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It's Me or the Dog: How to Have the Perfect Pet

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Canine expert Victoria Stilwell shows readers how to train their dogs out of even the most difficult and persistent bad behaviors. It's Supernanny for your dog! Victoria Stilwell is one of the world's most recognized and respected dog trainers. As the host of the international smash hit television series It's Me or the Dog and the founder of training schools on both sides of the Atlantic, she is known as much for her spunky attitude as for her caring, effective methods. Here, in her first book, Victoria shows how to tame even the most problematic dog. Simple, intuitive instructions and color photographs help dog owners not merely train their pets, but truly understand them -- so when a new issue arises, they'll be able to adjust their approach and nip it in the bud before it gets out of hand. Throughout, she reminds owners that training isn't about imposing their will on a dog; it's about giving him the tools he needs to live in the human world.

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224 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2005

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Victoria Stilwell

11 books65 followers

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5 stars
338 (37%)
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314 (34%)
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215 (23%)
2 stars
33 (3%)
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10 (1%)
Displaying 1 - 30 of 79 reviews
Profile Image for Oriente.
460 reviews71 followers
January 27, 2023
Nem találtam semmi újat ebben a könyvben, mert már sok hasonlót olvastam és a szerzőt is ismerem, de ettől függetlenül úgy gondolom, hasznos és szép könyv ez is kezdő kutyásoknak.
Profile Image for Cyndie Courtney.
1,500 reviews6 followers
March 10, 2013
Excellent book overall, especially thorough in regards to common behavioral abnormalities and common situations (like bringing new dogs or a child into the home) where the dog needs some extra help and guidance. She debunks a lot of myths about dog training and succeeds in her mission to help owners understand how their pets think and perceive the world around them.

Full of theoretical but also practical knowledge.

On the whole the book is one of the most thorough and accurate dog training books I've read. There were very few places where I disagreed and almost none where I thought her advice might be harmful.

However, as a vet I do have just a couple points of contention:

She does still advocate a genre of "dominance" theory which is falling out of favor and shown to be largely irrelevant in dog populations compared to wolves. She does discuss "dominance" in a way that encourages owners to stay away from the domineering or punishing incarnations of this in favor of the calm leadership role. Owners just need to remember that dogs have less dominance structure than wolves, that even for wolves it usually is a family relationship, and that even in wolf packs when dominance hierarchies change there can be violence. Following her other advice in giving your pet the tools and positive reinforcement to do what you want is likely to be most successful.

Maybe I just haven't seen the contradictory studies, but all the studies I've seen show that meats, eggs, dairy are the primary cause of allergies in pets, not corn. Corn is no more or less allergenic than any other carbohydrate/starch source. "Carbohydrates" on the whole are less allergenic inducing than higher protein foods like meat, eggs, and dairy. Using the logic in her book, if we attempt to avoid foods with allergenic substances, we wouldn't feed our pets some of the most digestible protein sources.

Also, she does not mention the importance of having a veterinary nutritionist formulate a home made "human food" diet to make sure it is complete and balanced. Many pets will do "fine" on a food for a long time and nutritional deficiencies may be revealed far too late to do anything about them. Even recipes found online, some even purportedly written by veterinarians, have been found incomplete and unbalanced.

