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The Only Child: Being One, Loving One, Understanding One, Raising One
Darrell Sifford, an only child himself, has drawn from countless case studies and interviewed a wide range of psychologists to come up with a unique picture of the only child. He This is the first warm, personal, and enormously helpful exploration of what it really means to grow up without siblings. It will leave only children feeling very good about themselves.
- GenresParentingNonfiction
224 pages, Paperback
First published January 24, 1989
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Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews
October 20, 2019
Promising premise and reviews. First few chapters were quite insightful and entertaining. But starting in the middle towards the end of the book, so much of the "case studies" were more of painting a picture of the stereotypes of an only child. So-called experts were also quite biased and their findings were so outdated compared to current research about only children.
There were also chapters that, I feel, were just added to hammer in the point that only children also face the same mental health challenges as with those with siblings, only that they are more likely to suffer it. There was a case study of a jailbird who was an only child, an only child who was molested by her adoptive mother, and many accounts of workaholic only children who suffer with dysfunctional marriages -- disturbing and not related to the whole point of the book, if you ask me.
The author repeatedly mentions that only children are more disadvantaged because there are no siblings to dilute the experience. It gives the message that: "Hey, I'm an only child. I'm a workaholic, neurotic perfectionist, dependent, and very lonely person. But you have to accept me because that's what I am."
It's not very encouraging for parents who are leaning towards being one and done. The book aimed to help only children "feel good about themselves." However, me, the reader who isn't an only child, was left feeling rather hopeless and discouraged, and honestly worried about my daughter's future.
I don't recommend this book. Better to read more updated and scientifically backed books like those of Susan Newman's if you're looking for a book about only children.
There were also chapters that, I feel, were just added to hammer in the point that only children also face the same mental health challenges as with those with siblings, only that they are more likely to suffer it. There was a case study of a jailbird who was an only child, an only child who was molested by her adoptive mother, and many accounts of workaholic only children who suffer with dysfunctional marriages -- disturbing and not related to the whole point of the book, if you ask me.
The author repeatedly mentions that only children are more disadvantaged because there are no siblings to dilute the experience. It gives the message that: "Hey, I'm an only child. I'm a workaholic, neurotic perfectionist, dependent, and very lonely person. But you have to accept me because that's what I am."
It's not very encouraging for parents who are leaning towards being one and done. The book aimed to help only children "feel good about themselves." However, me, the reader who isn't an only child, was left feeling rather hopeless and discouraged, and honestly worried about my daughter's future.
I don't recommend this book. Better to read more updated and scientifically backed books like those of Susan Newman's if you're looking for a book about only children.
July 2, 2013
I found this book by reading an article that had a quote from the book. This book is not a scientific study but a lifetime of collection of stories by the author. In addition, the author is an only child himself.
It is mostly interesting and gets you thinking about your only child's perspective and how we as parents interact with him.
The chapters can get a bit long if you are not interested in that topic that he is discussing.
Overall a nice book.
It is mostly interesting and gets you thinking about your only child's perspective and how we as parents interact with him.
The chapters can get a bit long if you are not interested in that topic that he is discussing.
Overall a nice book.
September 24, 2017
As the parent of an only child, but not an only child myself, I found this book very helpful in understanding the reasons why only children have certain characteristics and behave specific ways. The anecdotal stories were insightful. Having said that though, most of the author's claims about only children are based on these anecdotal stories and stories from his own life and not really research based facts. That is the only reason I didn't give it five stars.
February 21, 2013
Not all points made in this book pertained to my need to know, but for the most part it gave me the insight I was looking for as I embarked on my life as the mother of an Only Child. Fifteen years later, I can honestly say the information has served me well.
July 11, 2008
Read this is you ever think "what's it like to be an only child...."
September 25, 2018
Not a very insightful book.
February 24, 2021
A great read for an only.
June 28, 2012
I have two citicisms of this book.
