On Your Terms: Gender Transition Redefined for Adults

by Natalia P. Zhikhareva

Can I tell you something? It’s possible to live dysphoria free. To be seen. To no longer feel afraid. To look in the mirror and feel alive, free, confident…and not 20 years from now!

Our culture teaches you to distrust yourself when it comes to your gender identity. To believe that the answers lie only within the binary of genders. Crippling you with self-doubt, insecurity, shame, and guilt. Hoping to eradicate your existence from this world, from your history. Robbing you of the ownership of your life script, your life story.

This is why so many have spent decades battling the internal dissonance they feel. Keeping their authentic selves hidden. Waking up each morning thinking, “If only…” as the battle in their heads continue. Existing on autopilot vs. living a joyful life. Experiencing fleeting glimpses of happiness only in secrecy.

This book will help to empower you to own who you are, even if you feel afraid. To reclaim yourself. To own your identity unapologetically. To heal and to grow.

This book will help you learn and is gender dysphoria, what is gender identity, the main ways gender dysphoria manifests, the unpredictable nature of dysphoria, and the effects of dysphoria on your life. Learn how to break the cycle of negative self-talk by reframing the stories you tell yourself, from "fear is a sign I will fail," to "my partner won't let me transition," and many others.Shift your perspective as I share the key factors you must consider taken from my 17+ years of working solely with transgender and nonbinary adults such how to trust yourself, how to be more confident, how to work through shame and guilt , and other important factors to aid you in your gender evolution!Take powerful steps to own who you are, whether you decide to go through a gender transition or not. Steps such setting boundaries, learning how to stop apologizing for who you are, owning your life script , and many more!

Genres: Queer, Gender, Self Help, LGBT

134 pages, Kindle Edition

Published March 26, 2023

Reviews

[Nathan Ethridge · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is good for exploring gender identity if you're unsure or questioning, but also if you know for certain and aren't sure where to start. It's a pretty active and reflective read that helps facilitate doing some hard, honest, self-analysis as you go along. Natalia is also an amazing author and an expert on the subject, providing some much-needed, gentle-but-tough love throughout.

She is also intelligent enough to realize that one of the common problems faced by trans and non-binary individuals is being disconnected from a true sense of self and our own emotions, as dissociation and repression are common defense mechanisms against dysphoria. I get the impression that she understands that asking someone who's disconnected from their feelings to reflect on their experience isn't the easiest task, but is also aware enough to realize you're a grown adult who's made it this far and trusts that you have the self-awareness to reflect and self-analyze. Another strength of the book is while it can give you the push you need, it isn't trying to push anyone into transitioning. One of the opening chapters even discusses how transition isn't for everyone and isn't necessarily a requirement for every trans and non-binary individual.

Overall a great, quick read from an equally empathetic and intelligent expert on the subject. If you are trans, non-binary, or questioning, I highly recommend her YouTube channel and other socials as they are beyond helpful in navigating the complex and often nebulous world of gender identity.

[Dannie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve been waiting patiently for this book to come out.
And it’s all I hoped for, it’s very straightforward and to the point. All her years of working with transgender patients has given her a amazing insight and it definitely, shows in this book. It’s like she knows more about me than I know about myself. I know we all follow different paths, but we have one thing in common (transgender) And all the highs and lows that come with that. Dr. Z works you through them step by step. This is definitely a book. I will be re-reading many times over.
Thank you Dr. Z for all your hard work and your YouTube videos, you have definitely been a blessing to me

[Leah Rice · Rating 2 out of 5]

Though I don’t deal with the gender specific dysphoria this book talks about, there were a lot of really good quotes/thoughts that I highlighted that helped me with other aspects of my life. So I really appreciation that, but I wish this book had a stronger research and evidence based foundation. It was mostly the authors opinions, telling the reader what to do and how to think without outlining the steps how or the reasons why. Sooo for that reason it gets two stars. But thank you JRae for the book! It was a nice quick read as well.

[Andi_banandi · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was really encouraging, even for taking little steps. And some of the advice in it helped me see aspects differently that aren't even necessarily connected to transition, like how to set yourself up to succeed in coming out with some aspect of yourself, and how to cope if you're rejected and your "castle" is destroyed.
It was a quick, easy read, not so much involved in the medical details but very good mental support. Would read again.

[Ray Heller · Rating 2 out of 5]

I got about halfway done with this book before I designed to DNF it. I think the book is probably simply not for me, as it seems to draw heavily on the author’s personal experience. What gives me pause is how the author makes general claims about the transgender experience, without giving researched or even anecdotal evidence. I have a hard time grasping a book that, from start to about halfway through, reads as just…vague advice and words of comfort.

[Caleb Shaffer · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book really helped me learn about me!