Great dog training book, would definitely recommend it to clients and friends, with only those 3 caveats.
Profile Image for Liz.
185 reviews2 followers
June 9, 2016
The back of this book claims "Victoria's methods are simple and work for everyone." This is a lie, as I'm sure her methods do not work for everyone, and that is a dangerous promise to make. All in all, this books said good things, but more detail about training methods would have been more beneficial than the full page spreads of dog pictures.
Profile Image for Jayne  Gray .
114 reviews10 followers
April 8, 2021
I liked this. It was straightforward and understandable, relied on positive reinforcement and didn't try to sell me anything. It was very practical and didn't go into any of the reasons different types of conditioning worked, and as with most training books it doesn't really cover some of the issues I have with my rescue dog. Nonetheless, this is a good primer for new dog owners and those who want to refresh their skills.
Profile Image for Mimo.
131 reviews4 followers
January 12, 2009
I wish that I had this book when we first got Seamus because I hadn't been around many dogs and had no idea what he was communicating to me. Victoria explains a lot about what different body language and vocalizations mean in "dog speak". This is not to say that this book is only for new dog owners. We have had our beagle Seamus for 3 years now, and I still found many of the sections to be very valuable. Especially the "think dog" "talk dog" and the sections on training and behavior. There is also a nice section on bringing a acclimating your dog when you bring a new baby home and dogs and kids that will be helpful when that time comes.
What I like most about this book and Stilwell's show is that the things she says are sensible and easy to understand. She uses positive training, but still recognizes that a vocal correction (not to be confused with yelling, this is still a no no) can be useful. I plan to use the training section to work with Seamus on those things that he didn't quite get when he was in obedience school. I already tried her method of teaching "leave it" from seeing the show and it worked far better than what we learned at PetSmart.
I also appreciated that she was not a huge fan of the crate being used for long periods of confinement. She does outline how to use the crate during house training. However she recognizes that for some dogs, crate training is just not a fit. As the owner of one of these dogs, it is very nice to read something that confirms that not all dogs take to the crate.
I definitely recommend this book for any dog owner or for anyone who is thinking of getting a dog.
Profile Image for Ashley .
782 reviews2 followers
January 4, 2014
This is a pretty average dog training book. I got a lot more out of Cesar Millan's "How to Raise the Perfect Dog" and Tamar Geller's "30 Days to a well-mannered dog." There isn't a ton of information in here; there is a lot of white space on the pages and there are lots of gratuitous pictures of dogs. The pictures aren't there to teach you anything, they're just space fillers. (A great example is page 127 where there are four sentences telling you to "be prepared for accidents" and then a big picture of a puddle/accident on the ground.) It's pretty (well, maybe not the picture of pee,) but I want a book that will give me lots of information!


Victoria Stilwell advocates for positive training (I don't know if any books don't...I didn't read any,) and the most interesting differing perspective she has is that crate training is much more popular in the US than in Europe, and she tends to lean towards not crate training.

If you're a slow reader and don't want to invest a lot of time into learning about training dogs, I think this book offers a very quick overview of how to train dogs. If you are a reader, though, I recommend the books listed at the top of this review.
Profile Image for Katie.
8 reviews
July 11, 2009
the best thing about this book is that it is highly accessible and very easy to find issues and solutions quickly without having to wade through a bunch of text. victoria also uses positive training methods which i very much enjoy being able to use with my dog. the pictures are super cute and i like the way the book is organized. good basic book for basic training and behavior, and for those looking to get into more advanced stuff later on, it's a good jumping-off point for the basics.
Profile Image for Mintti.
1,202 reviews18 followers
January 21, 2016
A good book. My dog is coming in two weeks so I haven't tried any of these hints and lessons yet, but I will, that's for sure. This book was simple and to the point, and made everything sound relatively simple. Consistency in my behavior seems to be of importance. We'll see how it goes with my little doggie :)
Profile Image for Khanh.
423 reviews1 follower
August 9, 2025
In this first book, Victoria Stilwell draws on her experience as a dog trainer and television personality to present practical approaches to dog training. The book offers strategies to address common behavioral issues, emphasizing positive reinforcement and her understanding of canine psychology. Stilwell aims to equip owners with tools to foster a harmonious relationship with their dogs.

I recently made a conscious choice to publicly share my reflections on some of the books I have read because I believe my perspective might offer valuable insight to others. Reading Stilwell’s book and now writing my thoughts challenges me to put aside my personal biases and evaluate her writing on its own terms.

From my perspective, It’s Me or the Dog reads as a fairly conventional dog training book. Stilwell’s knowledge is valid, and her passion for dogs is clear. However, I think that the behavioral solutions she offers are neither universally effective nor inherently straightforward for ANYONE to apply. To characterize the methods and solutions as “easy to follow” is, in my view, an overgeneralization that overlooks the unique complexities each dog and handler bring to the table.

