about those she did include that are important. Also, a lot of her bibliography was Wikipedia articles. Yikes. Additionally, the flowers and incense meanings were only from Scott Cunningham’s books, which aren’t terrible, but it’s hardly a well-researched book to take all meanings from one other author.
If you are Wiccan and have a solid idea of what you want but want more context, this is a fine book. If you are any other path and don’t know where to start, this book may just confuse you. It sent me out to find more books but I don’t necessarily regret reading it, as multiple perspectives are always good.
February 12, 2017
I find this book to be useful in planning or conducting pagan handfastings. The author encourages readers to do their own research and nothing she has written is writ in stone. She covers a lot of ground in this book from different pantheons, her experiences interviewing christian priests and ministers etc. when finding an officiant to perform the marriage/commitment ceremony (which is a very real challenge for many pagans - particularly if it is a dual faith relationship). If you are planning your handfasting or facilitating one for someone else, this book is a good read full of interesting information. It's not the end all, be all of handfastings, just like with weddings from different faiths around the world, each one is unique. This is just one perspective on this topic.
August 31, 2022
I make handfasting cords, I feel that a handfasting is a beautiful ceremony or addition to a wedding ceremony and wanted to learn more. Having more knowledge of a handfasting adds more love to the cords I create.
Very lovely book.
Very lovely book.
November 22, 2021
Fabulous book, very helpful
Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews