Unconditional Forgiveness: A Simple and Proven Method to Forgive Everyone and Everything

by Mary Hayes Grieco

Forgiveness is about more than just letting go. It’s about healing wounds and wiping away scars. It’s about feeling better—physically and emotionally. It’s about living your life with purpose and truly moving forward.

In Unconditional Forgiveness, Mary Hayes Grieco offers the Eight Steps to Freedom, a simple, effective eight-step program that teaches readers how to completely forgive in order to achieve both emotional and physical well-being. This step-by-step method incorporates emotional, energetic, and spiritual components that are accessible to everyone and offer lasting success. The Eight Steps to Freedom are:

Step One: Use Your Will

Declare your intention through the power of will to begin the process of forgiveness.

Step Two: Express Your Emotional Pain

You are given complete freedom to express your honest emotions without judgment or fear.

Step Three: Release Expectations from Your Mind

Identify and let go of the expectations you had surrounding the person or situation that you are forgiving.

Step Four: Restore Your Boundaries

Firmly separate yourself from the harmful actions and attitudes of the other person or situation.

Step Five: Open Up to Getting Your Needs Met in a Different Way

Emotions have been released, expectations have been let go, and you no longer demand anything from the person or situation that you are forgiving.

Step 6: Receive Healing Energy from Spirit

Reach to a higher level, bringing unconditional love and light into your being.

Step Seven: Send Unconditional Love to the Other Person or Situation and Release

Unconditional love and light is freely given to the person or situation you are forgiving.

Step Eight: See the Good in the Person or Situation

Now that you are free from the past pain and grievance, recognize the good that can be taken from the person or situation.

Grieco walks the reader through each step and addresses the entire spectrum of painful issues, from the everyday mundane to the most difficult, as well as providing a way to forgive one’s self, when necessary. The how to appendix provides a perennial, off-the-shelf reference to swiftly guide readers through the process whenever the need arises. With Grieco’s in-depth yet simple program, your healing can be as swift as it is lasting.

Genres: Nonfiction

240 pages, Paperback

First published December 20, 2011

About the author

Mary Hayes Grieco has taught her powerful method of forgiveness in a wide variety of venues since 1990. With her background in psychology, and her ten years of intensive personal training with Dr. Edith Stauffer PhD, Mary has refined her method of forgiveness, as well as the way it is taught in workshops, making this life-changing process accessible to everyone. This consistently effective program has transformed thousands of lives.

Mary has offered workshops in the United States, Ireland, and Germany, where she demonstrates the process of forgiveness to a network of 150 therapists who work with veterans returning from Iraq and Afghanistan. She spoke at the Nobel Peace Prize Forum in 2005 and is currently scheduled to present her forgiveness work in Kuwait in March, 2012.

Mary has served on staff at the Hazelden Treatment Center for over sixteen years, and at The University of St. Thomas' Management Center. She is the director and lead trainer of The Midwest Institute for Forgiveness Training, providing programs for the general public, for mental health professionals, for future trainers of this work, and serious students of self mastery.

Reviews

[Leonard · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found this book a mixture of positive and negative information. There are some moving illustrations of people the author has worked with to help the process of forgiveness. On page 22 there is a great list of things that forgiveness is NOT. I liked the "Eight Steps to Freedom" on page 60 and much of the information in the following ten to fifteen pages. On the other hand I thought the author's statement that "the soul is energy" on page 29 is speculation or guessing and difficult to prove, although I would agree that the soul has energy, but I believe it is probably much more than just energy, but cannnot prove it.

Her words on page 12; "...lighten up! It doesn't have to be this hard. Your only hurting yourselves. Let go and live the universal law of loving one another. You'll feel better," come across as trivial and superficial. When addressing trauma, the kind that injures deeply, whether physical or psychological, recovering can take a very long time. A person cannot simply do those things at certain stages of injury, just because they are told to do so. Injury that causes lasting psychological pain such as PTSD changes a person. In many cases the process of recovering and becoming a functional human again takes years. Often one severly injured does not ever completely recover, or if they recover, they are a different person as a result of the trauma and injury. Forgiveness in that context takes time and a different form than before. Telling someone to do it does not initiate the change, as much as simply being present in the traumatized person's life as a friend and support person and help him/her take those first steps toward "unconditional forgiveness." In my own experience dealing with PTSD as a result of being the target of a workplace bully for over 2.5 years at St. Alphonsus Regional Medical Center in Boise, Idaho, it took more than a year before I was able to even pray for the bully and the members of management who encouraged and participated in the bullying, in what appeared to be an effort to try to get rid of me, even though I always had outstanding work evaluations.

When someone uses the term, "let go.." or "drop it" or even the word "closure" (which is one word that may not even have a right to be in the English language), I react negatively, because I received those same "orders" from management and the bully. Such instructions are simply telling the traumatized victim to go into denial and pretend that everything is OK. That is unacceptable. I doubt very much that there ever is any such thing as closure. An injured person, in order to become functional must, in many ways, become a different person and start living again from a different point in life. There is no way to go back to how he/she was before and continue as if there was "closure" and as if nothing happened, or if something bad happened, everything's OK now. On the contrary, everything is not OK. Everything has changed, and will never be the same. That is often the situation, even if the process of forgiveness had been completed, or is being completed. For a long time after being the target of bullying, I was not sure I liked the person I was forced to become in order to survive and eventually recover from the injury.