I found the writing dull and lacking the nuance or distinctiveness that would pull me in and keep me deeply engaged. That said, for those seeking a clear, accessible introduction to dog training that aligns with Stilwell’s philosophy, this book may serve as a valuable starting point.

For me, the book was not particularly useful—not because I am experienced with dogs or because of my dislike of Stilwel's professional persona, but because it offered no new insights or lessons beyond what I already knew. But I fully recognize that others may find great value in Stilwell’s approach.

Ultimately, the usefulness of It’s Me or the Dog depends largely on the reader’s experience, expectations, and knowledge of dogs. It provides a basic foundation in dog behavior and training principles but should not be regarded as a one-size-fits-all solution.

In conclusion, I respect Stilwell’s commitment to helping people and their dogs, and for that alone, I am glad this book exists.
61 reviews
September 6, 2025
I have a huge amount of respect for Victoria and her training methods, both from Bad Dog Academy and the show with which this substantial tome shares its title, so I was deeply disappointed by just how 'As seen on TV' this book was. It could have been two-thirds shorter were it not for a multitude of not particularly spectacular or interesting photos, often covering a double-page spread, and this, coupled with the small and succinct columns of text next to or overlaid across yet more photos left me feeling a little short-changed.

There is useful knowledge here, for any first-time owner struggling to cope with a new puppy or rescue dog, but the book offers very little to those who might be seeking (for example) a more detailed training guide with clear diagrams, or a deep-dive into the many fascinating instinct-driven behaviours that It's Me or the Dog just about skims over. 'Don't be snob' I hear you cry, 'it's important that there are books for people who wouldn't ordinarily pick up a book unless it's 60% pictures' that maybe so, but anyone whose attention-span is so short they can't cope with a deep-dive into such an important subject matter is probably watching Tiktok or Youtube videos titled 'instant fix for puppy biting' in this day and age.
Profile Image for Elisa.
267 reviews5 followers
May 3, 2020
This was an insightful book on ways to positively raise and train dogs. As a person who is getting ready to own her first dog, I found it very helpful. It also helped me to get over some of my dog fears (not all the way...we had some big next door neighbor dogs growing up that I was afraid of and a little one across the street that was always barking and nipping at anyone who came close), not all, but some, by helping me to understand dogs better and why they do what they do.

I marked and dog-eared :) my book as I’ll for sure be referring to it over and over again as I am teaching our dog tricks and commands and housebreaking etc.
Profile Image for Stephani.
24 reviews1 follower
Read
November 15, 2020
I'm glad to have found this book after watching the tv show. It's full of the same problems and instructions you see in the show. I like having the book because the information is all in one book. It's perfect for beginner dog owners and for those who need a reminder that the dog cannot speak English and doesn't act human. So, it's the owners responsibility to treat and train them appropriately.
Profile Image for Julie.
112 reviews
August 26, 2017
Disappointed

After watching her tv programme I expected much more, especially with problem solving. All she says is dont leave shoes around. Ok for very basic training but not what I was looking for
83 reviews
March 24, 2018
It's me or the dog

