Bone to Pick: Of Forgiveness, Reconciliation, Reparation, and Revenge

by Ellis Cose

Draws on the insights of relationship experts in the fields of psychiatry and law as well as the experiences of individuals who have had to overcome or accept emotional pain, offering perspectives on the power of moving past pain and reconciling as part of ending destructive retribution cycles. 50,000 first printing.

Genres: Nonfiction

224 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2004

About the author

Ellis Cose is a former columnist for Newsweek, chairman of the editorial board of the New York Daily News, contributor and critic for Time, and columnist for USA Today. The author of numerous books, including the bestselling The Rage of a Privileged Class, he lives in New York City.

Reviews

[Aaron Oda · Rating 4 out of 5]

A interesting read of personal narratives and theory around victim-offender encounters and the cycles we go through from victimhood to reconciliation. Asks important questions on how a truth and reconciliation process would like for our country scarred by the historical wounds of slavery and racism.

[Criley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Enlightening

Provocatively examines the components of the topic causing the reader to abandon preconceived notions, reexamine them and, quite possibly, have them shifted.

[Erin Oeth · Rating 5 out of 5]

My brother teaches in peace studies & conflict transformation, and he recommended this text as one pivotal to his field. I read it because, as a Christian, I am called to forgive - and I struggle at time to know what that looks like. I've read other Christian authors on the topic and have found some of them lacking - either glossing over the hurt & anguish, or creating a surface-level forgiveness that falls short of the transformational power of the gospel. This book is by far the best book on forgiveness I have read. It is a tough read - going in depth into atrocities of genocide and the holocaust, as well as personal tragedies and horrific loss. There is no glossing over here. And yet, the author offers compelling examples and powerful transformative instances of forgiveness in the midst of those circumstances. He doesn't claim that it's always possible, and he concedes that it is not easy. And yet, he makes a compelling case for freeing ourselves from the cage of bitterness & rage. He makes a case for public acknowledgement & reparations of national evils that allow society to move beyond the past and write a better future. There is something about choosing to forgive, on a personal & national level, that brings freedom and hope for a better future and a better world. Cose helps paint that picture and shows us some tangible steps to get there. Phenomenal read.

[Sandra · Rating 4 out of 5]

Meaty, thoughtful, thought-provoking discussion of "forgiveness, reconciliation, reparation, and revenge". I was challenged on so many levels, yet Cose's non-violent, compassionate approach encouraged self examination. His discussion of cultural approaches and implications opened whole new perspectives for me. Very open-ended, inviting style.