That's also my concern with the phrase at the beginning of Chapter 2 on page 35. "Time heals all, it is said, and that is basically true, if one is open to healing." In reality that's simply not true. Some injuries are permanent. Spinal cord injuries often cause permanent paralysis. PTSD can be just as permanently disabling even if there are no visible physical injuries.

People with the best of intentions often repeat sayings they've heard without actully considering what is being said. My mother used to say: "Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me." I learned long ago that that was a lie. In reality broken bones are likely to heal long before the injury and pain left by cruel or dishonest words, especially if those words are repeated. Recently I commented negatively to a Facebook message; "Whatever doesn't kill me, makes me stronger," pointing out that that was simply not true. A lot of people who have suffered in one way or another, for example victims of child abuse or sexual abuse, have been severly weakened by that trauma. They are not necessarily stronger. They may be disabled by the experience, and/or living in fear. The indigent response I got from more than one person was that they were just the words from a song, as if that made it OK to repeat a lie. It's important to not just repeat popular phrases without actually thinking about what they are saying, and asking ourselves if those words are really true. The author of this book makes that mistake a few times.

However there is also worhwhile information in this book and you might find it beneficial.

any response?
let me know at
LeonardNolt@AOL.com

[Jody Phillips · Rating 4 out of 5]

My daughter recommended this book. THANKS!

I love practical step-right-into-it books that help move us from one place to a better place. This book delivers.

I set myself up with an accountability partner in the form of a counselor and worked through the steps that make this book so phenomenal. It's a book I recommend in my coaching practice because it works.

[köksal kaysı · Rating 1 out of 5]

Waste of time

[Steven · Rating 4 out of 5]

I tend to be somewhat skeptical of self-help books, but the "voice" of this author n the book diminished that tendency. She is not flippant, but nor is she needlessly solemn and pseudo-spiritual in a way that put me off. Mostly, she reveals the process (or at least the attempted process) of forgiveness to be a refreshingly practical and (dare I say it?) rather selfish enterprise. (Perhaps I should say "self-enhancing", but she definitely doesn't expect us to kiss the butts of the assholes in our lives that screwed us over in one way or another. My own list, (and I don't mind sharing part of it) of people I might benefit from forgiving includes an elementary school teacher who regularly pinched my arm when I froze in front of class doing a math problem at a chalkboard. (My issue was shyness, not a true lack of math inability, but teachers in that era weren't the swiftest with child psychology); she is dead anyway, but apparently we can forgive the dead as well as the living. Also, being gay, I was bullied...a LOT, especially in relation to Phys Ed and sports; it's a pretty common story for gay guys, especially in my generation. Perhaps it would help me to forgive the bullies and their apparent insecurity rather than taking silent delight in the fact that most grew up to be less than successful, unattractive, obese men; it took years for me to find out that one such man who as also the typical "good looking jock/class pres/popular guy" remained in our small Midwestern town and was last working as a divorced bartender in a bowling alley. Life is ironic, and not always kind to mean turds. Now that I have read this book once I honestly intend to give a stab at applying the 8 steps she describes, particularly toward an individual in my family and an ex. I think this author and book are on to something that a lot of people don't want to hear; it may prove a profound book after all to some of us for whom there is unfortunately rewind button in life where we cold go back and slap the shit out those who did us harm. As a kid, I had a basically optimistic and trusting outlook on others, but learned over time that that was mistaken for weakness by certain of life's oafs. Rather than relying on the Kharma Police, which do a pretty good job actually, I want to do this book for myself. I recommend to anyone who has crossed the paths of a few too many mean people in his or her life; most of all, forgive yourself for not fighting back or protecting yourself. Thhat's a hell of a good start, and this book points that out. Despite the title, this an unpretentious book, and potentially very powerful if one approaches it with an open mind and heart.

[Elyse Walters · Rating 4 out of 5]

A beautiful guidance book!
......A "How-To-Forgive":

Let go of suffering...
Move on...
deal with losses...
great practical wisdom, humility, and effective compassion.

.....
This little gem of a book (by a beautiful author), has crafted a fulfilling and important path to understanding and healing ourselves and finding peace!

[Cyndy Fitzpatrick · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fabulous. If you have a big issue or a small one to work on, this is the book for you! Mary helps you walk through the pain and gets you to the other side of forgiveness so that you can let go! I highly recommend this book!!!!! If you have the chance to attend her workshop- GO!!! It is well worth the price!

[Victoria]

I cannot wait to get "Unconditional Forgiveness" . . . ! I love the author and have heard amazing things about this book! Definitely ready to read!

[HB · Rating 4 out of 5]

I believe it could work...

[Lenny D · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very good with relatable stories and clear "how-to" steps.

[Elizabeth Gabhart]

Interesting idea, but this book is a little too woo-hoo for me. I skimmed it without reading carefully.