The Forgiving Life: A Pathway to Overcoming Resentment and Creating a Legacy of Love

by Robert D. Enright

Winner of the American Psychological Foundation Gold Medal for Impact in Psychology

The Forgiving Life offers scientifically supported guidance to help people forgive those in their lives who have acted unfairly and have inflicted emotional hurt.

It does not minimize the devastation of that hurt. It does not require reconciliation with the one who inflicted the hurt. Rather, it describes a process, followed with success by people around the world, to confront the pain, rise above it to forgive, and in so doing, to loosen the grip of depression, anger, and resentment that has soured life.

In this book, noted forgiveness expert Robert D. Enright invites readers to learn the benefits of forgiveness and to embark on a path of forgiveness, leaving behind a legacy of love. Guided by thought-provoking questions, journaling exercises, and Enright’s kind encouragement, readers can chart their own journey through a new life of forgiveness.

Genres: Nonfiction

371 pages, Hardcover

First published January 15, 2012

About the author

Robert D. Enright, PhD, is a licensed psychologist and professor of psychology at the University of Wisconsin, Madison. He is the author of more than 80 publications and has been a leader in the scientific study of forgiveness and its effects since 1985. His work on the subject has appeared in Time, McCall’s, the Wall Street Journal, the Washington Post, the Chicago Tribune, and the Los Angeles Times. He has appeared on ABC ’s 20/20 NBC ’s Nightly News and many other television and radio shows.

Reviews

[Paula · Rating 3 out of 5]

First, I agree with his premise. I found the concept quite helpful and used it through Lent as a book group and preaching theme. However, this book is highly technical from a professor who studies forgiveness academically. If that's what you're looking for, read it. But if not, if you simply want to explore the topic of forgiveness personally, or the practice of forgiveness experientially, then start with Forgiveness is a Choice.

[Tony · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book had some interesting points, but it could have been half the size without the fake dialogue between therapist and patient. That was not helpful. Another analysis of agape love that is shown everywhere.

Reading the Catholic Catechism on the virtue of forgiveness would be more beneficial.

[Carol · Rating 4 out of 5]

A thoughtful book on an important subject, the practice of forgiveness as a moral virtue and a way of life. Dr. Enright is a psychologist and academic who has made a career out of teaching and studying the process of forgiveness, working with groups as diverse as children in Belfast, Ireland, incest victims, and patients with heart disease. In this book, he explores the viewpoint of the person who has been a target of unjust treatment. He considers the theoretical, historical and moral basis underlying the study of forgiveness from both a religious and secularly viewpoint (although I think he goes too far in stating that foregiveness has a relatively culture-free, universal, objective reality). He considers that forgiveness is bound up with the practice of "agape love," rather than other types of love, and with the universal human need to give and receive love. Dr. Enright has developed a rating scale measuring foregiveness, and pictures the forgiveness process as encompassing four steps: uncovering (the wounds that need to be forgiven); decision (deciding to do no harm to the transgressor); work; and discovery(discovering the new possibilities of life after forgiveness). He points out the need for balance in exercise of the virtues; for example, one need not accept continuing abuse nor reconcile oneself to a dangerous person who rejects the "three R's" of remorse, repentance, and recompense. Also, the nature of foregiveness may differ according to social roles (forgiving a spouse, for example, is vastly different than forgiving a co-worker). He emphasizes the importance of three aspects of the will (free will, good will, and strong will); lacking any of these, true foregiveness may be lacking.

Much of the book takes the form of an extended dialogue between a composite picture of a novice in forgiveness speaking with an older, wiser woman (probably representing the author). The book belongs to the self-help genre and its tone is a little paternalistic; people who dislike self-help books may not like this one. However, I recommend it, especially its recommendation to teach children the benefits of forgiveness for the greater good of society.