Things You Shouldn't Say Past Midnight: A Comedy in Three Beds

by Peter Ackerman

Ever been racially slurred in the sack? Ever been subjected to strangers yelling at you at 3am about the most intimate detais of your life? Ever been to New York?
Six characters from wildly different backgrounds make love, war, and hysteria late one night in the cultural, sexual, and generational smorgasbord that is Manhattan.
Things You Shouldn't Say Past Midnight is Peter Ackerman's debut play, and ran off-Broadway for six months. Peter has since written The Um , which also ran off-Broadway, and a radio play, I'd Rather Eat Pants . He is also co-author of the animated movie, Ice Age . Things You Shouldn't Say Past Midnight opened at the Soho Theatre, London in November 2002.

Genres: Plays, Audiobook, Theatre, Drama, Humor

160 pages, Paperback

First published March 1, 2000

About the author

Peter Ackerman is an American playwright, actor, and screenwriter best known as a co-writer of the animated movies Ice Age and Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs for 20th Century Fox. He began his career as an actor in the low budget movie Astronomy of Errors (2000), and later went on to perform off-Broadway in the Complete Works of William Shakespeare (abridged) and in Visiting Mr. Green. Following his work on the Ice Age movies, Ackerman was a writer and producer on the TV series The Americans on FX channel, and was hired in 2017 as the screenwriter of The Angry Birds Movie 2 for Sony Pictures.

For the stage Ackerman's debut play, Things You Shouldn’t Say Past Midnight, was performed off-Broadway in New York and at Soho Rep in London. He was commissioned by NPR to write the radio play, I’d Rather Eat Pants, which was broadcast as a short serial on Morning Edition. He authored the play, The Urn and his adaptation of The Pajama Game starring Harry Connick Jr., won the Tony Award for Best Musical Revival on Broadway. He has also written the children’s books The Lonely Typewriter, and The Lonely Phone Booth, which was produced as a musical at the Manhattan Children’s Theatre.

(source: Wikipedia)

Reviews

[Ivonne Rovira · Rating 1 out of 5]

It’s a mighty bad play in which you still feel cheated even though you got it for free from the library. I got halfway through this tawdry mess before giving up. Except for poor Ben, every character in Peter Ackerman’s play would have to gain a dimension to be two-dimensional. Not many laughs, two bimbo best pals, a would-be erudite hitman, and a flaming gay man. Not much here to like. How did this hot mess make it to Off Broadway? Or win an Audie Award in 2003? Or get turned into a TV series by DirecTV in 2014? On second thought, turning it into a TV comedy series makes sense: Have you seen some of the recent unwatchable fare?

[Kayleigh De Hoogt · Rating 3 out of 5]

There’s some fun parts and scenes, and some parts that could’ve lasted shorter. The concept is amazing though

[Theo Logos · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fast, funny, sexy, and a little bit transgressive, this play is a farcical depiction of bedroom politics and psychobabble. There’s nothing deep, just a light play with improbable characters and hilarious situations that will leave you laughing. The LA Theater Works production is excellent.

[Emma Kay Krebs · Rating 4 out of 5]

Listened to the LA Theatre Works production adapted for radio listening. Big fan! Might be one of my favorites that they’ve done.

[Joe · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is an amusing, but ultimately insipid, bedroom comedy. There is a terrific LA Theater Works production available via ITunes.

[TraceyL · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very funny bedroom comedy. Great performances.

[Rocky · Rating 4 out of 5]

The ending line left me shook.
I listened to the L.A. Theatre Works recorded production on Overdrive and it was a brilliant radio play. Perfectly paced.

[Sabrina Oliveri · Rating 1 out of 5]

reading this was painful. not an enjoyable experience.

[Caden · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed the pace of this play and the writing of the characters. I think there is a lot to explore with this piece!

[Ron · Rating 5 out of 5]

LA Theater Works production earns the extra star.

[Vladimiro Sousa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Things You Shouldn't Say Past Midnight is a hilarious and thought-provoking play that explores the nature of relationships, communication, and intimacy. The play follows three couples as they navigate the ups and downs of their relationships, and it is full of sharp observations about the things we say and do when we are feeling vulnerable.

The play is set in three different bedrooms, and it is told through a series of phone calls and video chats. This allows the audience to eavesdrop on the characters' most intimate conversations, and it creates a sense of intimacy and suspense.

