Princess Recovery: A How-to Guide to Raising Strong, Empowered Girls Who Can Create Their Own Happily Ever Afters

by Jennifer L. Hartstein

At two, she only wears dresses because she's a princess like the ones on TV. At six, she wants the trendiest, scantily clad doll because all her friends have it. At eight, she's begging for makeup because she wants to be pretty like the teen superstars.

Your daughter has every opportunity to be independent and confident--if only you could help her tune out the rest of the world! But can you really deny your little girl dresses, cartoons, and friends until she is out of danger?

Child and adolescent psychologist Dr. Jennifer L. Hartstein has good you don't have to! Her unique program teaches you to curb the world's influence on your daughter--without making her live in a bubble. In this debut book, Dr. Hartstein teaches you With this plan, you can bring balance, confidence, and self-sufficiency into your daughter's life without denying her a modern, vibrant childhood.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Feminism

256 pages, Hardcover

First published November 18, 2011

Reviews

[Vidya Tiru · Rating 4 out of 5]

Princess Recovery Program
Being the mom of a little diva myself – luckily a knight in disguise – I always worry about the ‘princess’ effect on girls of any age. I necessarily do not consider the princess syndrome evil, but like the author, do feel a major need to balance the princess effect with other down-to-earth measures. Finding this point of view in the introduction, I was all too ready to dive into the book to figure out how to help myself help my little ones grow into strong, independent, self-reliant, beautiful-inside-and-out individuals! I am glad to say this book is perfect for this.
I love the ideas she imparts that we can use at any age – some of them are here:
• using ‘wish lists’ (add items to a wish-list and set a waiting period for them, revisit - you might find you do not want/need it anymore, else, figure out what needs to be done to get it)
• reinforces the idea of parents being role-models with lots of surprising places where we fail (for example, how many times do you ask them to respond to you immediately or soon, no matter what they are doing, after trying to teach them perseverance? I am guilty)
Each chapter is organized clearly:
• Main idea of chapter - the ‘Princess’ Symptom problem and the ‘Heroine’ Value to instill.
• A brief overview of the chapter
• The ‘Princess’ Symptom – the whys, hows and whats
• Steps and ideas to overcome/work on avoiding the Princess Symptom
• The ‘Heroine’ Value - the whys, hows and whats
• Steps and ideas to instill these characters that make up the value
• Age-Appropriate solutions for the ‘Princess’ Symptom (Ages 2-3, 4-5, 6-8) – though this part only addresses these age-groups, these can be applied across ages.
There are also two helpful and informative appendixes which give a list of good books and play ideas to instill healthy values while resolving the issues of the ‘Princess’ symptom.
All in all, a wonderful book.
Disclaimer: I received this book from NetGalley and did not receive any other compensation other than the review copy. This is my honest review of the book.

[Peggy · Rating 1 out of 5]

While I agree with the basic premise of this book (that negative and harmful media and social pressures on girls should be actively counteracted by parents), I found myself profoundly disappointed in Princess Recovery as a resource for achieving this. Not because there isn't *any* good advice in this book--there is some--but because it's accompanied by and often couched in backwards and even outright harmful views of girls and women.

In spite of having the best of intentions, Dr. Hartstein, in her condemnation of the sexualization of girls in and through media, still ultimately blames girls (and their parents) for their "bad choices" rather than society for objectifying (or allowing the objectification of) even very young children. And while she advises parents to talk to their children about media and social pressures, the language she herself uses is still couched in sexism.

For example, in chapter two there is a section on "helping your child learn to dress in appropriate ways." Ignoring the fact that we don't feel the need to police boys' clothing as much as we do girls', the advice focuses on how young children should not be wearing "sexy" clothing, and that parents should help their daughter to make "good choices." Then later, in a section about valuing brains over beauty, Dr. Hartstein highlights Lady Gaga as a potentially negative role model (in comparison to someone like Hillary Clinton) because "[Lady Gaga's] choice to push the envelope and wear crazy outfits means her smarts and accomplishments often get overlooked. There are many popular culture stars who fall into this trap. Their appearance becomes the topic of conversation, not their brains or their abilities."

But the problem here is not your five year old's or even Lady Gaga's clothing choices. The problem is that we live in a society that objectifies the bodies of young girls and grown women so strongly that even a five year old in a short skirt or a bikini can be considered "sexy." The problem is that we as a society would focus on Lady Gaga's outward appearance even if she dressed in "normal" clothing all of the time. In fact it can easily be argued that her clothing choices are actually *empowering*, because she has pushed the envelope beyond her everyday appearance--expressing her individuality every day on her own terms. For a book that is continually pushing the concept of "looking beyond the surface," Dr. Hartstein's analysis of these issues is profoundly shallow.

There are also several "princess symptoms" posited in the book that have little to nothing to do with being female. Materialism and Entitlement aren't girl problems--they're problems for everyone. I admit I didn't even get into the sections on romance, but I've been so underwhelmed by Dr. Hartstein's advice and outlook in the first quarter of this book that I'm not particularly interested in what she has to say about women and love.

While I admire that Dr. Hartstein has tried to tackle the issue of raising empowered girls in an exceedingly misogynistic society, she has failed to realize that the answer cannot be found in simply teaching girls to make different or better choices in their lives. It can only be found in creating a culture that views women as more than just objects, a culture that values women *as a given.* And that can only be accomplished by having much deeper conversations on these issues--not just with our daughters, but also our sons and our friends and families and ourselves.

[GONZA · Rating 3 out of 5]

Pretty interesting, specially if you have a daughter. This book helps to understand the different attitude parents and the rest of the world can have towards little girl and gives suggestion to help them believe in themselves and being self-sufficient, instead of waiting to be rescued from some type of charming prince.

