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Nobody's Mother: Life Without Kids
Statistics say that one in 10 women has no intention of taking the plunge into motherhood. Nobody's Mother is a collection of stories by women who have already made this choice.
From introspective to humorous to rabble-rousing, these are personal stories that are well and honestly told. The writers range in age from early 30s to mid-70s and come from diverse backgrounds. All have thought long and hard about the role of motherhood, their own destinies, what mothering means in our society and what their choice means to them as individuals and as members of their ethnic communities or social groups.
Finalist for the Bill Duthie Booksellers' Choice Award, 2007 BC Book Prizes
From introspective to humorous to rabble-rousing, these are personal stories that are well and honestly told. The writers range in age from early 30s to mid-70s and come from diverse backgrounds. All have thought long and hard about the role of motherhood, their own destinies, what mothering means in our society and what their choice means to them as individuals and as members of their ethnic communities or social groups.
Finalist for the Bill Duthie Booksellers' Choice Award, 2007 BC Book Prizes
240 pages, Paperback
First published October 1, 2006
2 people are currently reading
211 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews
September 30, 2012
Lovely to have put into words what I've always felt. A great collection of essays by woman who are childless, either by choice or circumstance. I found words and ideas that really resonated with me.
I just list my Mum. I'm glad she had me and I'm grateful that she never made me feel like I had to have kids to be whole. Thanks, Mum.
I just list my Mum. I'm glad she had me and I'm grateful that she never made me feel like I had to have kids to be whole. Thanks, Mum.
July 24, 2011
Fabulous as it allows you to make very strong points in discussions with people who are always like "so when are you going to have a baby?" to which I usually respond "never!" I love the fact that it's also just short stories from very happy, successful woman who've gotten so much out of life without the rug rats, as I plan on doing. I don't have much money to live the lifestyle I'd love, but I do enjoy things. With a child, I do not expect I'd be very happy on a day to day basis. So like all these ladies, I am making the best decision to say nope to that.
January 30, 2011
An awesome collection of stories telling a few of the thousands of reasons that people choose not to have children. It should be mandatory reading for anyone who is part of a society. I'm looking forward to the men's perspective in Nobody's Father.
March 13, 2025
3.5 stars
This is a book of essays by women, mostly writers in some way (journalists, authors), who don’t have biological children. The majority of the women are Canadian. Some of them have stepkids. Some of these woman chose not to have kids and others wanted them, but circumstances led them to not have kids of their own.
I don’t have kids; I never wanted kids, so of course, this was the appeal for me. It didn’t occur to me until I started reading that it wasn’t by choice for all of them. But it was interesting to read all the reasons and circumstances that brought these women to this point. Even the ones who wanted kids, it seems, mostly came to the conclusion that they are ok without them, and there were some benefits to not having kids. Even those who chose not to have kids – most of them seem to like kids (I do not until they are older); many of these women also teach, so they interact with kids in that capacity. Interesting perspectives, anyway.
This is a book of essays by women, mostly writers in some way (journalists, authors), who don’t have biological children. The majority of the women are Canadian. Some of them have stepkids. Some of these woman chose not to have kids and others wanted them, but circumstances led them to not have kids of their own.
I don’t have kids; I never wanted kids, so of course, this was the appeal for me. It didn’t occur to me until I started reading that it wasn’t by choice for all of them. But it was interesting to read all the reasons and circumstances that brought these women to this point. Even the ones who wanted kids, it seems, mostly came to the conclusion that they are ok without them, and there were some benefits to not having kids. Even those who chose not to have kids – most of them seem to like kids (I do not until they are older); many of these women also teach, so they interact with kids in that capacity. Interesting perspectives, anyway.
June 15, 2014
An inspiring book of essays written by women without children, or, in better words, mothers without children. All at different stages in their life, and all with different reasons for not having children. Either by choice, or by chance, or just by bad luck, or maybe, just because life slipped by and they just... didn't. The stories were well written, heart warming, and just enough variety that I felt that any woman without children because of any circumstance would be able to find a story in here to connect with. I found several women in this book, in one way or another, that made me sit up in bed and say, "hey! That's me! Yes! Why do people keep saying that to me??"
The point is, this book made me feel less alone, and I think, if you are a childless woman, you might feel less alone by reading it as well. And even if you HAVE children? You might benefit from reading this so you can gain a little perspective on what your childless friends might be going through.
The ONLY reason that I gave this book 4 stars instead of 5 is because I really wished there were more essays from women my own age. Not that I don't appreciate the wisdom of experience in older women, but I really wanted to hear what it was like for someone my age, in my situation, feeling what I feel. But it was definitely worth reading, and I'll definitely be sending this book out to be read by several people who I feel will be touched by the stories within.
The point is, this book made me feel less alone, and I think, if you are a childless woman, you might feel less alone by reading it as well. And even if you HAVE children? You might benefit from reading this so you can gain a little perspective on what your childless friends might be going through.
The ONLY reason that I gave this book 4 stars instead of 5 is because I really wished there were more essays from women my own age. Not that I don't appreciate the wisdom of experience in older women, but I really wanted to hear what it was like for someone my age, in my situation, feeling what I feel. But it was definitely worth reading, and I'll definitely be sending this book out to be read by several people who I feel will be touched by the stories within.
March 5, 2022
It's amazing how different a book can be depending on where your head is. The first time I read this I saw the regret these women felt more than anything, probably because I was grappling with that myself. But this time I saw the resilience, purpose, and meaning in their stories. There are so few stories out there about women without kids. So glad I found some. This collection is a gem.
December 24, 2012
This was just as impressive a collection as 'Nobody's Father'. I think the story I like best is 'Who Wants To Be A Mommy?'by Jennifer Wise. Not because I agree with everything she says..but she mentions nudibranchs..and that is a subject special to one of my daughters. That's all.
Read
May 17, 2013I seem to be reading several books on this subject lately. This is definitely one of the more impressive ones.
November 3, 2024
my copy says edited by Lynne Van Luven, with a foreword by Shelagh Rogers
July 22, 2025
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NOBODY'S MOTHER BUT DEFINITELY NOT A...NOBODY!!
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"[These] personal essays written by Canadian and American writers...range in age from their early 30s to [their] mid-70s. Not all of the...contributors are professional writers--some are teachers, researchers, Aboriginal-rights activists, and world travellers--although almost all of them rely upon language and the written word in their work...
This collection of personal essays examines the child-bearing choice intelligently and honestly, from [the] individual contributors' point of view; the essayists are your neighbours, your sisters, your colleagues, and your friends."
The above quote (in italics) comes from the editor of this enlightening, provocative, and sometimes humorous book, an anthology of brief essays (the last one being a poem).
The women who contributed to this book can generally be put into three groups:
(1) those that are childfree intentionally
(2) those that are childfree by circumstances
(3) those that are childfree due to some twist of fate
Did I read some essays where there was some regret expressed about not having children? Yes. It seemed to me that this regret was more of a "comparison regret" or a "conformity regret" where the childfree woman compared herself to usually her siblings and friends who were having children. I did notice that all contributors had one thing in common: an overwhelming contentment with their lives.
Each essay ends with a brief description of a particular essayist's life.
Finally, my only minor quibble is with these brief descriptions. I think they would have been more effective at the beginning of each essay so the reader could become acquainted with the female writer from the onset. (When I came to a particular essay, I flipped to the end of it to read about its writer, then I read the essay proper.)
In conclusion, it's about time we had a book like this that deals directly with this controversial issue. I leave you with this interesting quotation from comedian Rita Rudner:
"My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our rugs or ruin our lives."
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(2006: forward; introduction; 21 essays; main narrative 225 pages; acknowledgements)
XXXXX
NOBODY'S MOTHER BUT DEFINITELY NOT A...NOBODY!!
XXXXX
"[These] personal essays written by Canadian and American writers...range in age from their early 30s to [their] mid-70s. Not all of the...contributors are professional writers--some are teachers, researchers, Aboriginal-rights activists, and world travellers--although almost all of them rely upon language and the written word in their work...
This collection of personal essays examines the child-bearing choice intelligently and honestly, from [the] individual contributors' point of view; the essayists are your neighbours, your sisters, your colleagues, and your friends."
The above quote (in italics) comes from the editor of this enlightening, provocative, and sometimes humorous book, an anthology of brief essays (the last one being a poem).
The women who contributed to this book can generally be put into three groups:
(1) those that are childfree intentionally
(2) those that are childfree by circumstances
(3) those that are childfree due to some twist of fate
Did I read some essays where there was some regret expressed about not having children? Yes. It seemed to me that this regret was more of a "comparison regret" or a "conformity regret" where the childfree woman compared herself to usually her siblings and friends who were having children. I did notice that all contributors had one thing in common: an overwhelming contentment with their lives.
Each essay ends with a brief description of a particular essayist's life.
Finally, my only minor quibble is with these brief descriptions. I think they would have been more effective at the beginning of each essay so the reader could become acquainted with the female writer from the onset. (When I came to a particular essay, I flipped to the end of it to read about its writer, then I read the essay proper.)
In conclusion, it's about time we had a book like this that deals directly with this controversial issue. I leave you with this interesting quotation from comedian Rita Rudner:
"My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our rugs or ruin our lives."
