The Open Adoption Experience - A Complete Guide for Adoptive and Birth Families

by Lois Ruskai Melina

Two leading experts provide an authoritative and reassuring guide to the issues and concerns of adoptive and birth families through all stages of the open adoption relationship.

Genres: Adoption, Nonfiction, Parenting

416 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1993

Reviews

[Maddie Schueller · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great and informative book on open adoptions. However there is some information that’s outdated and not best practice anymore, but overall a great book for those considering or wanting to learn more about open adoption.

[Kelcie Grace · Rating 4 out of 5]

Outdated but totally worth reading! Lots of really great helping conversation starters as you are considering adoption or as you go through the process.

[Crystal Swafford · Rating 3 out of 5]

Well-written and poignant, this book was enjoyable. It is amazing that it still seems relevant in 2020. I would recommend this book to anyone desiring to learn more about adoption.

[Kelly · Rating 4 out of 5]

In the book Open Adoption Experience: Complete Guide for Adoptive and Birth Families – From Making the Decision Through the Child’s Growing Years by Lois Ruskai Melina we hear from two leading experts. They provide an authoritative and reassuring guide to the issues and concerns of adoptive and birth families through all stages of the adoption relationship.

I recommend this book to anyone thinking of adopting.

This was a good book that explored the side of both the adoptive parents and the birth parents. It showed their emotions and the grief they both go through. I really liked the advice and ideas they gave for almost every situation. I loved their ideas on how to talk to your children no matter at what age about when they were adopted. The overall theme of this book was a great one that no matter what decisions are made they should be made in the best interest of the child.

This book is a good book for birth parents and adoptive parents to read. It shows how to have an open and healthy adoption. What it could look like from both sides. The authors did a great job of showing many different situations and how to react to them.

This book was a realistic guide about what benefits and maybe even problems that could come up later in life, and how to handle them. I found this book encouraging and found myself wondering what our adoption will look like. Even if you are only thinking about adopting this is a good book. It will show you the accurate feelings you will experience and at the same time so is your birth mother. It also helped to show me that it is not only the birth mother who will be affected but her entire family.

Not all birth moms want to be involved but this is a great book for those who have a birth mom who does want contact. It helps prepare you for a big commitment and shows you what boundaries you should put in place before it is too late. They were talking about exchanging social security numbers which I think is a little out dated. Adoption agencies recommend not doing this now or at least ours did to protect identity theft and taxes etc. Like any other book you need to consider what you feel is right for your family and what won’t work for your family.

I rate this book a 4 out of 5 stars.

[Theresa · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a fantastic book that explored emotions of birth parents and adoptive parents. I most enjoyed the chapters on grief because, compared to all other adoption books I've read, this one seemed to hit the nail on the head. It is the first book that delved into the relationship between birth mother and potential adoptive parents during the pregnancy. Great advice and ideas and ways to be gentle about the situation. I will definitely be using this book for future reference as it has a chapter on talking to your child about adoption from infancy beyond. I really appreciate the solid theme through the book, that all decisions made should be in the best interest of the child. And I like how she spoke equally about feelings of both people in the triad.

[Stacia · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a very good book to read for anyone considering adoption, even if they're not thinking of open adoption at this time. It helped to, I think, accurately explain the feelings of both parties involved. It helped me to understand that the birth mother isn't the only person affected by the adoption in the birth family and that I need to be open to other people in the birth family to relationships. It hit on a lot of topics, and asked a lot of questions that I wouldn't have thought about. It was a great springboard for conversation between me and my husband and the birth mom of our soon-to-be daughter.

[Julia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Of all the books on the recommended reading list from our adoption agency, this is the only one that is required and I can see why. It is a thorough and comprehensive guide to the adoption experience when there is contact between the adoptive and birth families before/after the placement. I found this book encouraging and positive but realistic about problems that may arise and the losses that will be experienced by everyone involved. This is definitely one that will stay on our shelves for reference as we raise our child and I would highly recommend this to anyone considering or embarking on a domestic adoption.

[Kerry · Rating 5 out of 5]

I bought this book after we moved back to Utah and decided to start having face to face visits with Lizzy's birth family. Partly because of the advice in this book, we have been able to create a beautiful relationship with them. The books has helped us focus on doing what is best for Lizzy...not what is best for us as a couple or what is best for her birth family. We gave this book to Lizzy's birth family as well, which we believe has helped us all be on the same page.

[Janalyn · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is very informative and I am glad I read it. Maybe it is because every adoption is unique, but I did feel like the situations and relationships in the book seemed a little on the extreme side. (Maybe that is just because I am comparing to my own adoption experience) The most helpful part of the book for me was about children's questions and concerns and how to address that. I will probably refer back to it from time to time.

[Meagan · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is very informative but also not feasible in all adoptions. Some birth parents may not want an open adoption, and the kind of relationship described would take a lot of time, commitment, and boundaries to develop. A couple of parts seem unrealistic - exchanging social security numbers seems like a really bad idea. Still, the book gives helpful advice and thought-provoking information to anyone considering open adoption.

[Casey Miller · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a very informative book! I'd recommend it to anyone who is planning to adopt or place a child for adoption. It really helps to give an overview of what open adoptions look like from both sides, including extended families, and good examples of how to interact in emotionally and relationally healthy ways. The authors do a great job and a wide variety of examples covering many diverse scenarios while making points that are universally applicable.

[Mindy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I appreciated the information shared in this book immensely. It is a great resource for those looking into adoption. I disagreed with some of the opinions shared, but that is to be expected. Everyone is different, and every adoption is different. You have to find what works for you. Overall, an excellent text to open your eyes to the other side of the adoption experience.

[Sheryl · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is very informative on open adoption and what to expect and how it all works, I think its a definite read for anyone considering adopting domestically. Brought up things I never even thought about and answer questions that were very helpful.

[Tracy · Rating 4 out of 5]

A really good book recommended to me by a friend. It opened my eyes more on the whole open adoption. Alot of my previous fears/unknowns about open adoption were answered with this book. I am sure I will use this as a resource when needed. A good reference book.

[Mandy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Majority of the book is written for birthmom adoptions, not foster-to-adopt or other less common adoption routes. However, still was VERY interesting - esp about the ramifications of an open adoption and the importance of relationships with birthparents.

[Angie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really, any adoptive parent should read this book. I wish I'd read it before I began the adoption process.

[ConnieC]

This is one that Alisa and my husband and our adoption caseworkers really recommend. They say it's very comprehensive, an easy read, and has a lot of great information. I gotta get to it!

[Stefanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Required reading for our adoption. It was informative.

[Jean Davis · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book really shaped my thinking about adoption, and open adoption specifically. I liked that it had practical advice, and moved beyond the philosophy of adoption.

[Eric and Kelly · Rating 3 out of 5]

only on the 3rd chapter but very informative