Here's a book about a rapper who goes back in time and becomes a slave. Really. What more do you need to know?
It doesn't matter that there are lines like, "Then, without warning, she put my hand under her skirt. It felt like an undercooked cinnamon roll with too much icing." (I am assuming it wasn't the skirt that felt like an undercooked cinnamon roll with too much icing.) It doesn't matter that in response to a compliment from his manager, the main character thinks, "Her words raped me. I couldn't have been more penetrated than in a jailhouse shower." It doesn't matter than any stretch of time has to be noted -- two hours later, four hours later, several hours later, another twenty-four hours, the next four days -- but the time frame of when our rapper hero goes back in time is never stated.
Big deal. All we need to know is that it took place in slavery time. And it's a book about a rapper named Moses Jenkins (aka Da Nigga) who goes back in time and becomes a slave! That other stuff? Irrelevant.
So what if there's more than a hundred pages describing the torture Moses endures at the hands of the slaveowners. It makes The Passion of the Christ look like a children's story. Being whipped, raped with a bayonet, having his arms and legs broken, and kept in a cage for weeks on end without medical attention doesn't do in Moses. Nope. He's nursed back to health by a fellow slave who is very good with roots and herbs. Doesn't matter that he'd be dead in three days from these treatments. Even Bruce Wayne healing his back by hanging from a rope tied to the ceiling in The Dark Knight Rises thinks all this is ridiculous. But so what, Moses is a rapper who went back in time and became a slave, dammit!
Then there's the way Moses travels through time. See, he gets shot in the chest in the present, and wakes up on a plantation. Then he gets shot in the back in the past, and wakes up back in the present after a six-month coma. Shot forward, fall back; shot back, fall forward. Got it. Of course, all his friends in family in the future think he's just been in a coma for six months, but nooooooooooooooooooooo. He shows them all the whip marks on his back that no one noticed all the time he was in a coma. Later, he finds more proof that he actually went back in time when he sees pictures of the slaves he met in family portraits at his mother's house. Turns out one of the slaves was his great-great-great aunt or something. It's just like every Twilight Zone episode ever.
Speaking of comas, there's not one but two people who magically awake from comas and spring out of bed. And Moses is such a great rapper that he makes millions while in his six-month coma. Being in a coma is good for business. In fact, Moses is such a great rapper that he is more popular than if Michael Jordan joined The Beatles and announced they were touring with a reincarnated Elvis Presley. He can't go anywhere without a group of reporters thrusting microphones in his face (though none of them are from TMZ) or fans chanting his name. Every TV station he turns on runs reports about his life. He needs a mercenary squad of eight men to protect him from his adoring public.
You shouldn't think any of this is silly, though, since this is a book about a rapper who goes back in time and becomes a slave.
Don't confuse it with the 1991 movie Brother Future, which is about a street rapper named T.J. (not aka Da Nigga) who goes back in time and becomes a slave, even though in both of them the rapper leads a slave revolt and gets transported back to the future after being shot. Though I have never seen Brother Future, I'm sure it is nothing at all like Antebellum.
And if reading this novel about a rapper who goes back in time and becomes a slave wasn't enough for you, don't worry. A prequel called "The Seven Days" is due in April. It's about slaves who come to the present and possess people's bodies for, you guessed it, seven days at at a time. A couple of them are people from this book. As Bart Scott says, "Can't wait!"