The first is that the book is fundamentally built on a basis of anectdote. The author recognizes this and says as much in the opening chapter. That said, I really feel like many of the assertions can be - hell need to be challenged by scientific study. What few statistics are cited are usually inside quotes from expert psychologists or psychiatrists and then aften refer only to thier own practices or experiences. While author says he is trying to explore and show that many cliches about only children aren't true, the fundamental structure of the book as based on discussing and enforcing these cliches in turn.
Maybe I've just been spoiled by more thoughtful examinations of social phenomena such as Killing Monsters: Our Children's Need For Fantasy, Heroism, and Make-Believe Violence.
My second complaint is a factor of time. This book is showing its age (being from the late '80s), mainly in the arena of gender expectations. The last chapter on being married to an only child makes sure to point out the differing behavior of husbands from wives for each personality quirk the only child brings to the relationship. I felt myself wanting to scream SPOUSE! Just say spouse and drop this absurd gender division! It's dragging the rest of your argument and assertion down into the mud of stupid ignorance!
Case in point, a husband of a carreer-driven only-child businesswoman is advised to be more assertive with his wife and demand that she make time for home and family. If the modern male does not do this, the author spins out a tale of how the businesswoman will fall into an affair with a CEO on a work trip. But if he asserts himself, she will see that he is a desirable, strong male and won't be tempted away by the big man at the conference table. SERIOUSLY, I'm not making this up!
Can you imagine this advice being given to reversed genders? What about a same-sex marriage? Yes, spouses need to be assertive with each other. A type-A only-child may well take their spouse for granted and the spouse should stand-up and renegotiate priorities instead of becoming sullen, resentful, and distant. But what does any of that have to do with gender? NOTHING!
I chalk it up to an author born in the 1930s writing in a time where women in the workplace - especially in the fast-track - was still an unsettling concept for many. I control my inner screaming but looking at the world around me and seeing how much better things are.
The first is that the book is fundamentally built on a basis of anectdote. The author recognizes this and says as much in the opening chapter. That said, I really feel like many of the assertions can be - hell need to be challenged by scientific study. What few statistics are cited are usually inside quotes from expert psychologists or psychiatrists and then aften refer only to thier own practices or experiences. While author says he is trying to explore and show that many cliches about only children aren't true, the fundamental structure of the book as based on discussing and enforcing these cliches in turn.
Maybe I've just been spoiled by more thoughtful examinations of social phenomena such as Killing Monsters: Our Children's Need For Fantasy, Heroism, and Make-Believe Violence.
My second complaint is a factor of time. This book is showing its age (being from the late '80s), mainly in the arena of gender expectations. The last chapter on being married to an only child makes sure to point out the differing behavior of husbands from wives for each personality quirk the only child brings to the relationship. I felt myself wanting to scream SPOUSE! Just say spouse and drop this absurd gender division! It's dragging the rest of your argument and assertion down into the mud of stupid ignorance!
Case in point, a husband of a carreer-driven only-child businesswoman is advised to be more assertive with his wife and demand that she make time for home and family. If the modern male does not do this, the author spins out a tale of how the businesswoman will fall into an affair with a CEO on a work trip. But if he asserts himself, she will see that he is a desirable, strong male and won't be tempted away by the big man at the conference table. SERIOUSLY, I'm not making this up!
Can you imagine this advice being given to reversed genders? What about a same-sex marriage? Yes, spouses need to be assertive with each other. A type-A only-child may well take their spouse for granted and the spouse should stand-up and renegotiate priorities instead of becoming sullen, resentful, and distant. But what does any of that have to do with gender? NOTHING!
I chalk it up to an author born in the 1930s writing in a time where women in the workplace - especially in the fast-track - was still an unsettling concept for many. I control my inner screaming but looking at the world around me and seeing how much better things are.
May 16, 2011
Some excess chapters but the ones on parenting or loving an Only child was an eye opener.
January 16, 2014
Interesting read. Helps explain some things about myself.
Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews