The Lesbian S/m Safety Manual: Basic Health and Safety for Woman-To-Woman S/M

by Patrick Califia (Editor)

Some of the material in this booklet was gathered to use in the orientations for new members of the Lesbian Sex Mafia (LSIM). LS/M was founded in 1981 as a support and information group for lesbian and bisexual women interested in so-called "politically incorrect" sex-fantasy and role playing, bondage, discipline, SIM, fetishes, costumes, alternate gender identities, and so forth.

Genres: Sexuality, BDSM, Queer, Lesbian, LGBT, Health, Nonfiction

80 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1988

About the author

Patrick Califia, who formerly wrote under the names Pat Califia and Patrick Califia-Rice, is a writer of nonfiction (on men, gender, transgender identity, and sexuality) and fiction (erotica, poetry, and short stories).

Reviews

[Freyja Vanadis · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book has some good tips for safety measures, but the information about AIDS and some STDs is way out of date (the book was published in 1988)

[Mitzi · Rating 1 out of 5]

one star for dubious and outdated medical and first aid information; eroticized depictions of sexual assault; and the encouragement of sexual practices which could kill you, coupled with a disclaimer and a shrug when things, by the manual's own admission, inevitably go wrong--if not for you, then someone else. accidents do happen…

yes, some women may die, but that's a sacrifice I am willing to make. now, bend over.

—

for some reason, attitudes and behaviors within the (BD)S/M community have often been considered subversive. the irony of that line should be apparent in how normative and widespread they now are, how neatly they've slotted into the existing social order. and what have we gained? again, by the manual's own admission, more sex-related visits to the ER and the morgue. how many infections, illnesses, acute or chronic injuries, or deaths is a good fuck worth? how many bodies? how much blood? is any of this really new, or is it just a more structured and rigorous play on the same shit as always? if so, what do we stand to gain by acting it out? what effect might it have on us in the long run? in Califia's own words, "Communities tend to create norms for their members." also in Califia's own words, "The safest way to choke someone is to use your hands."

the contributors' extraordinary sensitivity to criticism (both from within and outside of the community) bears mentioning here. "never ever ever make anyone feel bad about the things they find arousing; this is a supreme evil which should be punishable by death," etc. etc. validation must be theoretically limitless. this is perhaps the bitterest irony of all in a group of supposed "sexual outlaws," a belief that there's nothing in this world which can or should be censored except criticism of its own practices--that there are no lines which can't be crossed, no taboos which can't be violated, no rules which can't be broken except the first: Thou shalt not yuck my yum.

fortunately, nothing is free from criticism, no matter how worked up Pat & co. get.

it's disingenuous to acknowledge the broader implications of socialization, oppression, and dominance hierarchies only when they're convenient to your point. anyone who encourages you not to question or think critically about your role choices, likes and dislikes, habits, and behaviors (sexual or otherwise) is not your friend, and they probably stand to benefit in some way from your ignorance. catharsis is a myth. there is no safe way to asphyxiate someone. no one ever died from not being sexually tortured. do not put garlic in your vagina.

[Jojo · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the best BDSM manual I've read (and I've read many). The STI part is outdated (as expected in a 1988 manual) but otherwise it's just great. Like many queer manuals, it puts the emphasis on communication, but still gives practical advices (which a lot of these omit).

[Em · Rating 5 out of 5]

Somewhat out of date, but sexy and informative. I would love to see a new edition published someday!