Excellent learnt a great deal of information and understanding and I hope to use this information with training my dog
1 review
January 12, 2019
Great book that gives you a basic knowledge of dog psychology and obedience training. I must read for every dog owner!
69 reviews6 followers
January 19, 2022
Many helpful tips! I’m glad I reread it. Her advice about dog food is outdated but overall this is a good overview for anyone hoping to improve their relationship with their dog.
Profile Image for Miss Cecile .
320 reviews
December 7, 2022
Good information delivered in a consice readable manner. However, most of this information is already taught in her show & everything seemed skimmed over. I expected it to be more through.
Profile Image for adri patamoma.
225 reviews7 followers
October 12, 2011
queria dar 3 estrelinhas e meia pra este livro -- a meia (que acabou virando inteira) só por conta das fotos, que são lindas e muitas! eu adoooro a victoria, que conheci através do programa de tv super legal em que ela consegue corrigir hábitos de cachorros que parecem impossíveis de serem domados. e talvez tenha sido por isso que eu tenha me decepcionado um pouco com o livro: não é que ele seja ruim; é só que o programa de tv dela é muuuuito melhor! o livro traz todas as técnicas e dicas que ela usa, mas as explicações não são tão claras quanto eu gostaria -- tem coisas que só entendi porque já vi ela fazer na tv. de qualquer forma, a victoria é um doce, e gosto muito de como ela vê os cães dentro da nossa vida, e essa parte do livro em si só vale as estrelinhas todas! adoro o ênfase que ela dá na felicidade do pet pra que os donos também possam ser felizes com seu bichinho estimado :-)

---

i wish i could give this book 3 and a half stars -- the half one (that ended up as a whole new star) just due to the beautiful (and plentiful!) pictures portrayed in this volume. i love victoria since i first saw her on the tv show in which she manages to correct the bad habits of dogs that seem impossible to live with. and perhaps that's why i was a little disappointed on this book: it's not a bad book, but her tv show is sooo much better! the text brings us all the techniques and tips she uses on the show, but they are not as well explained as i wish they were -- there are some techniques that i only understood because i saw on tv. anyhow, victoria is a sweet trainer and i really like her approach to dog life among humans. that part of the book by itself is worth all the stars i could give in its rating! i love how she emphasizes the importance of having a happy pet in order to being a happy pet owner :-)
Profile Image for Stef.
119 reviews7 followers
July 17, 2008
Victoria is absolutely right. A dog will do anything you want if you have the right type of lure (be it treat, toy or affection) But will the dog wuv you or the bait? Will he be all “what have you done for me lately?” when you ask him to do something empty handed?

Two new contradictory things I have learned. Dogs can be in front of you sometimes during the walk and still respect you (sorry Dog Whisperer) and feeding your dog the same kibble everyday is cruel because your dog deserves new sensory sensations and that includes taste! New things I have learned about Charlie: he will heel nicely on the second half of the walk but giving him some freedom at the beginning helps him heel better because I don’t ask it for it all the time. Plus he is so freakin’ excited, it is just asking too much for him to behave the first ten minutes. Also, it is okay to give him little treats in his blah kibble. Some things that he likes: an egg, a bit of leftover broth from my ramen noodles (yes i still eat these!), 1/4 cup of warm lactose free milk, a couple cubes of cheese... "left over" chicken. Always in moderation and always in his bowl and not from the table.

Okay i don’t want to be one of those dog owners that feed their dogs better than themselves, but have you seen pictures of my dog??? He is skin and bones! Although according to the last book I read "Surviving your dog's adolescence" Charlie is simply manipulating me into giving him cheese and chicken.
Profile Image for Michelle.
49 reviews13 followers
January 3, 2010
I think after reading so many dog psychology books I expected more out of this one. It really was just simply a training manual. It gave some basic hints at dog psychology, maybe just enough for those who don't know much about dogs and are just learning about them through a new puppy. I like her positive approach to training. She's a much more positive trainer and if I had to recommend a TV show trainer to watch, it would be Victoria. But overall, I found myself disappointed. She's still following suit a bit with debunked alpha theories, though not to the point of Cesar's books. Overall, I found the book a little devoid of real information, though what's there is fairly useful. I would recommend it for people looking for a beginning training manual (how to train your puppy to sit, walk on a leash, not go to the bathroom in the house, etc.) but if you really want to understand your dog, then try one of Patricia McConnell's books or Suzanne Clothier's Bones Would Rain from the Sky.
Profile Image for PoligirlReads.
611 reviews9 followers
May 29, 2012
I am a big fan of Victoria Stilwell and regularly enjoyed It's Me or The Dog (well, at least until the later seasons when it became about bizarre product placement--Kitkat bars?--and odd celebrities), so it was pretty much a given that I'd check her book out.

