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I Was A Brooding Teenage Vampire
My name is Demitri Mitchell, and I’m a vampire. I also happen to be addicted to blood, and have a history of being addicted to amphetamines as well as most mainline narcotics (it was the 80’s.) Some people would say that I have a sex-addiction, but I think all those years of casual sex and prostitution was just a means to feed my ravenous hunger for blood; it’s the chicken or the egg, to be honest. I want to tell you all about my journey; it’s a story of love, of self-expression, romance, desire, and my quest to avoid it all. This is the very brief and very vulgar tale of how I was a brooding teenage vampire.
In 15,000 Words.
In 15,000 Words.
Nook
First published June 26, 2011
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Displaying 1 - 16 of 16 reviews
September 8, 2011
I do love a funny short story and that is what I Was a Brooding Teenage Vampire is. It pokes fun at the now sensitive, sparkling vampires of today. Demitri is old school. He actually loves blood and “gasp” sex. But Demitri has grown bored with the normal girl he gets involved with, so he goes in search of something different. I have to be honest who he found annoyed me to no end. Alina is the “Bella Swan” of this book, but I actually like Bella. I was just waiting patiently for something horrible to happen to Alina. I did however really like Alina’s Ex if you read the book you will see why…total hilarity.
Two other things I just couldn’t wrap my head around in this story is 1) Demitri is living in the present day and leaves a trail of bodies and fire in his path everywhere he goes. Um, would that not start to catch up to him at some point. 2) Demitri is 70 you would think he would learn to pay better attention to the world around him. Don’t get me wrong I thought it was funny when one of his classmates was like (I’m paraphrasing here) “I love you. I know you’re a vampire. I read Stephenie Meyer and Richelle Mead” and Demitri is all “really I'm that easy to spot.” Yeah as a vampire would he not know how to better disguise himself?
Overall this was a light and fun read and just what I needed in between novels. Best of all it was free on Amazon when I got it. Anyone looking for a light read? Then I Was a Brooding Teenage Vampire is worth a try.
Happy Reading,
Rebecca
www.bendingthespine.blogspot.com
Two other things I just couldn’t wrap my head around in this story is 1) Demitri is living in the present day and leaves a trail of bodies and fire in his path everywhere he goes. Um, would that not start to catch up to him at some point. 2) Demitri is 70 you would think he would learn to pay better attention to the world around him. Don’t get me wrong I thought it was funny when one of his classmates was like (I’m paraphrasing here) “I love you. I know you’re a vampire. I read Stephenie Meyer and Richelle Mead” and Demitri is all “really I'm that easy to spot.” Yeah as a vampire would he not know how to better disguise himself?
Overall this was a light and fun read and just what I needed in between novels. Best of all it was free on Amazon when I got it. Anyone looking for a light read? Then I Was a Brooding Teenage Vampire is worth a try.
Happy Reading,
Rebecca
www.bendingthespine.blogspot.com
November 24, 2011
You don't have to suffer to be a poet. Adolescence is enough suffering for anyone. - John Ciardi, Simmons Review, Fall 1962
author Ronnell D. Porter's short tale of teenage vampire Demitri Mitchell initially reminded me of a certain (in?)famous sparkly vampire. both have been attending different high schools for years. the similarity though ends there.
Demitri is truer to his nature as a bloodsucking fiend. when his lust for blood consumes him, no one is safe. just a whiff or the sight of one drop of life's vital fluid is more than enough to set him off and go on a killing rampage. the consequences are gruesome to contemplate. this leads Demitri to flee immediately and move to a different place.
i would have thought that a new city or town would provide a way for him to begin anew and control himself better. it never happens. how Demitri managed to elude the authorities confounds me. Demitri would have been a likely suspect but he remains scot-free. it seemed like everyone suddenly became blind or had amnesia despite the carnage he left behind.
the story is not that dark however. there is a bit of humor and a little twist concerning a teenage vampire hunter. i think the latter lightened things up and was the book's saving grace.
overall, reading the confessions of this brooding teenage vampire kept me company for less than an hour or so. it was enough to keep my eyes busy and to while the time away.
author Ronnell D. Porter's short tale of teenage vampire Demitri Mitchell initially reminded me of a certain (in?)famous sparkly vampire. both have been attending different high schools for years. the similarity though ends there.
