Ultimate Guide to Orgasm for Women: How to Become Orgasmic for a Lifetime

by Mikaya Heart, Violet Blue

Owning our desires should be neither embarrassing nor uncomfortable. Nor should they be subject to anyone else's moral judgment of what is right or wrong, good or bad, normal or abnormal. Combining communication and information is the key. By shrugging off the taboos against talking about our preferences and experiences when we're being sexual, we will take the first and most important steps toward ensuring our own fulfillment. The Ultimate Guide to Orgasm for Women is an unflinchingly honest, responsible, and thoroughly comprehensive exploration of female sexuality. Topics include: The physical types of orgasm, such as electrical, flying, pounding, deep, waves, and blips; orgasm as an emotional release; the "elusive orgasm" and why some women have difficulty having one; how often we fake them and why; masturbation; multiple orgasms; the male-female dichotomy; penetration and the G-spot; defining the erotic; and the joy of sex toys.

Genres: Sexuality, Nonfiction

272 pages, Paperback

First published August 1, 2011

About the author

I've led a very varied and interesting life, so sometimes it's hard to know what to say. I'll try to be succinct. I grew up on a farm in Scotland in a very dysfunctional family, where it really wasn't OK to be an outspoken tomboy, but I just couldn't help it. In my teens I tried hard to be heterosexual, and became a barefoot hippie and a rabid environmentalist in the days before anyone really knew that term. In my mid-twenties I came out as a lesbian feminist and was very active in underground feminist actions in the seventies and eighties. I moved to the boonies of northern California, where I ran an organic market garden, built my own house out of recycled lumber which I collected, and raised the first commercial organic free-range hogs in the USA. In the nineties, I did a lot of healing work around my sexuality, which is part of what inspired the orgasm book. (The first edition, When the Earth Moves, came out in 1998.) I also became increasingly dissatisfied with life in that decade, and had various fairly extraordinary experiences which culminated in an epiphany that inspired me to sell my land and take to the road. These days, I travel the world, mostly following the wind and summer weather so that I can kitesurf, which is what keeps me happy. I write as I travel, and have various books on my computer, some of which have been published. My Sweet Wild Dance is the story of my personal journey from anger to joy, and it won a Golden Crown Literary Award.Prior to that, I published a book on a shamanic practitioner from Seattle, Char Sundust. My next book will probably be Life, Lies, and Sex: A Manual for Living. I am a coach in the art of being fully alive, and I need something like that as a handbook for my clients. I have fairly radical ideas about the nature of reality and our place in it, as human beings. I think sex is a wonderful aid to understanding what life is about, and to teaching us how to allow life-force to flow through us.

Reviews

[Romancing the Book · Rating 3 out of 5]

Reviewed By- Patti
Review Copy Provided By- publisher
This was an interesting and very informative book. I had an expectation that it would be boring and written like a textbook, it was not. It is not a step by step how to book either. I found myself alternating between surprise and nodding in agreement. Some of the things that I learned have made me think quite differently about my body and my expectations for pleasure. It was very interesting reading the many quotes taken from interviews with people sharing their personal experiences, feelings and descriptions. I was not aware how different every woman’s body is and how we each experience sex and orgasm quite differently.

The book was broken down into chapters focusing on different aspects of women, their bodies, their emotions and spirituality. I did find that there were a few things that seemed repetitive but the information was relevant to the chapter. It helps to have an open, nonjudgmental attitude while reading this book. This was definitely written so that straight, bisexual and lesbian women were all involved in the interviews and the examples. Regardless of your sexual preference you would benefit by reading this. Some of the language used was a little strong, sometimes crude and could turn some people off, but it is worth reading. The author definitely tried to cover a plethora of information and did a fabulous job of presenting things with an attitude of open acceptance. So many women don’t discuss many of the personal and intimate details of our sexual selves. This book helped me to recognize that I wasn’t alone in some of the things I have personally experienced. It also helped me understand why some women don’t appreciate sex as much as others. One of the most important things that I am taking away from this book is that we must express our desires and needs. If we do not voice our needs and ask for what want in a loving but direct way we are preventing ourselves from enjoying one of the most pleasurable things our bodies, minds and spirit can experience.

Favorite Quote: Learning to love fully involves opening your heart. Opening your heart is not easy if you have learned to keep it closed to prevent experiencing pain and loss. You will experience pain and loss when you open your heart, but you will also experience the love, joy, and connections with other beings that make life worth living.

[Rainbowheart · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thought this was a good guide for women. It was very informational. Not so much about technique, but just about adjusting your attitude and developing a positive, no-pressure point of view about orgasms. I've never had a problem coming, but I think women who have had problems letting go sexually might find it helpful.

My only issue with the book was that the author's extremely New Agey, so if you're not into that, you might want to skip the chapter on spirituality and ignore all the references to "chakras" and so forth that are sprinkled throughout the text.

While it's not a scientific viewpoint, it's a very feminist and sex-positive one overall. There's a good mix of perspectives too, lots of lesbian and bi as well as heterosexual women are interviewed. Another reviewer mentioned it seemed weighted towards women with same-sex partners, but I disagree. I thought it was split pretty evenly.

[Brenda]

I found it helpful and encouraging!

[Amy · Rating 3 out of 5]

“There is a vast complexity of possibility in women’s orgasm, varying from whole body orgasm to clitoral or vaginal, from mental orgasm to intensely emotional ones. Consequently, it’s very hard to produce a definition that applies universally, and such a definition could never encompass the enormous variety of what women call orgasm.”

According to the 2010 National Health and Social Life Survey only 64 percent of the women reported having an orgasm with a partner. A 1995 lesbian sex survey by Janet Lever, PhD, stated that 83 percent of lesbians have orgasms with their partners.

Here’s a book every woman should have on her bookshelf. Or nightstand. Faking an orgasm is not okay. Going home and pulling out that vibrator is fine. Masturbation is key to knowing your body. I’ve met many women who have never masturbated for whatever reason. Thanks to my pop star boyfriend in the 90s, I had the outstanding pleasure to discover potent orgasms with oral sex. I finally had an intense orgasm during intercourse on a one-night-stand most likely because I was SO relaxed that I wasn’t thinking all that much about the outcome. Unfortunately it hasn’t happened that often since. I think too much.

In the Ultimate Guide to Orgasm for Women, author Mikaya Heart gives honest and simple advice for women to change their approach to sex and to improve their sexual experiences. Here are some of her suggestions: the best position for women to be in during sex is on top [easier to position and stimulate her clitoris]; learn to focus the mind for incredible results; and physical position of the body can affect a woman’s ability to orgasm.

Heart discusses that many women get too tense thinking about an orgasm and don’t enjoy the process of sex itself which can be phenomenal even without that end result. Some women often forget about their own pleasure and think that as long as they please their partner, everything is okay. Having open communication with your lover provides the beginning to a much better solution. Try flirting and playing games. Trust your partner. Accept the way you look. Take your time [British condom company Durex found that the average time spent for sex in the U.S. is 25.3 minutes, in Britain is 20.9 and in Hong Kong is 12.3]


Some of Mikaya Heart’s other interesting points:

--“Orgasm is about highly focused energy, and being orgasmic is about learning to let our bodies focus energy while we LET GO of trying to control it.”

--Some need a heart connection to allow sexual energy to flow, some don’t

--Many women find that the best sex arises out of an emotional connection, and for some, feeling loved and appreciated by their partner is essential.

-- Few women seem to be able to come with their partner holding negative emotions toward that person

--LOVE does not always mean great sex

published at Entertainment Realm

[Amy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I gave it only 4 stars because it really doesn't tell you "how to become orgasmic for a lifetime", and it didn't answer some of the questions that I personally had. It's mostly anecdotal from a lesbian's point of view and from her friends. Not extremely helpful for those of us who are more interested in heterosexual relationships. I did appreciate her philosophy written in the last chapter and the resource guide at the back of the book.

[Grandma · Rating 4 out of 5]

To read my review please go to:

http://www.romancing-the-book.com/201...

[Lo · Rating 4 out of 5]

A pretty good book, though I take issue with the author's stance that sexual fulfillment takes priority over commitment to a partner, and that there are no abnormal sexual desires. Attraction to children, non-human animals, or cadavers is abnormal, for instance. But there were overall good insights on things that can make orgasms more likely, and she takes care to include a wide variety of anecdotal reports on orgasmic experiences.

[Kim Bell Williams · Rating 3 out of 5]

Moreover, a wide summary of women’s experiences, not a How To. Ground breaking for the 90s.