Parecchio interessante, specialmente se avete una figlia. Questo libro aiuta a comprendere i differenti atteggiamenti che i genitori, e il resto del monfo, possono avere nei confronti delle bambine e fornisce parecchie modalità per aiutarle a credere in se stesse, piuttosto che aspettare di essere "salvate" da qualche tipo di principe azzurro.

THANKS TO NETGALLEY AND ADAMS MEDIA FOR THE PREVIEW

[Shruthi · Rating 1 out of 5]

Far too simplistic and not evidence/science based. This book puts the onus on women and girls at every corner. Clearly aimed only at mothers (and why is that exactly? Men can't/shouldn't be equally responsible in raising their daughters?? Ridiculous) with a laundry list of things they should do better.

Not a lot of nuance in the suggestions such as age appropriate clothes. Do we police the clothes boys wear? How does policing clothes add to the sexualization of girls? None of the that was discussed beyond clothes aimed at girls is often more grown up than they are.

The advice was okay but oftentimes a little impractical and very very simplistic. Would've made a better article. I really liked the idea of this book but I think there has to be better parenting advice books for young girls.

[Grace Mc · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have found during the last two years of Kindergarten that my daughter has been influenced by kids who are more girly/princessy and I picked this up for ideas on how to counteract the peer effect. I mostly skimmed this and read the sections for children aged 6-8. A good parenting resource from birth to age 8 if you are concerned about Princess culture.

[Seawood · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think this is a decent read if:
- You have or are worried about a princessified child already and are at a loss on how to deal with it
- You are worried about having a daughter
- You've got yourself into a rut of not being able to turn off the TV or say no
- You've never read anything by Alfie Kohn about rewards and unconditional love
- You are a feminist (regardless of whether you're a parent) concerned about the princess culture and looking to explain it in a nutshell.
- You are parenting a boy, or are a teacher, and want to understand why some girls are the way they are.

It is a US-based book and as such I don't think the UK has it this bad - we are not the home of Disney, we have rather more boring real-life princesses ;-) but it's still out there in the form of reality TV stars, patronising pinkwashed toys and so on (check out pinkstinks.co.uk).

I'm lucky. Much of what this book recommends (turn off the TV, provide diversity of toys and reading rather than based on gender, say no and don't use shopping as a reward system) is how we parent anyway; princess culture was a concern even before my daughters were born and in a way this book confirms we're on the right path. I'd like to have read it before our eldest arrived and been able to pass it on to grandparents because standing up for our girls can be really hard at times and it can be hard to explain why princesses are crap role models.

If you have a princess already then there are some great steps you can take, broken up into age-appropriate categories, and I'll certainly be looking into getting some of the recommended children's books listed at the end even though we're doing ok. I'd like to put some real heroines in front of my daughters, and they're not ready for Katniss Everdeen, Sabriel or Lyra just yet.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

I tried this book because even though my daughter is not very princess-y at all, princess syndrome is everywhere in our culture and I know it is a common problem that people who are already in it don't know how to address. This book does a decent job of spelling out some of the personality traits and worldview issues that come with an overly princess-ified culture and/or individual child...and then it provides some pretty basic advice about how to correct those issues. I wasn't impressed. Other books address the problems in a more sophisticated and nuanced way, and other books give advice that resonated more for me. This one was so basic it was sometimes frustrating, and the parenting advice was...well, okay, but also very basic and often broad. It has some good things to say, but is often skim-worthy. (I really liked the explanation, for example, of the issue of cultivating ideas about romance versus ideas about healthy relationships. That was a strong moment. Many of the sections are much broader and less contextual than that one, though - such as an entire chapter on selfishness and how to mitigate it.)

For a better book on this subject, I'd refer readers to "Redefining Girly" by Melissa Wardy. Wardy's take is far more detailed, and while it is sometimes basic depending on where you're coming from, better context is offered and better specificity is addressed. I got plenty out of Wardy's book, despite being someone who thinks and talks a lot about these issues. The same is not true of Princess Recovery.

[Donna · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not as interesting as the title suggests. There a few good tips, some intriguing stats and anecdotes, but mostly it's pretty bland, but decent, general parenting advice. Things like, "try to get your daughter to feel empathy for others." It's not bad advice, it's just boring, very broad, and therefore, not particularly helpful.

[Julie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really liked some of the ideas and strategies in this book but there were some things I didn't agree with at all. I also didn't feel very secure in author's credentials. There are some scientific studies quoted but it seems to be very anecdotal. Basically I think of it as opinion and some ideas to think about and perhaps develop to meet your own needs.

[Michelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

A good book not only for children of young girls afflicted with "Princess Syndrome" but all parents and even those of us who don't have kids. The emphasis is on modeling good behavior and thought patterns. I think that it can help all of us to become, as well as raise, better people.

[Nicole · Rating 4 out of 5]

Every mom of a princess-loving daughter should read this book! Actually, it's a great book for giving you ideas on how to empower your daughter even if she doesn't love princesses. :) Quick read, practical ideas!

[Traci · Rating 2 out of 5]

As usual, this makes a better magazine article than book. While there are a handful of good ideas in here for how to direct princess play in a more positive way, the majority of the book is more generalized basic parenting topics (how not to raise a spoiled brat).

[Gina Hott · Rating 3 out of 5]

A Terrific Parenting Resource. There are some great suggestions in here about how not to allow your daughter to fall into the princess trap but instead be a self-sufficient person.

[L.k. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very interesting. Reminds me of a few people I know. This is sort of a personality epidemic that is going on. Well researched, stated well, not boring.

[Kara]

My elementary school friend wrote this how to guide

[Jan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not bad but read before your daughter turns 8.