The play is full of witty dialogue and laugh-out-loud moments, but it also has a serious side. Ackerman explores the ways in which our words can hurt and heal, and he shows how difficult it can be to communicate our true feelings.

Things You Shouldn't Say Past Midnight is a well-written and engaging play that will keep you laughing and thinking long after the final curtain falls. It is a play that is sure to resonate with anyone who has ever been in a relationship.

[Edward Boyle · Rating 4 out of 5]

While very short this is extreemly funny. I fear my review, if I were to type everything I feel, would exceed the length of the play. Let me just say that two people are engaged in some extrachariculare activity and one says something that the other takes offense to. There is a great discussion, it alone with have you laughing, and that person leaves. Other characters are then introduced, each with their own comical activities, and all, 6 people, end up discussing the situation. If you have the audio version you may want to pull over as you laughter may be detrimental to your driving.

The Characters are perfect, the writing superb, and you will still be laughing days later.

The plot lines keep moving but without detatching from the story or from each other. The story, unlike many of the new writings, ends where it should, the author doesn't go off on a self engrandising journey, and you feel good when you finish.

I HIGHLY recomend this work.

[Seano88 · Rating 3 out of 5]

The dialogue is clever, concise and drives the play at a steady rhythm so that it never gets bogged down in the personal philosophy of the characters.
I found the climactic sequence involving the group therapy phone call, predictable and the consequent resolution too easy but in the hands of a capable ensemble of actors it would be very funny.
The character Gene and his relationship with Grace was problematic for me. I found it implausible that she would be turned on by his murderous ways more than she was horrified by them. I guess his hit man profession is then a source of comedy and another example of the danger and excitement that these people are seeking in their sex lives, but I personally found it to be too far fetched.
I don't know how poignant I found the themes but on the whole it was a satisfying, easy to follow play.

[Amory · Rating 3 out of 5]

So, I got this out of the library because I read a review of a local production that teased the 'shocking' language of the opening, and I wanted to know what it was. (No, no, I won't spoil it. Other than to say, meh. But of course, I also wasn't the target of the language so... your "i'm shocked" mileage may vary...).

All in all there was some fun in there. But in the end, I agree with the review I read that this is basically a good.. first-half of a play that could/should go farther/deeper/longer... um, er. We'll leave it there.

Sorry, did I stop too soon? Did that feel like a tease with no release?

Well, then, you now know what it feels like to read this play...

[Ashley · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed listening to this performance in the car. It was very short, just over an hour in total playing time. The play opens with a couple having sex and the woman calling the man a "hook-nosed Jew" as she cums. From there, an entire comedy ensues. By the end, you have the original couple, the woman's best friend, the best friend's lover (a hitman), the best friend's therapist (brother of hitman), and the therapist's geriatric lover all trying to figure out why the argument happened in the first place and whether or not the couple should break up. I was entertained.

[Joanne · Rating 4 out of 5]

A funny entertaining short play dealing with three couples: Nancy & Ben, Grace & Gene (the hitman) and Mark & Donald. Nancy and Ben have a fight after she blurts out an inappropriate comment while in bed. She runs to her friend Grace's who then calls her lover's brother (& her therapist) for some advice. A three way phone conversation ensures. Witty with one liners, but caution on foul language and remarks relating to Jewish and gay people may be offensive to many.

[Emily · Rating 3 out of 5]

Fast paced dialogue which left me feeling like the show was very one-note. Each of the characters were very different and interesting in their own way. Interesting themes.
Something odd about the casualness of Gene's occupation. Also, tired out the joke of Donald being unable to hear dialogue from the phone.

[Doug · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have fond memories of a very funny local production of this which I saw 15 years ago - and believe I read it around the same time also. The play doesn't REALLY come alive as much on the page, since a lot of the humor is in the timing, but still - sex comedy is one of the hardest genres to get right, and this one scores (no pun intended!)

[Brenda Kerr · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a very short live play that I listened to. It was hilarous. I laughed so hard the tears were running down my leg!

[Jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was hilarious and so worth listening to as an audio book. I would love to see this performed live.

Not for young ears.

[Jennifer Krider · Rating 4 out of 5]

So funny! A bit of dirty language, but I love the play!

[Marcella · Rating 5 out of 5]

I recommend listening to the audio recording of the performance. I laughed out loud from start to finish.

[Deb Drexler · Rating 4 out of 5]

Listed to this comedy farce, very enjoyable. A little bit non-PC.

[scherzo♫ · Rating 3 out of 5]

Funny