Demitri is truer to his nature as a bloodsucking fiend. when his lust for blood consumes him, no one is safe. just a whiff or the sight of one drop of life's vital fluid is more than enough to set him off and go on a killing rampage. the consequences are gruesome to contemplate. this leads Demitri to flee immediately and move to a different place.
i would have thought that a new city or town would provide a way for him to begin anew and control himself better. it never happens. how Demitri managed to elude the authorities confounds me. Demitri would have been a likely suspect but he remains scot-free. it seemed like everyone suddenly became blind or had amnesia despite the carnage he left behind.
the story is not that dark however. there is a bit of humor and a little twist concerning a teenage vampire hunter. i think the latter lightened things up and was the book's saving grace.
overall, reading the confessions of this brooding teenage vampire kept me company for less than an hour or so. it was enough to keep my eyes busy and to while the time away.
August 7, 2011
It's the story of Demitri Mitchell and he is a vampire. He is a seventy year teenager, that goes in a frenzy at the first sight of blood. Some say he is a sex addict but he isn't, he is a blood addict and sex just seems to come with it :)
Then a trail of fires just seems to occur, and he disappears!!
I totally enjoyed this book, it was my first by this author and it will make me look for other books by him.
For those looking for a fast vampire read and don't mind a little gore, don't miss out on this!!
Then a trail of fires just seems to occur, and he disappears!!
I totally enjoyed this book, it was my first by this author and it will make me look for other books by him.
For those looking for a fast vampire read and don't mind a little gore, don't miss out on this!!
January 20, 2015
This was a very frustrating book. I didn't like the main character. I didn't like the story. It was very short (thankfully), but I just couldn't get into it.
It could be your thing if you enjoy vampire stories and don't mind an annoying protagonist.
I'm glad it was cheap on Amazon.
It could be your thing if you enjoy vampire stories and don't mind an annoying protagonist.
I'm glad it was cheap on Amazon.
October 21, 2011
Not bad for a freebie, even if it did seem like a fifteen year old's creative writing assignment. I chuckled a few times and have to give the author the credit he is due,
November 9, 2011
This was a refreshing vampire read for a change....lol. It was a complete satire and farce of what all these weepy, teenage vampire books out now are all about. Poor Demitri is a teenage vampire that feels like his life is pointless. He goes to school, meets a girl who is uncontrollably drawn to him, they have sex, she has an accident of some sort that draws blood, he dismembers her, drains her blood, burns down her house and moves to another town. He can't help himself. It happens over and over and over. Finally he meets Alina and something is different. She wants nothing to do with him and he is obsessed with her. But she has a stalker who is a vampire hunter. Of course, he has a stalker too. It is just one silly situation after another with everyone stalking everyone else and all sorts of teenage angst. It was pretty silly and funny and a great change of pace. There are vague references to different books and movies and it was a short, quick read.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 25, 2011
It was a good vampire tale, amusing at times, horrific at others. This vampire definitely is jaded and I wouldn't want to run into him. As for recommending it, its not a twilight type of love tale, it has a very warped sense of humor and romance, I liked it because it was something different. The writing was good, the author did pretty good with character building for a short story and plot development.
October 23, 2014
Before I started to read this story and didn't have any high expectations but once I started it seemed to have a humors tone to it so I became hopeful. But the further I got into the short story I started to lose interest.
I knew going into it that it was going to be a silly story but it kind of became ridiculous. It had some good points and I can tell it was written as a laugh at other vampire stories but it wasn't really my cup of tea.
I knew going into it that it was going to be a silly story but it kind of became ridiculous. It had some good points and I can tell it was written as a laugh at other vampire stories but it wasn't really my cup of tea.
January 16, 2016
Very rarely do I give up on a book, but I did on this one, and quite quickly. What I thought might end up being a humorous book turned very quickly into a disgusting, excessively violent work. Instead of 'brooding' the title should have had something like 'I make Hannibal Lector look like a nice guy' as the title.If I could give it a negative rating I would.
October 23, 2011
Short & sweet. Funny at times but pretty predictable x
November 17, 2011
Its short. Any longer and it wouldn't be worth it's time.
November 29, 2011
If you really loved the TWILIGHT series do not read this book. I laughed throughout the entire book.
December 10, 2011
all I can do is shake my head to this one.....it was just so bad you can't help but laugh. But it was a light read that was perfect for me at the time.
March 24, 2012
Short and silly. The ending was good. One huge issue I had was the speliing/grammar mistakes.
May 28, 2012
Utterly ridiculous, even tho I couldn't help but laugh at certain phrases used, it was still ridiculous...
January 12, 2013
Not much substance, just the same action all the time - meet, date, smell blood and slaughter everyone.
Displaying 1 - 16 of 16 reviews