A Life Less Convenient: Letters To My Ex

by Jennifer Clare Burke

A book about lupus, love and sex. They say love conquers all, but that's a lie. Just ask the narrator of A Life Less Letters to My Ex, whose story unfolds across dozens of letters to her ex. She wants to make her relationship work with D — but how can they stand a chance against the most selfish and obsessive lover, her own failing body? Hobbled by pain and fragility from a chronic disease, every day is a battle to remain herself, never mind love someone else. Yet she keeps trying. Because…how can she not? A Life Less Convenient speaks to both the beauty and the ugliness of chronic illness; the daily management, care and love of self in relation to disease and partnership; how illness becomes a needy and sometimes aggressive third partner in a relationship that can create both closeness and distance; and how we create, hold on to and renegotiate who we are in relation to illness. This expanded second edition includes seven new chapters, plus an appendix collecting for the first time Burke’s nonfiction essays on pathology and the body.

Genres: Queer, Fiction

Paperback

First published February 5, 2013

Reviews

[Rachel Tsunoda · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have never read a book that lays out the struggles of an illness as insightful as A Life Less Convenient (ALLC) does. Jennifer Burke deserves a great deal of accolades for putting together this magnificent journey into the love affair a terminal illness has with one’s body. The ex presented in this book is a conglomeration of several people in the narrator’s life over the beginning years of her diagnosis. Her body is taken over and controlled by Lupus, and her relationships provide the emotional support she desperately needs…until her illness reels her back in and continues to destroy everything in its path, including her relationships.

A Life Less Convenient tore at my heartstrings. I saw not just illness, but reflective and insightful understanding of how a relationship had failed. In the matter-of-fact reflectiveness of the narrator, there is no blame. There is just the illness and the way both parties handled it; and that’s it. It just was. After a period of time, the end of any relationship “just was”. There is no innocent party and there is no guilty party. In any relationship, both parties deal with situations the best way they no how - right or wrong, it just ‘is’. Burke does an excellent job using Lupus as the vehicle for getting this idea across.

ALLC is a series of letters to ‘an Ex’. Each letter is in essence a short story depicting a different period of time in the evolution of the narrator’s dealings with Lupus. ALLC gives interesting insight into what people dealing with a terminal illness deals with and I suspect, will be an insightful book for those who love people with some form of terminal illness. Throughout ALLC, Burke has done an excellent job of incorporating fantastic images that portray fear, love, frustration and angst. These images are disturbing to a large degree, but help the reader understand the many facets of emotion involved with dealing with terminal illness. The letters in this book are fictitious in that names, times, situations have been changed or made up. ALLC is the writer’s way of trying to explain what was really happening to her and why its so difficult to maintain healthy relationships when one is battling an illness like Lupus.

Burke explains in a honest, open, insightful way all the physical limitations that caused the demise of a relationship.
Her writing allows us to understand the feelings of vulnerability that people dealing with a terminal illness may not be able to explain.

Each letter in ALLC is a little more insightful than the last. Every letter shows incredible growth and insight into the understanding of the human factor and how relationships are affected by different obstacles.

ALLC would be a great resource for people struggling to understand the emotional, physical and relationship issues involved with a terminal illness, like Lupus. This book has the ability to provide a starting point for open and honest conversation and understanding between both parties involved in dealing with a terminal illness. This book should be recommended reading at the first diagnosis of a terminal illness.

[Sarah · Rating 2 out of 5]

this was a lot more "writing exercise" than i expected. i was hoping for something that would inspire me in how to deal with my illness and my relationships. tell me what to do or what not to do. i know these weren't "real letters" but i also wonder how fictionalized the content is. much of it was relatable (pushing yourself farther than you should, etc.) but i'm left wishing this would have been available from my library or kindle unlimited.

[Larry · Rating 2 out of 5]

I must be missing something. It seems like a story of self-obsession. I know from my own involvement with fibromyalgia that much of such conditions is just focusing too much on the illness. Maybe that is not the author's problem and I just completely missed the point. I didn't find it interesting reading, though it was well-composed.

[julie morse · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good read

Thank you for the candid look at lupus. I know someone who has this disease and she basically stays to herself. Yes she has it but you don't need to know about it. So thank you at least now I can understand. Wasn't sure what this book was about at first, cancer, AIDS, etc. So was surprised. I hope your life is going better now and hope to read more from you

[Bianca · Rating 3 out of 5]

It wasreally something new to read, it shows the struggles of an illness very insightful. But at times I had the feeling the person telling was rather.selfcentered with her developed obsessions. Maybe you.simply become like that, when your body betrays you. Rather depressing read actually.