The good news: IMotD must be a very good training show, because just about everything she covers on the show can be found in the book. The downside of this is that it's hard to judge the usefulness of the book, because while I was reading it, I could always see images of her training from the show in the back of my mind as a follow-up reference.

So I'll say this: based on the things she doesn't regularly address on the show, like how to feed your pet and what to feed them, her information and advice is very good. I now have a way of breaking through the euphemisms on the dog food bags, and can determine what it is actually in the food.
Profile Image for Jennifer Priester.
Author 14 books43 followers
April 13, 2016
This book is a really good dog training book. Not only does it teach how to train a dog using positive reinforcement it also helps you see things from the dog's point of view. I used it successfully to train my adult dog and teach him what I want from him rather than what his old owner taught him so it works well, not just with puppies, but with older dogs too. This is because it teaches all the basic commands exactly as it is easiest for a dog to learn them. Any dog that needs training benefit from this book if you read this book and train your dog by following the books training guide. The book is easiest to understand if you have seen the show, but I think the book is pretty clear and easy to understand even if you haven't.
Profile Image for Ellen Broadhurst.
Author 4 books6 followers
September 4, 2015
Probably an awesome book for a new dog owner who is truly clueless about dog behavior. As someone who has already bought into the notion of 'positive re-enforcement training' and who long ago dismissed any notions that domination has anything to do with dog training (and, who has never seen a dog training television show), the book was helpful, but not incredibly insightful.

Each chapter probably added a small something to my knowledge base, so definitely worth the read; and, I would also definitely give this book as a gift to someone who was considering dog ownership for the first time. The problem of unwanted dogs in this country (USA) is so exacerbated by ignorant people adopting dogs without having any idea of how to really care for or train them.
Profile Image for kim.
520 reviews
March 6, 2011
This book mirrors the show very well, and if full of helpful information. While I don't find everything Victoria says to be helpful with my dog, I think we both agree that what works for one dog will not necessarily work for another. We also agree that dogs need an outlet for their energy. Just like kids, a bored dog is a 'bad' dog. The parts I read were very good, but as some others have mentioned, if you watch her show a lot, you don't have to read this book straight through. Just skim through it to get the 'lay' and then use the index to read the pages that apply to you at various times. Great reference book to keep around.
Profile Image for Kim.
2,120 reviews64 followers
February 19, 2011
I found this book quite refreshing. It gives you an insight into the dogs mind. It also confirms my view that a dog deserves more than dry food sometimes! My dog hates dry food- but we do try to convince her that it's what is recommended. This helps me not feel guilty for allowing her what she prefers to eat occasionally.

We actually borrowed this book from the library because our dog has become frightened of some walking routes. The only bit of advice suggested that it was a matter of wills- but I think she's terrified of the buses. So it didn't really give us any new ideas to try.

I think that I still like a dog with some character!
Profile Image for Stephanie.
16 reviews11 followers
September 9, 2011
I glanced at some of the other reviews of this book, saying that it isn't particularly useful without the television show to inform it, but I've never seen the show, and this was the most straight forward and useful book I've read about dog training. Now I want to see the show!
However, there are some issues we experience with your little guy that she doesn't happen to address in her trouble shooting section, so, the book is not all-inclusive. But after reading a book from Ceasar Milan, and another by the Monks of New Skeet, I really appreciated the glossy pages, brief text, and simple approach. This is the training method that most closely matches what we are learning in doggy class.
14 reviews3 followers
May 19, 2009
i love Victoria Stilwell and her positive training - she's really in the right mindset. And with negative-reinforcement trainers out there hogging the spotlight, it's refreshing to see her gaining popularity. Her advice is sound - while her method is based on scientific research of animal behavior, she doesn't come off like a preachy behaviorist. She comes off like a confident and knowledgable trainer who puts things in terms we can all understand and apply to our own lives.
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