XXXXX
(2006: forward; introduction; 21 essays; main narrative 225 pages; acknowledgements)
XXXXX
August 30, 2024
This collection of non-mother stories, edited by Lynne Van Luven, presents personal essays and poems that have been written by 21 women based in North America, and ranging in age from their early 30s to mid-70s. The contributors are diverse and varied, including women who are writers, artists, biologists, teachers, activists, social workers, nurses and adventurers. And each contributor's reason for not having children is an unique tale - some are intentionally childfree, whilst others are childless due to circumstance. All of these women have thought long and hard about the role of motherhood, their own destinies, what mothering means in our society and what their choice means to them as individuals and as members of their ethnic communities or social groups. The anthology seeks to dispel outdated concepts around women without children being regretful, lonely or somehow incomplete. And the ultimate joy of this book lies in it showing us that these myriad women all express their NoMo lives as engaging and fulfilling ones, however they arrived on this path - and these are the stories we need to share.
April 28, 2020
A very insightful read (plus it's always nice to read about ppl who also live in BC)
I assumed I wouldn't be able to relate to this much since I plan to adopt/foster, but many of the women in this book were stepmothers, so that experience (+ the women who said they felt no need to "pass on their genes" so to speak AND who mentioned that there were already plenty of children needing adoptive homes) was actually very relatable to me. It was nice to realize that some of their fears (or the challenges they faced) were the same ones I worry about.
Overall, a very interesting read, regardless of your personal stance on childbearing
I assumed I wouldn't be able to relate to this much since I plan to adopt/foster, but many of the women in this book were stepmothers, so that experience (+ the women who said they felt no need to "pass on their genes" so to speak AND who mentioned that there were already plenty of children needing adoptive homes) was actually very relatable to me. It was nice to realize that some of their fears (or the challenges they faced) were the same ones I worry about.
Overall, a very interesting read, regardless of your personal stance on childbearing
April 18, 2018
Women with an array of stories of why they have chosen to not have children, or circumstances that have lead to being childless. I appreciated each story and it's own individuality.
As someone who has been repeatedly told "Of course you want children." "You're young, you have time to change your mind." I felt a connection to several stories, especially at the beginning of the essays.
The writing was beautiful, and I would definitely recommend this book.
As someone who has been repeatedly told "Of course you want children." "You're young, you have time to change your mind." I felt a connection to several stories, especially at the beginning of the essays.
The writing was beautiful, and I would definitely recommend this book.
January 28, 2022
A collection of writings from women who do not have children. A couple were 5 star the rest were fine. I had high hopes but ended up underwhelmed.
March 4, 2014
Zajímavé, obohacující čtení - příběhy žen, které se rozhodly nemít děti. Společným jmenovatelem příběhů je přesvědčení, že lze žít plný, šťastný život bez ohledu na to, zda mám vlastní dítě, což je současnou společností stále často považováno za nemožné. Z výpovědí je občas patrno také to, že takovýto život mohu žít právě proto, že vlastní dítě nemám. Překvapila mne potřeba většiny žen vymezit svůj obecný vztah k dětem a výslovně uvést, že děti samozřejmě zbožňují. To mne trochu zamrzelo - jako by nebylo možné říci, že děti prostě nemám ráda. Možná, že to tak ani jedna z autorek necítí, možná, že naše společnost ještě není tak daleko, aby toto bylo možno bez odsuzování říci...
July 4, 2012
I've always known that I didn't want kids. So this was an interesting book to come across ~ essays by woman who never had kids, either by choice or circumstance.
Coincidentally there was an article in last week's Toronto Star called Childless families on the rise:
* For the first time, there are more families in Canada without children (42.7%) than couples with children (41.4%). Twenty years ago, 52% of Canadian couples had children, defined as offspring younger than 25.
* Our neighbourhood has one of Toronto's highest rates of childless couples, at about 80%.
Coincidentally there was an article in last week's Toronto Star called Childless families on the rise:
* For the first time, there are more families in Canada without children (42.7%) than couples with children (41.4%). Twenty years ago, 52% of Canadian couples had children, defined as offspring younger than 25.
* Our neighbourhood has one of Toronto's highest rates of childless couples, at about 80%.
April 9, 2013
A collection of short essays, I related to the content and message of some pieces more than others. Also, I enjoyed the writing style of some more than others. Overall, I like it well enough I suppose.
May 6, 2010
Interesting. Thoughtful. Thoughtfully interesting.
January 30, 2014
My favourite essay in this collection was by Jennifer Wise. It was sort of harsh, but totally spot-on and awesome. All the other essays were great too, but that one really resonated with me.
Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews